If I told you, would you have trusted me in return? Or would you have pursued me into the depths of the castle even at risk to yourself, like you did in the forest?
[But it's not an answer Akira can comfortably accept. It would be one thing if Solomon were at his full power like he was in his own world. It would be another if Akira had access to his Personas. Here, however, they're more or less equals... aren't they?
[From one who was the most powerful in the world, one who knew he could. He had the knowledge, he had the willpower, he had the people reliant on him. Like stepping through one's own footsteps in the freshly fallen snow, or so he figured. Adapt and overpower, all for them, leaving everything else and everyone else behind when the only justification he needed was his own.]
It's hypocritical of me to say now that I'm in the state I am. But... Habit says I don't have to take the worries for myself that I do for the people around me. Because I cannot die. I'm the only one in human existence who cannot die.
Or... rather, I couldn't die.
[Here is different, is what his dip in tone seems to say. Here is difficult, with the weakness in his body and the exhaustion in his heart.]
...It's a fool's errand, in a way, to learn that isn't the case anymore through something so risky. And I won't pretend it's a fair viewpoint in the slightest.
[He can hardly blame Solomon for thinking of himself as impervious to death when he was, at one point. Akira himself is as normal and human as they come, but even he has times where he feels invincible, like he's the one laughing in the face of death and not the other way around.
He gets it, and that's why his frustration diminishes some, his cup remaining where it belongs in his hands instead of being upturned onto Solomon's head. Dousing him is tempting, though.]
So what will you do now that you know you're not the powerhouse you used to be? Are you going to act accordingly, or do I have to keep worrying about you?
Maybe it's more that I'm... not used to having limits. It used to just be what my own body could take, when I was younger... and more what my mind will bother to remember, now that I'm older. But limits on my magic?
Outside the ocean or the occasional strange curse or two, it's been impossible. Maybe that's why I felt so strongly to act when it came to Oz.
[To prove to himself, and only himself, that he was still powerful enough.]
Mn. I don't know. There's not much I can do no matter how I wanted to proceed, so that's limited my options and left me a lot to think about. But... when left with very little, we do only what we can, correct?
For me, that was following through on my word, and finding those who deserved a better word from me than the cold shoulder I've given. I'm used to loneliness, but... sometimes it escapes me how it damages those of you I care about, too.
[...Man, they really are alike, aren't they? They're alike in some of the best ways but also some of the worst. Akira groans.]
Your ego needed the reality check. Get over yourself.
[As if Akira hasn't also entertained delusions of being nigh invincible. He can't judge.]
If you want to live a lonely life, that's your choice, but you don't act like a man who does. You're a bit too social for that, you know? Either you care about people and take their feelings into consideration, or you don't and you stay away from them so they don't get hurt. You can't have it both ways.
[He just tiredly chuckles, but doesn't argue. It's not quite so simple, but... it's hard not to desire it in the way Akira tries to lay it out so frankly.]
That's a strangely funny thing to hear, coming from you.
[But not a surprising one. Hypocritical talk was necessary at times, in his own experience. To protect what had to remain a secret, to hold power meant only for one's self as far away without detaching it entirely.
He takes a moment of silence over his tea.]
Regardless... I don't care for that idea. I've found a third way before. I can manage it again. You could say it's been a mission for a very long time.
Besides, I've never been one for following the rules.
[Something that Nightbringer so deeply hated him for. Their game of back and forth hadn't stopped for millenia, but he still had no desire to budge, even if his heart twisted further and further into the grips of hell.
...]
Mm. That's a bit beside the point now, though. [His cup clatters slightly as he places it down against the table.]
You said you had something you felt you had to tell me. Right?
Man, I feel like I'm staring at my own reflection sometimes. You're obnoxious.
[Said with no real heat, no ire, because nothing in Solomon's answer surprises him. He'd be something worse than a hypocrite if he held any disdain for Solomon just because they share so much in common. It's those commonalities that make it easy to relate to and understand this enigma of a man.
...Alright, he's setting his cup down for this just in case Solomon is overwhelmed with the urge to throttle him. Akira doesn't want tea stains on the carpet.]
I made a promise, Solomon. Two of them.
[And he's not going to apologize. He's not going to double down in an effort to explain the reasons why. He doesn't regret what he did, nor would he take it back, but Solomon deserves to know what his apprentice has done.]
