He sets aside his plate on the couch and slips to the floor to kneel, like Jing Yuan. There really isn't much space between them, their legs doubtlessly touching, and Tatara is dwarfed by the lion of a man. ]
Jing Yuan.
[ Still. Still. He feels nervous in a way he's never really felt until recently, and there's a slight waver to his voice. ]
I, um... I don't know if I could. [ He forces a little smile, but it's apologetic, and strained. He might not be speaking from the heart. ] I'm the sage, and you're my wizard. I don't know if a relationship is a good idea...
[ He turns his hand over to squeeze Jing Yuan's, and the soft warm hues of his eyes remain fixed on Jing Yuan's gold; he leans forward, as though trying to get a closer look through the windows of his soul. ]
But I... [ There's a swirl of impulses and emotions in him that he has no name for, and he tries to find the words above the deluge. ] I still like you. I still want to hang out with you. And I still think...you're...
[ So, is that what it is? He thinks. But, he continues to speak, more and more, with words that don't make him simply ask him politely to forget he even asked.
It's something, though tentatively he isn't exactly sure how to come towards it. Not at all.
He says he doesn't think it's a good idea, but that he's making him blush. That he still wants to hang out with him, but he thinks he's...he's what? His golden eyes peer back, curious, even after Tatara gaze into his. Jing Yuan knows the man certainly could ever make a choice he doesn't want to, and he has no intentions of being overbearing. So, he treads the waters carefully, to see where it lies. ]
...Would I be wrong in assuming you believe myself to be attractive to you?
[ Jing Yuan asks carefully, leaning in closer, his voice nearer to his ear, purposefully low. It's just the two of them, like this, and with Tatara closer, his mind begins to wander. ]
You say I'm making you blush as well...is it because you like the idea? Is it simply the fact that you are the 'Sage' and I am a 'Wizard' which keeps you from earnestly considering it?
[ Tatara freezes for a brief moment, at that. He's nervous that Jing Yuan can hear his heart beating, with how loud it is. He forgets to breathe when he speaks low into his ear like this, and the one hand grasping his clenches tighter, out of nerves. Jing Yuan is right. Hmm. Mmm. It's hard not to show on his perfectly honest features that the other man is correct. He does find himself drawn to Jing Yuan, and...well. He can usually work around it, professionally. Not when they're so close like this, when Jing Yuan has brought him a cake and told him, on one knee, with a kiss to the hand, that he wants to date him.
He's confused.
He brings up his free hand to his hot, reddened cheek, and he's shocked how cool his regular temperature feels on his face right now. Ahhhh. Aaaaaahhhhhh. ]
I...feel like I should be neutral, I guess. I don't want to be too biased towards—
[ He thinks about Khun and he feels that guilt again.
But he doesn't get to finish his sentence, because Jing Yuan asks him to look at him.
Slowly, his eyes turn to look at him first, and then the rest of his head follows. He stares up at him wide-eyed, and there are still crumbs around his mouth. ]
[ Jing Yuan feels himself relax at that; it isn't that he is uninterested, then. It feels like there is something like a piece of the puzzle connecting to the rest. There is still more missing, apparently more even he cannot yet foresee, nor know, without proper information.
But, he thinks...he wants to see if he can get Tatara to reach for more. To let him in. He can be there by his side, shoulder his burdens, be someone who can allow him to see a new day, if he would let him. That sorrow, that loneliness, that joy, that happiness. He wishes to share it all with him. ]
Mm, I see.
...Bias shall exist, no matter how much you might strive to hold it back. I have no illusions about the scope of how gentle your heart is. But, even I have been able to hold those I care about under my command accountable, and have witnessed glimpses of your strength concealed behind silk. It is not an impossibility.
But, I would like to show you what it might look like for you to indulge, just for a moment, with myself. What I do does not have to bind you to any decision.
So, will you permit me?
[ Like this, he leans even closer, far more than before, watching the other's reaction as he does so. He remembers what he thought when the other looked at him, eyes seeming so innocent, and the silly way those crumbs dotted around his mouth.
And...how much he wanted to kiss him. Care for him, shield him, yet help him flourish, and be his strength.
