[He runs a hand against Jing Yuan's shoulder at the mention of a distraction. Don't worry, we'll put a pin in this.]
Strategizing even in times of peace? That doesn't really make for a relaxing vacation. [Or, you know, whatever this little island trip is supposed to be now.] Though... it's only a matter of time now, if things fall as they have for the last few weeks.
Are you concerned with how things have been escalating?
I'm afraid relaxing does not come as easy to me as I may make it appear. [ A small admission. ] I am used to my work as a General taking up the majority of my time and to be quite honest adjusting to a schedule that is far more lax has been...interesting.
[ Jing Yuan has taken up various tasks to fill in wherever he can at times. Also, spending time on the beach or whatnot? That has not been happening at all. ]
I'd say I was not concerned. Though, perhaps that wouldn't be true. I am far used to nipping problems in the bud before they become ever-so-dire. However, in this case, I have a feeling we may end up having the escalation to reach its apex, even after fulfilling our objectives, before we are in a position to act crucially.
Mn. No, I can tell. There's a look that falls over you, when your mind is wandering.
[It's exactly why he's pushing this a little.]
...We can only prepare so much when there is so little to pave the way. Even if we understand more, or have had so much time to learn to adapt, it's still just rippling months in the ocean of this world's eternity.
Take the opportunities as they come, Jing Yuan... Act as you must. But... I worry at how you freeze up in your own mind.
[A general has to have his share of hesitance, sure, but Solomon knows well what separation can do to the heart.
With a careful sweep of the back of his hand, Solomon brushes strands of long white hair away from Jing Yuan's face and over his shoulder, fingertips lightly glancing against his jawline. No guiding, just a reminder that he was there, a tiny anchor to try and keep him from drifting.]
Let tomorrow take care of itself for now. The time will go by whether its spent in thought or not.
[ There's a moment where his expression goes briefly unreadable. Though, he has spent a long while in Solomon's presence now. They are strangers no longer...yet, Jing Yuan has hardly shown this variety of disturbance in general; perhaps brief moments that touch upon what lies inside, where he's tense. Upon which worries of the future are just the tip of the iceberg intermingled with other...long-standing matters, but are ones nonetheless. ]
It seems you do not find it surprising.
[ Is all he merely says at first, but...Jing Yuan allows Solomon's gentle touches instead of pulling away and closing up. They feel warm and like frostburn. An anchor indeed amongst this void; these are touches he settles into, welcoming them all the same. So, like this, he smiles again, just a little. ]
...I've known that for a long time now. But, a reminder cannot hurt, no?
I wouldn't say that as much as... I know my way around reading those beings who do not want to be read, Jing Yuan. I've seen the eyes of those who have to think of time as eternally branching, and watch as they plan despite their own feelings.
[He rests his hand more firmly against Jing Yuan's cheek, the coolness of the ring on his hand a sharp contrast.]
A role is a role, whether general or father, sorcerer or protector, teacher or student. Let it only be that right now. It doesn't change that I want to hear you, just like you did for me.
[A quiet beat, before letting his touch drift to rest right under Jing Yuan's collarbone, a gentle pressure to the sternum.]
Could I ask for a moment of you, of your time and what troubles you, to just let the General in you stay at ease so that Jing Yuan may rest his mind?
[ Solomon would know, wouldn't he? Jing Yuan thinks it, leaning again into the touch, despite the contrasting sensations; the slight cool feel of a small metal mixed with the warmth from that hand.
Then, Solomon starts to bring up the matter of roles, something he once had vaguely touched on before, but now properly. Surprisingly, he does not flinch even after the switch of that touch, to his collarbone. Maybe, perhaps, a slight shiver. ]
You might find how difficult it is for one such as myself to 'rest his mind' except when I am able to silence my mind completely. Yet...
...You must understand well, as one who lives eternally. Time and time again what we treasure is bound to slip through our fingers. That which lies in the past, which we have resolved to move beyond, but which mercilessly grabs at us no matter how far forward we step. That which enormous power cannot change no matter how much one has obtained.
The weight of sheer responsibility behind a "role" that one has "accepted" but must carry out again and again...as a dire necessity. Otherwise, all shall be doomed to fall apart in front of one's eyes.
What it means, to have not completely forgotten yourself, even after everything was said and done. And during everything that still remains to be completed. Though, for myself, it is only a matter of time...you understand. Even if I breathe every day as an immortal, I may one day forget all of what I am.
...This is the moment, granted to you, my dear Solomon. You and yourself alone.
[ Then, Jing Yuan leaves it that, touching upon some aspects of his troubles without diving too deep. The further he goes, the more reluctant he feels, and in his heart he doubts even Solomon would wish to grasp the enormity of it all. But he doesn't tell him what he has because he feels he has to, rather because there is a part of him that wishes Solomon to know.
And...if later on, the man thinks even this too much of a burden, he will be fine with that too. ]
[He sits quietly, carefully, giving Jing Yuan his full attention with only a nod here or there. But thenlonger Jing Yuan goes on, the more that tightness in his chest digs.
He know. Oh how he knows. But even at this twisting surface level, its sounds as though it haunts Jing Yuan in a far more tragic form than Solomon could ever see for himself.
