( A half-hearted snort - he's hardly kind, and he's not sure if Tatara's just saying that or not. He knows he's not, either way.
He shrugs, just slightly. He can, at least, parse the earnest tone - if only because he's happy when people compliment Yuu, too. He wants people to love Yuu, even now. )
... He's important to you.
( It's a vague statement - but simply put, he means to convey that he doesn't think he said anything worth thanking him for. He doesn't know this king to have faith in him, but clearly Tatara does. And maybe it would be nice - unlikely, but nice - for faith and devotion to be somehow rewarded, if only if in the fond memories of the living.
He presses his palm to the corner of his eye, not really wiping anything, but letting the moment pass. )
... But you can be frustrating, it's true. ( He may or may not know other people have their beef with Tatara, but he wouldn't be surprised to hear it either way. ) I don't know if you have to be liked. For what you do, I think you just need to be trusted.
( He says this to the biggest flake on the planet, Mr. Wind-aspect Tatara Totsuka... But at least Mika speaks genuinely. )
[ Though he isn't looking at Mika, he still smiles brightly. Mikoto is important to him. Probably more than anyone who came before him, or after him. His king is irreplaceable in his heart.
He does laugh a little at that. He'll take frustrating. He kind of got that sense, anyway. ]
Yeah. I think, so long as you trust me, we'll get through this somehow.
[ Mr. "It'll Work Out."
He looks at Mika again. ]
Do you need anything else? Been healed up and recovering okay?
( Don't think your work here is done Mr. Sage!! Mika's anxiety is far too powerful,
Anyway, despite everything, he's not exactly hostile to Tatara despite disagreeing with how he runs things. In fact: )
You probably know Jing Yuan. If you take his advice on how to do things, I'd consider you at least a percent more reliable.
( Is that fair, to ask Tatara to basically be a conduit for other people? Not really. But, if anything, it suggests the kind of approach that puts Mika better at ease - at least, so far. Everyone in this manor has room to disappoint him.
As for the questions... He touches his scar idly. )
... I'm fine enough. Normally, that wouldn't have even been a big deal.
( Gruesome as it is, vampires can survive decapitation as a mild inconvenience. Granted - even if he had survived the decapitation, he thinks Khun would've made it hell on him, so it wouldn't have been an easy recovery.
A beat, though, because this near-death thing has got him thinking. Gingerly, his fingers brush from his neck to his hair, brushing back his hair. It reveals an otherwise-hidden pointed ear, and, more pertinently, a hanging earring featuring a beautiful ruby inlaid in a gold design, so scarlet it seems to be certainly made of blood. But surely that's only a trick of the low light. )
... I don't know if telling you this will change anything, but it's probably better than nothing. ( Wow... talking to people. ) If this comes off while I'm in the sun, it might kill me.
( At least, that's his theory. He could test it, but he's not sure if that's a great idea - it's literally playing with fire.
He drops his hand. )
Normally I'd just catch fire and stay on fire until night comes around, but since it seems like I'm less immortal than before...
( He shrugs. )
If I catch fire and burn to ash, at least you can tell people what killed me.
[ Jing Yuan... The big tiddy lion guy who lives next door... Tatara makes a mental note to ask later (he doesn't quite know what Mika means), but it's unfortunate that he'll forget about it when Jing Yuan brings over a cake and asks him out. Sorry, Mika.
He does notice, and leans forward a bit when Mika reveals the earring. ]
It's beautiful.
[ Don't mind him. Despite everything, he's still partial to red.
But he nods, neutral. He doesn't seem to be particularly worried about the prospect of Mika catching fire and burning. He's being told information, he's absorbing it, and he's keeping it in mind. He still has to pay a visit to Khun, but maybe he'll drop by his own room to write this down beforehand. ]
Got it. Keep it on if you can. It might not be a bad idea to cast something on it to be indestructible.
[ Spitballing, he has no idea what's possible, but may as well plant the idea in Mika's head while he can.
