wizardmanor | Floor 2, Room 4

You can sense all of that...?

[It's disbelieving, and yet at the same time not. Phil is more than aware of just how badly damaged his body is at this point, how even his artes can only help to keep the anima contamination in check for so long, and how the anima deficiency can never be cured, only slowed.

The sand in the hourglass of his life is slowly and inevitably running out and there's nothing that can be done to stop it, not even with artes or medicine.]

I suppose there's no point in hiding it, then.

[He sighs, one hand moving to fiddle self-consciously with one of the straps on his robe.]

To put it in simple terms, I'm not going to live for that much longer. Not on a scale of weeks or months... more likely around ten years or so. But... yes, it will keep getting worse.

[How fast, he doesn't know. There simply isn't any sort of practical data on that front.]

( Well, that's not the best news, is it. At least it probably won't be relevant while they're here (unless they're here for a literal decade - he hopes not). )

... Does putting strain on your body reduce the time you have?

( Physical or magical strain. )

Somewhat, but the damage is already done. It's certainly not a reason for me to stop using mirristry or magic.

[That is, after all, the only way he can help others. He doesn't have Ix's athleticism or charisma or Mileena's knowledge.]

... You're not wrong, but that's a risky attitude to take. If you give yourself too many little allowances, you're going to let yourself make big allowances when they come up.

( This is a human thing, and humans are fools. )

It's not like I can tell you to stop using magic entirely, but at least use it in moderation. Efficiently. ( Telling Phil to knock it off and remain a total novice would make him a liability - and just put his own life at risk, as a dead weight. But he needs to be smart about it. ) Is "mirristry" the kind of magic people use where you're from?

[At that, Phil brightens up a little. This is a subject he actually likes talking about, and it gives him a reason to studiously ignore the first part of what Mika said. If he doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't have to think about it!]

Yes. I'm the current Biqe of Sellund-- that's the title given to the most powerful mirrist. That's exactly why I intend to master the magic here as well. It may work differently than mirristry, but there's no reason I can't achieve the same level of skill.

[Which would make him extremely useful, therefore using his magic is justified!]

( hello?? bad news for phil: )

Did you hear a word I said, or is your hearing going with your lungs?

[... busted.]

I've been using it efficiently. That's why I hardly ever use my broom...

[Also because it's 50/50 on whether he's going to fall off any given time he gets on it, but. Details.]

( GAZING AT HIM STERNLY, kind of like a parent trying to gauge if their kid actually cleaned their room or is just saying that, )

... Okay. ( Phil lives another day. For now. ) But I'll notice if you collapse and try to hide it, or make it worse. So don't. For... better or worse we're doing things in these teams, so. Ask them for help if you need it.

( Not offering himself directly for... unclear reasons... )

[He pauses for a moment, weighing what to say, and then just sighs.]

As much as I appreciate the idea of asking for help, I don't wish to be a burden to anyone else when they already have enough to worry about. And it isn't as though anything they could do would alleviate the symptoms-- I'm afraid healing doesn't help with that much.

[He knows, he's tried.]

I'll do my best to manage it on my own.

( This feels like hearing himself talk, which is even worse. He's allowed to suffer, but others? Well - normally he doesn't care, but... he feels like it he owes something to these people he's stuck with (or, rather, who're stuck with him), even if he didn't wrong Phil directly.

That said, Mika has no stats in socialization or diplomacy, so figuring out how to convince someone who's similar to him to change their course is completely outside his wheelhouse. He can commiserate and stew, but encourage change? Jeez, if he knew how to change, he'd be doing it himself already (probably).

... )

... Okay, so you don't care that you're putting yourself in danger. You consider yourself an acceptable cost to pay. Fine.

Do you care if other people get hurt because of you?

Of course I do!

[The outburst is probably the most vehement Mika has heard Phil yet.]

That's why I... that's why...

[... and then the fight all seems to go out of him and he just curls in on himself, wrapping his arms around himself and digging his fingers into the sleeves of his robe.

That's why I should have been the Human Kaleidoscope, not Gefion.