With how carefully Jing Yuan skirts around his wording, Solomon at least recognizes this is not the moment to pry too deeply. Instead, the hand against his chest finds one of Jing Yuan's palms, plucking it up to rest in his own, to squeeze it gently. No words just yet. No pity.
Just an ache, an understanding, of what's been touched at so far in the majority.]
Do you fear you will follow in your master's footsteps? [Here he'd thought it might have been an illness, a curse...] You speak as though it's inevitable.
[ Jing Yuan gives out a small sigh at this, fingers squeezing lightly the hand that had given a comforting one in turn, and he holds it firmly even after that.
Solomon's actions speak something close to keen understanding (or to seek it); far better than pity which would rankle him deeply. Far better to look at him differently, for the possibility of what he could become. ]
Mm, perhaps I would not call it simply fear. Rather, an expectation of it...as it is inevitable. Such is the fate of long-lived 'human' Xianzhou Natives.
[ Jing Yuan says so because he thinks it is. Idly, he remembers when Luocha spoke of there being a possible cure for Mara and he jumped right on it, only for everything that came after to cover up whatever that segue was, true or not. ]
There are ways to manage avoidance of it for a time, and I have certainly done better than most. Many my age or a century younger have succumbed. There are many factors that tend to accelerate its development, or so is theorized.
...As for my Master, she was well past the usual expected age for deterioration when she was struck with Mara.
Another ticking clock to line up with the rest. Not even the immortal were exempt.
...]
...She seemed like she did her best to keep it very clear what her wishes were. Since that was inevitable, and not just poor luck... mmm. [It putss some things into a new perspective, but only in the details.]
Is Mara an illness you contract? Or something that's just innate to your people as you age?
[Deterioration makes him think of the more common diseases in the elderly - of joint and muscle and mind. What here was deteriorating?]
[ Jing Yuan nods at the comment regarding Jingliu, though he imagines it is because Jingliu always had excessive fate in him, more than anything. Knowledge of what kind of abilities he had before he cultivated them completely, even when he was rather young.
Feeling the tense fingers within his own, he lightly squeezes them once more. ]
It is something like an innate illness, though others have compared it simply to aging. [ Jing Yuan has a different opinion, evidently. ] Either way, it makes it worse than an illness that can be simply 'contracted'. Once it occurs, most tend to undergo an entire bodily transformation at some point; though some may initially display a change in eye color for a time. But, even that minor alteration would give way towards an appearance no longer recognizable as one's original form.
Other symptoms of Mara can be signs of memory problems and abrupt, chaotic mood changes. Though, in general, the condition can be exacerbated by outside stressors.
[ Typically, soldiers succumb to Mara quicker than civilians. Jingliu, having been well over a millennia old at the time, is an outlier. ]
...I doubt there is anything that can be done to stop it permanently.
Someone once taunted me about knowing a possible cure, but I am certain he only stated as much in a last-ditch attempt to gain leverage.
[ So, Jing Yuan will not say otherwise; indeed, as it stands, he doubts there is a cure at all. He is an optimistic man but he is also not one to give a false impression about a matter this dire. ]
A very high improbability, perhaps. But if there's room for doubt, there's room for possibility in equal measure.
[A sliver of hope, illogical as it is. He holds it for Ibuki with all his might. Would he need to do so for Jing Yuan, too?
...
...
There's so much he could say. Antecdotes he could try to pull, or wisdom he could try to impress. But it's not a situation needing a teacher, nor an elder. It is a cruel reality, deserving of the trepidation it brings. So he holds the quiet, bringing his other hand against Jing Yuan's own to cup it tightly.
There is no condolences to be had for aging. But for the scars it left behind, the fears that were just as vibrant as a boy of ten or young man of eighteen, contained only out of necessity...
[ Jing Yuan does, in fact, hope with all his might.
Where others would scoff bitterly at the idea, he does not. There is a reason that he, not being the type of person anyone can consider anywhere near a "researcher" and more the type to be inclined towards simply the leading role he has been accustomed to for centuries now, has researched the topic thoroughly. ]
Perhaps there is.
[ Even as he says the words, they are spoken quietly for once, his voice holding a chord of emotion he would be too prideful to name. As if he is afraid to speak the words at all, and so when Solomon's other hand moves to join his, he feels his singular one caught between two hands now, he is glad for it.
But he doesn't miss the emotion caught in Solomon's voice or the sound of it either, which surprises him; not badly, though. If anything, it makes his gaze soften. As it is, he also doesn't know what to say to those two sentences, can only know he swallows a bit, smiles weakly, and instead he answers the question with a gentle tone: ]
[A final press of his hands is his acknowledgement, before he reaches up to dip his fingers below the high neck of his shirt. A clinking of delicate chain can be heard as he carefully pulls out a pendant - a slice of brilliant agate, blacks and blues at its corners with a shimmering green slicing through its center.]
[ If, when those hands press against his, Solomon feels something like the slight movement of his own, to try to get a grip on one despite being caught between both, it is not his imagination. Furthermore, Jing Yuan's expression is mildly confused when Solomon sticks a hand down his own shirt just a little, until he brings out a pendant.
One of which he has never seen before. But, he is arrested by its sight and appearance.
