Maria is...someone who shouldn't be able to exist in the Tower. A miracle. And by extension, someone who definitely shouldn't be able to exist in our family. She's kind and actually cares for others, not as just part of an act.
I thought she deserved it, the happiness and authority that comes with sitting besides the King. So when she asked me to help her, I did. I didn't even need to think about it at all.
[ it was probably the first time he ever made a decision without thinking. ]
I won't tell you that you made the right decision betraying your family like that. [ Betrayal is a grave sin, and one that Kurapika thinks doesn't deserve forgiveness most of the time. However... ] I can't blame you for what you did, though. From what I can gather about your childhood, it was an inevitability.
[ The harshness of Khun's world mixed with the cutting ruthlessness of his personality leads Kurapika to believe that his upbringing was difficult, to say the very very least. He thinks it's a fair conclusion to make here.
There's another takeaway here, however, one that he thinks is more important. ]
[ forgiveness is one thing khun will never ask for. the light in which he views himself is defined and sharp, and he knows he's not a good person. it's just a simple truth and one that he's at peace with. ]
[ That they're so similar, he means. It's a bit like looking into a mirror and seeing a somewhat muddled reflection of himself, sharp in different ways, but with a similar outcome. ]
It's nice to see in other people, isn't it? Especially when you can't afford to be.
...but he's felt the same way which might be why he hasn't really known what to do with their relationship other than to reach out to it. it's a natural instinct when you see a reflection, after all.
another sigh. he doesn't want to think about what he cherishes more than he has to right now because it just feels like a reminder of his failures. ]
but it's not only kindness that he's drawn to. it's something he can't put into words, something Maria and Baam have that's special. it's not like they're the only two who've been kind to him for no reason, even if that number is small. ]
But it's different for me. [ he rolls over on his side, wanting more darkness than just his one arm affords. ]
[ He doesn't know if it works for him, actually. It scares him, yet he finds himself floating towards the kindness he sees in the people here anyway, like a moth to a flame it so desperately wants to reach.
Kurapika watches Khun roll over and adjusts his own position, too, uncrossing his legs and recrossing them the other way around. ]
Because it's not that simple as just kindness. Maria and Baam are more than just people who care about the greater good, or just people who've shown me sympathy and a smile.
I told you, I'm not easy to please. Trying to appeal to my morality, guilt, or empathy will never work.
[ if it sounds like his standards are nigh insurmountable, it's because they really are. but it's also just a matter of him not knowing exactly what makes him feel like that with both of them.
it also doesn't help that he's getting more frustrated and just let the name slip, but in some regard that cat is out of the bag anyway and he won't back down from that either. ]
[ So Khun has let names slip, has he? It's a little surprising, given the way he seems to keep certain things close to his chest. ]
So there's something special about them to you. Kindness doesn't matter unless that special something is present, right?
[ It would make sense, Kurapika thinks. Khun is hardened enough that appealing to emotions he's long since rid himself of wouldn't work.
While that isn't the case for Kurapika, not necessarily, he can see himself becoming that way... and he doesn't know that he wants that. ]
For me, it's seeing the good that someone else wants to do. Someone could be stupid, loud, obnoxious, and embarrassing... but if they turn their hardships into something good, into helping other people... that's enough.
[ Ah... he really misses Leorio, doesn't he? This world would be so much easier to navigate with him here. ]
[ can someone be kind, but not good? that's at the crux of it in some ways. neither maria nor baam want to save everyone, or make everyone happy, or even be friends with everyone (though they would both like that, khun's sure.) they both have their own goals which arguably might be selfish and not to the benefit of everyone else. they still can be selfless, too much for khun's liking to be honest, where it gives him a headache but—they're not heroes. they're not saviors.
the first time khun met baam, he was trying to psych himself up to kill someone.
not that they're bad, like khun himself is. that's what he can offer them, his hands to do the things that they shouldn't sully themselves with, his mouth to spout the lies that they would feel guilty for. it might be something like innocence and brightness that calls to him. they've faced hardships but haven't let it mold them and their views. it's beautiful, something he can't take his eyes away from. ]
We're different. [ if it sounds cold it is, sharp and assertive like ice. it's the first time he's said something like this to kurapika and usually he feels the opposite but here he rejects it with every cell in his body.
tonight he feels more like a hollow of himself rather than a person who is nearly perfect, but with one piece missing. ]
[ Khun's words are a differentiation between them that distorts the reflection of himself that Kurapika sees whenever he looks at Khun. It ruins the illusion a bit, bringing him back to the reality before him—Khun is the kind of person Kurapika is afraid he'll become.
The kind of person he hates.
And yet... and yet, he can't bring himself to dislike Khun. It's why he regards Khun with a calm gaze, one that remains unfrozen in the face of such icy sharpness. ]
You're right. We're different. Is that a bad thing?