There is just one correction. He shakes his head. ]
You'd shatter to stone, not burn to ash. If that happened... [ He tilts his head, tone still frighteningly neutral in the same way it has been. ] Who would you want me to give your mana stones to?
( Indestructible...? Mika's brow furrows slightly. The trouble is, he can't think of something indestructible - deathward as he's oriented, he only sees things in terms of their finite limits. People die, plants wither, objects break, societies crumble (okay, relax, Mika).
He'll consider it, though. He doubts Tatara knows of any immediately-available indestructible items on hand, so he'll just have to research. Can magic objects be permanent? Much to think about.
Tatara's correction and question draws his attention, however, as he pauses. Mana stones are a strange form for a body to take when they die, but a corpse is a corpse, and the thought of handing his dead body off to someone after his passing... )
... Those "stones" would basically be my body, wouldn't they? Feels a little cruel to make someone hold onto them. They won't even decompose.
( Or, more ghoulishly, eat them. It's commonplace in this world, but it doesn't sit right with Mika for the same reason he can't be comfortable drinking blood. )
It might be better to grind them up and get rid of them, I think. Else...
( He hesitates. If they keep his remnants around, he knows Ginger, at least, would want to hold onto them, but that wouldn't be good for him. And Mika doesn't want to do that to him. Ginger insists upon carrying him, but— ... just this once, for just this one thing, he thinks maybe Ginger should let go. )
[ Tatara tilts his head. He speaks evenly, giving Mika facts only. He isn't pushing him one way or the other, or seems particularly excited about one prospect over the other. ]
I heard it's normal for wizards to eat the stones of their loved ones. [ He shrugs. ] If that's too macabre, I could add them to the stash we have for the elevator, or donate it to magitech research.
[ After a beat, he smiles. ]
Or you don't have to think about it at all. But thank you for telling me.
( He looks disgruntled when Tatara says he'd use them as a battery, wtf. Even worse is the suggestion of donating him (well, his "body") to any kind of research - that earns a particularly sharp narrowing of his eyes.
While Tatara didn't outright deny his request to have his mana stones ground down, he feels really strongly about how things should be in relation to him dying, so he doesn't want to let this go quite yet. He doesn't want Tatara to budge on this should he actually pass, and let someone get his stone, because... )
... Grind them down. I want them to be dust.
( Reiterating. This Is Not A Suggestion. )
The person I'm closest to here is Ginger. And maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if he were a native wizard - maybe he'd take it in stride, like the wizards here do. But he's not. How do you think he's going to take it if you hand him some rock shards and go, "That's what's left of Mika, these stupid little broken bits, he's dead now, you can eat it"? Do you think he'd take it well?
( And this isn't even specifically because of some flaw in Ginger's person, or anything. Maybe if Ginger were exceptionally self-possessed it might be different, but, if anything, Ginger is normal (in Mika's eyes). )
What's normal is someone dying, and there being a body to mourn, and you bury that body and you get over it and the body goes away. When you start to introduce these weird disruptions into the cycle - when you don't let people grieve properly, process death the way they're used to - it's bad for them. It's bad for everyone. And I'm trying to think about the living while I still get to have a say.
( If one wonders if he's asked Ginger about his opinion, the answer is, of course, not at all. But asking Ginger what he wants if Mika dies is asking Ginger to picture Mika dying, and he thinks that would distress Ginger. It's well-intentioned, the way he's making this choice without making Ginger have to picture Mika's passing, but it's certainly making this choice for him - and he has no way to confirm whether it's best one, for Ginger. It could be. But he can't know like this. )
[ Tatara just watches Mika speak, his expression remaining placid, neutral the whole time. He doesn't move to interrupt or speak over him, letting him speak his mind. He listens intently, as he does, and picks out the key parts for himself. ]
All right. I'll do that. I'll give them to Ginger, too.
[ He smiles at Mika, understanding of his request. At least he gave some other perspectives, and it doesn't bother him that it was shot down so quickly. Mika knows what he wants, and that makes it easier for him.
