( Mika, at first, does not follow Solomon's gaze up, nor does he when he begins his tale. Too rooted in the past, earthbound - perhaps some part of his vampiric nature, yearning for a death denied to him, fixed in the moment he was eternally uninterred.
There is some part of him that would protest, once he sees the parallels - the idea that his story could be mirrored by a human repulses him. But somewhere, beneath his dislike is the fact that - so much of his resentment is knotted up in what they've done to Yuu; what they could do to him. Moving further from Yuu's proximity - that hatred grows fainter, and faint; and it is in thie distance that he's willing to hear his tale, even knowing that over the horizon he recalls how they've hurt his dearest friend.
He turns his gaze up, seeing the ceaseless depths of the galaxies - the gradation of color not visible to the human eye, and the whisper of the stars, their drift in space as clear to him as the gentle breeze. And, in turn, he feels, he hears, so acutely - how his dead heart does not move for the strange beauty of existence.
His eyes fall to Solomon as his final words leave his lips. )
... Did you take me here to comfort me?
( His words do not come skeptical or irritable, though that's the most natural framing of the question. He can't say he trusts Solomon's judgment - not when he's so smitten with humanity, by Mika's stiff standards. He can't say that Solomon, like most other humans, may not be using him, somehow - as is a human's wont.
But he does think there is meaning to Solomon's story, even if he may one day find it's untrue. )
... I found my starry sky in a person, once. ( But people change. And so... away that went, in two short years. In some way, though, it isn't so different: ) The sky may always be here... but it can exist without you - without anyone. When humanity fades, and all other creatures die... the sky will still remain.
I would have wondered if he didn't feel lonely, entrusting himself to something that doesn't need him.
[He doesn't quite answer, letting Mika sound out what's going through his head. In honesty, it hadn't been to provoke any specific reaction. Not for Mika, not when he's already mentioned losing himself.
But to give a vague, anecdotal avenue to try and sort his thoughts, to help see what part of him is still there that he desperately doesn't want to lose... it's like anything else. A gentle experiment, a testing of what is and isn't, letting Mika try to come to his own conclusion even it wasn't one Solomon agreed with.]
Mm. I think, from what I remember, I don't think that's unfounded... he'd been alone by his own choice for a very long time.
Maybe he found something that mattered more to him than being needed, though.
( Not a cop-out answer for him - he means it. His broom drifts a little, in time with the slow coming of his thoughts. )
... I want... to do right by someone. To make them happy. Someone who deserves it. And I don't.
( Maybe, when he was younger, he would have framed it a little differently - but, no matter how he's viewed it, he's never wanted to be happy for himself. His happiness has always been a leech unto another's. )
[It certainly is. When life turns into an abyss that has no end, the moments that pass feel both like grains of sand and an bottomless pit. The loneliness aches, and as much as he wants to address it, it's the one point he can't genuinely respond to.
Because Mika isn't wrong. It is a horrible thing, to go through life alone.]
...Dear Mika has a kind heart underneath.
I wonder, though. If you found someone to make happy, what would you do if they declined?
Would you want to watch someone, who you desire only happiness for, say to themselves that they don't deserve it?
It's an important feeling. To want to help someone understand... it can make one particularly stubborn.
[A chuckle, though it's very quiet.]
Wouldn't your special person want the same for you? To be stubborn, to tell you every day until you understand, that perhaps you deserve to be happy as well?
That you deserve to remember, and be, under the stars, regardless of what you were or are or might become... just like anyone else?
Could that want for happiness be your starry sky, so long as you let yourself experience it, too?
( Mika... purses his lips, brows furrowing. A teaching moment, huh. But he considers it, at least.
He casts his gaze to the starry sky - and then to the ever-distant lights of some settlement far, far away, nearly swallowed by the night, even with his improved vision. )
... If my happiness were important to their happiness, I'd try. But... I'll only consider it if it happens.
( Because... it wouldn't. No one would value Mika's happiness so highly - to dog him day in and day out. And... that's okay, even if no such person exists.
His gaze returns to Solomon. )
... I don't mind if they use me, in the end. Just as long as they don't throw me away. That would be enough of an anchor for me. One the stars and skies could never compete with - not even for a moment.
