[He would have understood if Solomon opted to leave. Akira wouldn't have held it against him, either. The very last thing he expects is for Solomon to kneel and meet him at eye level, to meet eyes that begin to sting and mist and redden when his hand moves to rest against his knee.
No, no, no. He feels broken, like all he can do is deny and refuse and shake his head over and over and over, trying to ward off the urge to cry, his hands wound so tightly around themselves that his knuckles have gone white.
His breath catches on the inhale, the ever-present need to stay strong, stay free of unpleasant emotion, crumbling with each word.]
...I'm sorry. I am. I'm the one who didn't trust you and I regret that more than anything.
[Solomon has survived this long, hasn't he? His fears were misplaced from the beginning, and yet—]
[His hand moves to those clenched fingers. It's okay. It's okay. It hurts so deeply, to see one this young having to settle emotions in a way that he's only managed after millennia of numbing, millennia of forgetting. This boy is barely a man. This forced resolution is unfair, no matter his experience.]
You may judge me all you feel is needed. Once I tell you, once I can fill that hole in your heart.
But for now?
[His other hand comes to join him, to cup that grip.]
I do not want to see you rip yourself apart when all you've had is to chase the ghost of a foolish old man. I've already had to watch you nearly slip away once against your will. Do not lock yourself up again, even if the phantom you hide from is the call of your own heart.
You don't want me to work alone. In this, at least... please, do not follow in my footsteps. Do not close yourself away.
[Letting go has never ended well. To blindly trust that Solomon won't simply vanish, won't catch his own death, is more than Akira can handle. Still, what say does he have in how the man lives his life? How can he believe Solomon would be any better off with a friend at his side? With someone like himself, someone so weak?
Akira curses beneath his breath, quiet and plaintive and desperate. Despite himself, he's crying, those tears falling on the back of Solomon's hand.]
And if I trust you? If I believe you?
[What right does he have to beg? To plead?]
Then you better start taking your own advice. I won't follow where you don't want me to go... but don't keep me in the dark. I can't stand it.
[There it goes. A crack, angry and desperate, but a crack nonetheless.
There you are, Akira. He sees you, Akira.]
I know. I've hated seeing how your bitterness has warped on you. How angry and scared you've seemed.
I'm here. I'm all yours for right now, until you have all the answers you need. Even if you don't find it wise to trust me anymore, maybe you'll finally have the light you need to settle your heart.
[But Solomon isn't and they both know it. Funny how the tears, now that he can no longer fight them, break the dam within him that's bottled up all that anger and fear up until now. Had he really fallen so far? Had he truly lost sight of himself?
...The fact that he needs to question himself is proof enough. Akira exhales, breaths shaky, and urges himself to meet Solomon's eye.]
I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. And... I want to trust you. Just as you are.
[No more fighting against what he can't control— not when that something is Solomon. His friendship with the man means more than that.]
So tell me everything you want to tell me. I won't force you to say more.
...Alright. Then let me start with what I think's most important.
[It takes a little bit of effort, to lift himself back up off the floor. But it's just enough to slide his weight onto one knee, to slide his arms up against Akira's shoulders with a hand against his hair.]
Despite everything, please remember that I'm incredibly proud of you, Akira.
[Oh. Akira stiffens, his guard down which is, as Solomon knows, unusual for him. He wasn't expecting a hug nor the comforting warmth that follows, and if he were tearing at the seams before, he's fallen apart now. God, when was the last time he cried this hard? This is so embarrassing, but on the other hand, this is what Akira needed.
Wrapping his arms up tight around Solomon, Akira buries his face in his shoulder.]
...Thank you.
[It's telling that Akira's response amounts to little more than muted thanks, gutted of his usual sass. He'll be fine, he always is.
...Ah, he's hugging a little too tightly. Sorry, Solomon.]
[Once Akira's arms wrap against him with the telltale shuddering of tears, Solomon eases his weight back down to the couch. There they will sit, Solomon letting his hand run a slow and even circle against Akira's back, not letting up until he feels that breathing start to even, or until the young man starts to loosen his grip.
Only then will he pull a handkerchief from his sleeve as leans back to give Akira space, holding it out to him.]
It's good, you know. To be able to cry. Don't take it for granted.
[He'll give him a few moments to compose himself, to clean his glasses if he needs to, before he settles back further against the cushions, pulling his limbs up to sit cross-legged. He's cold, okay, don't look at him.]
You said you don't know much of the North. Were you aware of how the people there tend to treat the magical?
[The times Akira allows himself to cry are few and far between, but he takes this moment, takes the comfort Solomon offers him without questioning if he's deserving of it. That doesn't matter now. He needs it.
