Your intent was obvious, Urianger. [Ithaqua closes the door behind Urianger and returns to attempting to push large objects through the opening of his bag.] I know it was not to anger me.
[Then he sighs, and stands, tossing the bag into his armchair, and faces Urianger properly. They really need to talk and he really should pay attention.]
[Urianger watches him with increasingly furrowed brows. The bag is obviously magicked, but what's Ithaqua packing so much for? A question for another time.]
In truth, I do not. [He can only speculate, and he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to just guess at his lover's feelings.] I wish for to thee to explain so that I may understand.
Imagine, if you will, that you are volatile, and you dislike people so much you are willing to kill them to remove them from your space. However, you must work with them in order to survive some dangerous calamity you're not sure that even you can live through if you were to stay idle-- so you do not in order to prevent it. Or at the very least, find those who can save you from it.
[That rankles at him, honestly. He is powerful, he is proud of his strength, but this makes him remember that he is not as powerful as he would like. That he is still a child of a monster, not a full-grown one.]
And in comes someone saying that your work may be all for naught, you still have to face that insurmountable enemy anyway.
He did not anger me-- his words did, but I controlled myself from attacking. And you made it worse.
[To be completely honest, he'd rather not imagine that first part. But he will, because it would be disingenuous to ignore these parts of Ithaqua. He puts himself in Ithaqua's shoes- of someone who has never faced a calamity nor ever asked for the role of preventing one. Ithaqua has poured a lot into his role as a wizard and he's been rewarded for it up until now.
But now there's a possibility of a change in status quo, when Ithaqua had been working so hard for a different goal altogether.
He takes a deep breath. Steadies himself.]
Thou hast every right to be furious, and I do not blame thee for it. An ill omen is difficult to hear no matter the circumstances, to say nothing of our own. However, mine actions only served to invalidate thy feelings.
I'm...so very sorry.
[Maybe it would also help to explain why he stepped in in the first place.]
I acted in defense of Bruno without thought. He hath experienced an incredible amount of derision and anger toward his visions throughout his life, such to the point that his views of his amazing ability have become similarly negative. Mayhap irreparably so, I fear.
Though thy anger toward his words was likely naught worse than he hath heard before, it pained me to hear them all the same. Thus did I speak up for him.
This is, of course...only the first offense on my part. I did not help matters by carelessly speaking of alternate courses of action. I am all too quick to forget that many others here have not experienced a calamity ere their arrival to this star.
[Urianger can't make that face-- it crumbles Ithaqua's resolve to be mad at him. He avoided looking at Urianger throughout the meeting specifically for this reason.]
I should not blame you for wanting to protect your friend. [What are friends, though?] You were correct-- I felt I was not allowed to speak at all. Everyone must be oh-so controlled and rational all the time in so-called polite society, and apparently the only form of dissent allowed is cold neutrality while disagreeing.
[He ends in a growl. He resents that. No wonder everyone is so weak, they're so insincere, even to themselves. Politeness is a necessity to live around others, but if one were to control themselves all the time, they'll kill themselves from the inside.]
[So Ithaqua felt well and truly silenced by thisβ¦ At the end of the day, thatβs what Urianger tried to do, wasnβt it?]
He is⦠[He takes a tentative step toward Ithaqua, eyes softening.] But he did not ask me to do that. Thou art my lover, and I did not do right by thee in the moment.
[He frowns, shaking his head.]
I ought to have allowed thee thine anger and spoken my piece after. Mayhap the outcome would have been different.
[Ithaqua sighs. He reaches up and pulls his mask off, revealing a face that is deeply tired.]
What sort of outcome would that have been? There is no reason to be dwelling on the ought haves. [Though perhaps the outcome with Bruno specifically would not have changed. Ithaqua would still be aggravated at him.]
We have vastly differing opinions on this situation, and with the way I am, I will continue to sour the opinions of others, even your own friends. I will not change, for that would be insincere of me. [Except Urianger. But even so...]
You are the only reason I control myself towards your friends. [Wait, this might be a bit too cruel to say to Urianger... but it's still the truth.] And I shall endeavour to just... control my tongue more. But I cannot completely hide what I say, because I care not for the emotions of people who are not those I consider mine. They are not for me to be mindful of.
[With those harsh words, he looks up at Urianger, brows furrowed. Silently asking if he's still willing to have Ithaqua despite all of this.]
Edited (one million edits later... :sob:) 2024-06-20 10:13 (UTC)
[He can scarcely believe he's hearing any of this.
The words cut deep, and he finds himself turning away from Ithaqua for a moment. His arms cross tightly over his chest as he struggles to swallow this bitter pill.]
'Twould... 'Twould be selfish of me to ask thee to behave in any other manner. [Which is the truth, but he still can't hide the hurt in his voice.] I had simply wished for there to be no animosity between thee and my friends, as I care deeply for you both.