...If the other man does not turn away, if he does not object to his words, he will carefully go for it. Otherwise, he will certainly back down, no questions. ]
[ A kiss? Tatara's eyes go wide, still, he feels the quickened thrum of his heart in his ears, and he's so, so nervous. It's obvious the way Tatara reacts to the ask, just as it was obvious the way he reacted to the request of courtship. Kiss him? To ask him so forwardly, with such bright and golden eyes—
He thinks of another lion, he sees a flash of blue.
It takes a moment for Tatara to shake himself out of his shock, and it's about when he feels Jing Yuan's breath on him that he leans back, slightly, and shakes his head. Timid, at first, but then firm. ]
Jing Yuan, I—
[ His heart beats painful in his chest, but he isn't sure what it means. ]
I don't think I can. [ Weirdly, there's too much guilt there. Well, not a lot, because this is Tatara, but enough to pull him back. This...really isn't territory he knows well, even.
He dips his head, just in case Jing Yuan's lips eventually find him—they'll find his forehead, instead. ]
I'm sorry. [ He's sheepish, apologetic, and wishing the blush would go away.
[ Jing Yuan doesn't have any issues in pulling back at hearing that (so there will be no kiss happening at all!), and it's with ease that he carefully lets go, not wanting to burden the other so.
Not when it's clear he is this uncomfortable.
He will even stand to his feet. He has more than enough discipline to manage that with ease and grace. ]
No. It is I who should give you my apologies for overstepping.
I hope we can at least still be respectable allies who work towards a mutual goal.
[ Despite everything that just happened in the past moment or so, Jing Yuan doesn't seem bothered at the idea. Though he can't guarantee that will be the same for Tatara, and will be completely understanding if it isn't.
After all, he certainly could have handled that better, even with everything that had happened which might have affected his judgment, his actions are his own. And it is his responsibility to own up to them. ]
[ When Jing Yuan stands, Tatara takes a moment to collect himself. He rubs his hands over his face, trying to soothe the heat on his face with the cool of his hands. Ahh, his heart still beats like crazy, but maybe it'll calm in due time.
He gives a light laugh, one that's still clearly nervous. ]
Me, too. We're in this together. And we're neighbors.
[ He eventually gets to his feet, collects his piece of cake, and then settles into the couch again. With another bright smile, he pats the spot next to him on the couch again. It seems like there are no hard feelings, at least. ]
[ Jing Yuan already has been preparing to calmly make his exit following Tatara's answer, simply because that seemed prudent. As for any nerves himself, he isn't the type to be easily shaken or give into a state of nervousness, for better or worse, though he's surprised the other wants to still talk.
But, very well. If he is certain, he will sit down next to Tatara once more. Since it seems the other isn't too troubled to have him stay for them to discuss whatever other matters there appear to be. Even with being nervous. ]
What did you wish to speak about? I assume there's something on your mind—of a different subject?
[ Tatara's gaze flits up to Jing Yuan as he sits down beside him, then back down to his cake.
He probably still looks like his cake, but. He's not going to not finish eating it.
He carves off another bit. ]
I heard you got hurt in the incident yesterday. [ He puts the bit in his mouth, and looks up at Jing Yuan again. He talks with his mouth full. ] Are you okay?
[ Jing Yuan supposes it's only natural for Tatara to ask about the situation, considering the incident occurred when it did.
Therefore, he accepts the questioning directed his way about his person. So, as Tatara continues to eat, he answers politely and straight to the point on the portion concerning him. He'll continue to eat his slice later. ]
Fortunately, I physically recovered just fine.
[ Moving past himself, though. ]
If you haven't had the chance to see to Mika and Khun, you should. They sustained a good deal of injuries; though, if you already have, mentioning it may as well be a bit moot.
Though, it'd also be good for everyone if nothing like this situation has a repeat.
[ Jing Yuan simply states, because he has a feeling that they could've diminished their plights, even if he has no idea what either of them said. Get Khun's ass, Tatara.