Akira doesn't cry for long, coming away with a note of thanks when he takes that handkerchief and dries his eyes. A measured breath in, and a long, steady exhale. Don't tell anyone you saw your temporary apprentice look totally uncool, Solomon.]
I'll take your word for it. I'd rather avoid it if possible.
[Rather than fuss with his glasses, Akira gets up to go and set them aside. While he's at it, he snags a throw blanket off his bed and slings it over Solomon's shoulders on the way back to the couch. No need to sit there in discomfort if the cold's bothering him.]
Wizards hold all the power there, yeah? It seems like most people up there are afraid of them.
In trusted company, it's good for the heart to not hold everything, or it might very well break. Let yourself be human.
[The blanket isn't expected, but he still lets his hands wrap into the fabric with a tired smile of gratitude, wrapping himself tightly in it. He's gotten too used to his fireplace while his body has recovered.]
It's a very harsh relationship, yes.
The North is incredibly inhospitable. For those that have chosen to live there, they are at the mercy of the weather, the beasts, and any magical creatures that have the resilience to survive the harsh conditions. That includes wizards.
Many of the villages only get by through the magic provided by a wizard. But many of those wizards are not gracious. They are not against using that power over the people for their own benefit, asking to be treated as gods, or even resorting to violence and murder to keep the people fearful and in line.
A representative from one of those villages came to the ball. I spoke to him for a considerable amount of time about the subject, because they were at tensions for a much different reason.
Their normal protector is Oz. The strongest wizard in the world.
[...Actually, while Solomon talks, Akira hops up to fiddle with something on his desk. There's an electric kettle there frequently used to boil water for coffee, but this time, he fixes up a bit of tea he'd purchased in the south and brings over a cup for each of them. Solomon needs plenty of rest, so no caffeine for him today.]
And so that's why you went off to the north on your own? Were you looking for this Oz guy?
But if he's in the same state as the Southern wizards, then I doubt there's anything we could do to bring him back to the North anytime soon. So the problem at hand is not exactly anywhere close to being fixed.
[A pause, as he holds his cup out.]
I haven't tried your sugar yet. Do you mind if I change that?
Are you gearing up for another long-winded old man story?
[Akira doesn't sound like he's complaining, though, extending a hand over Solomon's cup to sprinkle his glossy red sugar into the cup. Special shiny sugar, just like Akira himself...]
It's too sweet for my tastes. Maybe you'll like it more than me.
Thank you-- [Ah, what a pretty color... He'll give his teaspoon a stir, giving the brilliant red some time to dissolve.]
No. I'm too tired to do that at the moment. Just know that Oz is currently in the castle in Central, and his village is in no state to ask for him even if they knew his current whereabouts. There's enough tension already that is not our place to handle.
My concern was the people. Oz was a wizard under the service of Central, despite being from the North. But he has a castle situated in the mountains, one that was his home before he worked with the Sage. Henry had said that Oz had enchanted the windows of the castle to always remain on, even if Oz himself wasn't present. It acted like a scarecrow of sorts for other wizards who might think about challenging Oz's stake on an area.
When Oz vanished, so did the lights in his castle, and so did the protection the people relied on. Their location right near the mountains leaves them in a highly susceptible area for avalanches and blizzards, and they were afraid they wouldn't last for long if anything at all started to fail.
[Akira sprinkles sugar into his own cup and gives it a stir, warming his palms against the porcelain while he waits for it to cool.]
...That leaves the people of the North in a pretty tight bind. Has anyone tried to challenge his wizard dominance, or whatever you'd call it?
[Akira can only imagine two nerds slinging their heavy textbooks at each other despite knowing from his own experience just how much mages are capable of. Let him have this funny mental image.]
[Oz would crit hit him for 10000000 damage in every universe, man, lbr.]
Here and there. Though there isn't much to challenge. Oz's castle still has a very large amount of protective magic shutting it up tight, but the village is not as lucky.
[He takes a tentative sip. Mm. A strong sweetness indeed, though not cloying... this would work very well against the bitterness of coffee.]
That is why I went to them. I decided to infiltrate his castle for myself as a preventative measure.
[Akira hears that and his expression promptly flatlines.]
Solomon...
[...But he said he'd work on trusting this man, didn't he? Knowing how Solomon is, Akira can't give him hell for undertaking the task on his own and letting no one know about it. Stupid, stubborn old man... and were it Akira, he wouldn't have done any differently himself.
Deep breath in, deep breath out... Akira grabs an academic paper off his coffee table and rolls it up tight...... and baps Solomon on the head.]
If my hair turns prematurely grey because of you, you're paying for all my hair dye. You're insane.
