[Malice has been a bit antsy this week. Between Lazuli's disappearance, G'raha's sudden appearance, and the memories being shared between people, he just feels... frustrated, maybe. Like he's not in control of things - though when has he ever been in control of things here? So if he's been a little more absent and off in his head this week, that's why. It's nothing Yamato's done - and he'll obviously reassure his human of that if Yamato asks - it's just that it's really sinking in that they're going to need to do something for this world, and he doesn't think he's ready. He doesn't think he's ready to work with his fellow Norths when they depart either, but there isn't much time left to worry about that.
The anxiety isn't entirely unfamiliar; Malice has lived in a state of flight or fight his entire damn life, after all. The problem is that his default response is always fight and he's not sure that's the right choice this time. He's not sure he's strong enough for that, when he's always been able to rely on his strength.
So today he's been practicing - he actually slipped back into the room shortly before Yamato awoke. He was planning on using that spell to stave off the need to feed, but... Well, it's not going great today. Malice has been using it here and there and it does work, but he's gone longer this time in the hopes that it would work but... it definitely isn't. He needs to feed. Soon.
Unlike Mika, the hunger doesn't overtake him completely. Malice has told several people that he would never let himself get to that point, and he stands by it. Even here and now, at the hungriest he's been since he's arrived, he's still fully in control. Losing control was tantamount to losing ones' life back home, and even though that may not be the case here, he hasn't wanted to find out. So he's hungry, he's agitated, and he doesn't want to hurt Yamato, so he moves to the door already thinking of who to ask. Solomon, most likely. He'll keep Malice from taking too much, though the embarrassment of admitting that he isn't as in control of himself and his spells as he'd like would certainly sting. It's a worthy sacrifice for blood, though.
He hasn't even noticed his human is awake - a rarity, as Malice is always keenly aware of his surroundings - so you might want to stop him, Yamato!]
[ To be fair, Yamato hasn't felt all that great, either. The nap is warranted, he thinks, because the memory sharing is something he isn't a fan of. The Eastern mission still feels heavy and fresh in his mind, and he's been constantly anxious about when Malice inevitably has to go help the North. It's a pattern and he's certain that those who haven't left, will leave eventually to help their respective countries.
He's still very much in tune with his vampire, though, so when he doesn't see Malice next to him and instead sees him walking towards the door without a word, Yamato, naturally, sees cause for concern. He gets out of Malice's bed quickly and makes his way over to him. He places a hand on the other's shoulder, gently but firmly, a way to remind him that he's here. ]
[He hears the footsteps, he registers that Yamato is the only other person in the room, and yet he still starts when Yamato's hand finds his shoulder despite waiting for the greeting anyway. Malice releases the doorknob and turns to look at Yamato, considering the question.
His first thought is to lie.
A silly, pointless thing to do when he's not even good at it to begin with, and when it would just worry Yamato more. But he wants to lie, because then he won't have to admit anything. Because then maybe Yamato will believe him and this can stay between him and Solomon and that'll be that.
(But how many times did he try this sort of thing on Cody, just to get smacked on the arm and told not to be stupid?)
So he shakes his head to remove that thought and try to settle his nerves a little.]
...I've been better. This whole week's kinda pissin' me off, y'know?
[That answers the question, but it does leave out one important half of the problem, and lying boy omission is still lying, something he doesn't want to do to Yamato. After all, he's trying to do better, isn't he?]
...An' I'm hungry. Haven't had much luck with the spell today.
[ He can tell that Malice is uncharacteristically hesitant today. He completely sympathizes with this being a rough week, something that they should probably talk about, but it's the hunger that takes precedence in Yamato's mind. Malice is trying to stave it off, isn't he? How long...? ]
I see.
[ His hand moves downward from Malice's shoulder, so he can reach for Malice's hand and take it in his. ]
You know, you don't have to leave. I offered my blood before if you needed it, and that still stands.
[Well, now that Yamato has his hand, there's no breaking away. After all, those are the rules. You don't pull away from your human when he's decided he wants to hold hands. So Malice goes willingly, allowing Yamato to lead him back to the bed and he sits and he doesn't want to think about how tantalizing the sound of Yamato's pulse is in his head.]
