( Is it the feelings or the gestures or the words that start to wet his eyes? It all comes at him at once in this beautiful wave, and maybe it's all these things together, maybe it is all these things and the context; that - all of Mika is comprised of things so innately wrong, so impossible to love, so bent toward harming others, and yet, Ginger loves him and soothes him and offers him more; always more.

How does he deserve this? How is this fair to Ginger? Ginger says he's greedy, says he's insatiable, but he always says Mika's enough as he is; and Mika wants to know - how he can be - more... for him.

He tries to meet Ginger's eyes, every spot he kissed lingering just as warm as Ginger's feelings in his chest, a hearth encased by the steady certainty of Ginger's pulse. )

... I...

( Oh, the tears are coming this time, slow and stupid, that's - embarrassing. He wants to answer Ginger proper, but he's just - he just... )

I wish— I could let you feel how I do— I just... ( But all he has are words, and what if they're not enough? ) I'm so scared that something will happen— I'll do something, and then we won't... be able to be...

( Even though he should be thankful for just this much, he wants more. And like a greedy little child, he's scared he won't get it. He's terrible - he's selfish - he just thinks about himself - but - maybe it's not so selfish if... Ginger wants it too. Or is it still selfish? Is it selfish that he's tying Ginger to him when Ginger deserves better? Maybe it is. He can't tell. He just—

He curls his fingers into Ginger's chest - this time a grip, like Ginger's heart is a privilege he's scared to lose. Ginger's love overwhelms him, but not because it's too much, this time: it's unconditional. And he thinks he's never been loved without expiration before. )

... that I won't get to spend... forever with you.