[The swell of Solomon's emotion washes over him like the high tide, and Akira fights to stay on his feet. He knew this would hurt Solomon, perhaps even deeply, but he wasn't prepared for the reality of his confession.
He wishes he could apologize. Wishes he felt any sort of regret... but he doesn't. He doesn't. Akira looks straight ahead, his eyes squared on Solomon's.]
I wouldn't have made them if I didn't. I will do anything I can to honor those promises to him... even if it costs me my life.
[Solomon's imposing when he's angry, isn't he? Akira's taken aback, just for a moment, before that shock bleeds out and twists into a strange sort of elation. I did that. I made you feel that way. Now you'll never, ever forget me.
He wouldn't dare undermine Solomon's words with a smile, but it's in his words. It's in the way he leans forward and speaks to him in a voice barely above a whisper.]
How's it taste? Your own medicine.
[A life is not a bargaining chip. Risking death knowing you'll leave the ones you love behind is a sin. They both ought to know.]
[This couldn't have ended any other way. Akira doesn't fight it, doesn't demand Solomon return so they can hash this out. They've already arrived at the conclusion, and with that, Akira stays right where he is and watches Solomon as he turns to leave.
His hands sit balled in his lap, nails biting into his palms. He's fine, he's fine, he's fine. Solomon deserves to know.]
Go get some rest. You'll need it.
[He imagines a fight is what Solomon is after. If that's the case, Akira will be fully prepared.]
[Another stanza of the dance, then. So quickly have they lost the back and forth. So quickly Akira has turned it to a fight.
And Solomon can no longer go limp in its grasp, for the drop he sees below the hydra's lair is too deep to come back from. Does he grasp this boy in the teeth of his many mouths of duplicity, and hope they both tire?
...
He does take a moment before losing Akira's field of view, a hand held against the wall to keep him upright. He's dizzy. He needs to get back to his room. But...
...]
Speak to Bruno sooner rather than later.
He and some others are checking on Oz's village on my behalf. I don't want him to repeat what I did. So don't let him go alone.
[He won't explain any further. With a click of the door, Solomon slips back out into the hall. Time for a very long walk back up the staircase, and a very sleepless night over ink and pen.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
If I told you, would you have trusted me in return? Or would you have pursued me into the depths of the castle even at risk to yourself, like you did in the forest?
no subject
Of course I would have followed you.
no subject
Oz's magic was deadly in its power. I wouldn't have been able to forgive anyone, let alone myself, if we'd lost you again over something I'd chosen.
no subject
[But it's not an answer Akira can comfortably accept. It would be one thing if Solomon were at his full power like he was in his own world. It would be another if Akira had access to his Personas. Here, however, they're more or less equals... aren't they?
Aren't they?]
Do you think I'm that weak?
no subject
I just couldn't accept it for myself.
[From one who was the most powerful in the world, one who knew he could. He had the knowledge, he had the willpower, he had the people reliant on him. Like stepping through one's own footsteps in the freshly fallen snow, or so he figured. Adapt and overpower, all for them, leaving everything else and everyone else behind when the only justification he needed was his own.]
It's hypocritical of me to say now that I'm in the state I am. But... Habit says I don't have to take the worries for myself that I do for the people around me. Because I cannot die. I'm the only one in human existence who cannot die.
Or... rather, I couldn't die.
[Here is different, is what his dip in tone seems to say. Here is difficult, with the weakness in his body and the exhaustion in his heart.]
...It's a fool's errand, in a way, to learn that isn't the case anymore through something so risky. And I won't pretend it's a fair viewpoint in the slightest.
no subject
[He can hardly blame Solomon for thinking of himself as impervious to death when he was, at one point. Akira himself is as normal and human as they come, but even he has times where he feels invincible, like he's the one laughing in the face of death and not the other way around.
He gets it, and that's why his frustration diminishes some, his cup remaining where it belongs in his hands instead of being upturned onto Solomon's head. Dousing him is tempting, though.]
So what will you do now that you know you're not the powerhouse you used to be? Are you going to act accordingly, or do I have to keep worrying about you?
no subject
Outside the ocean or the occasional strange curse or two, it's been impossible. Maybe that's why I felt so strongly to act when it came to Oz.
[To prove to himself, and only himself, that he was still powerful enough.]
Mn. I don't know. There's not much I can do no matter how I wanted to proceed, so that's limited my options and left me a lot to think about. But... when left with very little, we do only what we can, correct?
