[ He pouts his lips and thinks of all the places they've been... It's practically been around the world, hasn't it? Of all the wonderful and beautiful places there's been, there's only one where Tatara stole Aguero's heart?
That's not fair...because Aguero stole it in every place they've gone together. ]
The...baths?
[ how scandalous— and also extremely arrogant of tatara, ]
[ how scandalous, how bold—aguero bursts out laughing louder than before, clarion, in the otherwise relatively peaceful sky. ]
I didn't specify the first place, did I? Boyfriend dearest. [ arrogant it might be, but his boyfriend is right, and aguero is tickled by the callout. and while he's usually not one for pet names, there's a sharpness with the sweetness that makes it entirely his own.
tatara will taste it because he's turning to take a kiss for the wrong (and right) answer. it's fine, they can't crash into anything in the sky. he savors it, evidently a little greedy (there's definitely some nibbling involved) and then pulls back when he's had his fill. ]
I'd say guess again, but we're here. [ the wooded meadow of their very first date, where the sun shines just right in the afternoon and where the flowers always seem to be in full bloom.
curiously, he doesn't drop his lighthouse down to the grass, but somewhere around tree canopy level, certainly too high to jump down comfortably. ]
[ It doesn't matter whether he really knows the reason why Aguero is laughing in the first place, because it just draws out a bright laugh of his own. Tatara loves that sound, not only because it brings joy to his chest. He holds him tighter, he kisses him back.
He'll manage to draw his enamored gaze away from Aguero's eyes when he says they're here. For a moment, he takes in the sunny patch of grass from up top, smiles, then grins up at him again. ]
Our first date. [ That makes a little more sense. He thinks back on the way Aguero kissed him in the sunset and he feels the butterflies in his stomach all over again. ] It feels like I haven't been here in ages... It looks so different from up here.
[ There's been no time for naps all the way out here, really. But once the nostalgia washes over him, he peers up curiously at Aguero again. ]
We're doing it differently this time, but if you want to go completely down to the meadow we'll do that later. [ that's not really an explanation, but aguero doesn't think he needs one when he can just do this instead-
he turns for one more kiss and then untangles one of his arms, threading their fingers together with the other, and then with no warning, starts leading them down. not to the meadow but down through the stairs on the top of his lighthouse which popped into being at some point (it was definitely during the kiss).
it's almost a little funhouse-esque because as they descend the space seems to get bigger, until it's easily the size of his room back at the manor and maybe even a bit larger. it's all very blue, the same blue that tatara is so familiar with, the walls lined with screens that sit above thin terminals with sleek keyboards. nothing's powered on unfortunately in this land without shinsu or electricity, but it probably still looks at least a bit cool and very high tech. the expanse of this space obscures the rest of where they are, the quiet meadow and sunlight somewhere beyond all the blue.
smaller cubes, somewhat transparent float in the air and a single seat with a high back lies directly in the middle, a futuristic throne. ]
[ So they're not going down to the meadow? He tilts his head, wondering what else it is that Aguero might have in mind. He's appropriately distracted by the kiss, so when they start going down, he's thoroughly shocked.
His jaw hangs slack as they descend, taking in the futuristic sights he honestly thought he'd never see again. Is this what he's been working on with his magic, getting this back up and running again? He's honestly impressed. He remembers it spinning, that first time they kissed, and taking a ride on it when they were out East. And now this is the first time he gets to go inside... Right back at the beginning, too.
He takes in the blue in awe and stands still when they reach the bottom, eyes darting back and forth among all the blank screens and terminals and chair. ]
Well it's basically a part of me and I'm pretty blue. Most of the time. [ said almost sheepishly, but he covers up his still settling feelings on that with another quick kiss. mostly he just wanted to feel what that surprise was like. ]
In the Tower I can use my lighthouse for reconnaissance, research, planning, to name a few things. With no network though, I'm pretty limited, but I still wanted to reclaim this space for myself. No one can get in here without my permission and because a lightbearer's lighthouse is the core for all their abilities, letting someone in is a fool's gambit at best.
[ Tatara's all grins, because a part of him wonders if he was supposed to find Aguero after all. Reasons and justifications float around in his head and it all makes sense, and he scarcely blinks when he gets that kiss. It just tugs his lips wider. All to say, he likes that he's blue.
As Aguero talks, he'll start roaming the lighthouse, if his boyfriend lets him roam. And though he doesn't touch anything, he does curiously stick his face close to some things. ]
Ooh.