The lecture goes over his head, because his stance on life and death is too skewed, in his own weird way. He has no firm opinions on how people should mourn. He can't even remember how much he mourned his adoptive father. Did he ever think about his biological parents? Did he even mourn himself?
He understands, logically, people take death differently. He just can't empathize with it. So he listens, and he nods.
He pats Mika's foot lump again (SAY THE FOOT LINE) and smiles. ]
Just double checking with you. That's all. Hopefully things won't come to that, but I'll keep it in mind just in case it does. Thank you for talking to me.
( Mika sighs, after all that. He's at least relieved Tatara heard him out, but he doesn't feel very confident he was understood.
Still, he guess it doesn't matter if Tatara understands him as long as he does as he asks. )
... I don't think it should go to Ginger. ( That feels almost worse...? ) It's just... get rid of it. Please.
( Let him be a body lost at sea; a body in the earth. Some semblance of a normal death, one he's long since been denied. Let him imagine that, one day, he'll get to rest in some normal sense, if he works hard enough, does right enough by the world..
He won't get to, of course. He'll turn into a strange rock, an object, a thing, a perversion of death, and just... he'll accept it. Because these are the consequences, the punishments, for the things he's done, is always doing, wrong.
Maybe he'll talk to Ginger about this at some point. Until then... )
... But I'll try not to let it happen, either way.
( He did tell Ginger he'd be around for as much time as he could offer him, and Mika intends to make good on this. If fate allows, he'd remain beside him, even when Ginger inevitably returns to Rum.
He runs his hand through his hair, a little overwhelmed by everything. )
... I'm fine now.
( Says guy who's not fine, but is tired, and he's letting Tatara off the hook - giving him permission to leave if he's been wanting it - at least. No flouncing on him this time is... an improvement? )
... You don't have to try to comfort me. It's... really fine.
( There you go. The foot line. Now you can leave for real, )
[ No questions asked. Again, he hopes that this isn't something they'll have to contend with in the future, but he tucks it away just in case things do come to that.
That Mika is even willing to try to prevent his own death is good enough for him. So long as he sticks it out to the end... At least that makes two of them. Waiting for the end.
And for his foot line. So when it finally procs, Tatara smiles. MISSION COMPLETE 💡💡💡 ]
Mm-hmm. I know. I trust you.
[ Who is he to argue? If Mika says that, then he'll take it at face value (cue 30 minute tirade as to why he's not fine—)
He gets to his feet, light. Whether Mika wants it or not, he whirls to take a step towards him, and lightly pats him on the head. Wizard headpat! ]
I should leave you to your rest anyway. [ He steps back before Mika can swat him away, hopefully. ] But if you need anything, you know where to find me. Okay, Mika-chan?
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no subject
He shrugs, just slightly. He can, at least, parse the earnest tone - if only because he's happy when people compliment Yuu, too. He wants people to love Yuu, even now. )
... He's important to you.
( It's a vague statement - but simply put, he means to convey that he doesn't think he said anything worth thanking him for. He doesn't know this king to have faith in him, but clearly Tatara does. And maybe it would be nice - unlikely, but nice - for faith and devotion to be somehow rewarded, if only if in the fond memories of the living.
He presses his palm to the corner of his eye, not really wiping anything, but letting the moment pass. )
... But you can be frustrating, it's true. ( He may or may not know other people have their beef with Tatara, but he wouldn't be surprised to hear it either way. ) I don't know if you have to be liked. For what you do, I think you just need to be trusted.
( He says this to the biggest flake on the planet, Mr. Wind-aspect Tatara Totsuka... But at least Mika speaks genuinely. )
no subject
He does laugh a little at that. He'll take frustrating. He kind of got that sense, anyway. ]
Yeah. I think, so long as you trust me, we'll get through this somehow.
[ Mr. "It'll Work Out."
He looks at Mika again. ]
Do you need anything else? Been healed up and recovering okay?
no subject
I don't trust that easily.