As for the other matter, he has not been expecting the question to be directed his way, and though he is tempted to look away, he does not. He can only smile politely, which is like his usual smiles. ]
I am well. I appreciate your consideration and diligence in these matters, however it bears mentioning I have extensive experience in handling dangerous situations. This was no different.
[ Jing Yuan doesn't think it too out there to assume that Tatara must be concerned about that in terms of recent events, hence his answer. ]
Anyway, that's good enough for him. Jing Yuan still hasn't touched his slice, but that is only because he will truly be having it later (taking it back to his room) ]
Don't worry, I understand. Such is the responsibility of a leader.
[ But at the observation, he will simply nod. ]
That's right. When one has partaken in many battles, any stressors are easily shaken off by its conclusion.
Whoa... [ There it is again—the look of wonder comes back to his face as he stares up at Jing Yuan. ] Many battles? Are you like a warrior, or something? A commander of some kind of army?
[ Truly, he looks like such an exuberant young one; though his comparison is more about those little ones who are hanging on every word as you tell them an exciting tale before bed.
He smiles a little. ]
I do have my own soldiers to command, yes. As for a horse...not quite.
When I enter battle with them, I stand on the same ground as my soldiers—as fellow countrymen. The only difference in the end is, of course, that I give the orders for them to follow.
[ Jing Yuan thinks he might embellish some details and pick out whichever story he thought was suitable. As it is, when Tatara asks, he stands up again at this time, picking up the plate his slice is on. If the other wants more cake he can definitely take more slices from the remaining cake. ]
I am. I'm still feeling tired, so I will simply finish it up in my room and go to bed.
[ He didn't exactly sleep well following the incident but that's because he decided to practice magic and other matters he doesn't care to mention. ]
I should leave you to your rest, since I know you'll be needing it.
Take care Tatara, and we will speak again.
[ He will linger a bit to hear any parting words, but other than that, he will make his exit. ]
[ With a smile, he nods. That would be nice, sometime. If at least to get to know the people who are, ostensibly?, under his command better.
He stands when Jing Yuan does, if only as a polite gesture. He feels a little bad as he makes his way to the door, but he keeps his smile anyway. ]
Mm-hmm. Take care, Jing Yuan. You know where to find me if you need me.
[ next door!!
And when he's gone, Tatara lingers in the silence for a bit. He eventually finds his way back to his couch, where he promptly buries his face in his hands.
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done
Jing Yuan.
[ Still. Still. He feels nervous in a way he's never really felt until recently, and there's a slight waver to his voice. ]
I, um... I don't know if I could. [ He forces a little smile, but it's apologetic, and strained. He might not be speaking from the heart. ] I'm the sage, and you're my wizard. I don't know if a relationship is a good idea...
[ He turns his hand over to squeeze Jing Yuan's, and the soft warm hues of his eyes remain fixed on Jing Yuan's gold; he leans forward, as though trying to get a closer look through the windows of his soul. ]
But I... [ There's a swirl of impulses and emotions in him that he has no name for, and he tries to find the words above the deluge. ] I still like you. I still want to hang out with you. And I still think...you're...
[ ...
He laughs, and looks away. ]
See? You're making me blush.
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It's something, though tentatively he isn't exactly sure how to come towards it. Not at all.
He says he doesn't think it's a good idea, but that he's making him blush. That he still wants to hang out with him, but he thinks he's...he's what? His golden eyes peer back, curious, even after Tatara gaze into his. Jing Yuan knows the man certainly could ever make a choice he doesn't want to, and he has no intentions of being overbearing. So, he treads the waters carefully, to see where it lies. ]
...Would I be wrong in assuming you believe myself to be attractive to you?
[ Jing Yuan asks carefully, leaning in closer, his voice nearer to his ear, purposefully low. It's just the two of them, like this, and with Tatara closer, his mind begins to wander. ]
You say I'm making you blush as well...is it because you like the idea? Is it simply the fact that you are the 'Sage' and I am a 'Wizard' which keeps you from earnestly considering it?
[ Then, pulling back, he asks, gently: ]
Will you look at me?
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He's confused.
