The rest, though... churns in him, uneasy. It's hard to put his finger on what he doesn't like. Maybe it makes him sound like a good person, when he's... not. He does love them, though; that much is sincere. Every person he's sacrificed for, he's meant it, and he'd do it all again.
But he isn't noble. He's just... powerless. )
... There isn't... anything else I can do. I'm too weak to protect anyone.
( So he has to trade away himself instead. )
... I'm still just a kid.
( Vampire or no, strong or no, wizard or no, he's still just a kid in a world of those scheming adults who would use and abuse him and his loved ones, and things are no different here than home - or so he's been conditioned to believe, by now, after so many failures to do better. )
( Mika is quiet for a time, lacking in his usual protests. There could be truth in what Ahito says - there is truth in it, bitter in his throat. But...
A little uneasily, still terribly feverishly, he releases his hold on Ahito, and he pushes himself up on the bed - not by much, but just enough to have a little leverage over him, and look him in the eye - his own eyes, faintly reddened with tears, meeting Ahito's own bright eyes. )
[It's surprising when he's released - eyes widening a little when Mika shifts to actually look at him properly for the first time since he's been dragged into this whole situation.
( His expression crumples in as if struck; lips parted, a strained sound caught at the back of his throat before it can become much of anything. It's... not an easy truth, but it is a truth. And no amount of promises (even if phrased without the word) could deter death from his path once a victim is fixed.
You do have to trust, even knowing that trust might fall through.
After a moment, it seems the weight of it all is a little much to bear, and he closes his eyes and sinks back into the bed - not on Ahito, this time (he's free, yay). He curls up, exhausted. )
... Mm.
( Resignation, maybe. Not happy, but vaguely comprehending. It is what it is; he just can't make full peace with it. )
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[Is Ahito's answer to that, which is probably unsurprising given everything.]
...Got to say though, there's a lot of things that make more sense now.
You're always giving up on yourself for the sake of others, aren't you?
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The rest, though... churns in him, uneasy. It's hard to put his finger on what he doesn't like. Maybe it makes him sound like a good person, when he's... not. He does love them, though; that much is sincere. Every person he's sacrificed for, he's meant it, and he'd do it all again.
But he isn't noble. He's just... powerless. )
... There isn't... anything else I can do. I'm too weak to protect anyone.
( So he has to trade away himself instead. )
... I'm still just a kid.
( Vampire or no, strong or no, wizard or no, he's still just a kid in a world of those scheming adults who would use and abuse him and his loved ones, and things are no different here than home - or so he's been conditioned to believe, by now, after so many failures to do better. )
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[Annoyed (but still gentle!) hair ruffle.]
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—Then how...?
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... But I don't want them to die... get hurt. I don't like it when... What if they...?
( He's scared of them dying, and getting hurt, but he doesn't like it when they do, too - it hurts him just as much, the empathy too strong. )
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[He can do everything he can to take care of himself, and one day, sooner than it should, his life will be over in spite of it all.]
But even if that happens... it's still worth it to protect them when you can, isn't it?
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A little uneasily, still terribly feverishly, he releases his hold on Ahito, and he pushes himself up on the bed - not by much, but just enough to have a little leverage over him, and look him in the eye - his own eyes, faintly reddened with tears, meeting Ahito's own bright eyes. )
... Please... don't die.
1/2
...Crying again, huh...]
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[But... that's all he can do.]
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You do have to trust, even knowing that trust might fall through.
After a moment, it seems the weight of it all is a little much to bear, and he closes his eyes and sinks back into the bed - not on Ahito, this time (he's free, yay). He curls up, exhausted. )
... Mm.
( Resignation, maybe. Not happy, but vaguely comprehending. It is what it is; he just can't make full peace with it. )
no subject
But it's hard to feel happy about that, seeing Mika as he is now. So, while he does sit up with a sigh, he'll still resume headpats.]
But I still have time for now, so - don't write me off just yet, got it?