wizardmanor | Floor 2, Room 3

[ ...Well, Ginger's reaction says enough. ]

To be fair, I... [ ...How does he put this in a way that isn't too out of pocket... ] ...my division's got a certain rep, and it ain't entirely unearned. [ Ginger is like, literally the only person he'd so casually just mention the Division of Serenity to since he'd get the idea. ] So I noticed.

Day, it’s a vampire bite.

[ Like that explains everything!! ]

Yeah, but I also know what the post-sex look's like. [ So this is painting a very interesting picture and he's not sure what conclusions he should be drawing here??? ]

[ Oh, it’s that time again, where he’s so embarrassed he could literally cry. Must be a day that ends in Y. ]

A-aaah, stop, stop - whatever you’re thinking. There’s no s-sex with anyone! There’s never been -

[ This is more like post-sad-solo-frustration… or something… ]

So by yourself?

[ He's not judging, but there is a distinct air of "please explain". ]

[ … He nods after a moment…

Always, by himself. He has to do something - ]

…Otherwise, it… has a hard time going away…

[ Yeah, he can see how that'd be really awkward. His hands move up to wipe at Ginger's tears, carefully. ]

And... [ ...Well, given Ginger's reaction... ] You can't help it, I'm guessin'?

[ The same slight face a child would make when their parent scrubs their face. He can’t… shake his head yes because Day’s hands are there?? ]

It’s just - my demonic nature…

[ Maybe he wouldn't have to do this if you didn't cry so easily, Ginger, as much as he thinks it's endearing. ]

...You know, I still don't understand what that means for you. [ He gets the sense that his idea of demons is very, very different than Ginger's. ]

Demons are defined by natural instincts. [ He points to himself, ears red. ] Possessiveness.

But my father - is sexual pleasure.

[ So that’s what he inherited from his dad. ]

[ Well, the first bit actually kind of tracks, it's just that those instincts seem a lot more...comprehensible, Day supposes, compared to the highly specific obsessions demons back home tend to have.

His eyebrows do raise a little, though. Possessiveness and sexual pleasure, what a combo. ]

...I think I get it. [ He hopes he does, anyway. Another pause, while he tries to figure out if there's a way to phrase this delicately. ] And this happens every time?

[ What a headache, more like. Sometimes he feels so restless, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. ]

With Mika? Yeah. But sometimes it happens anyway from… dreams and things.

[ Oh, so it's worse than he thought.

Day doesn't say anything, not because he has nothing to say but because he's trying to figure out what to say. He's doing—relationship math, trying to weigh his options and getting stuck on whether or not bringing it up will mess things up. Would it actually help Ginger? In fact, there's no guarantee it'll be taken up anyway, which would just make things awkward? Day might be fine with it, but...

...His face is probably having some kind of journey right now. ]

[ The silence is making him more worried and embarrassed, though. ]

What... [ And it doesn't help that Ginger can't read Day's expression. ] Just say it.

[ Sorry Ginger, this isn't a position Day often finds himself in. The Division of Serenity is pretty open about this sort of thing, but he hasn't like, propositioned anyone in almost two years. ]

Sorry, I was just—sortin' out some thoughts. [ i.e. It's not Ginger's fault. ]

I... [ Open his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. ] I can help you with that. If doin' it by yourself all the time's frustratin'. Standin' offer, no strings attached. You can take it or leave and I won't make a fuss either way.

[ It is maybe impressive that he's not actually blushing when he's saying this, but there is an air of embarrassment nonetheless because now that he's put it out there he has to live with whatever comes next. ]

[ H-HE’S SO EMBARRASSED HE’S SPEECHLESS WAIT A SEC ]

Standing… standing offer… [ Back to covering his face and whispering - ] Isn’t it better to do this kind of thing with, um, s-someone you like?

[ Is he actually a pure maiden at heart? Probably. That’s what happens when your mom is an angel or purity. ]

I - I, uh. Haven’t done this with someone else before and - I don’t know if… I could do it unless I liked them in that way, at least a little.

[ ...Surprisingly pure-hearted. It's actually kind of cute? ]

It ain't like I proposition just anyone. [ He's only ever* done it with people he likes** as people, but he gets the feeling Ginger doesn't mean it the same way.

He will let the meaning of that just hang there. Ginger can interpret it however he wants to.

* Aside from one incident where he underestimated celestial wine and got blackout drunk. Lesson learnt.
** Now, love on the other hand, is a very different matter. ]

...And I'm guessin' that ain't the case for me? [ He doesn't sound hurt, because he's kept his expectations low, but he is kind of curious. ]

I don’t know -

[ He really doesn’t. The thing is… he had never considered that anyone would ever like him in that way, so he didn’t think to… look for it.

He’s spent his entire life, literally, revolving around one person - one friend, one love. It’s easy to recognize his feelings for Rum, so used to looking at him with those eyes.

But it’s like he automatically turns it off with other people. ]

I know I’m not just anyone to you. We’re friends, but - I didn’t know you were a possibility? Do… you like me… like that?

[ Why…? ]

[

Wait. ]

[ You know, when he laid out that offer it was with an expectation it would be casual. That's why he said no strings attached. He wasn't really expecting more out of it, since, haha, what are the chances Ginger would even entertain liking him like that?

