Is that a bad thing, or a good thing? They're both old and tired; Solomon the most tired of the two by far given his current state. Though it certainly is no competition.
Still, even so, Jing Yuan supposes where Solomon seems more resigned, in ways he can recognize, and see even in himself...he hasn't quite reached that threshold just yet. Maybe that's why, even as he nears the usual expected twilight years of a Xianzhou Native, he hasn't even considered retirement. Nor has he considered trying to stop moving forward, even so.
And he wishes desperately to reach out to Solomon, who knows no longer how to reach out to others. Even if Jing Yuan himself hardly remembers how.
(Isn't that a hoot?) ]
Haha, perhaps so. Though, it is my own fault for indulging it.
A pity, that the tea may be spoiled due to our combined efforts. So, how about I start one of my own? Please do leave a five-star review if you are rather satisfied with my efforts.
[ A weak attempt at light-hearted banter in all of this, and he even flashes Solomon a little smile that pales in comparison to most of his.
He shifts back closer on the bed. Seeing the man like this has him dare to reach out again; there is nothing calculated about this movement. It simply is what it is, when his hands smooth over those shoulders, and move to bring him close. The movements are slow and careful all the same, aiming for a complete embrace. ]
I am one who would happily tolerate a multitude of terrible conversations with you if it meant that you still lived. That you still persisted even in the face of a force that was not minimal in nature. And so that you would not all keep such thoughts in your head, so that I might hear them.
As it is, I cannot ever force you to say anything, though I also know something else may rest heavy in your heart, perhaps more matters than before. I wish, at times, I could help soothe it all.
After all, people like us live pretending our regrets do not, at times, exist, and that all is well, even if it is exhausting. But, you do know we are not getting any younger. Even if there are differences for how long we have existed, I see the same look in your eyes that I recognize in mine. Even if we have different reasons for them.
As General of the Luofu, I have lost much. I do not know what it is to reach out or trust in the way I used to when I was young. I fervently wish to go back to those days, to have those who have lost come back to me. But, I know it is impossible.
Even so, I find it frightening about letting someone grow close and losing them again. To letting someone know my weaknesses and all that I am only for it to result in nothing. Do you know what that is like, Solomon?
You do not have to answer. But, I will have you know that I truly thought I had lost once again, as foolish as it sounds.
Though, I wonder if I may yet lose you to whatever aches that exist in your own heart. I fervently hope that I would not.
[ He doesn't imagine anything picture-perfect. Jing Yuan thinks that there are so many complications in each of their hearts. But he will try again and again, even if it is hopeless. Maybe that's just the type of person he is. ]
no subject
Is that a bad thing, or a good thing? They're both old and tired; Solomon the most tired of the two by far given his current state. Though it certainly is no competition.
Still, even so, Jing Yuan supposes where Solomon seems more resigned, in ways he can recognize, and see even in himself...he hasn't quite reached that threshold just yet. Maybe that's why, even as he nears the usual expected twilight years of a Xianzhou Native, he hasn't even considered retirement. Nor has he considered trying to stop moving forward, even so.
And he wishes desperately to reach out to Solomon, who knows no longer how to reach out to others. Even if Jing Yuan himself hardly remembers how.
(Isn't that a hoot?) ]
Haha, perhaps so. Though, it is my own fault for indulging it.
A pity, that the tea may be spoiled due to our combined efforts. So, how about I start one of my own? Please do leave a five-star review if you are rather satisfied with my efforts.
[ A weak attempt at light-hearted banter in all of this, and he even flashes Solomon a little smile that pales in comparison to most of his.
He shifts back closer on the bed. Seeing the man like this has him dare to reach out again; there is nothing calculated about this movement. It simply is what it is, when his hands smooth over those shoulders, and move to bring him close. The movements are slow and careful all the same, aiming for a complete embrace. ]
I am one who would happily tolerate a multitude of terrible conversations with you if it meant that you still lived. That you still persisted even in the face of a force that was not minimal in nature. And so that you would not all keep such thoughts in your head, so that I might hear them.
As it is, I cannot ever force you to say anything, though I also know something else may rest heavy in your heart, perhaps more matters than before. I wish, at times, I could help soothe it all.
After all, people like us live pretending our regrets do not, at times, exist, and that all is well, even if it is exhausting. But, you do know we are not getting any younger. Even if there are differences for how long we have existed, I see the same look in your eyes that I recognize in mine. Even if we have different reasons for them.
As General of the Luofu, I have lost much. I do not know what it is to reach out or trust in the way I used to when I was young. I fervently wish to go back to those days, to have those who have lost come back to me. But, I know it is impossible.
Even so, I find it frightening about letting someone grow close and losing them again. To letting someone know my weaknesses and all that I am only for it to result in nothing. Do you know what that is like, Solomon?
You do not have to answer. But, I will have you know that I truly thought I had lost once again, as foolish as it sounds.
Though, I wonder if I may yet lose you to whatever aches that exist in your own heart. I fervently hope that I would not.
[ He doesn't imagine anything picture-perfect. Jing Yuan thinks that there are so many complications in each of their hearts. But he will try again and again, even if it is hopeless. Maybe that's just the type of person he is. ]