wizardmanor | Floor 2, Room 4

[ Ah, Phil was about to protest what he said, wasn't he...

Maybe that's why Day is answering like this, as if to wanting to distract them from the spectre of insecurity looming over them. ]

Pretty sure you heard me call you gorgeous and say how much I wanna pound you into next week. Unless you're sayin' I'm lyin'?

O-of course not! [Oh, why did that send heat curling through his stomach after they've just finished...] But...

[But Mileena had never even looked his way, nor had Ix.]

I don't understand what I did to deserve this.

[This love, this pleasure, this kindness. Because there's a part of him that still can't shake the feeling that this is ultimately transactional in the end, even after they've said their "I love you"s.]

[ That would be what thirst feels like, Phil. ]

Well...I think you're cute and beautiful. [ For starters. ] I like how shy you usually are, the way you perk up when you talk 'bout stuff you're interested in... how earnest you can be.

[ He still remembers how Phil had asked that question back in the Forest of Dreams, like he felt responsible for watching those memories as long as Day allowed it. ]

And...you always seemed so happy to just spend time with me.

Because being around you makes me happy.

[There's absolutely no hesitation there. For all that Phil may doubt himself on multiple fronts, he has no questions about his feelings for Day. Those are as certain and as brilliant as the north star.]

You're... warm. [Both literally and metaphorically.] Just being in your presence puts my heart at ease.

[He lets out a quiet sound that's half a laugh, half a sigh.]

It probably sounds strange to say that, I suppose. But... it's the truth.

I'm glad I can be that for you.

[ He truly means this. If Phil can find some measure of serenity, and Day can set him on the path toward happiness, then Day can be glad for him. He kisses Phil on the forehead and lets his lips linger there, trying to figure out how to express the affection that's overflowing from his heart. Even if tomorrow, Phil might wake up regretting tonight.

It's perhaps because of this and the alcohol that Day doesn't think to stop the thought that comes to mind. ]

...I figured there wasn't any room in your heart for me, y'know.

[ And it wouldn't be because of something Phil lacks. Day has just stopped expecting for that space to be made for him, since...well, what would be the point, since he won't be able to stay, anyway? More so when the space is already occupied. ]

[At that, Phil freezes, eyes going wide. The guilt flares bright, because while a part of him has known all along that Gefion has no feelings for him and never will, he still can't manage to shut his own love away, lock it up and put it aside somewhere no one else will ever find it. And Ix, well... surely Ix hated him, so why then can't he throw that love away either? Instead, he's clinging to these feelings like a security blanket the way a child would.]

... I'm sorry. I should be able to move past that...

[The space that's there in his heart for Day is damaged, he knows. And Day deserves better than that, yet at the same time he's so happy to have that space at all that it threatens to make the tears start up again.]

I do love you-- I meant every word I said when it comes to that. But no matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving them either.

[How much easier his life would have been if he could...]

[ Day watches Phil's reaction and can't help but feel bad too, because it's not that he wanted to make Phil feel guilty. He just...he just wanted to say how surprised he was that Phil would even make that space for him because Day is used to loving quietly and one-sidedly, or for it to be brief. ]

I ain't askin' you to stop lovin' them. [ It's why he had asked Phil that question in the forest, too. And truthfully, even if it stung a little, Day would've been fine simply being a replacement for someone else in Phil's heart if it meant he could receive even a bit of that love. He would be okay with dreaming for a little while. ]

And...well, it ain't like I don't have people I haven't been able to stop lovin', either.

[ One of them's even right down the hallway in this manor, and another one...Phil has seen that memory, so he would know. Day can't really knock on Phil, either. Working in the Division of Serenity means understanding that love is complicated and multi-faceted, a force so wonderful, beautiful, powerful and terrible that it can rarely be contained in a single form.

He leans in to gently press his forehead against Phil's, trying to reassure him and wanting to stay close. ]

I just... [ His voice trails off for a moment, as he tries to find the courage to admit to something that feels almost too vulnerable. It's not that he wants sympathy or pity, it's just...if he admits this, would it break the illusion that he's fun, kind, and easy to love? ] You don't find me too clingy? Too desperate?

Day...

[The irony is that it's that very clinginess that's making Phil feel so loved and treasured after so many years of always being sidelined in favor of someone else. It's him who Day looks at with such deep adoration, his name being called in the heat of passion, and even before things reached this level it had been Day's smile that had brought sunlight back to the shadows of his heart. It feeds his selfishness and he knows it, but this is the first time in his life that he's ever been able to be selfish in this way-- to have someone all to himself.

And he wants to cling right back, grab hold of this love that's being offered to him and never let it go. So if that makes Day too desperate, then he's every bit as guilty of the same thing. In the moment, he finds he can't bring himself to care as long as Day is still right in front of him holding him close. If he can keep this man in his heart, even in that wounded, damaged place that still aches with loss, then that will be more than he has any right to ask for.

It's so simple to answer those two questions. Slowly, gently, he moves his hand back up to thread it into Day's hair and tug his head down just the slightest bit until their lips meet. Sometimes things don't need words to be made very clear, and he hopes the tenderness with which he kisses Day says all of the things that he can't quite find the words to express.]

[ Truthfully, a small part of Day had been hoping for reassurance, the alcohol pulling those raw and tender worries to the forefront where he would normally smooth things over with charm and confidence. The other part of Day has been braced for Phil to change his mind, for the moment the rug gets pulled from under him, because—its always happened when it's counted the most, so why would this be any different, as much as he wants it to be?

