Well, yeah? I don't think I've been great at getting how I feel across a lot of the time and not just with Akira. It's like all I do is cause problems when I try lately. Like with Khun and now Ithaqua is upset with Urianger because of me and how I pushed all my worries onto everyone else when I spoke about my visions and...
Geez, I don't know. I'm sure there's more that I don't even realize.
[ That earns a momentary look of surprise from Bruno. It's quickly followed by a weak, sad kind of laugh, though. ]
It takes years of experience to get this good at that. [ Too many years. ] I was hoping I was getting better about it but it feels like I've gone backward, huh?
You should really work on that one, y'know? Sounds a little dangerous.
[ Thankfully, Solomon survived that, meaning it feels fine to joke about it now. ]
I just wish I could see the progress you see. You, Ahito, Urianger... and... Akira, too, I guess... [ Maybe? ] I'll. I'll try and talk to him. I'm pretty sure we'll hit the same problem, though. I don't want to use magic that's, well, violent, but if there's a fight coming, that's what everyone is going to want me to do...
Are you saying that because it's true, or because that's what Akira just tried to drive into your skull? Because that is not what I saw at that meeting.
Well, okay, Ahito isn't but... I mean... isn't it a given? I have to do more than stand by and wait for someone to get hurt. I. I mean, I don't want to stand by and wait for that, too.
[ On top of that, there's also, ]
And I don't want people to think they need to always protect me. What if something happens where they need to choose between me and themselves...? Or to do something important but they can't, because I'm in trouble? No one really got that when I said I didn't want to be a burden.
[To be a supportive role takes about as much confidence as an offensive role, in his opinion. Knowing what you're providing, knowing your place in the puzzle... it's still important.]
Well, first... do you want to trust them to choose what's more important in the moment? Sometimes that might very well be you, and that may not be something you can change.
Can you trust them with their own judgement in the moment?
[ That's a difficult question. Can he trust their judgment? Can he trust he won't freak out when they do decide he's what's important to protect? ]
I... don't know. What if what we think is important at that moment is different? I mean, Urianger was stable. Khun. He decided not to heal him because of that... and I disagreed... Was what I did even sensible? Taking the matches back like that?
Don't overthink it. We don't know a lot of the factors, or what sort of time they had to work with. Let's focus on what we know.
Did you trust Khun to make the right decision when you gave him those matches? Did you think he didnt make the right decision when you saw Urianger, and did you just make what you thought was the best decision at the time?
I wanted to but... I'm not stupid. I knew there was a chance he wouldn't care to use them. I trusted him anyway.
[ It was a calculated risk and, apparently, Bruno is bad at math. ]
When the Western wizards got back and I saw how Urianger was, I was just so angry about it. I had put so much work into those matches to avoid anyone having to come back hurt and it still happened. When I took them back, I dunno, it was a snap decision.
It is your magic, and a powerful amount of it. It's okay to want that in the right hands if you think someone was too stingy.
[He folds his hands loosely.]
Would you want him holding off like that again, were he to get a second chance? Or do you think you would be more comfortable with someone who would use it more freely?
I'm not asking what would be the right or wrong decision here, Bruno. I'm asking what you want done with your magic.
[ What he wants done with his magic, no right or wrong decision? ]
I want it to be used freely. [ Bruno doesn't even have to think hard about that one. That's what he wants. He knows it. ] I don't want people holding onto them when someone is hurt just because of some what if that might never happen.
[ you know, like how you save all your potions in a video game, just in case, but then you end up with 300 of them at the end ]
[It's not a surprise to him. Bruno isn't a selfish person in the slightest. He's just a bit of a coward.]
If you want to work things out with Khun and express what's important to you, you need to give him that ultimatum and let him decide how to answer. A dialogue first, action second.
Otherwise... I'm sure there are others who will gladly respect your wishes. At bare minimum, Bruno, you deserve to expect that.
Nnno. I. Well, maybe? I don't know? I've... sort of been doing all the avoiding for him.
[ It's a little embarrassing to admit and he's back to looking away and fidgeting with his ruana, trying to sink far enough back into the chair that maybe, just maybe, he'll disappear. ]
Which, I know, I shouldn't be. I'm supposed to be the adult here and I'm not really acting like it.
[Like yeah, it's a bad habit, but also he gets it. Sometimes running away is its own problem fixer by tanking your problems so hard they become black holes.]
It's not like I was any better a couple of weeks ago, Bruno. I'm in no place to judge.
What are you afraid will happen, if you speak to him again?
That he won't want anything to do with me? That we won't understand each other? That our magic won't work anymore because of our differences? I mean, you know me, I'm going to be afraid of every little possible thing.
Bruno, he stood up to me directly because of you. He's done so a couple times now, in fact. Regardless of where you might be at, he's not going to drop that relationship he's built just because of one day of bittered feelings between you both.
If anything, I have to wonder if he feels guilty. He may not want to put the pressure on you, and fears to confide in you, because he wants you to see him as someone strong.
Mm. Well, you saw how he was in the jail. When he feels very strongly about something, he doesn't try to hide it. It's nothing to do with whether you could confront me on your own, even though we both know you're more than capable.
[They're adults, and can speak to each other like adults. Usually. Don't look at Solomon.]
...You said Urianger and Ithaqua's disagreement was bothering you as well?
I mean, does he know that? It's not like I've told him about punching you or tracking you or any of that...