[ It is very private... And when he considers that, he turns to Aguero and sticks his face in close to his, too. ]
No. I'm your boyfriend. [ Among other things, but he's pretty sure Aguero didn't bring him here because he's the sage. ] Still, you never fail to make me feel special. It's like... [ Still with a bright smile on his lips, he taps Aguero's chest. ] You letting me into your heart, right?
[ he's allowed to roam! unfortunately most of the cool things he could show off require electricity but the futuristic vibes are on point. though, there is a smaller blue cube that spins and opens when tatara gets close to reveal a secret snack stash. heheh.
aguero answers that smile like he always does, a soft sigh escaping his lips when he's poked. his boyfriend is right of course, but there's something about stating it so plainly that makes his heart flutter like it did on the grass all those weeks ago. ]
You said you wanted my heart, so that's one of the ways I can give it to you. But that's not the only way I want to do that today.
[ It's hard to believe it's only been weeks. Tatara feels like he's been holding Aguero's hand ever since he took it in the baths. Has that not been forever? ]
It isn't? [ He tilts his head, a knowing smile crossing his lips. ] I can't imagine how you can give me any more of yourself than you already have.
[ There's a pause, a blink, and he remembers what Aguero said right after Tatara came back from the north. ]
It is. [ he's thought about how he's wanted to do this, but ultimately he's been letting the selfish side of him win over everything when it comes to them. as selfish as he can manage with tatara anyway.
aguero leads them over to the chair and then sits down, gesturing for tatara to sit on his lap. ]
I've never needed another chair before, but I knew you wouldn't mind. [ it's not like they haven't been having fun with different positions elsewhere. ]
[ Ooh... A little buzz of excitement flutters in his chest, and a smile slowly beams over his face.
Most importantly, though, he definitely doesn't mind sharing a chair. ]
Not at all.
[ Aguero knows him so well!
Tatara clambers into the chair and Aguero—he presses a leg to either side of him and settles into his lap, straddling him. He offers a cheeky little grin and lets his hands rest on his shoulders. ]
[ oh, this wasn't exactly the response he was expecting but in a good way. that happens a lot between them and at this point, aguero doesn't think he'll ever grow tired of it. he returns the grin with a broad smile, suppressing the urge to hold tatara tight or kiss him just this once. instead he lifts a finger to brush his boyfriend's cheek affectionately, blue meeting coral.
his heart flutters, not out of nerves, even though he does feel a little dizzy. they've shared a lot, but this is bearing his heart in multiple ways all against his instincts—should it feel exhilarating? he'd question himself, but he stopped doing that a while ago now it feels like. ]
Whatever you want, I want to give it to you. No matter what it is, I'll figure out a way. And you said you wanted my heart in your hands, so—
[ in between them a purple velvet box pops into existence, floating like a dandelion puff caught in the gentle winds of spring. he takes it in his hands, opening it to reveal a glittering ring. gold, set with bicolored blue and red(?) sapphires that glint bold in their colors, like fireworks in the night sky. ]
This ring has sapphires that transition in color. Their natural blue, like me, for obvious reasons. And red, also for me. My heart, my blood, is red and that's what I've infused into these gems, into this ring.
I want you to have this, a literal piece of me. For when I can't be with you but also because I always want to hold you.
[ Tatara's smile softens, and he tilts his head into Aguero's touch. For all his supposed sharp edges, all he's ever shown Tatara is warmth and softness, hasn't he?
There's an anticipation in the air as he waits, and the longer Aguero puts it off the stronger it grows. His hands slowly slip from his shoulders and down his chest. He wonders if he can feel Aguero's heart beating as hard as his own.
He blinks in surprise when the box poofs into existence before him, and his lips part in awe as the lid opens. The ring shines brightly in all its blues and reds and golds in his eyes, like his own personal fireworks show, and he simply can't tear his eyes away. ]
Aguero, it's beautiful... [ He breathes his name with awe, but not as loud as he can normally muster. His heart and lungs are too busy pumping blood to his face to paint his cheeks a beautiful crimson.
Slowly, he draws his eyes up from the ring, to settle on the color of eternity.
Whatever he wants, hm? ]
I want you, always. I want this ring, but only when I can't hold you myself, and I think I'll always want to be where I can hold you.
[ His eyes soften, because he comes down from the high of his love and remembers the little time he has left, his end ticking ever nearer. And it's as he stares at the beautiful mix of sapphire and blood that he realizes he's found his answer.
