It reddens Mika's cheeks to his ears and his gaze falls, stirring him the same way every insistence of want from Ginger has before. It isn't, in some sense, unexpected - he had guessed Ginger had pulled away because of a perceived sensuality; he knew already Ginger struggled with these sensations and feelings and awkward things, some Mika would accidentally provoke. But it is very different to hear it all with straining clarity, with need echoed in Ginger's warmer breath, in the yearning in his eyes.
He doesn't know if he's ever been wanted so badly (maybe by Yuu, but surely not in this way), even if he knows it can't be only him. (Ginger's other friends, maybe - Rum, for sure...) Some great part of him worries he doesn't have enough to give - that Ginger will soon enough find the bottom of the well, and realize it was all shallower than he thought. He would have to return to these others - his friends, his Rum, to get his fill.
And Mika would think to himself then - serves me right. But he doesn't want Ginger to go, too. How ridiculous he is, that he wants to badly to suffer, but also be loved. And Ginger is made of it.
You're lovely. No one's ever told him that before. His fingers curl into Ginger's skin. )
... I don't have later. I only have now.
( If he survives this world, then he will be sent back with everyone else - right? And when he returns, he will return to where he was, surely. Without a name or memories or a body; he will be the malevolent spirit he'd always seen himself as.
But that future isn't here, yet. What can he do for Ginger? What can he do for him and his tender, bruised heart, who can't find himself comfortable with how giving is Mika's joy?
... )
... What about later, for you? If I thought about it, and later I said... I wanted it— what about you?
( This is... Ginger's guilt - his anxiety. Ginger's just as important as Mika, here. Does Mika make it worse, being around him? )
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that's
It reddens Mika's cheeks to his ears and his gaze falls, stirring him the same way every insistence of want from Ginger has before. It isn't, in some sense, unexpected - he had guessed Ginger had pulled away because of a perceived sensuality; he knew already Ginger struggled with these sensations and feelings and awkward things, some Mika would accidentally provoke. But it is very different to hear it all with straining clarity, with need echoed in Ginger's warmer breath, in the yearning in his eyes.
He doesn't know if he's ever been wanted so badly (maybe by Yuu, but surely not in this way), even if he knows it can't be only him. (Ginger's other friends, maybe - Rum, for sure...) Some great part of him worries he doesn't have enough to give - that Ginger will soon enough find the bottom of the well, and realize it was all shallower than he thought. He would have to return to these others - his friends, his Rum, to get his fill.
And Mika would think to himself then - serves me right. But he doesn't want Ginger to go, too. How ridiculous he is, that he wants to badly to suffer, but also be loved. And Ginger is made of it.
You're lovely. No one's ever told him that before. His fingers curl into Ginger's skin. )
... I don't have later. I only have now.
( If he survives this world, then he will be sent back with everyone else - right? And when he returns, he will return to where he was, surely. Without a name or memories or a body; he will be the malevolent spirit he'd always seen himself as.
But that future isn't here, yet. What can he do for Ginger? What can he do for him and his tender, bruised heart, who can't find himself comfortable with how giving is Mika's joy?
... )
... What about later, for you? If I thought about it, and later I said... I wanted it— what about you?
( This is... Ginger's guilt - his anxiety. Ginger's just as important as Mika, here. Does Mika make it worse, being around him? )