He rubs at his forehead at the point of impact, holding up his palm to silently request to not be hit again.]
H-haha... ah, so I've been told.
[As well as some other things! But insanity is definitely one of them.]
By the time you came across me, I'd already made it in and out of the castle properly. I wasn't able to get it fully functional before Oz's magic overpowered me... but at the very least, I was able to work through and reinitiate some of the enchantment spells Oz had placed.
I didn't exactly leave it unscathed, since it took about every ounce of magic I had to make it through there. But the village hosted me afterwards, and I stayed with them until I was rudely taken up by Snow and White's request for the City of Ice earlier this week.
I've had no chance for clear skies, so my amulet was running low... I was having to make daily trips to the Forest of Dreams to replenish my mana from the stones. That was where you found me. But I couldn't be guaranteed that more of a presence of our own wizards to Oz's village would drawn more of the unsavory to them.
So I kept mum, and watched the rest of you work on repairs for other villages when I wasn't with my own, so that I could pay attention to whether aggressors were keeping their focuses on the collective group of you or trying to find an opportunity with the castle's changes.
[Akira tries and fails to see why this information couldn't have been given to him prior to Solomon's trip, or to anyone else he trusts, for that matter. He understands where Solomon is coming from, but this is the biggest way in which they differ— Akira's all about the power of teamwork. Not everything can or should be accomplished alone.
He doesn't censor his long, gusty sigh, downing his glass of tea in one long pull and rising to fix another cup.]
Look. I understand that you're going to do what you want no matter what, but can't you at least tell me beforehand? Drop a hint. A little "hey Akira, I'm about to go do something reckless. I'll be back" before you run off and almost get yourself killed? You're being inconsiderate.
[He returns, resisting the urge to dump his tea on Solomon's head, and drops down on the couch with a whump.]
If you'll be honest with me, I'll be honest with you. I'll keep your secrets safe. In exchange... there's something I need to tell you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I told you, would you have trusted me in return? Or would you have pursued me into the depths of the castle even at risk to yourself, like you did in the forest?
[But it's not an answer Akira can comfortably accept. It would be one thing if Solomon were at his full power like he was in his own world. It would be another if Akira had access to his Personas. Here, however, they're more or less equals... aren't they?
[From one who was the most powerful in the world, one who knew he could. He had the knowledge, he had the willpower, he had the people reliant on him. Like stepping through one's own footsteps in the freshly fallen snow, or so he figured. Adapt and overpower, all for them, leaving everything else and everyone else behind when the only justification he needed was his own.]
It's hypocritical of me to say now that I'm in the state I am. But... Habit says I don't have to take the worries for myself that I do for the people around me. Because I cannot die. I'm the only one in human existence who cannot die.
Or... rather, I couldn't die.
[Here is different, is what his dip in tone seems to say. Here is difficult, with the weakness in his body and the exhaustion in his heart.]
...It's a fool's errand, in a way, to learn that isn't the case anymore through something so risky. And I won't pretend it's a fair viewpoint in the slightest.
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The couch creaks for a moment. Solomon's gotten up. Possibly to leave.
But it's not, in fact, what he chooses. Instead, Akira will catch him kneeling in his peripheral as a hand moves to rest against his knee.]
It's not your fault.
[That touch squeezes firmer.]
It is not your fault, Akira.
And you never, ever needed to convince me to trust you.
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No, no, no. He feels broken, like all he can do is deny and refuse and shake his head over and over and over, trying to ward off the urge to cry, his hands wound so tightly around themselves that his knuckles have gone white.
His breath catches on the inhale, the ever-present need to stay strong, stay free of unpleasant emotion, crumbling with each word.]
...I'm sorry. I am. I'm the one who didn't trust you and I regret that more than anything.
[Solomon has survived this long, hasn't he? His fears were misplaced from the beginning, and yet—]
I wish you wouldn't do it all alone. That's all.
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[His hand moves to those clenched fingers. It's okay. It's okay. It hurts so deeply, to see one this young having to settle emotions in a way that he's only managed after millennia of numbing, millennia of forgetting. This boy is barely a man. This forced resolution is unfair, no matter his experience.]
You may judge me all you feel is needed. Once I tell you, once I can fill that hole in your heart.
But for now?
[His other hand comes to join him, to cup that grip.]
I do not want to see you rip yourself apart when all you've had is to chase the ghost of a foolish old man. I've already had to watch you nearly slip away once against your will. Do not lock yourself up again, even if the phantom you hide from is the call of your own heart.
You don't want me to work alone. In this, at least... please, do not follow in my footsteps. Do not close yourself away.