His heart pounds in his throat. He lifts his hands to hold them before Aguero, a sign of his acceptance of the ring. He can put it in his palms, or on any of his fingers. ]
No matter what happens...I want to be with you, forever, Aguero. The more I think about it...the less I can imagine a life or a world without you.
[ Much like his king, though Aguero was never a replacement for his king. He's so deeply, torridly, hopelessly in love that Aguero has become the air he breathes. ]
[ Khun Aguero Agnis stares dumbstruck at what he's just seen, at what he's just heard. For a moment or two he even wonders if he's heard correctly, heard forever in the entirety of it's meaning and not just impassioned whispers and lovestruck fantasies. But he sees it in the warm coral reflected in his blue, hears it in his voice and the outstretched hands before him. This isn't fantasy at all, but somehow reality.
He had hoped of course, that Tatara would like the ring, that it would give him some comfort and yes that he would see it as an offering of his love because that's exactly what it is. Weeks ago when the idea first popped into his head, before they had begun dating, he had the thought to give Tatara a ring enchanted for his protection. But then he had gotten swept away in the bright lights of the fireworks they create together, and by the time he thought of the idea again, he knew that giving his boyfriend a ring would have to be special. And maybe he was a bit uneasy about offering something that had such a distinct romantic message, especially after their talk on the couch. But then after the way they had fallen together post Northern mission, he had realized that it was something he wanted to do regardless. For Tatara yes, but also for himself—it felt right.
So he had hoped to see that vivid red again, the red that reminds him of a secluded grassy field at dusk and the first night they had made love laced with sugar. But that's all he had hoped for, because hope simply isn't something he really does. It's not part of him in the same way that he's spent all of his life searching for that missing part of himself: a reason to struggle and actually live. Ironically, he had understood Tatara's answer more that night than he ever let on because he was exactly the same. Indifferent to what happened in his life, to himself, until Maria came along. And it hurt, both because he really couldn't fault Tatara for it but also because he believed (now more than ever) that he deserves to live, to shine.
It wasn't the time to talk about it then he had decided, but it's always been in the back of his mind. He knows their time is coming up (he was in some way awfully amused when everyone else seemed to realize recently what's been on his shoulders for weeks). Every now and then the thought would get itchy and he'd push it to the side: not yet, not yet, not yet. He'd know the time when it came and this he had resolved to himself except—he really had no idea at all, did he?
Just like when they first met at the bath, when they shared their first kiss over coffee, and even that night on the couch when Tatara had asked him to stay when he was already justifying to himself that he wasn't needed. Tatara always surprises him in the best of ways, always shows him a light and brightness he can't even imagine, let alone entertain the thought that it's real.
And he'll never, ever, forget that Tatara reached out first. ]
Tatara you— [ The awe gives way to the fire inside of his eyes, realization spreading across like lightning down his skin, bones, nerves and to his heart. He grins, eyes a vivid azure that kowtows to nothing except coral. ]
You did it again. How does it feel to completely steal my heart a second time? I won't be able to separate from you now, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when.
—but that's what we both want. [ Aguero takes Tatara's left hand, sliding the jeweled band onto his ring finger. ]
With you I feel, I know I'll be able to climb to the top of the Tower, beyond that, into the clouds and the stars. That's what forever is, it makes the impossible, possible.
I can't wait.
[ Said again, much the same and entirely different than the night he thought it had slipped through his fingers. Ahh, he's positively giddy, the edges of his blue thrumming with purple. ]
[ It is what he wants. It's all that he wants, and when Tatara returned from the North with the rest of the Northern wizards, spooked, that's when he realized that was all he wanted. The thought of losing Aguero, somehow, in any capacity, hurt too much to think about. And that might have been the first time in his life he had felt attachment so real that it pained him. He watches the ring slip onto his finger, the cool metal slowly warming to his skin, and it feels right. That's where it belongs, just in the way he and Aguero belong to each other.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows what it means, that this is essentially an engagement, a marriage, of sorts. When he was certain his life would be ending about now, only a few months ago, this feels like the right way things should go. But now he knows there's a chance he'll actually have a life to spend with another. And at the thought, he feels his chest ache, his cheeks burn, and his eyes prick with tears.
Tatara lifts his gaze to see violet encroaching on azure and it steals his breath away. He knows that color. He doesn't know the full context of the color, so he assumes it's for him. That's his red, changing Aguero the same way his blue changed Tatara for good, the ring on his finger making the mixing of their colors in him permanent.
Slowly, a smile crosses his lips. It's bittersweet, he does not realize, because he's so overwhelmed with emotions. ]
Me neither.
