( Mine - yours - ours. Dangerously, this settles in his heart as a permanent fixture, reinforced with every echo of feeling that spills from Ginger's words. Maybe past these five minutes, that would no longer prove true; maybe one day, Ginger wouldn't be with him. But this would remain, still, in his heart, and its ruins would weather every heartbreak, no matter what it costs him.
Mika has - in his perspective - at every point, tried to avoid this. He has reminded himself to keep his heart's distance; he has asked Ginger to recall how to set him down. But neither of them have listened. Neither could let go. And so Mika is here, Ginger's words a coil he's gladly wrapped up in, Ginger's wants a task Mika wants to so eternally indulge - just him, and no one else.
He should - he should - he should want better, and more, for Ginger. And he does, every moment of his life. Right now, he wants better for Ginger, than to be waiting by the bedside of a dead fool. But Ginger wants this. And it's so hard to remind himself of what Ginger needs when loving him is what Ginger wants. )
... I won't.
( But he has no such concern for himself. He has no such want for independence. He just wants Ginger - as much as he's allowed to have. If he could lay himself as a cloak on Ginger's shoulders, an accessory, he thinks he would. )
Not ever. Not as long as it makes you happy. You can always... always be the most to me. The most for me.
( And if it makes Ginger happy without end, then - Mika will never separate himself, if he doesn't have to. If it's not bad for Ginger. If it doesn't become a danger.
But in this honeymoon of a moment, he can speak without caveat, he can believe, however brief this lasts, that Ginger and Mika are an immutable set, and... Ginger wants that too. )
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Mika has - in his perspective - at every point, tried to avoid this. He has reminded himself to keep his heart's distance; he has asked Ginger to recall how to set him down. But neither of them have listened. Neither could let go. And so Mika is here, Ginger's words a coil he's gladly wrapped up in, Ginger's wants a task Mika wants to so eternally indulge - just him, and no one else.
He should - he should - he should want better, and more, for Ginger. And he does, every moment of his life. Right now, he wants better for Ginger, than to be waiting by the bedside of a dead fool. But Ginger wants this. And it's so hard to remind himself of what Ginger needs when loving him is what Ginger wants. )
... I won't.
( But he has no such concern for himself. He has no such want for independence. He just wants Ginger - as much as he's allowed to have. If he could lay himself as a cloak on Ginger's shoulders, an accessory, he thinks he would. )
Not ever. Not as long as it makes you happy. You can always... always be the most to me. The most for me.
( And if it makes Ginger happy without end, then - Mika will never separate himself, if he doesn't have to. If it's not bad for Ginger. If it doesn't become a danger.
But in this honeymoon of a moment, he can speak without caveat, he can believe, however brief this lasts, that Ginger and Mika are an immutable set, and... Ginger wants that too. )
... Can I say something selfish?
( Really, really selfish. Really selfish!! (For Mika.) )