So he's still surprised that this is how Phil chooses to answer, and the same tenderness of this kiss could almost make him cry. It's okay for him to cling to this man. For once, he doesn't have to keep loving while knowing it can't be returned, because Phil is treasuring his love as something precious too.

As he kisses Phil back, Day realises that maybe...when the morning comes, it'll be the first day he can have all this as something tangible and real, not just a dream. ]

[Phil's near tears again too, though this time they're born of pure joy, of a feeling he didn't think he would ever be allowed to have: the feeling of loving and being loved back. It isn't something he truly deserves, he knows. But Day has looked into the ugliness in his heart and still found something worth loving, and while Phil can't pretend to understand how or why, he does know that this gift is more precious than anything he's ever been given before.

How could he possibly do anything less than love Day right back with every fiber of his fragile, damaged being? Even if he's fated to die within ten years, that's still more than enough time to be able to treasure this happiness, to forge memories to bring him comfort at the very end. And more than that, it's a reason to want to try to keep living for as long as he can.

Because this man... this wonderful, kind, handsome man wants Phil to exist by his side.]

[ Eventually, Day has to break the kiss and pull back...but only so he can hold Phil closer and cuddle him, burying his nose in Phil's hair. ]

I'm glad I met you.

[ That some quirk of fate even let them meet and get to know each other. Funny how that works. ]

I'm glad I met you too.

[And Phil curls closer, tucking his own face against Day's neck with a quiet sigh. With the high of release finally starting to dissipate, a warm sleepiness is settling in in its place, and he finds himself closing his eyes without even thinking about it. He wonders if Day will stay here and just sleep with him, but it feels almost too presumptuous to ask even after everything they've just done.

But... ah. They should probably clean up a bit first...]

[ ...They really should clean up a little, huh.

Day gives a quick peck on Phil's forehead before he uses his magic to summon a couple of towels from his room. He can see that Phil is already starting to drift off, so Day takes the initiative to help wipe up some of the mess on him. ]

[Sleepy as he may be, Phil does his best to help with that, though his cheeks flush just a bit redder as he does so.]

... I feel like I should apologize for this, except it was as much you as it was me.

[... that's definitely the alcohol talking.]

[ Things to tease Phil with later, of course. ]

Well, I did kiss you first. But I seem to remember you're the one who got me sittin' on the bed while you were lickin' your lips like I'm a prime cut?

Edited 2024-07-30 08:21 (UTC)

Th-that's...!

[He can't even deny it and that's the worst part. It isn't his fault Day is so attractive!]

... a-anyway, would you... stay here with me tonight?

[Somehow it's much less embarrassing to say when he's trying to use it as a diversion to distract from other, more embarrassing things.]

[ With a coy smile: ]

Thought you'd never ask.

[ Though Day had always intended to stay the night unless Phil told him not to. ]

Thank you.

[He pushes lightly on Day's chest, but with no ulterior motives this time-- he just wants to lie down so that they can curl up together. Now that the heat of the moment has faded, he's starting to feel more than a little cold.]

[ Day allows himself to be pushed down, wrapping an arm around Phil's waist so they cuddle together comfortably. ]

G'night, Phil.

[ ...It's been so long since he last shared a bed with someone else, in multiple senses. Getting to do it with someone he adores is like a dream come true. ]

Good night, Day.

[Phil curls closer; then, after a moment of hesitation, he shifts so that he can rest his head on Day's chest and listen to the steady thrum of his heartbeat. As long as he can hear that, he can be reassured that all of this is real and not just another dream.

This warmth, this love, this gentle embrace... it will all still be here when he opens his eyes in the morning.]

[ They both drift off to sleep, Day quietly content to have someone he loves so close to him like he's an anchor, even when he knows he hasn't been able to be that for a long time now.

When he wakes up in the morning, there's the immediate headache of a hangover—something he's well-acquainted with. Then he noticed the weight on his chest and the feeling of tangled limbs, and he slowly blinks to see Phil fast asleep while cuddling him.

...Oh, last night really wasn't just his imagination. He did and said all those things with Phil. And Phil said he loved him. Him, truly, not as a replacement for unfulfilled love.

For a long moment, Day simply stays still, laying in bed. A part of him wonder that if he were to move and get up, or if Phil wakes up, the bubble will burst and it'll turn out it was just the alcohol.

The part of him so used to dashed expectations supplies him with tested tools to weather disappointment: apologize and offer to pretend the night never happened if it turns out Phil is mortified by last night. Distance himself if he has to so he can slip from Phil's mind, if that would make him more comfortable, and hopefully things won't be so awkward between the two of them that they can't keep co-existing in the same space. Lock this love this away and put it somewhere it can't be found, and maybe he'll learn a valuable lesson in love again.

But he wants so badly to believe in Phil's "I love you", that the alcohol simply meant he was unfiltered but not mistaken, that there really is a place for him in Phil's heart. So he doesn't give in to that reflex to keep his expectations low, finally leaning down to give Phil a gentle forehead kiss before he carefully extricates himself from the cuddle. He figures Phil will be incredibly hungover whenever he wakes up, so he should go down to the kitchen and get breakfast while he can. Maybe by some stroke of luck he can do this discreetly, too.

By the time Phil wakes up, there's a lingering warmth where Day was. On the bed are two sets of clothes, both Day's and Phil's, folded up in some attempt at neatness. He's nowhere to be seen, but surely he wouldn't just leave without taking his clothes, right? ]

Floor 2, Room 4

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