For me, that was following through on my word, and finding those who deserved a better word from me than the cold shoulder I've given. I'm used to loneliness, but... sometimes it escapes me how it damages those of you I care about, too.
no subject
Your ego needed the reality check. Get over yourself.
[As if Akira hasn't also entertained delusions of being nigh invincible. He can't judge.]
If you want to live a lonely life, that's your choice, but you don't act like a man who does. You're a bit too social for that, you know? Either you care about people and take their feelings into consideration, or you don't and you stay away from them so they don't get hurt. You can't have it both ways.
no subject
That's a strangely funny thing to hear, coming from you.
[But not a surprising one. Hypocritical talk was necessary at times, in his own experience. To protect what had to remain a secret, to hold power meant only for one's self as far away without detaching it entirely.
He takes a moment of silence over his tea.]
Regardless... I don't care for that idea. I've found a third way before. I can manage it again. You could say it's been a mission for a very long time.
Besides, I've never been one for following the rules.
[Something that Nightbringer so deeply hated him for. Their game of back and forth hadn't stopped for millenia, but he still had no desire to budge, even if his heart twisted further and further into the grips of hell.
...]
Mm. That's a bit beside the point now, though. [His cup clatters slightly as he places it down against the table.]
You said you had something you felt you had to tell me. Right?
no subject
[Said with no real heat, no ire, because nothing in Solomon's answer surprises him. He'd be something worse than a hypocrite if he held any disdain for Solomon just because they share so much in common. It's those commonalities that make it easy to relate to and understand this enigma of a man.
...Alright, he's setting his cup down for this just in case Solomon is overwhelmed with the urge to throttle him. Akira doesn't want tea stains on the carpet.]
I made a promise, Solomon. Two of them.
[And he's not going to apologize. He's not going to double down in an effort to explain the reasons why. He doesn't regret what he did, nor would he take it back, but Solomon deserves to know what his apprentice has done.]
1/2
He falls completely still. Everything but his eyes, which suddenly become too bright, too sharp.
Surprise. Then concern. Then anger.
Then a deeply, deeply ingrained hurt.
All in moments, passing, brilliant, before tucking back down.
...]
2/2
...Mn. Did you, now.
[It's not his job. It's never been his job. He knows this. The heat of sorrow feels so vibrant in his throat.
But it never was his decision to make. Not for them. Not for him.
...]
Do you plan to keep them, then?
no subject
He wishes he could apologize. Wishes he felt any sort of regret... but he doesn't. He doesn't. Akira looks straight ahead, his eyes squared on Solomon's.]
I wouldn't have made them if I didn't. I will do anything I can to honor those promises to him... even if it costs me my life.
no subject
Promises mean nothing to the ones who care for you if your life is the bargaining chip.
[It's the angriest bite in Solomon's voice that Akira has probably heard, like the snap of a snake.]
Don't make something as precious as your word nothing more than pointless padding for a gravestone that you'll never even get to see.
If you meant it, then you live.
no subject
He wouldn't dare undermine Solomon's words with a smile, but it's in his words. It's in the way he leans forward and speaks to him in a voice barely above a whisper.]
How's it taste? Your own medicine.
[A life is not a bargaining chip. Risking death knowing you'll leave the ones you love behind is a sin. They both ought to know.]
no subject
[With no further word, he weakly pushes to his feet. His tea stays untouched. He does not take the bait any further.
How badly he wants to grab that wrist and rip that star of approval off the boy's soul, as though it might take it all back.
...
...]
I expect to see you up at the training grounds nice and early at the end of the week.
Thank you for the tea, and your time. I believe we're done here.
no subject
His hands sit balled in his lap, nails biting into his palms. He's fine, he's fine, he's fine. Solomon deserves to know.]
Go get some rest. You'll need it.
[He imagines a fight is what Solomon is after. If that's the case, Akira will be fully prepared.]
no subject
And Solomon can no longer go limp in its grasp, for the drop he sees below the hydra's lair is too deep to come back from. Does he grasp this boy in the teeth of his many mouths of duplicity, and hope they both tire?
...
He does take a moment before losing Akira's field of view, a hand held against the wall to keep him upright. He's dizzy. He needs to get back to his room. But...
...]
Speak to Bruno sooner rather than later.
He and some others are checking on Oz's village on my behalf. I don't want him to repeat what I did. So don't let him go alone.
[He won't explain any further. With a click of the door, Solomon slips back out into the hall. Time for a very long walk back up the staircase, and a very sleepless night over ink and pen.]