Wow Day you're a godsdamned idiot. ]

[ Which leads into the other internal conundrum: Day hasn't fallen in love since before he became a Sidereal, and suddenly being confronted with the prospect that he might be in love now is terrifying in a way he didn't think he was ever going to experience. Something in the recesses of his heart wants to leap up, seize his throat and tell him to run, a knee-jerk response to a first love that he could do nothing but watch slip through his fingers.

He has the sense to catch it before he does anything stupid. ]

I... [ Fuck. ] ...You're cute. Your smile's beautiful, the way you get excited over flowers is lovely. I've basically thrown up all kindsa feelings I've never told anyone onto you, and you haven't destroyed me with them yet. And...I find myself wishin' I could love you until you can find serenity in yourself.

So... [ And despite what he just said, he's not sure if he can really call this "love" yet, when he has to grapple with old hurts. ] Yeah. I think I do.

[ Day's confession is spreads far and wide and selfless like the sky. Ginger's happy, he is, but he knows the fear of liking someone like that. And he's scared Day will cloud over when he learns that Ginger isn't worth his feelings, when Ginger doesn't know how to like someone who isn't Rum.

(Is it possible? Could he try?)

'And without any reason, I would become happy or sad with just a single word from him.' Ginger's thoughts from a time that feels so long ago now.

Is this how Day feels about him? How? When? Why? He doesn't understand how it's possible for Day to feel this way - about him. The happiness that comes from liking someone is like nothing else, he knows, he knows, but the sadness - it cuts deeper than anything. Somehow, Day's given him that power.

And Ginger - doesn't want to be the person to hurt him. He doesn't ever want to hurt him. ]

... You... [ (...Could he try... for Day?) ] Day, I... don't have the pretty words you do. But... you can love me if you want, if it won't hurt you. If loving me will make you even a little bit happy, I'd... like that I think. Right now, I don't know if I can - if I will return your feelings. I like you, but...

[ (He's willing to.) ]

I think I'm still learning how to be a person without... Rum. Give me some time? To try.

[ On a lot of levels, Ginger's response is more than Day was ever expecting. He knows to keep his expectations low when it comes to love, an attitude that has helped him skirt around well-meaning matchmaking attempts and other advances since he also has the mind to want to avoid romance.

In a way, it's a good sign that Ginger is hesitating because it means he's thinking, deliberating. After all, Day isn't entirely sure what he's doing here either. He knows this feeling can be called love, but in the back of his mind, he can still feel wounds threatening to seep poison into them.

(It's not going to matter in the end, anyway. He can always move on from you, but where does that leave you? Do you want to put the pieces back together another time, and there might not be much left by then?)

...It hardly seems fair to Ginger when the only time Day's fallen in love is associated with—that.

So this isn't a bad situation to be in. Time has not healed that hurt, and he hasn't exactly been trying to address it, but he'll have to sooner rather than later now. ]

...I can't say I'll— [ He tries to pick his words here, hoping he won't be misunderstood. ] —that I'll never feel hurt. It just happens sometimes. [ He's played matchmaker enough times to know love isn't always straightforward. ] But...bein' with you makes me happy, and I hope I make you happy too. We've got time to figure things out. [ Time that's only as long as they're here and the moon threatens the world, perhaps, but time nonetheless. ]

It's fine if you end up not feelin' the same way. [ A safeguard against heartbreak the more cynical part insists on. A sincere wish for this to be true the kinder part pushes forward. ] I just...

[ ...This will be the one selfish thought he'll allow himself to voice. ]

I just don't want this to be something that can be replaced.

[ Because that is the result of when the forgetting sets in, the salt rubbed into the wound: people forget, and fate smooths out the wrinkles left behind. People are very good at explaining away the things that seem just a little off, actions and meaning with forgotten causes assigned to different ones. Forgotten relationships subsume into remembered ones. The world will keep moving, but the Chosen of the stars are left behind, still like their ties to the night sky.

Day is no longer a simple mortal, but he's still only 23. There hasn't been enough time for him to become inured to this. ]

Edited 2024-05-02 06:26 (UTC)

[ That, he can answer with certainty, blue eyes clear of any doubts. He says quietly: ]

You are not replaceable. I’m not… very reliable… with other people’s emotions - [ As selfish and as possessive as he is, sometimes he can only see so far. And sometimes, it’s because he doesn’t care to see. But when he does care about someone, he does it with the whole of him, throwing everything in. ] - but… trust me with at least that?

Trust me to know that there’s only one Joyous Day, and there will ever only be one.

[ He has not thrown everything in for Day. They both know that - maybe that’s why Day keeps his expectations low. But there is a pile that is building - a flower; afternoon wine served in mugs; two strangers on a bench; eyes as pretty as starlight that occasionally flash hope like the rising sun at dawn, shy over the horizon; eyes as dark as twilight waiting for Day's end, finality at midnight; and the idea that love endures. It's the start of something. ]

You do… make me happy.

[ That… is also said with certainty. ]

Floor 2, Room 3

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kind of nsfw talk here. I'm sorry.

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