[ even if he can't see the gaze given his positioning, he can still feel it. quietly, but firmly, not warm, but not frigid. ]
I'd say it's a good thing. [ for all the lies he makes and all the deceptions he weaves, he's not one to avoid the truth when it's actually important. khun's under no illusion that anyone should actually be like him, especially someone like kurapika.
[ he flops over on his back again once the spells washed over him with a quick thanks. ]
What do your words mean? [ if they're going to just Talk about things tonight, might as well go for broke. and he's been curious about everyones words, really feeling the lack of his Pocket's universal translation. ]
[ It's easy enough for Kurapika to reveal, and he's usually inclined to leave it at that, allowing others to make their own assumptions.
Khun, however, will get more from him. It's only fair, isn't it? After all, Kurapika doesn't think Khun goes around telling everyone about his own family. ]
As the sole survivor, I do everything in the memory of my people, the Kurta Clan, who were all killed a few years ago. The only reason I was spared is because I wasn't there.
Clan conflict...guess that's another thing that's ubiquitous no matter where you go. [ he's familiar, given his family but on the other end. family both means nothing and everything to him. ]
That makes sense, it's who you are. Just like mine, "to control". That's what I do and that's what I'll keep doing to become the Khun family head.
[ They really have too much in common, don't they? It's odd—and a little unsettling—to know someone with the same resolve. ]
I wouldn't call it clan conflict, not exactly. They were targeted for something valuable that only the Kurta Clan possesses, the same thing that caused us to be isolated in the first place.
[ Normally, he would stop here. However, Khun has divulged more than enough to him, so Kurapika feels almost like he owes a favor. Oddly enough, though, this isn't one he minds owing at all. ]
Scarlet Eyes. When members of the Kurta Clan feel an intense emotion, our eyes turn red. The color is said to be one of the most beautiful colors in the world, so much so that it's coveted by a types of people.
[ huh. not what he was expecting but it's not entirely out of left field--people covet all kinds of things, and undoubtedly there's people who try to marry into the 10 families not for their status, but for their unique traits like the pink fire of the Yeon family.
though he has to wonder, and he's going to wonder aloud because that's the relationship they have. ]
If it was a problem to be identified that way, couldn't you have just worn contacts?
[ Kurapika doesn’t mind the question, because it’s a completely valid question.
So much so that he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little contact carrying case. ]
We did, and I have since. Though it didn’t really matter. Our eyes were already well known and our location was found, despite our moving around and choosing remote places. We may have lived in the forest for my entire life, but it wasn’t exactly easy to get there.
[ hmm... if it was khun, he'd probably opt to hide in plain sight given what's he's heard so far. but he doesn't have all the variables, and there's no point in belaboring what's already been done. ]
That sounds like the work of a traitor, or an exceptionally gifted scout or guide. I take it your enemy is either someone in a position of power or another clan itself? [ he assumes that if it was just a few people or someone not that powerful, they'd be six feet underground a long time ago. ]
[ It's a good thing this manor isn't teeming with spiders, because otherwise Kurapika would have been spotted killing them with unnecessary aggression. ]
They're a powerful group that steals and kills whatever and whoever they like. It's possible a scout or a guide found us, given they were after the Scarlet Eyes. There was a lot of money to be made selling them to the black market, so the effort would have been worth it.
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I thought she deserved it, the happiness and authority that comes with sitting besides the King. So when she asked me to help her, I did. I didn't even need to think about it at all.
[ it was probably the first time he ever made a decision without thinking. ]
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[ The harshness of Khun's world mixed with the cutting ruthlessness of his personality leads Kurapika to believe that his upbringing was difficult, to say the very very least. He thinks it's a fair conclusion to make here.
There's another takeaway here, however, one that he thinks is more important. ]
You really value kindness in others, don't you?
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I do. Why?
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[ That they're so similar, he means. It's a bit like looking into a mirror and seeing a somewhat muddled reflection of himself, sharp in different ways, but with a similar outcome. ]
It's nice to see in other people, isn't it? Especially when you can't afford to be.
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[ even himself, apparently.
...but he's felt the same way which might be why he hasn't really known what to do with their relationship other than to reach out to it. it's a natural instinct when you see a reflection, after all.
another sigh. he doesn't want to think about what he cherishes more than he has to right now because it just feels like a reminder of his failures. ]
What's your point, Kurapika?
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[ He was relating just for the sake of it, really, and he has no shame in admitting that much. ]
But I am thinking that it might not be a bad idea to look at the kindness of the others here.
[ It's been on his mind, the kindness he's seen in the people here. ]
I'm well aware of how that sounds right now, by the way.
[ After the whole... incident. ]
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[ that he genuinely means.
but it's not only kindness that he's drawn to. it's something he can't put into words, something Maria and Baam have that's special. it's not like they're the only two who've been kind to him for no reason, even if that number is small. ]
But it's different for me. [ he rolls over on his side, wanting more darkness than just his one arm affords. ]
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Kurapika watches Khun roll over and adjusts his own position, too, uncrossing his legs and recrossing them the other way around. ]
Why?