This...can it be...? But no. Certainly not...he can almost feel his head spinning, but he is trying to contain himself. ]
...It has been a long time since I have. I may have time to gaze upon the stars back home and I have certainly been various places on this planet, but it seems the happenstance hasn't occurred within my sight during our stay.
[He feels that squirming very well, a quiet chuckle as he lets the fingers of his free hand lace with Jing Yuan's. He's still here. Though his eyes stay traced on the stone held delicately in his fingers as he starts to speak.]
When I was younger, I made myself a crystal ball. Not to see into the future, but to contain a memory that was important to me.
I found that even when I'd passed my first couple of centuries, there was only so much my mind could remember. And when I found a memory I though was too important to forget, I contained it with my magic so that I might prepare for the worst.
The crystal broke due to a friend's negligence in recent years, and I found myself unable to remember that important memory anymore. And at the time, there was nothing to be done for it. I couldnt mourn something I didn't remember, and I felt no ill will to my friend for the accident. So I went about my days, and let my dear friend try to make up the differenece to me another way. I asked him to make something I could hold as a different sort of memory, rather than one of the past, so maybe I could reshape my joy to the present.
It was while I was out in the fields of the far north of my own world looking for an addition to that project, with my apprentice at my side, that we caught the glimpse of an aurora very similar to the color of this stone. And I remembered what it was I'd been so desperate to save so long ago.
[It's silly. He'd been so committed to forgetting, and yet the emotions still felt so deeply intertwined the second things trickled back.]
I took to myself a lot when I was young. I wasn't welcome in many places due to my powers, so I explored and studied. I often found that time stopped mattering. Every day melded into the next, and it was easier to focus on my goals.
It was while I was in the snowy lands of a mountainside that I stood in the middle of an aurora. And it was enough to give me pause - to stop a dogged trek to my goals for a brief moment and recognize the present.
It was when I had the time to stop that I let myself feel tired. Lonely. And I realized that... it had been my birthday the whole day. Something I hadn't celebrated since long after gaining my immortality. So I spent it doing just that... laying in the snow watching the aurora until it faded. I didn't have to be a sorcerer or something powerful. I was just me.
[He flips the pendant gently over in his fingers, the cut of it colorful and polished on both ends. Given the magical energy coming from it, it's no small jump to assume this is his amulet.]
It is a reminder, to myself, that I still am human, and that a life is more than simply moving from goal to goal. Even if time deteriorates my recollection... then I will find new things to recall in their stead.
[ Indeed he is...Solomon certainly isn't about to fade away before his very eyes; and he feels slightly embarrassed for subconsciously reaching out like that, but it is what it is. Instead, now he has a front row seat to words Solomon speaks which describe something quite personal...yet profound.
But, all the same, despite all of that, these words describe something so simple as well in the complexity that intermingles with the cruel passage of time.
That at the core of it all, that no matter how many titles one is assigned, no matter how much power is bequeathed upon a singular individual, they are always at heart the person they always were before all of that. Isn't that right...? ]
...I see.
A reminder of one's humanity can make all the difference in the world. Instead of feeling lost, it can ground you deeply. To be an anchor to who you truly are in a world that assigns you a myriad titles.
Naturally, I also know how much this means to you, and hearing you say as much to me at all is an honor. I shall treasure this moment dearly...and have full faith that you will find new memories to cherish. Yet, be able to hold onto them as tightly as possible, as simply and verily yourself.
[ Jing Yuan wonders about the relief Solomon felt in that moment; where everything indeed took pause. But, also, he squeezes gently the hand in his own, unable to help it, though he would like to think for both of their sakes as well. ]
You're a kind soul. And I won't say you're wrong. But you know that story was for you, not for me. Right?
I don't tell it to receive your blessings, though I'll still enjoy them. I tell it because I want you to know how I understand, and hope it can give you some sort of comfort.
[It's only lightly scolding. This isn't a first offense, but not a grevious one.
With an overdramatic sigh, he plucks up the pouch at his cape, slowly untying it and rummaging through the fabric.]
Here. Perhaps this might suit you better, actually.
[Out from the pouch pulls another pendant - an orbital mix of rings and small colorful jewels set around a golden orb. Even without touching it, the jewelry radiates Solomon's magic.
He holds it out with a careful hand.]
For you.
Magical items were a specialty of mine back home. I didn't want you leaving empty handed.
[ Jing Yuan's cheeks start to color as Solomon say this because he actually hadn't realized the story was for him. He is just...so unused to people comforting him so personally that it didn't occur to him.
It probably should've, and for a moment, Solomon can see how sheepish and embarrassed he looks. He doesn't want to waste the man's efforts at all.
Because, well, he did certainly appreciate the story that was told to him; he remembers thinking in the midst of his own words and thoughts that he could relate to it, considering his own position. ]
...Ah. For what it's worth, I...
[ ...His words suddenly trail off at the offering, though. ]
[ Jing Yuan may have temporarily jumped to conclusions a bit earlier, so the fact that this is happening now is more than a surprise.
It's...something. Words are not exactly forthcoming right now as he reaches out, fingers gently touching at first the outer part of the pendant, as if he can't believe that this is real.
Even now, his mind automatically reels in disbelief, hands begin to actually tremble. He tries to say something. Anything.