[ Plus if Akira had let him deal with it on his own, there definitely would have been less beating up of a tired old man out there. Oh well. ]
Mm, yeah, that was... I don't want to make things tough for Urianger, y'know? But I think he feels the need to protect me, too, but it's not like Ithaqua shouldn't be unhappy with what I saw. We put in all that work and for what? We still have to do the fighting in the end.
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Geez, I don't know. I'm sure there's more that I don't even realize.
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You're really very good at spinning it to somehow be your fault. I'd be impressed in any other situation.
[Jokes aside:]
You spoke out to Khun out of honesty and care. You expressed your visions out of the same. It's natural to be worried and frustrated.
But others' reactions, good or bad, are not "causing a problem".
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It takes years of experience to get this good at that. [ Too many years. ] I was hoping I was getting better about it but it feels like I've gone backward, huh?
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[Little things, y'know.]
You are making progress, though, Bruno. Noticably. A step or two backward due to conflict doesn't magically negate that.
Think of it as an opportunity to challenge yourself.
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[ Thankfully, Solomon survived that, meaning it feels fine to joke about it now. ]
I just wish I could see the progress you see. You, Ahito, Urianger... and... Akira, too, I guess... [ Maybe? ] I'll. I'll try and talk to him. I'm pretty sure we'll hit the same problem, though. I don't want to use magic that's, well, violent, but if there's a fight coming, that's what everyone is going to want me to do...
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[Doubt!]
Are you saying that because it's true, or because that's what Akira just tried to drive into your skull? Because that is not what I saw at that meeting.
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[ On top of that, there's also, ]
And I don't want people to think they need to always protect me. What if something happens where they need to choose between me and themselves...? Or to do something important but they can't, because I'm in trouble? No one really got that when I said I didn't want to be a burden.
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[To be a supportive role takes about as much confidence as an offensive role, in his opinion. Knowing what you're providing, knowing your place in the puzzle... it's still important.]
Well, first... do you want to trust them to choose what's more important in the moment? Sometimes that might very well be you, and that may not be something you can change.
Can you trust them with their own judgement in the moment?
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I... don't know. What if what we think is important at that moment is different? I mean, Urianger was stable. Khun. He decided not to heal him because of that... and I disagreed... Was what I did even sensible? Taking the matches back like that?
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Did you trust Khun to make the right decision when you gave him those matches? Did you think he didnt make the right decision when you saw Urianger, and did you just make what you thought was the best decision at the time?
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[ It was a calculated risk and, apparently, Bruno is bad at math. ]
When the Western wizards got back and I saw how Urianger was, I was just so angry about it. I had put so much work into those matches to avoid anyone having to come back hurt and it still happened. When I took them back, I dunno, it was a snap decision.
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[He folds his hands loosely.]
Would you want him holding off like that again, were he to get a second chance? Or do you think you would be more comfortable with someone who would use it more freely?
I'm not asking what would be the right or wrong decision here, Bruno. I'm asking what you want done with your magic.
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I want it to be used freely. [ Bruno doesn't even have to think hard about that one. That's what he wants. He knows it. ] I don't want people holding onto them when someone is hurt just because of some what if that might never happen.
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you know, like how you save all your potions in a video game, just in case, but then you end up with 300 of them at the end]no subject
[It's not a surprise to him. Bruno isn't a selfish person in the slightest. He's just a bit of a coward.]
If you want to work things out with Khun and express what's important to you, you need to give him that ultimatum and let him decide how to answer. A dialogue first, action second.
Otherwise... I'm sure there are others who will gladly respect your wishes. At bare minimum, Bruno, you deserve to expect that.
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He nods, before shifting back into his chair with a sigh.]
Akira's a different story, but not exactly a different approach. He's a pretty intense kid, isn't he?
Has he been avoiding you at all? [God knows he was avoiding Solomon as hard as possible when he felt guilty and upset!]
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[ It's a little embarrassing to admit and he's back to looking away and fidgeting with his ruana, trying to sink far enough back into the chair that maybe, just maybe, he'll disappear. ]
Which, I know, I shouldn't be. I'm supposed to be the adult here and I'm not really acting like it.
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[Like yeah, it's a bad habit, but also he gets it. Sometimes running away is its own problem fixer by tanking your problems so hard they become black holes.]
It's not like I was any better a couple of weeks ago, Bruno. I'm in no place to judge.
What are you afraid will happen, if you speak to him again?
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[Please, girl.]
Bruno, he stood up to me directly because of you. He's done so a couple times now, in fact. Regardless of where you might be at, he's not going to drop that relationship he's built just because of one day of bittered feelings between you both.
If anything, I have to wonder if he feels guilty. He may not want to put the pressure on you, and fears to confide in you, because he wants you to see him as someone strong.
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[ Wait, back up a second there. Bruno blinks, surprised. ]
W-wait, what do you mean he stood up to you because of me? Why?
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[There is only maybe one other person here he thinks Akira may care more about than Bruno and it's the dude he dropped multiple promises on.]
You should probably ask him yourself, though. I don't want to guess any further on his reasoning.
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[ Solomon is just That Guy. ]
But I guess Akira wouldn't know that... hm. I. I guess I'll have to ask, then.
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[They're adults, and can speak to each other like adults. Usually. Don't look at Solomon.]
...You said Urianger and Ithaqua's disagreement was bothering you as well?
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[ Plus if Akira had let him deal with it on his own, there definitely would have been less beating up of a tired old man out there. Oh well. ]
Mm, yeah, that was... I don't want to make things tough for Urianger, y'know? But I think he feels the need to protect me, too, but it's not like Ithaqua shouldn't be unhappy with what I saw. We put in all that work and for what? We still have to do the fighting in the end.
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