[ His fingers entangle with Aguero's as he leans in closer, getting a closer look at his red in his eyes. They are beautiful together, he thinks. ]
I want to walk with you every step of the way. I want to be there when you reach the top and see the stars and claim the heavens as your own. Whatever you want to do, I want to help you get there.
[ It's weird, thinking of the future in a concrete way like this, even if it is still draped in metaphors and stardust. ]
For as long as I live. I'm yours.
[ And now, he hopes his life lasts long enough to spend many, many years with Aguero. ]
[ Even though the blood in his veins is electric, he doesn't miss the beginning glimmer of tears, or the bitter note on those lips he loves to eat so much. Usually he might hesitate, at least internally, with what he should do in a situation like this--he really isn't good at offering comfort. But with his mind and thoughts ablaze he has no doubts at all. ]
Tatara. [ He closes the distance, not for a kiss, but until their foreheads touch; a mirror of their positioning in the kitchen that first day he tasted what he would come to want forever. Still their lips brush like this, his own just as warm as the now bright violet of his eyes. ]
Whatever needs to happen, I'll figure it all out. I'll make it happen, here and when you come back with me to the Tower. I'll protect you always, I'll do anything for you always, because now that you've given me permission, given me all of you, you're part of me. The part I was looking for all along.
So you'll be with me as long as I live. [ ...which naturally, will be a long time. unnaturally? Only the future knows that answer. ]
[ He's so warm. Tatara absorbs the warmth from his eyes and his forehead and it burns in his chest, behind his eyes. The tears don't spill, not even when he blinks, but it's there, as is the lump in his throat, and he doesn't even know why he's reacting like this. He isn't sad—not really. There's a slight prospect he might not actually make it, but it isn't that. He's not worried. But it isn't joy? It's a bit different from that.
A quiet laugh spills from his lips, and his flushed cheeks lift. Whatever he holds of Aguero he holds it tighter, because all he wants is to absorb him into himself and keep him with him forever.
Tatara sighs. And unable to really contain himself, he leans to gently brush his lips against Aguero's—not wanting, or needy, but cherishing. To cement their bond with one another. ]
I love you too, Aguero. [ Never in his mind did he doubt his own feelings. When Aguero declared war on the cosmos back on the couch in his room, he felt it then, and he knew his answer came with a too. Always, always. ]
And I want to thank you for showing me I could love you into forever. That maybe it is okay to fight the rules of every world so that we can stay together.
[ He'd close his eyes, but he can't tear his away from the violet. It's beautiful, their forever. ]
I wouldn't be here without you.
[ He whispers this, because admitting that feels like it will make him cry. ]
[ Ahh, some part of him almost feels guilty. But he's not going to apologize, not when they had said no more sorrys or maybes in the future. Still, he wants to do what he can. Aguero can't understand everything Tatara is feeling but he knows that he's asked for a lot. The desire to live, actually live is heavy, and it's this that makes him separate one of their hands (not the one with the ring) so that he can hold him more properly.
His thoughts are still lightning, but the touch of their lips has brushed a smile on his own. ]
Of course it is. Anyone that tried to tell us otherwise would be wrong. [ A squeeze of their joined hands, the gold warming between them both. ]
And I wouldn't be whole without you. You give me hope, so the fact that I was able to give some back to you...I don't have a word for how that makes me feel. [ But it's undoubtedly, a good one. ]
It's okay. [ To cry or do anything else. ] I need you too.
[ What a weight off his chest to finally admit that to anyone for the first time in his life. ]
[ Tatara leans into the hold, gently at first, but then fully presses himself into Aguero. He wishes there was a way for them to be closer (well, there is—) and his heart genuinely aches with love and affection. He squeezes his hand tight, wishing he could hold it tighter. The ring on his finger feels foreign now, but he's sure that it'll be a part of him before he knows it.
He breathes a quiet laugh into Aguero's skin, and the word settles warm in his chest. ]
Is this hope? [ There's joy in his voice, despite the weight on him. ] If it is...I don't think I've ever felt it before. But...it's a gift from you, and I'm going to cherish it.
[ This hope, the desire to live, being needed—it's all so weighty, and his heart hurts, but it's not something he would give up for the world. Weird, how being attached feels.
He draws himself upright, a bright, but sheepish smile on his face. He wipes at his eyes, rubbing away the tears before he can make a mess of himself. ]
I'm here. Whatever you need from me, I'll give it to you. I just... [ There's almost a laugh in there. ] I don't know what to do with myself. I think I'm going to explode.