He brings up his free hand to his hot, reddened cheek, and he's shocked how cool his regular temperature feels on his face right now. Ahhhh. Aaaaaahhhhhh. ]
I...feel like I should be neutral, I guess. I don't want to be too biased towards—
[ He thinks about Khun and he feels that guilt again.
But he doesn't get to finish his sentence, because Jing Yuan asks him to look at him.
Slowly, his eyes turn to look at him first, and then the rest of his head follows. He stares up at him wide-eyed, and there are still crumbs around his mouth. ]
no subject
But, he thinks...he wants to see if he can get Tatara to reach for more. To let him in. He can be there by his side, shoulder his burdens, be someone who can allow him to see a new day, if he would let him. That sorrow, that loneliness, that joy, that happiness. He wishes to share it all with him. ]
Mm, I see.
...Bias shall exist, no matter how much you might strive to hold it back. I have no illusions about the scope of how gentle your heart is. But, even I have been able to hold those I care about under my command accountable, and have witnessed glimpses of your strength concealed behind silk. It is not an impossibility.
But, I would like to show you what it might look like for you to indulge, just for a moment, with myself. What I do does not have to bind you to any decision.
So, will you permit me?
[ Like this, he leans even closer, far more than before, watching the other's reaction as he does so. He remembers what he thought when the other looked at him, eyes seeming so innocent, and the silly way those crumbs dotted around his mouth.
And...how much he wanted to kiss him. Care for him, shield him, yet help him flourish, and be his strength.
...If the other man does not turn away, if he does not object to his words, he will carefully go for it. Otherwise, he will certainly back down, no questions. ]
no subject
He thinks of another lion, he sees a flash of blue.
It takes a moment for Tatara to shake himself out of his shock, and it's about when he feels Jing Yuan's breath on him that he leans back, slightly, and shakes his head. Timid, at first, but then firm. ]
Jing Yuan, I—
[ His heart beats painful in his chest, but he isn't sure what it means. ]
I don't think I can. [ Weirdly, there's too much guilt there. Well, not a lot, because this is Tatara, but enough to pull him back. This...really isn't territory he knows well, even.
He dips his head, just in case Jing Yuan's lips eventually find him—they'll find his forehead, instead. ]
I'm sorry. [ He's sheepish, apologetic, and wishing the blush would go away.
Man. He has a lot to think about. ]
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Not when it's clear he is this uncomfortable.
He will even stand to his feet. He has more than enough discipline to manage that with ease and grace. ]
No. It is I who should give you my apologies for overstepping.
I hope we can at least still be respectable allies who work towards a mutual goal.
[ Despite everything that just happened in the past moment or so, Jing Yuan doesn't seem bothered at the idea. Though he can't guarantee that will be the same for Tatara, and will be completely understanding if it isn't.
After all, he certainly could have handled that better, even with everything that had happened which might have affected his judgment, his actions are his own. And it is his responsibility to own up to them. ]
no subject
[ When Jing Yuan stands, Tatara takes a moment to collect himself. He rubs his hands over his face, trying to soothe the heat on his face with the cool of his hands. Ahh, his heart still beats like crazy, but maybe it'll calm in due time.
He gives a light laugh, one that's still clearly nervous. ]
Me, too. We're in this together. And we're neighbors.
[ He eventually gets to his feet, collects his piece of cake, and then settles into the couch again. With another bright smile, he pats the spot next to him on the couch again. It seems like there are no hard feelings, at least. ]
And we're not done talking.
no subject
But, very well. If he is certain, he will sit down next to Tatara once more. Since it seems the other isn't too troubled to have him stay for them to discuss whatever other matters there appear to be. Even with being nervous. ]
What did you wish to speak about? I assume there's something on your mind—of a different subject?
no subject
He probably still looks like his cake, but. He's not going to not finish eating it.
He carves off another bit. ]
I heard you got hurt in the incident yesterday. [ He puts the bit in his mouth, and looks up at Jing Yuan again. He talks with his mouth full. ] Are you okay?
no subject
Therefore, he accepts the questioning directed his way about his person. So, as Tatara continues to eat, he answers politely and straight to the point on the portion concerning him. He'll continue to eat his slice later. ]
Fortunately, I physically recovered just fine.