[Now he has to worry about how Ithaqua is going to treat his friends back home, and he doesn't want to do that.
No. Before getting to deep into those worries, he shakes his head.]
...In turn, shall endeavor to accept this truth. We may have our differences, but thou art worth far more to me than any sum of those differences.
[He can't change Ithaqua, he knows that. So he'll come to embrace every part of him, even the ones laced in thorns.]
[Ithaqua reaches out, and grasps Urianger by the arm. Believe it or not, he actually feels quite terrible about seeing his lover like this.]
I shan't ask you to choose between me and your friends. I will make sure that it will not happen. But this is still a warning, because I am an unpleasant person. [And he thinks Urianger shouldn't be responsible for minding other peoples' feelings, honestly. People should be responsible for their own feelings, and others should not try to take such things on for themselves unless they have reason to.]
Out of respect for you, I shall only truly bare my fangs if I am provoked first.
[He does as he's told, shifting to hold onto Ithaqua's arm as he does so.]
I shall. I shan't disrespect thine efforts. Believe me...I am not unfamiliar with them.
[Of course, Urianger had the benefit of still being young when he was dragged into society. He won't expect Ithaqua to give up his comforts so quickly or wholly.]
[Ithaqua closes his eyes, but instead of a kiss, he gives his lover a nuzzle from the temple down to the jawline.]
I, too, am sorry for treating you that way. [Then he places his chin on Urianger's shoulder, sighing deeply.
Apologies sit so strangely on his tongue, but he recognizes that he, too, was in the wrong. Even if he doesn't care to apologize to Bruno when he truly did nothing wrong to the man, Urianger matters more.]
[The apology means a lot, as does Ithaqua's affection. Urianger shifts to hold him close, placing a hand on the back of his head.]
Apology accepted. [He tips his head to plant a kiss against Ithaqua's head.] I thank thee for thy willingness to speak with me on this. Disagreements are inevitable, but I do not wish for them to fester.
[He doesn't even doubt that Ithaqua would bite him.]
Thou shalt have thy space should more arise. Thou needn't bare thy fangs...in the event of disagreements.
[The clarification, and the implication to go along with it, is intentional. Perhaps Urianger is trying to lighten the mood now that the worst has passed.]
[Now Ithaqua stands on his toes and wraps his arms around Urianger.]
Well, you would know what situations I would prefer to bite you in. [Such as when they're settled down and relaxing, and Urianger's hands somehow stray too close to Ithaqua's face when the creature is feeling lazy but affectionate. Little, fangless nips when he doesn't know how to express himself.]
[Urianger breathes a sigh of relief. For the better part of a day, he worried he may have lost this. But it was ridiculous to think that one argument could ruin everything for them. There will be times of anger and misunderstanding in any relationship. The important thing is being able to work through those problems- to listen, understand and grow.
He lowers himself further so Ithaqua needn't strain himself.]
I would, and I would know how fortunate I am to share those situations with thee.
[Ithaqua's sole response is to nuzzle more, and mumble wordlessly. He breathes into his lover's shoulder, the tension he'd been holding all day-- and even longer-- dissipating. He has been stressed and working so hard, and here's Urianger to make him feel better.]
I feel the same way. [Peace is found in this man's arms. How can he ever give this up?
Gently threading his fingers through Ithaqua's hair, he tips his head further to reach his lips. He begins with something chaste, but decides Ithaqua deserves more than that, so he goes in a second time for a deeper kiss.
Will Ithaqua allow him to inch them toward the bed to even out their height difference?]
[Ithaqua feels himself being gently herded, and of course he allows it. Urianger's attentions, physical, verbal, emotional, have never been turned down, and Ithaqua is not about to start now.
He is rather clumsy though, reaching behind him blindly as they move, sweeping the pouch onto the floor and stumbling before he trips over his own feet and falls into an ungainly heap into bed. (3)]
[Urianger had planned to keep their lips locked as they maneuvered, but perhaps that wasn't a good idea with all the disarray. He feels Ithaqua begin to lose his footing and breaks the kiss.]
Ithaqua--?
[He barely gets his name out before Ithaqua goes tumbling onto the bed, nearly dragging him with. He'd prefer to preserve Ithaqua's pride, but he can't help himself. The absurdity of it, after the serious talk they just had, makes him laugh.]
My, Ithaqua. Wert thou exploring the bottom of a bottle ere mine arrival?
[A little playful teasing before he sits down on the edge of the bed. Twisting himself slightly, he leans over his lover and gently maneuvers him onto his back so he can return to that kissing.]
[Ithaqua himself is not so angry about his clumsiness-- his pride is not damaged by something as minor as this, in front of Urianger. He laughs as well, trying to wriggle onto his back.]
No, I was busier than that.
