... Never ever try that with him. No matter how circumstances change.
( Whether Solomon regains his own powers, or promises suddenly become legal. He doesn't care about the caveat that it has to be mutual, either: Ginger can be sensitive, and Solomon is very steady - he can imagine easily a future where Solomon catches him at just the right time. )
I will kill you. Without hesitation. Is that clear?
[Ah boy, this is like Lucifer with his brothers all over again.
He raises a brow, still clearly not threatened.]
That is between Ginger and I, Mika. Again, he has made it very obvious that he wants nothing to do with me in that regard.
If you're concerned that I'm lying, then speak with him about your worries. But I have no intention of making that kind of vow in our current circumstances. I'm not a fool.
No. I didn't think you would at all. That isn't why I brought it up.
[Thus why he is still calm, even as he adjusts his seating with an uncomfortable roll of his shoulders at the inhuman shove he just took. Oof ouch his bones.]
I told you the only things I could offer were not things he could take lightly. And I have no intention of lying to you about what those things are, given what you already know about Ginger.
I expect you to trust him to make the best decision for himself. I am not asking you to trust me. But this is not something I could ever force on him, even if promises were safe and my power was as it should be.
( While what Solomon says isn't wrong in theory... In practice, Mika struggles to believe it. )
People make decisions that are bad for them all the time. ( He says this strongly. ) Yuu-chan did, too. You want to know how I died? It's because this bastard Yuu-chan knew was traitorous and shady betrayed him again and was hunting him down to skewer him and strap him to an operation table for more inhumane tests.
( He nearly spits these words out - he really fucking hates Guren. But... he hates himself too. Because everything that happened with Guren - in Mika's eyes - was his fault. )
I had every chance to kill Guren, but I chose to trust Yuu-chan's right to trust who he wanted to trust. That things ended up as bad as they did is because I didn't look at his stupid choices and make the right one for him.
[The change is subtle. Not in tone or expression, but in the way his heart constricts, the way his pulse quickens in response in an uneven timber. Something, some part of this, deeply upsets him.
But his composure does not shift.]
But to care for someone is to let them make choices on their own, and be brave enough to tell them if you think those choices are wrong.
Trapping them in choices of your own making is no different than binding them to a contract against their will. There is a time and place for both.
( The shift surprises him; he hadn't thought this would even matter to Solomon - not to someone so insistent in trusting that the world is beyond control, and that others should choose as they please, no matter how foolish.
He suspects there's a cause greater than the surface of what's being said - but what it is, if he's even parsing his reaction right, he isn't certain what it could be.
... )
... And if they insist on making those choices anyway? Then what? You just watch them hurt themselves, and you throw up your hands and say, "Oh, well"? I can't accept that. You have to be able to do something.
You accept what has happened. You meet them wherever they are, if you're still willing. And if they feel they have made a mistake, you do what you can to support them.
[You hope that this mistake isn't the last one, and that you can somehow help them make it through to another one. You shift the scenario in your head every night, picking it apart and yourself along with it, even though it solves nothing.
...]
Just speak with him, Mika. Hear his thoughts for yourself. Not from me.
( Mika doesn't seem happy - he doesn't seem happy at all. But... it's true that being irate with Solomon won't solve anything - he can either speak to Ginger, or kill Solomon here.
... )
... Is that what you did? Talk to whoever it is you're thinking about?
( This is just a blind guess. But he'll make it. )
And what does telling yourself to be okay with it do for you?
( He has no horse in the Solomon coping mechanism race, so his words aren't didactic, exactly. He just calls it like he sees it. )
... Sometimes you can't make it stop hurting, no matter what you do.
( So. chew on that, he guesses. He wouldn't be able to pretend to be rational in Solomon's shoes, between this and what Solomon mentioned at the ball. )
[Sometimes there really is nothing to take the hurt away completely. Sometimes it is an aching wound that time can't heal.]
I don't do it to escape the hurt. I do it to stop feeding the wolf that is my fear. Because it is what I would want them to do, without question, if our places were reversed.
( Mika doesn't seem like he agrees with the selfless assessment, either. He doesn't think he'd call it selflessness... maybe married to his image? Wanting to fulfill a certain role? The way Solomon does it is difficult for Mika to parse.
The remark gives him pause. )
... Don't give yourself too much credit. ( Rude, Mika. ) ... I feel twice as exhausted now.
It's only natural. Emotions are exhausting things.
[With a rustling of fabric and a creaking of the couch underneath, Solomon lifts himself back to his feet, gently tugging the sleeves of his shirt further against his wrists. No need to show all of that on accident, even if he thinks Mika would no longer find it a surprise.]
I'll leave you to rest.
Just don't stay in this tomb of yours forever, my king. Okay?
( He watches himself get up - recompose, and return to how he was, as if that blip were a mirage, something to discount.
But he hears the echo of the pulse, even if things may begin to return to normal. The slight construction, not yet fully eased up. )
... I'll see if it's not too comfortable in here. Vampires do love coffins.