Instead, he blinks simply, fingers finally taking a hold of it properly, into his hands. He can feel the energy, the power underneath. Solomon's undeniable magic ever more acutely with it closer.
Jing Yuan still is barely able to find the words. ]
This...this is...
[ Please give him a moment, he's holding it close to him now. ]
[Show him what? Well. Solomon will guide Jing Yuan to hold the necklace up. Tap two fingers to the outer ring with your incantation, and push at it gently.
So long as Jing Yuan does so correctly, the pendant will whir to life - not by any mechanism, but simply through momentum alone. With it comes a feeling of deep protection - of a warm hand against his, a hug at his waist, a prideful space shared with his student, a place of respect with his mentor. An anchor. A comfort.]
...It will only be good for one strong hit. But should you or another need it, just push it into motion. My magic will protect you.
[With that said, his hand leaves the necklace to instead raise to rest against Jing Yuan's chin, tilting him purposefully, gently, to meet him in the eye.]
Please do not forget what your compassion does even as your time passes on, Jing Yuan. A simple movement from your hands sets many things in motion for so many, who act on each other. Let their care orbit you as you do for them. Let them be here to protect your heart so you may be just as human in your weakness.
Let yourself live for as long as you may, dear Jing Yuan, so that you may explore the stars with galaxies such as these, with people who would be blessed to have you in the pull of their lives, no matter how long it lasts. For the stars burn through the memories of so many millions of miles away, even after they have finished their light.
[There's a flicker of something complicated as he swallows, exhales.]
Allow yourself this, even in moments. Survive and treasure your today, so you may look forward to tomorrow. For today, you are still Jing Yuan.
[ Solomon does indeed show Jing Yuan, who can only marvel at its construction, its sincere thoughtfulness in its potential application — already, feelings have begun to bubble up. It only seems that this feeling that washes over him like a sudden tide enhances them — makes him feel...something overwhelming amongst the maelstrom of emotions.
Once again, he's momentarily struck speechless — Solomon reaching out, fingers softly stopping where they are, only to guide the angle of where his head rests. The touch feeling like nothing less than a balm, but somehow only increasing the significance of the moment.
Then, his words...there is a lot of them.
He remembers them well but categorizing how each and every single one, as well as the sentiments behind them, mean to Jing Yuan would take eons. ]
Solomon, thank you. My apologies if I am not the eloquent man right now you have come to know these few weeks, but I am at a loss at what to say.
Still, I...
[ His breath hitches, and for the first time a long while there is a wetness to his eyes; do not fear, though, these are happy tears. After carefully placing the necklace around his neck, fingers shaking, Jing Yuan then throws his arms suddenly around Solomon pulling him close to him. He needs this, he needs to hold him close, but it isn't enough.
Words truly seem inadequate to convey how much this means to him. Even if he might be ridiculed for it, he doesn't care. The last time anyone gave anything to him for protection and in a personal sense at all, it was Yingxing, which was centuries ago. Yingxing is no longer with him, and as the man he is today, he no longer cares for Jing Yuan the way he is. Jing Yuan does pull back, only slightly, so that their faces are close together, and though there are a million emotions running through him right now, Jing Yuan feels as if his mind is clear. His next words, emotional, are clear with a declaration that lacks no confidence, that rings true as his heart sings. ]
I will come home. I refuse to accept any other alternative.
I will live.
[ It's embarrassing how overcome with emotion he is, but he refuses to shy away. They have come far, they have had theirs ups and downs, but they have grown ever the more close. He is most certain of that, even if they still some ways to go; still he intends to become closer. ]
But before all of that...indulge in a kiss with me?
[With the emotion rising in Jing Yuan's face, his voice, the way he still trembles while fastening the chain to his neck, Solomon expects there to be a bit of an unpredictable reaction. That it turns into an embrace startles him, a slight sound of alarm as Jing Yuan drags him close under much stronger arms.
But he's laughing quietly to himself as he returns the embrace, a hand stroking the small of Jing Yuan's back until the younger man decides to back up and meet him in the eye. A shroud of breath under the curtains of snow-white hair, that expression so emotional and so serious, a crack that flows just for him. Trusting and touched.
Despite the flare of amusement, Solomon's eyes soften, his smile easily reaching the corners despite its delicacy - an uncommon feat, for someone who smiles so often.]
That's all I needed to hear.
[Just keep safe. Know his intention. All else is just extra.
He lets the fingers at Jing Yuan's jaw trace up, index and middle finger brushing faintly against his bottom lip, before slipping down to brace loosely at his neck.]
Hah. You've asked so nicely this time, how could I say no?
[A beat, and his voice softens in turn, eyes lidding with a tired relief.]
...Thank you, for not making it a promise.
[It's all he says before Solomon takes the initiative to lean forward, a careful press of his lips against Jing Yuan's. Nothing fancy, nothing wanting, but a curious and thankful gesture of warmth and sensitivity, free of the unknowns of inexperience, instead pliantly asking for response.]
[ Normally, the sound of surprise from Solomon is something that would have tingled him with amusement, but he can only remember the cascading variety of emotions that went through him. Though, he definitely adores the way Solomon's eyes look so gentle when he had pulled back — and the way it adds to his smile seems nothing less than perfect.