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Akira curses beneath his breath, quiet and plaintive and desperate. Despite himself, he's crying, those tears falling on the back of Solomon's hand.]
And if I trust you? If I believe you?
[What right does he have to beg? To plead?]
Then you better start taking your own advice. I won't follow where you don't want me to go... but don't keep me in the dark. I can't stand it.
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There you are, Akira. He sees you, Akira.]
I know. I've hated seeing how your bitterness has warped on you. How angry and scared you've seemed.
I'm here. I'm all yours for right now, until you have all the answers you need. Even if you don't find it wise to trust me anymore, maybe you'll finally have the light you need to settle your heart.
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[But Solomon isn't and they both know it. Funny how the tears, now that he can no longer fight them, break the dam within him that's bottled up all that anger and fear up until now. Had he really fallen so far? Had he truly lost sight of himself?
...The fact that he needs to question himself is proof enough. Akira exhales, breaths shaky, and urges himself to meet Solomon's eye.]
I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. And... I want to trust you. Just as you are.
[No more fighting against what he can't control— not when that something is Solomon. His friendship with the man means more than that.]
So tell me everything you want to tell me. I won't force you to say more.
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[It takes a little bit of effort, to lift himself back up off the floor. But it's just enough to slide his weight onto one knee, to slide his arms up against Akira's shoulders with a hand against his hair.]
Despite everything, please remember that I'm incredibly proud of you, Akira.
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Wrapping his arms up tight around Solomon, Akira buries his face in his shoulder.]
...Thank you.
[It's telling that Akira's response amounts to little more than muted thanks, gutted of his usual sass. He'll be fine, he always is.
...Ah, he's hugging a little too tightly. Sorry, Solomon.]
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Only then will he pull a handkerchief from his sleeve as leans back to give Akira space, holding it out to him.]
It's good, you know. To be able to cry. Don't take it for granted.
[He'll give him a few moments to compose himself, to clean his glasses if he needs to, before he settles back further against the cushions, pulling his limbs up to sit cross-legged. He's cold, okay, don't look at him.]
You said you don't know much of the North. Were you aware of how the people there tend to treat the magical?
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Akira doesn't cry for long, coming away with a note of thanks when he takes that handkerchief and dries his eyes. A measured breath in, and a long, steady exhale. Don't tell anyone you saw your temporary apprentice look totally uncool, Solomon.]
I'll take your word for it. I'd rather avoid it if possible.
[Rather than fuss with his glasses, Akira gets up to go and set them aside. While he's at it, he snags a throw blanket off his bed and slings it over Solomon's shoulders on the way back to the couch. No need to sit there in discomfort if the cold's bothering him.]
Wizards hold all the power there, yeah? It seems like most people up there are afraid of them.
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[The blanket isn't expected, but he still lets his hands wrap into the fabric with a tired smile of gratitude, wrapping himself tightly in it. He's gotten too used to his fireplace while his body has recovered.]
It's a very harsh relationship, yes.
The North is incredibly inhospitable. For those that have chosen to live there, they are at the mercy of the weather, the beasts, and any magical creatures that have the resilience to survive the harsh conditions. That includes wizards.
Many of the villages only get by through the magic provided by a wizard. But many of those wizards are not gracious. They are not against using that power over the people for their own benefit, asking to be treated as gods, or even resorting to violence and murder to keep the people fearful and in line.
A representative from one of those villages came to the ball. I spoke to him for a considerable amount of time about the subject, because they were at tensions for a much different reason.
Their normal protector is Oz. The strongest wizard in the world.
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And so that's why you went off to the north on your own? Were you looking for this Oz guy?
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Not quite. We know where Oz is, after all.
But if he's in the same state as the Southern wizards, then I doubt there's anything we could do to bring him back to the North anytime soon. So the problem at hand is not exactly anywhere close to being fixed.
[A pause, as he holds his cup out.]
I haven't tried your sugar yet. Do you mind if I change that?
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[Akira doesn't sound like he's complaining, though, extending a hand over Solomon's cup to sprinkle his glossy red sugar into the cup. Special shiny sugar, just like Akira himself...]
It's too sweet for my tastes. Maybe you'll like it more than me.
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No. I'm too tired to do that at the moment. Just know that Oz is currently in the castle in Central, and his village is in no state to ask for him even if they knew his current whereabouts. There's enough tension already that is not our place to handle.
My concern was the people. Oz was a wizard under the service of Central, despite being from the North. But he has a castle situated in the mountains, one that was his home before he worked with the Sage. Henry had said that Oz had enchanted the windows of the castle to always remain on, even if Oz himself wasn't present. It acted like a scarecrow of sorts for other wizards who might think about challenging Oz's stake on an area.
