wizardmanor | Floor 2, Room 4

Eh?

[He just looks even more confused now, because that particular sentence could apply to... so many things, really! It's certainly not the first time he's been asked that exact question...]

... I'm sorry, it's something of a bad habit of mine. I love reading, so I end up taking books with me and then forgetting to put them back... Marcus scolds me for it all the time, but I'm really not doing it on purpose. I just get so engrossed that I can't put them down.

Edited 2024-05-07 03:09 (UTC)

( Why is he still talking about the library books... (Mika you didn't specify what you meant?) )

... Your body sounds weird and has a scent I don't know. Like you're sick.

( Or something...?

Honestly, he isn't just noticing this - he probably picked up on the oddity and the downward degradation, however subtle, early on and, in his indifference, went on his way.

But.

(Don't ask him to continue that sentence.) )

Sick...?

[... ah. Of course. Mika is a vampire, of course he would be able to sense something like that... frankly, Phil is surprised that he didn't notice it sooner, though he assumes that his medicine likely masked at least some of the most obvious symptoms. And with said medicine being nearly gone, well.]

... why don't you come inside? We can discuss things there.

[It isn't that he's ashamed to admit to it, more that he'd prefer to keep anyone else from overhearing if possible. He's already seen how many of this group are willing to be reckless in their attempts to help others.]

( Ah, so he wasn't just imagining things. His guess was off, but clearly he hit on something. It's not relief that touches him when Phil invites him in - of course not - but it does release a slight knot of tension he'd been holding onto. (Just one, though, and a smaller one.)

With a nod, he'll step inside - not far; he just kind of lingers in the "entryway" equivalent of distance from the door, expectant of a gesture to suggest where he should go. Else, he'll simply take place by the wall, arms crossed, expectant for Phil to explain. )

[There's not much space in the room, honestly-- almost every available surface is covered with books and papers save for a small spot on the bed, clearly where Phil has been sleeping (has he been sleeping? The dark circles beneath his eyes would seem to cast doubt upon that).

Still, he's quick to go over to the desk chair and start shifting books off of it before gesturing for Mika to come over and take a seat there. It's the very least he can do to attempt to be a decent host.]

... to be honest, I'm not surprised you can tell. [A beat before he asks:] Is it that obvious now...?

( If he fits, he sits... )

... You do look bad. Your coughs are dangerous. Your stamina's terrible. You don't look like you're sleeping, either.

( This is all just stuff he can gauge at a regular human level. He continues: )

... But I can hear how the body fits together, from the bones to the muscles to the guts. ( Blood goes without mention, but that, of course, too. Those dangerous coughs? Yeah, he can hear blood where it's not meant to be. ) Your insides have this scent of decay, too. There's a lot of weird stuff coming off you.

( If he lived in society beyond the age of 12, he might have actual illnesses to compare it to - but he did not, so he has no frame of reference. He just knows what a healthy body sounds like, and Phil's is the furthest thing from it. )

Is it going to keep getting worse?

Edited (insides not cells... help) 2024-05-07 04:38 (UTC)

You can sense all of that...?

[It's disbelieving, and yet at the same time not. Phil is more than aware of just how badly damaged his body is at this point, how even his artes can only help to keep the anima contamination in check for so long, and how the anima deficiency can never be cured, only slowed.

The sand in the hourglass of his life is slowly and inevitably running out and there's nothing that can be done to stop it, not even with artes or medicine.]

I suppose there's no point in hiding it, then.

[He sighs, one hand moving to fiddle self-consciously with one of the straps on his robe.]

To put it in simple terms, I'm not going to live for that much longer. Not on a scale of weeks or months... more likely around ten years or so. But... yes, it will keep getting worse.

[How fast, he doesn't know. There simply isn't any sort of practical data on that front.]

( Well, that's not the best news, is it. At least it probably won't be relevant while they're here (unless they're here for a literal decade - he hopes not). )

... Does putting strain on your body reduce the time you have?

( Physical or magical strain. )

Somewhat, but the damage is already done. It's certainly not a reason for me to stop using mirristry or magic.

[That is, after all, the only way he can help others. He doesn't have Ix's athleticism or charisma or Mileena's knowledge.]

... You're not wrong, but that's a risky attitude to take. If you give yourself too many little allowances, you're going to let yourself make big allowances when they come up.

( This is a human thing, and humans are fools. )

It's not like I can tell you to stop using magic entirely, but at least use it in moderation. Efficiently. ( Telling Phil to knock it off and remain a total novice would make him a liability - and just put his own life at risk, as a dead weight. But he needs to be smart about it. ) Is "mirristry" the kind of magic people use where you're from?

[At that, Phil brightens up a little. This is a subject he actually likes talking about, and it gives him a reason to studiously ignore the first part of what Mika said. If he doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't have to think about it!]

Yes. I'm the current Biqe of Sellund-- that's the title given to the most powerful mirrist. That's exactly why I intend to master the magic here as well. It may work differently than mirristry, but there's no reason I can't achieve the same level of skill.

[Which would make him extremely useful, therefore using his magic is justified!]

( hello?? bad news for phil: )

Did you hear a word I said, or is your hearing going with your lungs?

[... busted.]

I've been using it efficiently. That's why I hardly ever use my broom...