He feels the sensation of that finger running along his jaw, against his bottom lip, the sensation so light that it is nothing less than feather-like. But he thinks, most of all, he hears the response that outlines itself in his head. The gentle voice and weary yet glad relief that shows in Solomon's reaction a comfort, and also something that further draws him in.
Though Solomon might seem a reflection of amusement at the question that came before it. And he does have enough time to say: ]
...Of course.
[ Since Solomon responded in the affirmation, Jing Yuan has no problem with the other man pressing his lips lightly against his first. He cannot guess the emotions behind it, but the consideration behind its gentleness does not go unnoticed — as for Jing Yuan, he shifts, and he eagerly returns the kiss. When he presses back against Solomon's lips, it is passionate, emotional, and a deluge of all that emotions he feels — and for Solomon — all in one go. It is an expression of intimate affection that seeks not to conquer, but to envelope the dear man within it, to show how much he means to him.
Such that the sensuality also cannot be denied, as if upon finally being unleashed after so much time elapsed in one's search for what they wished. His hands loosely still around Solomon's waist, pull him closer, to intermingle him a bit deeper. There is no hesitation, no lacking in proceeding forward, or sense of uncomfortable emotion; if anything, he may only be seeking next to have the kiss deepened next. Indeed, the intensity of Jing Yuan's feelings and his certainty in them can never hope to be denied as he holds Solomon close. ]
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no subject
Strategizing even in times of peace? That doesn't really make for a relaxing vacation. [Or, you know, whatever this little island trip is supposed to be now.] Though... it's only a matter of time now, if things fall as they have for the last few weeks.
Are you concerned with how things have been escalating?
no subject
I'm afraid relaxing does not come as easy to me as I may make it appear. [ A small admission. ] I am used to my work as a General taking up the majority of my time and to be quite honest adjusting to a schedule that is far more lax has been...interesting.
[ Jing Yuan has taken up various tasks to fill in wherever he can at times. Also, spending time on the beach or whatnot? That has not been happening at all. ]
I'd say I was not concerned. Though, perhaps that wouldn't be true. I am far used to nipping problems in the bud before they become ever-so-dire. However, in this case, I have a feeling we may end up having the escalation to reach its apex, even after fulfilling our objectives, before we are in a position to act crucially.
no subject
[It's exactly why he's pushing this a little.]
...We can only prepare so much when there is so little to pave the way. Even if we understand more, or have had so much time to learn to adapt, it's still just rippling months in the ocean of this world's eternity.
Take the opportunities as they come, Jing Yuan... Act as you must. But... I worry at how you freeze up in your own mind.
[A general has to have his share of hesitance, sure, but Solomon knows well what separation can do to the heart.
With a careful sweep of the back of his hand, Solomon brushes strands of long white hair away from Jing Yuan's face and over his shoulder, fingertips lightly glancing against his jawline. No guiding, just a reminder that he was there, a tiny anchor to try and keep him from drifting.]
Let tomorrow take care of itself for now. The time will go by whether its spent in thought or not.
no subject
[ There's a moment where his expression goes briefly unreadable. Though, he has spent a long while in Solomon's presence now. They are strangers no longer...yet, Jing Yuan has hardly shown this variety of disturbance in general; perhaps brief moments that touch upon what lies inside, where he's tense. Upon which worries of the future are just the tip of the iceberg intermingled with other...long-standing matters, but are ones nonetheless. ]
It seems you do not find it surprising.
[ Is all he merely says at first, but...Jing Yuan allows Solomon's gentle touches instead of pulling away and closing up. They feel warm and like frostburn. An anchor indeed amongst this void; these are touches he settles into, welcoming them all the same. So, like this, he smiles again, just a little. ]
...I've known that for a long time now. But, a reminder cannot hurt, no?
no subject
[He rests his hand more firmly against Jing Yuan's cheek, the coolness of the ring on his hand a sharp contrast.]
A role is a role, whether general or father, sorcerer or protector, teacher or student. Let it only be that right now. It doesn't change that I want to hear you, just like you did for me.
[A quiet beat, before letting his touch drift to rest right under Jing Yuan's collarbone, a gentle pressure to the sternum.]
Could I ask for a moment of you, of your time and what troubles you, to just let the General in you stay at ease so that Jing Yuan may rest his mind?
no subject
Then, Solomon starts to bring up the matter of roles, something he once had vaguely touched on before, but now properly. Surprisingly, he does not flinch even after the switch of that touch, to his collarbone. Maybe, perhaps, a slight shiver. ]
You might find how difficult it is for one such as myself to 'rest his mind' except when I am able to silence my mind completely. Yet...
...You must understand well, as one who lives eternally. Time and time again what we treasure is bound to slip through our fingers. That which lies in the past, which we have resolved to move beyond, but which mercilessly grabs at us no matter how far forward we step. That which enormous power cannot change no matter how much one has obtained.
The weight of sheer responsibility behind a "role" that one has "accepted" but must carry out again and again...as a dire necessity. Otherwise, all shall be doomed to fall apart in front of one's eyes.
What it means, to have not completely forgotten yourself, even after everything was said and done. And during everything that still remains to be completed. Though, for myself, it is only a matter of time...you understand. Even if I breathe every day as an immortal, I may one day forget all of what I am.