( Solomon's advice is good - he can't deny that. Mika's damage just runs deep - intertwined with his fear, his insecurity, his loneliness, trapped up inside a mind that strains against what a teenager can understand. )
[Mmm. He feels this may be as far as they cam stretch this little impromptu session. But so long as he's given Mika something to think about, Solomon thinks he can be satisfied.]
So long as it is your anchor, dear Mika. Just be careful that it doesn't turn into a chain.
[He carefully maneuvers his broom, a casual stretch of his arms over his head.]
I'm aware that you don't quite care for me. [It's said simply as he crosses one leg against the other, letting the broom slowly adjust for his weight.]
If you find that feeding from those you trust becomes too difficult, or if you worry about how you appear to those you may want to be happy... then you may come to me.
It will not be free. But it's a choice I will offer you to make if you wish, while you still can.
( Mika doesn't seem entirely satisfied with that answer - he's not signing a blank check. Or... he wouldn't, if he had more choice. If he has to get willing donors, he can't exactly be a chooser, here... because he highly doubts the random humans in town are going to be anywhere near as forthcoming with their blood if they don't even trust wizards to begin with.
Solomon's following remarks, though, give him pause. It reminds him of what Tatara said earlier in the night. )
... What? You guys don't think you can trust my word anymore?
( God, this is a lot to take in... How many people don't know? He's being generous and assuming Ginger doesn't. Ugh... )
This is the sort of thing you call a group meeting for when you realize it's a problem, not a thing you mention when you see people, and only if you feel like it.
( But he can't really be the one to tell off Wanderer when Wanderer fairly came down on him for futzing up, so... Ugh. He'll try to mention it to people (he cares about) when he sees them.
He exhales. )
... Well, I'll do a favor equivalent to the favor done. No promises. But the price better be fair, or I'll refuse to pay up.
( He's got enough of an earful over it - a little bit from the people helping heal, a lotta bit from Wanderer, a stern word from Tatara, and puppy eyes from Ginger. His hands are tied.
The mention of Tatara, however, makes him hesitate. He still feels guilty. )
... Maybe one of us can make a PSA while he's recovering. He really shouldn't be doing much right now.
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There is some part of him that would protest, once he sees the parallels - the idea that his story could be mirrored by a human repulses him. But somewhere, beneath his dislike is the fact that - so much of his resentment is knotted up in what they've done to Yuu; what they could do to him. Moving further from Yuu's proximity - that hatred grows fainter, and faint; and it is in thie distance that he's willing to hear his tale, even knowing that over the horizon he recalls how they've hurt his dearest friend.
He turns his gaze up, seeing the ceaseless depths of the galaxies - the gradation of color not visible to the human eye, and the whisper of the stars, their drift in space as clear to him as the gentle breeze. And, in turn, he feels, he hears, so acutely - how his dead heart does not move for the strange beauty of existence.
His eyes fall to Solomon as his final words leave his lips. )
... Did you take me here to comfort me?
( His words do not come skeptical or irritable, though that's the most natural framing of the question. He can't say he trusts Solomon's judgment - not when he's so smitten with humanity, by Mika's stiff standards. He can't say that Solomon, like most other humans, may not be using him, somehow - as is a human's wont.
But he does think there is meaning to Solomon's story, even if he may one day find it's untrue. )
... I found my starry sky in a person, once. ( But people change. And so... away that went, in two short years. In some way, though, it isn't so different: ) The sky may always be here... but it can exist without you - without anyone. When humanity fades, and all other creatures die... the sky will still remain.
I would have wondered if he didn't feel lonely, entrusting himself to something that doesn't need him.
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But to give a vague, anecdotal avenue to try and sort his thoughts, to help see what part of him is still there that he desperately doesn't want to lose... it's like anything else. A gentle experiment, a testing of what is and isn't, letting Mika try to come to his own conclusion even it wasn't one Solomon agreed with.]
Mm. I think, from what I remember, I don't think that's unfounded... he'd been alone by his own choice for a very long time.
Maybe he found something that mattered more to him than being needed, though.
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... What would matter more than that?
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[He knows. But this isn't about him.]
Do you think that's what matters most to you right now?
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... It's always mattered most. But there's no one who needs someone like me.
( Emotionally - permanently, he seems to mean. )
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How do you think it would feel if that changed?
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... I can't imagine it. Living for myself... sounds empty.
( Emptier now, even, as a vampire. )
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What is it that makes it empty? That you feel alone? Purposeless? Or is it just that it's too much of an unknown?