( Don't think your work here is done Mr. Sage!! Mika's anxiety is far too powerful,
Anyway, despite everything, he's not exactly hostile to Tatara despite disagreeing with how he runs things. In fact: )
You probably know Jing Yuan. If you take his advice on how to do things, I'd consider you at least a percent more reliable.
( Is that fair, to ask Tatara to basically be a conduit for other people? Not really. But, if anything, it suggests the kind of approach that puts Mika better at ease - at least, so far. Everyone in this manor has room to disappoint him.
As for the questions... He touches his scar idly. )
... I'm fine enough. Normally, that wouldn't have even been a big deal.
( Gruesome as it is, vampires can survive decapitation as a mild inconvenience. Granted - even if he had survived the decapitation, he thinks Khun would've made it hell on him, so it wouldn't have been an easy recovery.
A beat, though, because this near-death thing has got him thinking. Gingerly, his fingers brush from his neck to his hair, brushing back his hair. It reveals an otherwise-hidden pointed ear, and, more pertinently, a hanging earring featuring a beautiful ruby inlaid in a gold design, so scarlet it seems to be certainly made of blood. But surely that's only a trick of the low light. )
... I don't know if telling you this will change anything, but it's probably better than nothing. ( Wow... talking to people. ) If this comes off while I'm in the sun, it might kill me.
( At least, that's his theory. He could test it, but he's not sure if that's a great idea - it's literally playing with fire.
He drops his hand. )
Normally I'd just catch fire and stay on fire until night comes around, but since it seems like I'm less immortal than before...
( He shrugs. )
If I catch fire and burn to ash, at least you can tell people what killed me.
no subject
He does notice, and leans forward a bit when Mika reveals the earring. ]
It's beautiful.
[ Don't mind him. Despite everything, he's still partial to red.
But he nods, neutral. He doesn't seem to be particularly worried about the prospect of Mika catching fire and burning. He's being told information, he's absorbing it, and he's keeping it in mind. He still has to pay a visit to Khun, but maybe he'll drop by his own room to write this down beforehand. ]
Got it. Keep it on if you can. It might not be a bad idea to cast something on it to be indestructible.
[ Spitballing, he has no idea what's possible, but may as well plant the idea in Mika's head while he can.
There is just one correction. He shakes his head. ]
You'd shatter to stone, not burn to ash. If that happened... [ He tilts his head, tone still frighteningly neutral in the same way it has been. ] Who would you want me to give your mana stones to?
no subject
He'll consider it, though. He doubts Tatara knows of any immediately-available indestructible items on hand, so he'll just have to research. Can magic objects be permanent? Much to think about.
Tatara's correction and question draws his attention, however, as he pauses. Mana stones are a strange form for a body to take when they die, but a corpse is a corpse, and the thought of handing his dead body off to someone after his passing... )
... Those "stones" would basically be my body, wouldn't they? Feels a little cruel to make someone hold onto them. They won't even decompose.
( Or, more ghoulishly, eat them. It's commonplace in this world, but it doesn't sit right with Mika for the same reason he can't be comfortable drinking blood. )
It might be better to grind them up and get rid of them, I think. Else...
( He hesitates. If they keep his remnants around, he knows Ginger, at least, would want to hold onto them, but that wouldn't be good for him. And Mika doesn't want to do that to him. Ginger insists upon carrying him, but— ... just this once, for just this one thing, he thinks maybe Ginger should let go. )
no subject
I heard it's normal for wizards to eat the stones of their loved ones. [ He shrugs. ] If that's too macabre, I could add them to the stash we have for the elevator, or donate it to magitech research.
[ After a beat, he smiles. ]
Or you don't have to think about it at all. But thank you for telling me.
no subject
While Tatara didn't outright deny his request to have his mana stones ground down, he feels really strongly about how things should be in relation to him dying, so he doesn't want to let this go quite yet. He doesn't want Tatara to budge on this should he actually pass, and let someone get his stone, because... )
... Grind them down. I want them to be dust.