...This is the moment, granted to you, my dear Solomon. You and yourself alone.
[ Then, Jing Yuan leaves it that, touching upon some aspects of his troubles without diving too deep. The further he goes, the more reluctant he feels, and in his heart he doubts even Solomon would wish to grasp the enormity of it all. But he doesn't tell him what he has because he feels he has to, rather because there is a part of him that wishes Solomon to know.
And...if later on, the man thinks even this too much of a burden, he will be fine with that too. ]
no subject
He know. Oh how he knows. But even at this twisting surface level, its sounds as though it haunts Jing Yuan in a far more tragic form than Solomon could ever see for himself.
With how carefully Jing Yuan skirts around his wording, Solomon at least recognizes this is not the moment to pry too deeply. Instead, the hand against his chest finds one of Jing Yuan's palms, plucking it up to rest in his own, to squeeze it gently. No words just yet. No pity.
Just an ache, an understanding, of what's been touched at so far in the majority.]
Do you fear you will follow in your master's footsteps? [Here he'd thought it might have been an illness, a curse...] You speak as though it's inevitable.
no subject
Solomon's actions speak something close to keen understanding (or to seek it); far better than pity which would rankle him deeply. Far better to look at him differently, for the possibility of what he could become. ]
Mm, perhaps I would not call it simply fear. Rather, an expectation of it...as it is inevitable. Such is the fate of long-lived 'human' Xianzhou Natives.
[ Jing Yuan says so because he thinks it is. Idly, he remembers when Luocha spoke of there being a possible cure for Mara and he jumped right on it, only for everything that came after to cover up whatever that segue was, true or not. ]
There are ways to manage avoidance of it for a time, and I have certainly done better than most. Many my age or a century younger have succumbed. There are many factors that tend to accelerate its development, or so is theorized.
...As for my Master, she was well past the usual expected age for deterioration when she was struck with Mara.
no subject
Another ticking clock to line up with the rest. Not even the immortal were exempt.
...]
...She seemed like she did her best to keep it very clear what her wishes were. Since that was inevitable, and not just poor luck... mmm. [It putss some things into a new perspective, but only in the details.]
Is Mara an illness you contract? Or something that's just innate to your people as you age?
[Deterioration makes him think of the more common diseases in the elderly - of joint and muscle and mind. What here was deteriorating?]
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Feeling the tense fingers within his own, he lightly squeezes them once more. ]
It is something like an innate illness, though others have compared it simply to aging. [ Jing Yuan has a different opinion, evidently. ] Either way, it makes it worse than an illness that can be simply 'contracted'. Once it occurs, most tend to undergo an entire bodily transformation at some point; though some may initially display a change in eye color for a time. But, even that minor alteration would give way towards an appearance no longer recognizable as one's original form.
Other symptoms of Mara can be signs of memory problems and abrupt, chaotic mood changes. Though, in general, the condition can be exacerbated by outside stressors.
[ Typically, soldiers succumb to Mara quicker than civilians. Jingliu, having been well over a millennia old at the time, is an outlier. ]
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...
And there truly is nothing to be done for it? No way to halt that transformation?
[He thinks he already knows the answer, but... he'd rather hear Jing Yuan's feelings right now.]
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...I doubt there is anything that can be done to stop it permanently.
Someone once taunted me about knowing a possible cure, but I am certain he only stated as much in a last-ditch attempt to gain leverage.
[ So, Jing Yuan will not say otherwise; indeed, as it stands, he doubts there is a cure at all. He is an optimistic man but he is also not one to give a false impression about a matter this dire. ]
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...Then it's an improbability only.
A very high improbability, perhaps. But if there's room for doubt, there's room for possibility in equal measure.
[A sliver of hope, illogical as it is. He holds it for Ibuki with all his might. Would he need to do so for Jing Yuan, too?
...
...
There's so much he could say. Antecdotes he could try to pull, or wisdom he could try to impress. But it's not a situation needing a teacher, nor an elder. It is a cruel reality, deserving of the trepidation it brings. So he holds the quiet, bringing his other hand against Jing Yuan's own to cup it tightly.
There is no condolences to be had for aging. But for the scars it left behind, the fears that were just as vibrant as a boy of ten or young man of eighteen, contained only out of necessity...
...
He exhales, a wet and shaking sound.]
Thank you. For telling me.
...
Could I show you something?
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Where others would scoff bitterly at the idea, he does not. There is a reason that he, not being the type of person anyone can consider anywhere near a "researcher" and more the type to be inclined towards simply the leading role he has been accustomed to for centuries now, has researched the topic thoroughly. ]
Perhaps there is.
[ Even as he says the words, they are spoken quietly for once, his voice holding a chord of emotion he would be too prideful to name. As if he is afraid to speak the words at all, and so when Solomon's other hand moves to join his, he feels his singular one caught between two hands now, he is glad for it.
But he doesn't miss the emotion caught in Solomon's voice or the sound of it either, which surprises him; not badly, though. If anything, it makes his gaze soften. As it is, he also doesn't know what to say to those two sentences, can only know he swallows a bit, smiles weakly, and instead he answers the question with a gentle tone: ]
...Yes. I would like to see it.
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...
Have you ever seen an aurora, Jing Yuan?