[ he laughs a little, breathy as he continues to follow his impulses and thoughts like lightning cuts through the sky. they can be closer, and just like that the chair they're on shifts to a chaise, blue and plush and velvet. like this he's laid down entirely on his back, his boyfriend fully on top, straddling him.
this is his lighthouse and he makes the rules after all. ]
If you explode, I'll just gather you up in my hands until you're whole again.
[ he doesn't need to say no exploding now that he believes the impossible is possible. if there are any errant tears left, he'll take them with his fingers and press them against his lips and lick them with his tongue. he can bear anything of tatara's, no matter what it is. ]
I need you, forever. But don't forget that means you have me too. So whatever you need from me, you can have always.
Do you want anything right now?
[ if there's not, he doesn't mind voicing more of his thoughts but; as ineffable as he feels, what he really wants is for tatara to use all of him however he wants-or needs. ]
[ For some reason, the change in answer this time causes his heart to skip a beat. Tatara is always content to go with the flow, to accept things as they happen. It's only recently that he learned how to fight back, to understand what that means to some people, and to sympathize with them. But there will always be a part of him that will lean into what fate decides for him, so for Aguero to say that, to let him explode and gather him back up again, feels like he's speaking his own language. Showing Tatara he cares in ways he understands.
He beams, breathes a little laugh, and the tears spill past his eyes. It's overwhelming. Aguero's welcome to take what he can catch, because Tatara wipes away the rest.
Eventually he crumples onto Aguero fully, pressing his chest to his and burying his face into the crook of his neck. This feels so much better. It soothes him, and he feels at peace. ]
I want you. [ He says this quietly, breathed onto his skin. ] I want your touch and your love, your words and your laughter and all of your time.
[ It's hard to describe exactly how he feels, or what he wants or needs from Aguero, because his love for him genuinely feels like it cannot be contained in the small frame of his body.
But also. ]
And cotton candy ice cream.
[ That's what this feels like, he thinks, and maybe if he could eat it, it would sate him, somehow, ]
[ tatara can have all that of, he has all of that now, but aguero doesn't get to say that because when he drops the ice cream request he can't help but laugh with his entire body.
once he's caught his breath again he's grinning, still purple and bright. ]
I love you so much, you're perfect. [ in all the ways, but this ability to be earnest in everything might be what he loves the most. ]
Okay, I'll get you cotton candy ice cream. Someone has to deliver out here.
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no subject
[ Floral scent noted. Interesting. What does it mean?
Tatara rolls his chin on Aguero's shoulder blade, feeling the breeze in his hair, thinking about it. ]
I think I like it better when you surprise me. [ This is true. However, ] But can I have a hint?
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Hmm... a place where you stole my heart.
[ isn't that just everywhere they've been? hehe, it's still fun to play dirty like this. ]
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[ He pouts his lips and thinks of all the places they've been... It's practically been around the world, hasn't it? Of all the wonderful and beautiful places there's been, there's only one where Tatara stole Aguero's heart?
That's not fair...because Aguero stole it in every place they've gone together. ]
The...baths?
[ how scandalous— and also extremely arrogant of tatara, ]
no subject
I didn't specify the first place, did I? Boyfriend dearest. [ arrogant it might be, but his boyfriend is right, and aguero is tickled by the callout. and while he's usually not one for pet names, there's a sharpness with the sweetness that makes it entirely his own.
tatara will taste it because he's turning to take a kiss for the wrong (and right) answer. it's fine, they can't crash into anything in the sky. he savors it, evidently a little greedy (there's definitely some nibbling involved) and then pulls back when he's had his fill. ]
I'd say guess again, but we're here. [ the wooded meadow of their very first date, where the sun shines just right in the afternoon and where the flowers always seem to be in full bloom.
curiously, he doesn't drop his lighthouse down to the grass, but somewhere around tree canopy level, certainly too high to jump down comfortably. ]
no subject
He'll manage to draw his enamored gaze away from Aguero's eyes when he says they're here. For a moment, he takes in the sunny patch of grass from up top, smiles, then grins up at him again. ]
Our first date. [ That makes a little more sense. He thinks back on the way Aguero kissed him in the sunset and he feels the butterflies in his stomach all over again. ] It feels like I haven't been here in ages... It looks so different from up here.