( Reiterating. This Is Not A Suggestion. )
The person I'm closest to here is Ginger. And maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if he were a native wizard - maybe he'd take it in stride, like the wizards here do. But he's not. How do you think he's going to take it if you hand him some rock shards and go, "That's what's left of Mika, these stupid little broken bits, he's dead now, you can eat it"? Do you think he'd take it well?
( And this isn't even specifically because of some flaw in Ginger's person, or anything. Maybe if Ginger were exceptionally self-possessed it might be different, but, if anything, Ginger is normal (in Mika's eyes). )
What's normal is someone dying, and there being a body to mourn, and you bury that body and you get over it and the body goes away. When you start to introduce these weird disruptions into the cycle - when you don't let people grieve properly, process death the way they're used to - it's bad for them. It's bad for everyone. And I'm trying to think about the living while I still get to have a say.
( If one wonders if he's asked Ginger about his opinion, the answer is, of course, not at all. But asking Ginger what he wants if Mika dies is asking Ginger to picture Mika dying, and he thinks that would distress Ginger. It's well-intentioned, the way he's making this choice without making Ginger have to picture Mika's passing, but it's certainly making this choice for him - and he has no way to confirm whether it's best one, for Ginger. It could be. But he can't know like this. )
no subject
All right. I'll do that. I'll give them to Ginger, too.
[ He smiles at Mika, understanding of his request. At least he gave some other perspectives, and it doesn't bother him that it was shot down so quickly. Mika knows what he wants, and that makes it easier for him.
The lecture goes over his head, because his stance on life and death is too skewed, in his own weird way. He has no firm opinions on how people should mourn. He can't even remember how much he mourned his adoptive father. Did he ever think about his biological parents? Did he even mourn himself?
He understands, logically, people take death differently. He just can't empathize with it. So he listens, and he nods.
He pats Mika's foot lump again (SAY THE FOOT LINE) and smiles. ]
Just double checking with you. That's all. Hopefully things won't come to that, but I'll keep it in mind just in case it does. Thank you for talking to me.
no subject
Still, he guess it doesn't matter if Tatara understands him as long as he does as he asks. )
... I don't think it should go to Ginger. ( That feels almost worse...? ) It's just... get rid of it. Please.
( Let him be a body lost at sea; a body in the earth. Some semblance of a normal death, one he's long since been denied. Let him imagine that, one day, he'll get to rest in some normal sense, if he works hard enough, does right enough by the world..
He won't get to, of course. He'll turn into a strange rock, an object, a thing, a perversion of death, and just... he'll accept it. Because these are the consequences, the punishments, for the things he's done, is always doing, wrong.
Maybe he'll talk to Ginger about this at some point. Until then... )
... But I'll try not to let it happen, either way.
( He did tell Ginger he'd be around for as much time as he could offer him, and Mika intends to make good on this. If fate allows, he'd remain beside him, even when Ginger inevitably returns to Rum.
He runs his hand through his hair, a little overwhelmed by everything. )
... I'm fine now.
( Says guy who's not fine, but is tired, and he's letting Tatara off the hook - giving him permission to leave if he's been wanting it - at least. No flouncing on him this time is... an improvement? )
... You don't have to try to comfort me. It's... really fine.
( There you go. The foot line. Now you can leave for real, )
no subject
[ No questions asked. Again, he hopes that this isn't something they'll have to contend with in the future, but he tucks it away just in case things do come to that.
That Mika is even willing to try to prevent his own death is good enough for him. So long as he sticks it out to the end... At least that makes two of them. Waiting for the end.
And for his foot line. So when it finally procs, Tatara smiles. MISSION COMPLETE 💡💡💡 ]
Mm-hmm. I know. I trust you.
[ Who is he to argue? If Mika says that, then he'll take it at face value (cue 30 minute tirade as to why he's not fine—)
He gets to his feet, light. Whether Mika wants it or not, he whirls to take a step towards him, and lightly pats him on the head. Wizard headpat! ]
I should leave you to your rest anyway. [ He steps back before Mika can swat him away, hopefully. ] But if you need anything, you know where to find me. Okay, Mika-chan?