Your presence is enough to induce that sort of feeling for me. Heheh! [He would have said more, if Urianger didn't take his mouth again. He wraps his arms around his lover, to kiss back, to relish in the only kind of warmth he can stand-- the warmth of his lover's body.]
[With Ithaqua embracing him, it doesn't take much more for Urianger to ease himself fully onto the bed and atop his lover. He hadn't intended to go quite this far, but...]
Verily, [He breathes as he takes a small break from the kiss.] I could say the same for myself.
[...as it goes when one is intoxicated, sometimes one thing simply leads to another.
As he goes in for another round, he brings a hand up to bury in Ithaqua's hair- though more specifically he's looking to interact with one of those antler nubs. He never did get around to touching them before. Are they sensitive...?]
[He was about to respond along the lines of what Urianger should do about that feeling he gives Ithaqua, but then he feels something soft and warm on one of his small, growing antlers covered in velvet. He knew they would be sensitive given he'd seen young bucks protect them with much vigour-- he just didn't realize that they would be this sensitive.
The touch makes him gasp and tremble, hands fisting in Urianger's clothing, body twisting so he can tilt his head away from that questing hand.]
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[Then he sighs, and stands, tossing the bag into his armchair, and faces Urianger properly. They really need to talk and he really should pay attention.]
And yet you did. Do you know why?
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In truth, I do not. [He can only speculate, and he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to just guess at his lover's feelings.] I wish for to thee to explain so that I may understand.
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Imagine, if you will, that you are volatile, and you dislike people so much you are willing to kill them to remove them from your space. However, you must work with them in order to survive some dangerous calamity you're not sure that even you can live through if you were to stay idle-- so you do not in order to prevent it. Or at the very least, find those who can save you from it.
[That rankles at him, honestly. He is powerful, he is proud of his strength, but this makes him remember that he is not as powerful as he would like. That he is still a child of a monster, not a full-grown one.]
And in comes someone saying that your work may be all for naught, you still have to face that insurmountable enemy anyway.
He did not anger me-- his words did, but I controlled myself from attacking. And you made it worse.
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But now there's a possibility of a change in status quo, when Ithaqua had been working so hard for a different goal altogether.
He takes a deep breath. Steadies himself.]
Thou hast every right to be furious, and I do not blame thee for it. An ill omen is difficult to hear no matter the circumstances, to say nothing of our own. However, mine actions only served to invalidate thy feelings.
I'm...so very sorry.
[Maybe it would also help to explain why he stepped in in the first place.]
I acted in defense of Bruno without thought. He hath experienced an incredible amount of derision and anger toward his visions throughout his life, such to the point that his views of his amazing ability have become similarly negative. Mayhap irreparably so, I fear.
Though thy anger toward his words was likely naught worse than he hath heard before, it pained me to hear them all the same. Thus did I speak up for him.
This is, of course...only the first offense on my part. I did not help matters by carelessly speaking of alternate courses of action. I am all too quick to forget that many others here have not experienced a calamity ere their arrival to this star.
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I should not blame you for wanting to protect your friend. [
What are friends, though?] You were correct-- I felt I was not allowed to speak at all. Everyone must be oh-so controlled and rational all the time in so-called polite society, and apparently the only form of dissent allowed is cold neutrality while disagreeing.[He ends in a growl. He resents that. No wonder everyone is so weak, they're so insincere, even to themselves. Politeness is a necessity to live around others, but if one were to control themselves all the time, they'll kill themselves from the inside.]
But he is your friend.
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He is⦠[He takes a tentative step toward Ithaqua, eyes softening.] But he did not ask me to do that. Thou art my lover, and I did not do right by thee in the moment.
[He frowns, shaking his head.]
I ought to have allowed thee thine anger and spoken my piece after. Mayhap the outcome would have been different.
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What sort of outcome would that have been? There is no reason to be dwelling on the ought haves. [Though perhaps the outcome with Bruno specifically would not have changed. Ithaqua would still be aggravated at him.]
We have vastly differing opinions on this situation, and with the way I am, I will continue to sour the opinions of others, even your own friends. I will not change, for that would be insincere of me. [Except Urianger. But even so...]
You are the only reason I control myself towards your friends. [Wait, this might be a bit too cruel to say to Urianger... but it's still the truth.] And I shall endeavour to just... control my tongue more. But I cannot completely hide what I say, because I care not for the emotions of people who are not those I consider mine. They are not for me to be mindful of.
[With those harsh words, he looks up at Urianger, brows furrowed. Silently asking if he's still willing to have Ithaqua despite all of this.]
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The words cut deep, and he finds himself turning away from Ithaqua for a moment. His arms cross tightly over his chest as he struggles to swallow this bitter pill.]
'Twould... 'Twould be selfish of me to ask thee to behave in any other manner. [Which is the truth, but he still can't hide the hurt in his voice.] I had simply wished for there to be no animosity between thee and my friends, as I care deeply for you both.