[Also because it's 50/50 on whether he's going to fall off any given time he gets on it, but. Details.]

( GAZING AT HIM STERNLY, kind of like a parent trying to gauge if their kid actually cleaned their room or is just saying that, )

... Okay. ( Phil lives another day. For now. ) But I'll notice if you collapse and try to hide it, or make it worse. So don't. For... better or worse we're doing things in these teams, so. Ask them for help if you need it.

( Not offering himself directly for... unclear reasons... )

[He pauses for a moment, weighing what to say, and then just sighs.]

As much as I appreciate the idea of asking for help, I don't wish to be a burden to anyone else when they already have enough to worry about. And it isn't as though anything they could do would alleviate the symptoms-- I'm afraid healing doesn't help with that much.

[He knows, he's tried.]

I'll do my best to manage it on my own.

( This feels like hearing himself talk, which is even worse. He's allowed to suffer, but others? Well - normally he doesn't care, but... he feels like it he owes something to these people he's stuck with (or, rather, who're stuck with him), even if he didn't wrong Phil directly.

That said, Mika has no stats in socialization or diplomacy, so figuring out how to convince someone who's similar to him to change their course is completely outside his wheelhouse. He can commiserate and stew, but encourage change? Jeez, if he knew how to change, he'd be doing it himself already (probably).

... )

... Okay, so you don't care that you're putting yourself in danger. You consider yourself an acceptable cost to pay. Fine.

Do you care if other people get hurt because of you?

Of course I do!

[The outburst is probably the most vehement Mika has heard Phil yet.]

That's why I... that's why...

[... and then the fight all seems to go out of him and he just curls in on himself, wrapping his arms around himself and digging his fingers into the sleeves of his robe.

That's why I should have been the Human Kaleidoscope, not Gefion.

But Mika couldn't possibly understand that, couldn't understand why it's only right that he be the one to suffer in everyone else's stead. It's what he deserves, and nothing in this world or any other can change that much.]

... no one else should risk themselves for me if it comes down to that.

( The outburst surprises him, but it tells him he's getting somewhere, at least. He is, as Mika suspected, selfless, which is entirely the problem.

(Mika thinks this while still giving himself a pass to be self-sacrificial, though. Hypocrisy at its finest.) )

... They will. Because the people here are kind, to their own detriment.

( As he's unfortunately, unwillingly discovered. )

And if you don't lean on them and give them something they can help you with, they're probably going to do something stupid trying to help you out. Their blood will be on your hands, anyway.

( Blunt and almost cruel - but honest, in the only real way he knows how. )

[Selfless though he may be, Phil is also uniquely selfish as well, and it's the combination of the two that have caused just about every single problem in his life. He's all too painfully aware of this fact.]

They shouldn't be. Not to me.

[They absolutely shouldn't be.]

I don't intend to let anyone here be foolish on my behalf, well-intentioned or not. That includes you.

[He knows, after all, that even in this new world, his experience with magic in general likely far outstrips most of the others. That's one front on which he feels he can be confident.]

( This really is like talking to himself... )

... You haven't think I've said those same things?

( Not in those words; he's hardly so articulate. But his look is pointed. He's frenzied here twice. )

And look where that's gotten me - people lining up to stick their neck in my mouth. The people here are stupid to a fault, because that's what kindness is, in the end.

( He's not ungrateful; more - frustrated on their behalf; frustrated, and untrusting on his own. )

Besides. I doubt you could stop me even if you wanted to.

( Imagine having such low self esteem (and only okay at magic) and yet being kind of arrogant about your own abilities (because, to be fair, he's formidable enough back home). That's Mika. )

I don't want to have to. So please don't make it necessary.

[There's something so existentially tired as he says this. The people here are indeed stupid... stupid and kind, and a part of him envies that selflessness, the ability to put others first without so much as a second thought.

Is there any selflessness in him offering himself up as atonement for his own selfish actions? Of course not.]

You or anyone else.

[Because he doesn't deserve that kindness.]

Edited 2024-05-19 02:04 (UTC)

( Mika crosses his arms, raising his brow. )

So you want people to just sit around and watch you die. And you'll try to stop them if they don't.

( Pardon his French, but— )

What are you even sticking around for, then?

[The question cuts deep, not that Phil intends to let it show on his face beyond a brief flicker of something pained in those mismatched eyes.

"Phil... are you planning on dying?"

He hadn't answered then, and he isn't going to answer now, either.]

... there are things I still need to do.

( ... Mika snorts. )

Sounds like we're the same.

( Kinnie! He will regret this statement when he learns Phil sucks, but not today. )

But one of those things I need to do involves looking out for certain people, and if you're going to get in the way of that - even if it's indirectly, by not taking care of yourself - I am going to interfere.

I'm going to force you to get help or get better, even if that's not what you want, and even if you try to stop me. Because that's what I'm still around here to do. Understand?

[For a moment, Phil looks like he's gearing up to protest, like he's going to insist that Mika (and everyone else) shouldn't waste their time or efforts on him.

... and then he just deflates like a balloon, shoulders slumping.]

... yes. I understand.

[Because he knows that no matter much he might insist, people like this won't listen to him anyway. He's had enough experience on that front...]

(no subject)

shortleash - 2024-05-22 08:54 (UTC) - Expand