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I told you, I'm not easy to please. Trying to appeal to my morality, guilt, or empathy will never work.
[ if it sounds like his standards are nigh insurmountable, it's because they really are. but it's also just a matter of him not knowing exactly what makes him feel like that with both of them.
it also doesn't help that he's getting more frustrated and just let the name slip, but in some regard that cat is out of the bag anyway and he won't back down from that either. ]
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So there's something special about them to you. Kindness doesn't matter unless that special something is present, right?
[ It would make sense, Kurapika thinks. Khun is hardened enough that appealing to emotions he's long since rid himself of wouldn't work.
While that isn't the case for Kurapika, not necessarily, he can see himself becoming that way... and he doesn't know that he wants that. ]
For me, it's seeing the good that someone else wants to do. Someone could be stupid, loud, obnoxious, and embarrassing... but if they turn their hardships into something good, into helping other people... that's enough.
[ Ah... he really misses Leorio, doesn't he? This world would be so much easier to navigate with him here. ]
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the first time khun met baam, he was trying to psych himself up to kill someone.
not that they're bad, like khun himself is. that's what he can offer them, his hands to do the things that they shouldn't sully themselves with, his mouth to spout the lies that they would feel guilty for. it might be something like innocence and brightness that calls to him. they've faced hardships but haven't let it mold them and their views. it's beautiful, something he can't take his eyes away from. ]
We're different. [ if it sounds cold it is, sharp and assertive like ice. it's the first time he's said something like this to kurapika and usually he feels the opposite but here he rejects it with every cell in his body.
tonight he feels more like a hollow of himself rather than a person who is nearly perfect, but with one piece missing. ]
Being good and morality mean nothing to me.
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The kind of person he hates.
And yet... and yet, he can't bring himself to dislike Khun. It's why he regards Khun with a calm gaze, one that remains unfrozen in the face of such icy sharpness. ]
You're right. We're different. Is that a bad thing?
[ He doesn't think so. ]
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I'd say it's a good thing. [ for all the lies he makes and all the deceptions he weaves, he's not one to avoid the truth when it's actually important. khun's under no illusion that anyone should actually be like him, especially someone like kurapika.
funny how that works. ]
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He does know one thing, however, and it's that they're both similar and different enough that they get along. ]
Pro populus meus.
[ Have a healing spell sent your way, Khun. ]
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What do your words mean? [ if they're going to just Talk about things tonight, might as well go for broke. and he's been curious about everyones words, really feeling the lack of his Pocket's universal translation. ]
cw genocide
[ It's easy enough for Kurapika to reveal, and he's usually inclined to leave it at that, allowing others to make their own assumptions.
Khun, however, will get more from him. It's only fair, isn't it? After all, Kurapika doesn't think Khun goes around telling everyone about his own family. ]
As the sole survivor, I do everything in the memory of my people, the Kurta Clan, who were all killed a few years ago. The only reason I was spared is because I wasn't there.
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That makes sense, it's who you are. Just like mine, "to control". That's what I do and that's what I'll keep doing to become the Khun family head.
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I wouldn't call it clan conflict, not exactly. They were targeted for something valuable that only the Kurta Clan possesses, the same thing that caused us to be isolated in the first place.
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[ though he doesn't ask it directly as he would have pretty much any other time. it's a deference if kurapika wants to take it. ]
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Scarlet Eyes. When members of the Kurta Clan feel an intense emotion, our eyes turn red. The color is said to be one of the most beautiful colors in the world, so much so that it's coveted by a types of people.
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though he has to wonder, and he's going to wonder aloud because that's the relationship they have. ]
If it was a problem to be identified that way, couldn't you have just worn contacts?
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So much so that he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little contact carrying case. ]
We did, and I have since. Though it didn’t really matter. Our eyes were already well known and our location was found, despite our moving around and choosing remote places. We may have lived in the forest for my entire life, but it wasn’t exactly easy to get there.
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That sounds like the work of a traitor, or an exceptionally gifted scout or guide. I take it your enemy is either someone in a position of power or another clan itself? [ he assumes that if it was just a few people or someone not that powerful, they'd be six feet underground a long time ago. ]
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[ It's a good thing this manor isn't teeming with spiders, because otherwise Kurapika would have been spotted killing them with unnecessary aggression. ]
They're a powerful group that steals and kills whatever and whoever they like. It's possible a scout or a guide found us, given they were after the Scarlet Eyes. There was a lot of money to be made selling them to the black market, so the effort would have been worth it.
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...wait, "selling them"? Did they sell your people off as slaves or their actual eyes?
[ kurapika said they were dead though. so... ]
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