[ Maybe he’s put Mika on a pedestal, too - but it feels more like Mika is a fixed point where he’s built the shape of his future around, and gladly reshaped his hopes and dreams to fit. And everything had been easy, so easy, because loving Mika is the easiest thing in this world, his world, any world. Some days breathing is harder than that. ]
Forever, and whatever we end up as - we’ll be happy. I’m sure.
[ He hadn’t questioned it as a child until the other children poked where it hurt, for something he couldn’t change. But he hadn’t questioned - he hadn’t asked if something like him could make Rum happy, if he deserved to be by Rum’s side. Deserving wasn’t a question; he didn’t know it once.
If they can’t come to like themselves, they’ll at least have a better understanding of why - why they’re loved anyway, why it’s okay, why doubt lacks a physical form to compete with the warmth of each other. And maybe then, doubt can question things less because they’ll be used to warmth and a mutual love that’ll grow and grow until it overwhelms all else.
And…
Ginger thinks if he can’t like himself, he can like the way he makes Mika happy. The way he loves him, even if it is utterly selfish - but that encourages Mika to be a little selfish, too. And he… definitely… likes that. So: ]
Yes. Yes. Yes. [ He breathes it into the next kiss, his hunger for Mika reawakened on this one selfish idea. ]
Hey, Mika… Want to do something a little… naughty? [ He pushes up from the pillows, straightens his back. His eyes invite, implore Mika to watch him and only him. ] Let’s make love - right here - with the windows open, so the spirits can hear how much we love each other.
[ So the next time he casts a spell on Mika, there’s no chance it’ll slide away. ]
And then after - [ When he’s still in Mika, when they’ve come down somewhat from the high of pleasure; when it would be utterly silly for Mika to think Ginger could possibly look at him with anything but love for hearing all the bad bits - when they’re still one being - Can Mika glimpse these images? ] - share more of your past with me?
( Can he be happy? Can they? Some greater part of him still wonders— but, when Ginger says it, he feels that much more sure. Mika has always been someone so easily colored by his company. And maybe they're both troubled because they both look to each other for steady, and neither of them are; they're too alike, they're fumbling, but these things - they can understand, and find comfort in, once they recognize their mirror.
He feels his chest boil with the familiar sensation of Ginger's heat, his love, in the echo of his hungry answer, and this is a warmth that lingers in him, thrilled - how badly Ginger wants to be bound to him, because Mika wants this, too. So firmly interwoven - like thread - they can't be detangled again.
So please don't go back for Rum, or your friends, or your parents— (but, if you do, please take me with you, and please choose me, even then).
His gaze follows Ginger up, fixed longingly on him for even the few centimetres of distance between them. He doesn't expect - what he suggests next with such boyish excitement; it's something that draws a deep flush to his cheeks, the scandal of it more than what he'd have ever imagined on his own. The memory of the inn - all of it - comes rushing back to him in tandem, and that does not help how the heat in his chest refracts with the heat radiating off his cheeks - not one bit.
But Ginger wants to be closer. He wants to know him and his past - ugly a sight as Mika is - and he wants to declare him and Mika as a set to everything there is, and embarrassing as that is, as if the strongest sort of PDA (to the spirits?) there is, it... appeals to him, so wrapped up in the moment, so consumed by how terribly he loves Ginger. )
... Yeah.
( He reaches... and takes Ginger's hand gently, and he places it against his own cheek, mouthing the palm - his teeth running light along the palm, his lips working up along the underside of Ginger's fingers. )
... All of me is yours, from my past to my heart, and... I want... them to know that you're mine, too.
( Would that they could carve into the flesh of this world that he is Ginger's, and Ginger is his, and - to not let anything come between them. (Please, please, please.) )
... I'll tell you everything, so please... love me.
( He kisses his fingers, his lips lingering there, wet, in invitation. And the way he says it, he means make love to me, too. )
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Forever, and whatever we end up as - we’ll be happy. I’m sure.
[ He hadn’t questioned it as a child until the other children poked where it hurt, for something he couldn’t change. But he hadn’t questioned - he hadn’t asked if something like him could make Rum happy, if he deserved to be by Rum’s side. Deserving wasn’t a question; he didn’t know it once.
If they can’t come to like themselves, they’ll at least have a better understanding of why - why they’re loved anyway, why it’s okay, why doubt lacks a physical form to compete with the warmth of each other. And maybe then, doubt can question things less because they’ll be used to warmth and a mutual love that’ll grow and grow until it overwhelms all else.
And…
Ginger thinks if he can’t like himself, he can like the way he makes Mika happy. The way he loves him, even if it is utterly selfish - but that encourages Mika to be a little selfish, too. And he… definitely… likes that. So: ]
Yes. Yes. Yes. [ He breathes it into the next kiss, his hunger for Mika reawakened on this one selfish idea. ]
Hey, Mika… Want to do something a little… naughty? [ He pushes up from the pillows, straightens his back. His eyes invite, implore Mika to watch him and only him. ] Let’s make love - right here - with the windows open, so the spirits can hear how much we love each other.
[ So the next time he casts a spell on Mika, there’s no chance it’ll slide away. ]
And then after - [ When he’s still in Mika, when they’ve come down somewhat from the high of pleasure; when it would be utterly silly for Mika to think Ginger could possibly look at him with anything but love for hearing all the bad bits - when they’re still one being - Can Mika glimpse these images? ] - share more of your past with me?
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He feels his chest boil with the familiar sensation of Ginger's heat, his love, in the echo of his hungry answer, and this is a warmth that lingers in him, thrilled - how badly Ginger wants to be bound to him, because Mika wants this, too. So firmly interwoven - like thread - they can't be detangled again.
So please don't go back for Rum, or your friends, or your parents— (but, if you do, please take me with you, and please choose me, even then).
His gaze follows Ginger up, fixed longingly on him for even the few centimetres of distance between them. He doesn't expect - what he suggests next with such boyish excitement; it's something that draws a deep flush to his cheeks, the scandal of it more than what he'd have ever imagined on his own. The memory of the inn - all of it - comes rushing back to him in tandem, and that does not help how the heat in his chest refracts with the heat radiating off his cheeks - not one bit.
But Ginger wants to be closer. He wants to know him and his past - ugly a sight as Mika is - and he wants to declare him and Mika as a set to everything there is, and embarrassing as that is, as if the strongest sort of PDA (to the spirits?) there is, it... appeals to him, so wrapped up in the moment, so consumed by how terribly he loves Ginger. )
... Yeah.
( He reaches... and takes Ginger's hand gently, and he places it against his own cheek, mouthing the palm - his teeth running light along the palm, his lips working up along the underside of Ginger's fingers. )
... All of me is yours, from my past to my heart, and... I want... them to know that you're mine, too.
( Would that they could carve into the flesh of this world that he is Ginger's, and Ginger is his, and - to not let anything come between them. (Please, please, please.) )
... I'll tell you everything, so please... love me.
( He kisses his fingers, his lips lingering there, wet, in invitation. And the way he says it, he means make love to me, too. )