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One of which he has never seen before. But, he is arrested by its sight and appearance.
This...can it be...? But no. Certainly not...he can almost feel his head spinning, but he is trying to contain himself. ]
...It has been a long time since I have. I may have time to gaze upon the stars back home and I have certainly been various places on this planet, but it seems the happenstance hasn't occurred within my sight during our stay.
Why do you ask?
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When I was younger, I made myself a crystal ball. Not to see into the future, but to contain a memory that was important to me.
I found that even when I'd passed my first couple of centuries, there was only so much my mind could remember. And when I found a memory I though was too important to forget, I contained it with my magic so that I might prepare for the worst.
The crystal broke due to a friend's negligence in recent years, and I found myself unable to remember that important memory anymore. And at the time, there was nothing to be done for it. I couldnt mourn something I didn't remember, and I felt no ill will to my friend for the accident. So I went about my days, and let my dear friend try to make up the differenece to me another way. I asked him to make something I could hold as a different sort of memory, rather than one of the past, so maybe I could reshape my joy to the present.
It was while I was out in the fields of the far north of my own world looking for an addition to that project, with my apprentice at my side, that we caught the glimpse of an aurora very similar to the color of this stone. And I remembered what it was I'd been so desperate to save so long ago.
[It's silly. He'd been so committed to forgetting, and yet the emotions still felt so deeply intertwined the second things trickled back.]
I took to myself a lot when I was young. I wasn't welcome in many places due to my powers, so I explored and studied. I often found that time stopped mattering. Every day melded into the next, and it was easier to focus on my goals.
It was while I was in the snowy lands of a mountainside that I stood in the middle of an aurora. And it was enough to give me pause - to stop a dogged trek to my goals for a brief moment and recognize the present.
It was when I had the time to stop that I let myself feel tired. Lonely. And I realized that... it had been my birthday the whole day. Something I hadn't celebrated since long after gaining my immortality. So I spent it doing just that... laying in the snow watching the aurora until it faded. I didn't have to be a sorcerer or something powerful. I was just me.
[He flips the pendant gently over in his fingers, the cut of it colorful and polished on both ends. Given the magical energy coming from it, it's no small jump to assume this is his amulet.]
It is a reminder, to myself, that I still am human, and that a life is more than simply moving from goal to goal. Even if time deteriorates my recollection... then I will find new things to recall in their stead.
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But, all the same, despite all of that, these words describe something so simple as well in the complexity that intermingles with the cruel passage of time.
That at the core of it all, that no matter how many titles one is assigned, no matter how much power is bequeathed upon a singular individual, they are always at heart the person they always were before all of that. Isn't that right...? ]
...I see.
A reminder of one's humanity can make all the difference in the world. Instead of feeling lost, it can ground you deeply. To be an anchor to who you truly are in a world that assigns you a myriad titles.
Naturally, I also know how much this means to you, and hearing you say as much to me at all is an honor. I shall treasure this moment dearly...and have full faith that you will find new memories to cherish. Yet, be able to hold onto them as tightly as possible, as simply and verily yourself.
[ Jing Yuan wonders about the relief Solomon felt in that moment; where everything indeed took pause. But, also, he squeezes gently the hand in his own, unable to help it, though he would like to think for both of their sakes as well. ]
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He gently starts to laugh despite himself.]
Jing Yuan...
You're a kind soul. And I won't say you're wrong. But you know that story was for you, not for me. Right?
I don't tell it to receive your blessings, though I'll still enjoy them. I tell it because I want you to know how I understand, and hope it can give you some sort of comfort.
[It's only lightly scolding. This isn't a first offense, but not a grevious one.
With an overdramatic sigh, he plucks up the pouch at his cape, slowly untying it and rummaging through the fabric.]
Here. Perhaps this might suit you better, actually.
[Out from the pouch pulls another pendant - an orbital mix of rings and small colorful jewels set around a golden orb. Even without touching it, the jewelry radiates Solomon's magic.
He holds it out with a careful hand.]
For you.
Magical items were a specialty of mine back home. I didn't want you leaving empty handed.
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It probably should've, and for a moment, Solomon can see how sheepish and embarrassed he looks. He doesn't want to waste the man's efforts at all.
Because, well, he did certainly appreciate the story that was told to him; he remembers thinking in the midst of his own words and thoughts that he could relate to it, considering his own position. ]
...Ah. For what it's worth, I...
[ ...His words suddenly trail off at the offering, though. ]
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It's...something. Words are not exactly forthcoming right now as he reaches out, fingers gently touching at first the outer part of the pendant, as if he can't believe that this is real.
Even now, his mind automatically reels in disbelief, hands begin to actually tremble. He tries to say something. Anything.
Instead, he blinks simply, fingers finally taking a hold of it properly, into his hands. He can feel the energy, the power underneath. Solomon's undeniable magic ever more acutely with it closer.
Jing Yuan still is barely able to find the words. ]
This...this is...
[ Please give him a moment, he's holding it close to him now. ]
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[Show him what? Well. Solomon will guide Jing Yuan to hold the necklace up. Tap two fingers to the outer ring with your incantation, and push at it gently.
So long as Jing Yuan does so correctly, the pendant will whir to life - not by any mechanism, but simply through momentum alone. With it comes a feeling of deep protection - of a warm hand against his, a hug at his waist, a prideful space shared with his student, a place of respect with his mentor. An anchor. A comfort.]