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( Not a cop-out answer for him - he means it. His broom drifts a little, in time with the slow coming of his thoughts. )
... I want... to do right by someone. To make them happy. Someone who deserves it. And I don't.
( Maybe, when he was younger, he would have framed it a little differently - but, no matter how he's viewed it, he's never wanted to be happy for himself. His happiness has always been a leech unto another's. )
... But the world is too big to live in alone.
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Because Mika isn't wrong. It is a horrible thing, to go through life alone.]
...Dear Mika has a kind heart underneath.
I wonder, though. If you found someone to make happy, what would you do if they declined?
Would you want to watch someone, who you desire only happiness for, say to themselves that they don't deserve it?
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The question, though, makes him furrow his brow - picturing Yuu, or even Ginger, saying something like that... )
... I would make sure they find happiness, no matter what. Even if they think they don't deserve it. I'd tell them every day until they understand.
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[A chuckle, though it's very quiet.]
Wouldn't your special person want the same for you? To be stubborn, to tell you every day until you understand, that perhaps you deserve to be happy as well?
That you deserve to remember, and be, under the stars, regardless of what you were or are or might become... just like anyone else?
Could that want for happiness be your starry sky, so long as you let yourself experience it, too?
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He casts his gaze to the starry sky - and then to the ever-distant lights of some settlement far, far away, nearly swallowed by the night, even with his improved vision. )
... If my happiness were important to their happiness, I'd try. But... I'll only consider it if it happens.
( Because... it wouldn't. No one would value Mika's happiness so highly - to dog him day in and day out. And... that's okay, even if no such person exists.
His gaze returns to Solomon. )
... I don't mind if they use me, in the end. Just as long as they don't throw me away. That would be enough of an anchor for me. One the stars and skies could never compete with - not even for a moment.
( Solomon's advice is good - he can't deny that. Mika's damage just runs deep - intertwined with his fear, his insecurity, his loneliness, trapped up inside a mind that strains against what a teenager can understand. )
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So long as it is your anchor, dear Mika. Just be careful that it doesn't turn into a chain.
[He carefully maneuvers his broom, a casual stretch of his arms over his head.]
I have a suggestion for you, if you'd hear it.
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... What is it?
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If you find that feeding from those you trust becomes too difficult, or if you worry about how you appear to those you may want to be happy... then you may come to me.
It will not be free. But it's a choice I will offer you to make if you wish, while you still can.
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... And what would the price be?
( He's not waiting until he's hungry to ask. )
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[An eye for an eye.]
As much as I would like to bind you to that, a promise is the last thing we should be doing. So do not give me your word.
Just keep it in mind.
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Solomon's following remarks, though, give him pause. It reminds him of what Tatara said earlier in the night. )
... What? You guys don't think you can trust my word anymore?
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His expression thins slightly, eyes sharp.]
No, Mika. That's not it.
To make a promise in this world is to put your power on the line. If you break a promise - any promise - your magic is forfeit.
"A man who can't keep his word isn't a man worth upholding", is what I was told.
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pause, )
—Is that not something we should've been told on the first day?
( GINGER )
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[He genuinely looks apologetic... sorry you had to find out from him and not like... someone trustworthy and nice and respectable, buddy.]
I told our little sparrow to correct that mistake before we ended up with thinner numbers, but it looks like he wasn't as successful as I'd hoped.
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This is the sort of thing you call a group meeting for when you realize it's a problem, not a thing you mention when you see people, and only if you feel like it.
( But he can't really be the one to tell off Wanderer when Wanderer fairly came down on him for futzing up, so... Ugh. He'll try to mention it to people (he cares about) when he sees them.
He exhales. )
... Well, I'll do a favor equivalent to the favor done. No promises. But the price better be fair, or I'll refuse to pay up.
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Don't let yourself go too long and I'm sure it will be a very simple request.
[AKA if you try to kill him because you ran away into the woods, then he is going to have to get creative!]
I'll be sure to have a talk with Tatara once he's regained his strength.
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... I'm going to take care of it. I have to.
( He's got enough of an earful over it - a little bit from the people helping heal, a lotta bit from Wanderer, a stern word from Tatara, and puppy eyes from Ginger. His hands are tied.
The mention of Tatara, however, makes him hesitate. He still feels guilty. )
... Maybe one of us can make a PSA while he's recovering. He really shouldn't be doing much right now.
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