[ There's been no time for naps all the way out here, really. But once the nostalgia washes over him, he peers up curiously at Aguero again. ]
What's up?
no subject
he turns for one more kiss and then untangles one of his arms, threading their fingers together with the other, and then with no warning, starts leading them down. not to the meadow but down through the stairs on the top of his lighthouse which popped into being at some point (it was definitely during the kiss).
it's almost a little funhouse-esque because as they descend the space seems to get bigger, until it's easily the size of his room back at the manor and maybe even a bit larger. it's all very blue, the same blue that tatara is so familiar with, the walls lined with screens that sit above thin terminals with sleek keyboards. nothing's powered on unfortunately in this land without shinsu or electricity, but it probably still looks at least a bit cool and very high tech. the expanse of this space obscures the rest of where they are, the quiet meadow and sunlight somewhere beyond all the blue.
smaller cubes, somewhat transparent float in the air and a single seat with a high back lies directly in the middle, a futuristic throne. ]
Welcome to my lighthouse.
no subject
His jaw hangs slack as they descend, taking in the futuristic sights he honestly thought he'd never see again. Is this what he's been working on with his magic, getting this back up and running again? He's honestly impressed. He remembers it spinning, that first time they kissed, and taking a ride on it when they were out East. And now this is the first time he gets to go inside... Right back at the beginning, too.
He takes in the blue in awe and stands still when they reach the bottom, eyes darting back and forth among all the blank screens and terminals and chair. ]
It's so blue...
no subject
In the Tower I can use my lighthouse for reconnaissance, research, planning, to name a few things. With no network though, I'm pretty limited, but I still wanted to reclaim this space for myself. No one can get in here without my permission and because a lightbearer's lighthouse is the core for all their abilities, letting someone in is a fool's gambit at best.
But you're not just anyone, are you?
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As Aguero talks, he'll start roaming the lighthouse, if his boyfriend lets him roam. And though he doesn't touch anything, he does curiously stick his face close to some things. ]
Ooh.
[ It is very private... And when he considers that, he turns to Aguero and sticks his face in close to his, too. ]
No. I'm your boyfriend. [ Among other things, but he's pretty sure Aguero didn't bring him here because he's the sage. ] Still, you never fail to make me feel special. It's like... [ Still with a bright smile on his lips, he taps Aguero's chest. ] You letting me into your heart, right?
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aguero answers that smile like he always does, a soft sigh escaping his lips when he's poked. his boyfriend is right of course, but there's something about stating it so plainly that makes his heart flutter like it did on the grass all those weeks ago. ]
You said you wanted my heart, so that's one of the ways I can give it to you. But that's not the only way I want to do that today.
no subject
It isn't? [ He tilts his head, a knowing smile crossing his lips. ] I can't imagine how you can give me any more of yourself than you already have.
[ There's a pause, a blink, and he remembers what Aguero said right after Tatara came back from the north. ]
Is it...the gift?
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aguero leads them over to the chair and then sits down, gesturing for tatara to sit on his lap. ]
I've never needed another chair before, but I knew you wouldn't mind. [ it's not like they haven't been having fun with different positions elsewhere. ]
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Most importantly, though, he definitely doesn't mind sharing a chair. ]
Not at all.
[ Aguero knows him so well!
Tatara clambers into the chair and Aguero—he presses a leg to either side of him and settles into his lap, straddling him. He offers a cheeky little grin and lets his hands rest on his shoulders. ]
What is it?
no subject
his heart flutters, not out of nerves, even though he does feel a little dizzy. they've shared a lot, but this is bearing his heart in multiple ways all against his instincts—should it feel exhilarating? he'd question himself, but he stopped doing that a while ago now it feels like. ]
Whatever you want, I want to give it to you. No matter what it is, I'll figure out a way. And you said you wanted my heart in your hands, so—
[ in between them a purple velvet box pops into existence, floating like a dandelion puff caught in the gentle winds of spring. he takes it in his hands, opening it to reveal a glittering ring. gold, set with bicolored blue and red(?) sapphires that glint bold in their colors, like fireworks in the night sky. ]
This ring has sapphires that transition in color. Their natural blue, like me, for obvious reasons. And red, also for me. My heart, my blood, is red and that's what I've infused into these gems, into this ring.
I want you to have this, a literal piece of me. For when I can't be with you but also because I always want to hold you.
no subject
There's an anticipation in the air as he waits, and the longer Aguero puts it off the stronger it grows. His hands slowly slip from his shoulders and down his chest. He wonders if he can feel Aguero's heart beating as hard as his own.
He blinks in surprise when the box poofs into existence before him, and his lips part in awe as the lid opens. The ring shines brightly in all its blues and reds and golds in his eyes, like his own personal fireworks show, and he simply can't tear his eyes away. ]
Aguero, it's beautiful... [ He breathes his name with awe, but not as loud as he can normally muster. His heart and lungs are too busy pumping blood to his face to paint his cheeks a beautiful crimson.