But Mika couldn't possibly understand that, couldn't understand why it's only right that he be the one to suffer in everyone else's stead. It's what he deserves, and nothing in this world or any other can change that much.]

... no one else should risk themselves for me if it comes down to that.

( The outburst surprises him, but it tells him he's getting somewhere, at least. He is, as Mika suspected, selfless, which is entirely the problem.

(Mika thinks this while still giving himself a pass to be self-sacrificial, though. Hypocrisy at its finest.) )

... They will. Because the people here are kind, to their own detriment.

( As he's unfortunately, unwillingly discovered. )

And if you don't lean on them and give them something they can help you with, they're probably going to do something stupid trying to help you out. Their blood will be on your hands, anyway.

( Blunt and almost cruel - but honest, in the only real way he knows how. )

[Selfless though he may be, Phil is also uniquely selfish as well, and it's the combination of the two that have caused just about every single problem in his life. He's all too painfully aware of this fact.]

They shouldn't be. Not to me.

[They absolutely shouldn't be.]

I don't intend to let anyone here be foolish on my behalf, well-intentioned or not. That includes you.

[He knows, after all, that even in this new world, his experience with magic in general likely far outstrips most of the others. That's one front on which he feels he can be confident.]

( This really is like talking to himself... )

... You haven't think I've said those same things?

( Not in those words; he's hardly so articulate. But his look is pointed. He's frenzied here twice. )

And look where that's gotten me - people lining up to stick their neck in my mouth. The people here are stupid to a fault, because that's what kindness is, in the end.

( He's not ungrateful; more - frustrated on their behalf; frustrated, and untrusting on his own. )

Besides. I doubt you could stop me even if you wanted to.

( Imagine having such low self esteem (and only okay at magic) and yet being kind of arrogant about your own abilities (because, to be fair, he's formidable enough back home). That's Mika. )

I don't want to have to. So please don't make it necessary.

[There's something so existentially tired as he says this. The people here are indeed stupid... stupid and kind, and a part of him envies that selflessness, the ability to put others first without so much as a second thought.

Is there any selflessness in him offering himself up as atonement for his own selfish actions? Of course not.]

You or anyone else.

[Because he doesn't deserve that kindness.]

Edited 2024-05-19 02:04 (UTC)

( Mika crosses his arms, raising his brow. )

So you want people to just sit around and watch you die. And you'll try to stop them if they don't.

( Pardon his French, but— )

What are you even sticking around for, then?

[The question cuts deep, not that Phil intends to let it show on his face beyond a brief flicker of something pained in those mismatched eyes.

"Phil... are you planning on dying?"

He hadn't answered then, and he isn't going to answer now, either.]

... there are things I still need to do.

( ... Mika snorts. )

Sounds like we're the same.

( Kinnie! He will regret this statement when he learns Phil sucks, but not today. )

But one of those things I need to do involves looking out for certain people, and if you're going to get in the way of that - even if it's indirectly, by not taking care of yourself - I am going to interfere.

I'm going to force you to get help or get better, even if that's not what you want, and even if you try to stop me. Because that's what I'm still around here to do. Understand?

[For a moment, Phil looks like he's gearing up to protest, like he's going to insist that Mika (and everyone else) shouldn't waste their time or efforts on him.

... and then he just deflates like a balloon, shoulders slumping.]

... yes. I understand.

[Because he knows that no matter much he might insist, people like this won't listen to him anyway. He's had enough experience on that front...]

( ... Mika sighs. He recognizes that self-defeating attitude, but if it means Phil listens to him, he's going to have to just deal with it - because clearly Phil's not the type you can affect any way but negatively (or so Mika believes).

He pushes himself up out of his seat, seeming like he's keen to end the conversation here while they still appear to have an understanding. )

Good. Glad we found an understanding, Phillip.

( Local Whole Grown Man gets pushed around by a forever teen... pls help him

If Phil has nothing to add, he will quietly and swiftly take his leave; not much one for small talk, and not presuming Phil is, either. )

Floor 2, Room 4

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