When Oz vanished, so did the lights in his castle, and so did the protection the people relied on. Their location right near the mountains leaves them in a highly susceptible area for avalanches and blizzards, and they were afraid they wouldn't last for long if anything at all started to fail.
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...That leaves the people of the North in a pretty tight bind. Has anyone tried to challenge his wizard dominance, or whatever you'd call it?
[Akira can only imagine two nerds slinging their heavy textbooks at each other despite knowing from his own experience just how much mages are capable of. Let him have this funny mental image.]
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Here and there. Though there isn't much to challenge. Oz's castle still has a very large amount of protective magic shutting it up tight, but the village is not as lucky.
[He takes a tentative sip. Mm. A strong sweetness indeed, though not cloying... this would work very well against the bitterness of coffee.]
That is why I went to them. I decided to infiltrate his castle for myself as a preventative measure.
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Solomon...
[...But he said he'd work on trusting this man, didn't he? Knowing how Solomon is, Akira can't give him hell for undertaking the task on his own and letting no one know about it. Stupid, stubborn old man... and were it Akira, he wouldn't have done any differently himself.
Deep breath in, deep breath out... Akira grabs an academic paper off his coffee table and rolls it up tight...... and baps Solomon on the head.]
If my hair turns prematurely grey because of you, you're paying for all my hair dye. You're insane.
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He rubs at his forehead at the point of impact, holding up his palm to silently request to not be hit again.]
H-haha... ah, so I've been told.
[As well as some other things! But insanity is definitely one of them.]
By the time you came across me, I'd already made it in and out of the castle properly. I wasn't able to get it fully functional before Oz's magic overpowered me... but at the very least, I was able to work through and reinitiate some of the enchantment spells Oz had placed.
I didn't exactly leave it unscathed, since it took about every ounce of magic I had to make it through there. But the village hosted me afterwards, and I stayed with them until I was rudely taken up by Snow and White's request for the City of Ice earlier this week.
I've had no chance for clear skies, so my amulet was running low... I was having to make daily trips to the Forest of Dreams to replenish my mana from the stones. That was where you found me. But I couldn't be guaranteed that more of a presence of our own wizards to Oz's village would drawn more of the unsavory to them.
So I kept mum, and watched the rest of you work on repairs for other villages when I wasn't with my own, so that I could pay attention to whether aggressors were keeping their focuses on the collective group of you or trying to find an opportunity with the castle's changes.
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[Akira tries and fails to see why this information couldn't have been given to him prior to Solomon's trip, or to anyone else he trusts, for that matter. He understands where Solomon is coming from, but this is the biggest way in which they differ— Akira's all about the power of teamwork. Not everything can or should be accomplished alone.
He doesn't censor his long, gusty sigh, downing his glass of tea in one long pull and rising to fix another cup.]
Look. I understand that you're going to do what you want no matter what, but can't you at least tell me beforehand? Drop a hint. A little "hey Akira, I'm about to go do something reckless. I'll be back" before you run off and almost get yourself killed? You're being inconsiderate.
[He returns, resisting the urge to dump his tea on Solomon's head, and drops down on the couch with a whump.]
If you'll be honest with me, I'll be honest with you. I'll keep your secrets safe. In exchange... there's something I need to tell you. I'm sorry in advance.
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If I told you, would you have trusted me in return? Or would you have pursued me into the depths of the castle even at risk to yourself, like you did in the forest?
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Of course I would have followed you.
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Oz's magic was deadly in its power. I wouldn't have been able to forgive anyone, let alone myself, if we'd lost you again over something I'd chosen.
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[But it's not an answer Akira can comfortably accept. It would be one thing if Solomon were at his full power like he was in his own world. It would be another if Akira had access to his Personas. Here, however, they're more or less equals... aren't they?
Aren't they?]
Do you think I'm that weak?
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I just couldn't accept it for myself.
[From one who was the most powerful in the world, one who knew he could. He had the knowledge, he had the willpower, he had the people reliant on him. Like stepping through one's own footsteps in the freshly fallen snow, or so he figured. Adapt and overpower, all for them, leaving everything else and everyone else behind when the only justification he needed was his own.]
It's hypocritical of me to say now that I'm in the state I am. But... Habit says I don't have to take the worries for myself that I do for the people around me. Because I cannot die. I'm the only one in human existence who cannot die.
Or... rather, I couldn't die.
[Here is different, is what his dip in tone seems to say. Here is difficult, with the weakness in his body and the exhaustion in his heart.]
...It's a fool's errand, in a way, to learn that isn't the case anymore through something so risky. And I won't pretend it's a fair viewpoint in the slightest.
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