( Wrly, but not total rejection. He'll remain where he is - and, when Solomon leaves, curl up under the covers again, his ruminations different than before. )
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no subject
His grip grows tighter. )
... Never ever try that with him. No matter how circumstances change.
( Whether Solomon regains his own powers, or promises suddenly become legal. He doesn't care about the caveat that it has to be mutual, either: Ginger can be sensitive, and Solomon is very steady - he can imagine easily a future where Solomon catches him at just the right time. )
I will kill you. Without hesitation. Is that clear?
no subject
He raises a brow, still clearly not threatened.]
That is between Ginger and I, Mika. Again, he has made it very obvious that he wants nothing to do with me in that regard.
If you're concerned that I'm lying, then speak with him about your worries. But I have no intention of making that kind of vow in our current circumstances. I'm not a fool.
no subject
( Emphasizing that again!! But he's made his point, so he will let go, roughly. )
Don't listen to me talk about wanting to help him and then think I'll be happy hearing you want to bind him. Did you really think I'd be supportive?
( The irony of Mika later becoming a contracted demon who's much happier than he is now is unknown to him, but very real. )
no subject
[Thus why he is still calm, even as he adjusts his seating with an uncomfortable roll of his shoulders at the inhuman shove he just took. Oof ouch his bones.]
I told you the only things I could offer were not things he could take lightly. And I have no intention of lying to you about what those things are, given what you already know about Ginger.
I expect you to trust him to make the best decision for himself. I am not asking you to trust me. But this is not something I could ever force on him, even if promises were safe and my power was as it should be.
no subject
People make decisions that are bad for them all the time. ( He says this strongly. ) Yuu-chan did, too. You want to know how I died? It's because this bastard Yuu-chan knew was traitorous and shady betrayed him again and was hunting him down to skewer him and strap him to an operation table for more inhumane tests.
( He nearly spits these words out - he really fucking hates Guren. But... he hates himself too. Because everything that happened with Guren - in Mika's eyes - was his fault. )
I had every chance to kill Guren, but I chose to trust Yuu-chan's right to trust who he wanted to trust. That things ended up as bad as they did is because I didn't look at his stupid choices and make the right one for him.
no subject
I'm aware.
[The change is subtle. Not in tone or expression, but in the way his heart constricts, the way his pulse quickens in response in an uneven timber. Something, some part of this, deeply upsets him.
But his composure does not shift.]
But to care for someone is to let them make choices on their own, and be brave enough to tell them if you think those choices are wrong.
Trapping them in choices of your own making is no different than binding them to a contract against their will. There is a time and place for both.
no subject
He suspects there's a cause greater than the surface of what's being said - but what it is, if he's even parsing his reaction right, he isn't certain what it could be.
... )
... And if they insist on making those choices anyway? Then what? You just watch them hurt themselves, and you throw up your hands and say, "Oh, well"? I can't accept that. You have to be able to do something.
no subject
You accept what has happened. You meet them wherever they are, if you're still willing. And if they feel they have made a mistake, you do what you can to support them.
[You hope that this mistake isn't the last one, and that you can somehow help them make it through to another one. You shift the scenario in your head every night, picking it apart and yourself along with it, even though it solves nothing.
...]
Just speak with him, Mika. Hear his thoughts for yourself. Not from me.
no subject
... )
... Is that what you did? Talk to whoever it is you're thinking about?
( This is just a blind guess. But he'll make it. )
no subject
...
He lets out an exhale, his smile worn and tired.]
I did while I could, yes.
no subject
... Are they gone?
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I don't know.
But I have to be okay with not knowing for now. There is only so much I can do.
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( He has no horse in the Solomon coping mechanism race, so his words aren't didactic, exactly. He just calls it like he sees it. )
... Sometimes you can't make it stop hurting, no matter what you do.
( So. chew on that, he guesses. He wouldn't be able to pretend to be rational in Solomon's shoes, between this and what Solomon mentioned at the ball. )
no subject
You're not wrong.
[Sometimes there really is nothing to take the hurt away completely. Sometimes it is an aching wound that time can't heal.]
I don't do it to escape the hurt. I do it to stop feeding the wolf that is my fear. Because it is what I would want them to do, without question, if our places were reversed.
no subject
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[Because he isn't. He knows he isn't.
But it's not a topic for now, or for Mika, who already has so little faith in him.]
...You're a little calmer now than you were before. I'm glad.
no subject
The remark gives him pause. )
... Don't give yourself too much credit. ( Rude, Mika. ) ... I feel twice as exhausted now.
no subject
[With a rustling of fabric and a creaking of the couch underneath, Solomon lifts himself back to his feet, gently tugging the sleeves of his shirt further against his wrists. No need to show all of that on accident, even if he thinks Mika would no longer find it a surprise.]
I'll leave you to rest.
Just don't stay in this tomb of yours forever, my king. Okay?
no subject
But he hears the echo of the pulse, even if things may begin to return to normal. The slight construction, not yet fully eased up. )
... I'll see if it's not too comfortable in here. Vampires do love coffins.
( Wrly, but not total rejection. He'll remain where he is - and, when Solomon leaves, curl up under the covers again, his ruminations different than before. )