Slowly, he draws his eyes up from the ring, to settle on the color of eternity.
Whatever he wants, hm? ]
I want you, always. I want this ring, but only when I can't hold you myself, and I think I'll always want to be where I can hold you.
[ His eyes soften, because he comes down from the high of his love and remembers the little time he has left, his end ticking ever nearer. And it's as he stares at the beautiful mix of sapphire and blood that he realizes he's found his answer.
His heart pounds in his throat. He lifts his hands to hold them before Aguero, a sign of his acceptance of the ring. He can put it in his palms, or on any of his fingers. ]
No matter what happens...I want to be with you, forever, Aguero. The more I think about it...the less I can imagine a life or a world without you.
[ Much like his king, though Aguero was never a replacement for his king. He's so deeply, torridly, hopelessly in love that Aguero has become the air he breathes. ]
/2
He had hoped of course, that Tatara would like the ring, that it would give him some comfort and yes that he would see it as an offering of his love because that's exactly what it is. Weeks ago when the idea first popped into his head, before they had begun dating, he had the thought to give Tatara a ring enchanted for his protection. But then he had gotten swept away in the bright lights of the fireworks they create together, and by the time he thought of the idea again, he knew that giving his boyfriend a ring would have to be special. And maybe he was a bit uneasy about offering something that had such a distinct romantic message, especially after their talk on the couch. But then after the way they had fallen together post Northern mission, he had realized that it was something he wanted to do regardless. For Tatara yes, but also for himself—it felt right.
So he had hoped to see that vivid red again, the red that reminds him of a secluded grassy field at dusk and the first night they had made love laced with sugar. But that's all he had hoped for, because hope simply isn't something he really does. It's not part of him in the same way that he's spent all of his life searching for that missing part of himself: a reason to struggle and actually live. Ironically, he had understood Tatara's answer more that night than he ever let on because he was exactly the same. Indifferent to what happened in his life, to himself, until Maria came along. And it hurt, both because he really couldn't fault Tatara for it but also because he believed (now more than ever) that he deserves to live, to shine.
It wasn't the time to talk about it then he had decided, but it's always been in the back of his mind. He knows their time is coming up (he was in some way awfully amused when everyone else seemed to realize recently what's been on his shoulders for weeks). Every now and then the thought would get itchy and he'd push it to the side: not yet, not yet, not yet. He'd know the time when it came and this he had resolved to himself except—he really had no idea at all, did he?
Just like when they first met at the bath, when they shared their first kiss over coffee, and even that night on the couch when Tatara had asked him to stay when he was already justifying to himself that he wasn't needed. Tatara always surprises him in the best of ways, always shows him a light and brightness he can't even imagine, let alone entertain the thought that it's real.
And he'll never, ever, forget that Tatara reached out first. ]
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You did it again. How does it feel to completely steal my heart a second time? I won't be able to separate from you now, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when.
—but that's what we both want. [ Aguero takes Tatara's left hand, sliding the jeweled band onto his ring finger. ]
With you I feel, I know I'll be able to climb to the top of the Tower, beyond that, into the clouds and the stars. That's what forever is, it makes the impossible, possible.
I can't wait.
[ Said again, much the same and entirely different than the night he thought it had slipped through his fingers. Ahh, he's positively giddy, the edges of his blue thrumming with purple. ]
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Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows what it means, that this is essentially an engagement, a marriage, of sorts. When he was certain his life would be ending about now, only a few months ago, this feels like the right way things should go. But now he knows there's a chance he'll actually have a life to spend with another. And at the thought, he feels his chest ache, his cheeks burn, and his eyes prick with tears.
Tatara lifts his gaze to see violet encroaching on azure and it steals his breath away. He knows that color. He doesn't know the full context of the color, so he assumes it's for him. That's his red, changing Aguero the same way his blue changed Tatara for good, the ring on his finger making the mixing of their colors in him permanent.
Slowly, a smile crosses his lips. It's bittersweet, he does not realize, because he's so overwhelmed with emotions. ]
Me neither.
[ His fingers entangle with Aguero's as he leans in closer, getting a closer look at his red in his eyes. They are beautiful together, he thinks. ]
I want to walk with you every step of the way. I want to be there when you reach the top and see the stars and claim the heavens as your own. Whatever you want to do, I want to help you get there.
[ It's weird, thinking of the future in a concrete way like this, even if it is still draped in metaphors and stardust. ]
For as long as I live. I'm yours.