[ Moving past himself, though. ]
If you haven't had the chance to see to Mika and Khun, you should. They sustained a good deal of injuries; though, if you already have, mentioning it may as well be a bit moot.
Though, it'd also be good for everyone if nothing like this situation has a repeat.
no subject
[ A little frown of a pout crosses his face. Khun didn't even mention an injury. Sneaky bastard.
Anyway, he nods, carving out another piece of cake for himself. ]
Yeah. I'll go back and tell them.
[ After a beat, after taking another piece of cake in his mouth, he peers into the gold of Jing Yuan's eyes. ]
Physically, you said. Mentally, emotionally—are you okay in those departments, too?
[ Arguably the more important factors for a wizard's wellbeing. ]
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[ Jing Yuan simply states, because he has a feeling that they could've diminished their plights, even if he has no idea what either of them said.
Get Khun's ass, Tatara.As for the other matter, he has not been expecting the question to be directed his way, and though he is tempted to look away, he does not. He can only smile politely, which is like his usual smiles. ]
I am well. I appreciate your consideration and diligence in these matters, however it bears mentioning I have extensive experience in handling dangerous situations. This was no different.
[ Jing Yuan doesn't think it too out there to assume that Tatara must be concerned about that in terms of recent events, hence his answer. ]
no subject
Jing Yuan smiles, and Tatara smiles back. Except Tatara's is more of one of relief instead, accepting his reassurances. ]
Ahhh, okay, good. It's my job to make sure you're doing okay.
[ Aww, his cake slice is getting smaller... He thinks about taking another bite, but then decides against it. ]
That's cool, though. [ And he can see it. ] So I guess it wasn't much of a big deal to you, then? The fight, I mean.
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Anyway, that's good enough for him. Jing Yuan still hasn't touched his slice, but that is only because he will truly be having it later (taking it back to his room) ]
Don't worry, I understand. Such is the responsibility of a leader.
[ But at the observation, he will simply nod. ]
That's right. When one has partaken in many battles, any stressors are easily shaken off by its conclusion.
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Whoa... [ There it is again—the look of wonder comes back to his face as he stares up at Jing Yuan. ] Many battles? Are you like a warrior, or something? A commander of some kind of army?
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Anyway, Jing Yuan gives pause, as he considers his answer carefully. ]
I am something like a General back home, yes.
[ This is just reminding him how much he will need to return to his duty. But, reminders have never ceased, so that is fine. ]
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[ Tatara stuffs the last piece of cake into his mouth, and continues to talk, mouth full. He looks like a little kid in the dinosaur museum. ]
Did you have your own army? Did you sit on a horse and like, command your men to charge and stuff like that?
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He smiles a little. ]
I do have my own soldiers to command, yes. As for a horse...not quite.
When I enter battle with them, I stand on the same ground as my soldiers—as fellow countrymen. The only difference in the end is, of course, that I give the orders for them to follow.
no subject
[ Story time! Story time!!
He places his plate and fork on his lap, and notices Jing Yuan's cake remains untouched. ]
You're not gonna eat that?
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[ Jing Yuan thinks he might embellish some details and pick out whichever story he thought was suitable. As it is, when Tatara asks, he stands up again at this time, picking up the plate his slice is on. If the other wants more cake he can definitely take more slices from the remaining cake. ]
I am. I'm still feeling tired, so I will simply finish it up in my room and go to bed.
[ He didn't exactly sleep well following the incident but that's because he decided to practice magic and other matters he doesn't care to mention. ]
I should leave you to your rest, since I know you'll be needing it.
Take care Tatara, and we will speak again.
[ He will linger a bit to hear any parting words, but other than that, he will make his exit. ]
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He stands when Jing Yuan does, if only as a polite gesture. He feels a little bad as he makes his way to the door, but he keeps his smile anyway. ]
Mm-hmm. Take care, Jing Yuan. You know where to find me if you need me.
[ next door!!
And when he's gone, Tatara lingers in the silence for a bit. He eventually finds his way back to his couch, where he promptly buries his face in his hands.
He'll finish that cake. Eventually. But. Welp. ]