[Now he has to worry about how Ithaqua is going to treat his friends back home, and he doesn't want to do that.
No. Before getting to deep into those worries, he shakes his head.]
...In turn, shall endeavor to accept this truth. We may have our differences, but thou art worth far more to me than any sum of those differences.
[He can't change Ithaqua, he knows that. So he'll come to embrace every part of him, even the ones laced in thorns.]
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I shan't ask you to choose between me and your friends. I will make sure that it will not happen. But this is still a warning, because I am an unpleasant person. [And he thinks Urianger shouldn't be responsible for minding other peoples' feelings, honestly. People should be responsible for their own feelings, and others should not try to take such things on for themselves unless they have reason to.]
Out of respect for you, I shall only truly bare my fangs if I am provoked first.
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...If thou wert truly so unpleasant, then I would not be looking forward to eternity with thee.
[He hasn't forgotten Ithaqua's promise, nor would he think of rejecting it now.
He turns back to his lover, managing a small smile as he looks down at him.]
I thank thee for thy consideration. This doth mean much to me.
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I am trying, just for you. I recognize that being with you means integrating into society... So I am trying.
Trust me, hm?
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I shall. I shan't disrespect thine efforts. Believe me...I am not unfamiliar with them.
[Of course, Urianger had the benefit of still being young when he was dragged into society. He won't expect Ithaqua to give up his comforts so quickly or wholly.]
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I, too, am sorry for treating you that way. [Then he places his chin on Urianger's shoulder, sighing deeply.
Apologies sit so strangely on his tongue, but he recognizes that he, too, was in the wrong. Even if he doesn't care to apologize to Bruno when he truly did nothing wrong to the man, Urianger matters more.]
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Apology accepted. [He tips his head to plant a kiss against Ithaqua's head.] I thank thee for thy willingness to speak with me on this. Disagreements are inevitable, but I do not wish for them to fester.
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So I do not bite you whenever you attempt to speak to me.
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Thou shalt have thy space should more arise. Thou needn't bare thy fangs...in the event of disagreements.
[The clarification, and the implication to go along with it, is intentional. Perhaps Urianger is trying to lighten the mood now that the worst has passed.]
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Well, you would know what situations I would prefer to bite you in. [Such as when they're settled down and relaxing, and Urianger's hands somehow stray too close to Ithaqua's face when the creature is feeling lazy but affectionate. Little, fangless nips when he doesn't know how to express himself.]
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He lowers himself further so Ithaqua needn't strain himself.]
I would, and I would know how fortunate I am to share those situations with thee.
[With his beloved young monster.]
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I feel the same way. [Peace is found in this man's arms. How can he ever give this up?
Then he rubs Urianger's temple with his nose.]
You should kiss me now.
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[He's hardly going to reject such a suggestion.
Gently threading his fingers through Ithaqua's hair, he tips his head further to reach his lips. He begins with something chaste, but decides Ithaqua deserves more than that, so he goes in a second time for a deeper kiss.
Will Ithaqua allow him to inch them toward the bed to even out their height difference?]
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He is rather clumsy though, reaching behind him blindly as they move, sweeping the pouch onto the floor and stumbling before he trips over his own feet and falls into an ungainly heap into bed. (3)]
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Ithaqua--?
[He barely gets his name out before Ithaqua goes tumbling onto the bed, nearly dragging him with. He'd prefer to preserve Ithaqua's pride, but he can't help himself. The absurdity of it, after the serious talk they just had, makes him laugh.]
My, Ithaqua. Wert thou exploring the bottom of a bottle ere mine arrival?
[A little playful teasing before he sits down on the edge of the bed. Twisting himself slightly, he leans over his lover and gently maneuvers him onto his back so he can return to that kissing.]
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No, I was busier than that.
Your presence is enough to induce that sort of feeling for me. Heheh! [He would have said more, if Urianger didn't take his mouth again. He wraps his arms around his lover, to kiss back, to relish in the only kind of warmth he can stand-- the warmth of his lover's body.]
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Verily, [He breathes as he takes a small break from the kiss.] I could say the same for myself.
[...as it goes when one is intoxicated, sometimes one thing simply leads to another.
As he goes in for another round, he brings a hand up to bury in Ithaqua's hair- though more specifically he's looking to interact with one of those antler nubs. He never did get around to touching them before. Are they sensitive...?]
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[He was about to respond along the lines of what Urianger should do about that feeling he gives Ithaqua, but then he feels something soft and warm on one of his small, growing antlers covered in velvet. He knew they would be sensitive given he'd seen young bucks protect them with much vigour-- he just didn't realize that they would be this sensitive.
The touch makes him gasp and tremble, hands fisting in Urianger's clothing, body twisting so he can tilt his head away from that questing hand.]
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