[ And now, he hopes his life lasts long enough to spend many, many years with Aguero. ]
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Tatara. [ He closes the distance, not for a kiss, but until their foreheads touch; a mirror of their positioning in the kitchen that first day he tasted what he would come to want forever. Still their lips brush like this, his own just as warm as the now bright violet of his eyes. ]
Whatever needs to happen, I'll figure it all out. I'll make it happen, here and when you come back with me to the Tower. I'll protect you always, I'll do anything for you always, because now that you've given me permission, given me all of you, you're part of me. The part I was looking for all along.
So you'll be with me as long as I live. [ ...which naturally, will be a long time. unnaturally? Only the future knows that answer. ]
I love you.
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A quiet laugh spills from his lips, and his flushed cheeks lift. Whatever he holds of Aguero he holds it tighter, because all he wants is to absorb him into himself and keep him with him forever.
Tatara sighs. And unable to really contain himself, he leans to gently brush his lips against Aguero's—not wanting, or needy, but cherishing. To cement their bond with one another. ]
I love you too, Aguero. [ Never in his mind did he doubt his own feelings. When Aguero declared war on the cosmos back on the couch in his room, he felt it then, and he knew his answer came with a too. Always, always. ]
And I want to thank you for showing me I could love you into forever. That maybe it is okay to fight the rules of every world so that we can stay together.
[ He'd close his eyes, but he can't tear his away from the violet. It's beautiful, their forever. ]
I wouldn't be here without you.
[ He whispers this, because admitting that feels like it will make him cry. ]
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His thoughts are still lightning, but the touch of their lips has brushed a smile on his own. ]
Of course it is. Anyone that tried to tell us otherwise would be wrong. [ A squeeze of their joined hands, the gold warming between them both. ]
And I wouldn't be whole without you. You give me hope, so the fact that I was able to give some back to you...I don't have a word for how that makes me feel. [ But it's undoubtedly, a good one. ]
It's okay. [ To cry or do anything else. ] I need you too.
[ What a weight off his chest to finally admit that to anyone for the first time in his life. ]
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He breathes a quiet laugh into Aguero's skin, and the word settles warm in his chest. ]
Is this hope? [ There's joy in his voice, despite the weight on him. ] If it is...I don't think I've ever felt it before. But...it's a gift from you, and I'm going to cherish it.
[ This hope, the desire to live, being needed—it's all so weighty, and his heart hurts, but it's not something he would give up for the world. Weird, how being attached feels.
He draws himself upright, a bright, but sheepish smile on his face. He wipes at his eyes, rubbing away the tears before he can make a mess of himself. ]
I'm here. Whatever you need from me, I'll give it to you. I just... [ There's almost a laugh in there. ] I don't know what to do with myself. I think I'm going to explode.
[ In fireworks, this time. ]
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this is his lighthouse and he makes the rules after all. ]
If you explode, I'll just gather you up in my hands until you're whole again.
[ he doesn't need to say no exploding now that he believes the impossible is possible. if there are any errant tears left, he'll take them with his fingers and press them against his lips and lick them with his tongue. he can bear anything of tatara's, no matter what it is. ]
I need you, forever. But don't forget that means you have me too. So whatever you need from me, you can have always.
Do you want anything right now?
[ if there's not, he doesn't mind voicing more of his thoughts but; as ineffable as he feels, what he really wants is for tatara to use all of him however he wants-or needs. ]
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He beams, breathes a little laugh, and the tears spill past his eyes. It's overwhelming. Aguero's welcome to take what he can catch, because Tatara wipes away the rest.
Eventually he crumples onto Aguero fully, pressing his chest to his and burying his face into the crook of his neck. This feels so much better. It soothes him, and he feels at peace. ]
I want you. [ He says this quietly, breathed onto his skin. ] I want your touch and your love, your words and your laughter and all of your time.
[ It's hard to describe exactly how he feels, or what he wants or needs from Aguero, because his love for him genuinely feels like it cannot be contained in the small frame of his body.
But also. ]
And cotton candy ice cream.
[ That's what this feels like, he thinks, and maybe if he could eat it, it would sate him, somehow, ]
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once he's caught his breath again he's grinning, still purple and bright. ]
I love you so much, you're perfect. [ in all the ways, but this ability to be earnest in everything might be what he loves the most. ]
Okay, I'll get you cotton candy ice cream. Someone has to deliver out here.
[ because he doesn't want to move just yet. ]
Are you going to share it with me?
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