...It will only be good for one strong hit. But should you or another need it, just push it into motion. My magic will protect you.
[With that said, his hand leaves the necklace to instead raise to rest against Jing Yuan's chin, tilting him purposefully, gently, to meet him in the eye.]
Please do not forget what your compassion does even as your time passes on, Jing Yuan. A simple movement from your hands sets many things in motion for so many, who act on each other. Let their care orbit you as you do for them. Let them be here to protect your heart so you may be just as human in your weakness.
Let yourself live for as long as you may, dear Jing Yuan, so that you may explore the stars with galaxies such as these, with people who would be blessed to have you in the pull of their lives, no matter how long it lasts. For the stars burn through the memories of so many millions of miles away, even after they have finished their light.
[There's a flicker of something complicated as he swallows, exhales.]
Allow yourself this, even in moments. Survive and treasure your today, so you may look forward to tomorrow. For today, you are still Jing Yuan.
And I hope among hopes you come home safely.
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Once again, he's momentarily struck speechless — Solomon reaching out, fingers softly stopping where they are, only to guide the angle of where his head rests. The touch feeling like nothing less than a balm, but somehow only increasing the significance of the moment.
Then, his words...there is a lot of them.
He remembers them well but categorizing how each and every single one, as well as the sentiments behind them, mean to Jing Yuan would take eons. ]
Solomon, thank you. My apologies if I am not the eloquent man right now you have come to know these few weeks, but I am at a loss at what to say.
Still, I...
[ His breath hitches, and for the first time a long while there is a wetness to his eyes; do not fear, though, these are happy tears. After carefully placing the necklace around his neck, fingers shaking, Jing Yuan then throws his arms suddenly around Solomon pulling him close to him. He needs this, he needs to hold him close, but it isn't enough.
Words truly seem inadequate to convey how much this means to him. Even if he might be ridiculed for it, he doesn't care. The last time anyone gave anything to him for protection and in a personal sense at all, it was Yingxing, which was centuries ago. Yingxing is no longer with him, and as the man he is today, he no longer cares for Jing Yuan the way he is. Jing Yuan does pull back, only slightly, so that their faces are close together, and though there are a million emotions running through him right now, Jing Yuan feels as if his mind is clear. His next words, emotional, are clear with a declaration that lacks no confidence, that rings true as his heart sings. ]
I will come home. I refuse to accept any other alternative.
I will live.
[ It's embarrassing how overcome with emotion he is, but he refuses to shy away. They have come far, they have had theirs ups and downs, but they have grown ever the more close. He is most certain of that, even if they still some ways to go; still he intends to become closer. ]
But before all of that...indulge in a kiss with me?
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But he's laughing quietly to himself as he returns the embrace, a hand stroking the small of Jing Yuan's back until the younger man decides to back up and meet him in the eye. A shroud of breath under the curtains of snow-white hair, that expression so emotional and so serious, a crack that flows just for him. Trusting and touched.
Despite the flare of amusement, Solomon's eyes soften, his smile easily reaching the corners despite its delicacy - an uncommon feat, for someone who smiles so often.]
That's all I needed to hear.
[Just keep safe. Know his intention. All else is just extra.
He lets the fingers at Jing Yuan's jaw trace up, index and middle finger brushing faintly against his bottom lip, before slipping down to brace loosely at his neck.]
Hah. You've asked so nicely this time, how could I say no?
[A beat, and his voice softens in turn, eyes lidding with a tired relief.]
...Thank you, for not making it a promise.
[It's all he says before Solomon takes the initiative to lean forward, a careful press of his lips against Jing Yuan's. Nothing fancy, nothing wanting, but a curious and thankful gesture of warmth and sensitivity, free of the unknowns of inexperience, instead pliantly asking for response.]
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He feels the sensation of that finger running along his jaw, against his bottom lip, the sensation so light that it is nothing less than feather-like. But he thinks, most of all, he hears the response that outlines itself in his head. The gentle voice and weary yet glad relief that shows in Solomon's reaction a comfort, and also something that further draws him in.
Though Solomon might seem a reflection of amusement at the question that came before it. And he does have enough time to say: ]
...Of course.
[ Since Solomon responded in the affirmation, Jing Yuan has no problem with the other man pressing his lips lightly against his first. He cannot guess the emotions behind it, but the consideration behind its gentleness does not go unnoticed — as for Jing Yuan, he shifts, and he eagerly returns the kiss. When he presses back against Solomon's lips, it is passionate, emotional, and a deluge of all that emotions he feels — and for Solomon — all in one go. It is an expression of intimate affection that seeks not to conquer, but to envelope the dear man within it, to show how much he means to him.
Such that the sensuality also cannot be denied, as if upon finally being unleashed after so much time elapsed in one's search for what they wished. His hands loosely still around Solomon's waist, pull him closer, to intermingle him a bit deeper. There is no hesitation, no lacking in proceeding forward, or sense of uncomfortable emotion; if anything, he may only be seeking next to have the kiss deepened next. Indeed, the intensity of Jing Yuan's feelings and his certainty in them can never hope to be denied as he holds Solomon close. ]
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