Yeah. I know. An' I know you wouldn't mention it to anyone. It's not like I've ever doubted you, Yama.
[Because that's not what this is, and he wants Yamato to know that. It isn't his fault. He hasn't done anything wrong. This is a distinctly Malice-brand issue; one of those sharp edges of his that hasn't quite been filed down into something easier to deal with by the people here. Yet, maybe. There's still time.]
...I don't... wannna hurt you.
[And in the end, that's what it comes down to. It's almost freeing to put that thought out there, because that's really what the problem is - that biting Yamato will hurt him, and taking his blood will weaken him, and it isn't fair that he has to do that to the people he cares about. It's easier with someone who treats it like a transaction, someone who won't push themselves too far for him. Someone who treats it like a problem to overcome instead of a part of him - a part of him that they've learned to love, despite the fact that they should be running in fear.]
Sorry, I... I know you've offered before. An' I know I probably should've just... asked ya first an' gotten this over with but... I don't wanna hurt you.
[ It's nice to hear that – I've never doubted you – but it hurts to know that Malice is probably doubting himself, right now. Especially with how concerned he is about hurting Yamato. Yamato had promised he wouldn't put himself in danger for others, that he wouldn't behave recklessly, and since that morning, he's been doing a better job at that. He's been trying his best to be smarter and wiser when faced with danger.
This, to him, doesn't feel similar. This is just a basic need Malice needs to fulfill, as frustrating as it is for the other man, and Yamato doesn't see it as a form of harm, even if it will be painful. He shakes his head. ]
I don't see it that way, and I'm offering again because I want to. I want you to trust me when I say that I'm not doing this out of recklessness, or obligation, or because I feel like I'm the only one who can.
[ Malice has options, he knows this, and that doesn't bother him. ]
I just don't want this to be something you're afraid of asking me for.
[The words settle him. They ground him in this reality, reminding him that of course Yamato understands. That Yamato recognizes how important this is and how frustratingly difficult it can be for Malice, and that in the end, it's still a choice he's making. Not because Yamato feels compelled to, but because he wants to. He wants to help. He wants to offer himself to Malice because it's an act of devotion.
(And doesn't that remind him of that human woman? The one who offered him her wrist even when he was scarcely more than a feral child, barely able to keep himself alive. The woman who taught him what it means to be human, to truly love someone else?)
The sound of Yamato's pulse quiets; all sounds around them quiet.]
[ He's honest in his delivery and expression; he wants Malice to understand that he means it. He doesn't look afraid. His words are certain. He gives Malice's hand a gentle squeeze to really drive his point home. ]
I'll always want to take care of you.
[ And isn't that what he's always wanted in general? To have someone that he wants to work hard for, someone who will push him and challenge him to open up and learn what love is?
He'd be foolish if he turned a blind eye to the opportunity – to the person offering all of that to him now without even realizing it. Yamato gets in a little closer to let Malice know he's here and he means what he says. ]
'Sides...if everything goes well with what I told you about, you won't have to keep doing it for much longer. If it doesn't, then it's fine. I'm not going anywhere.
What a wonderful thought. What a terrifying thought. How does one allow themselves to be taken care of? He hasn't allowed anyone to do that since he was a child; his memory of that time fuzzy at best. Allowing Yamato in - to truly know all of Malice there is to know - has been easier than he ever would have thought, so will this too be something he can grow accustomed to?
But the latter idea is what truly relaxes him - yes, of course, Yamato's been working so hard for him, and at some point he'll be able to consume normal food, he'll be able to feed without needing to hurt anyone anymore. That's also an act of love - so why is one so much easier to accept than the other?
Malice's eye strays to Yamato's throat without thinking. He knows the spot he wants and he can find it easily, and the hunger certainly hasn't abated any.]
...Will you let me selfish, then? Will you let me keep you here afterwards, so I can heal you? If I'm gonna hurt you, then it's my job to heal you too.
[Maybe not a good idea given his limited experience healing, but one he's adamant about anyway. And what he doesn't say is just as important - will you let me take care of you afterward too? will you still trust me, even after I willingly hurt you?]
[ He'll even add some of his own healing, if need be. It won't be much, but if he's learned anything from his mission, it's that combined efforts help a lot.
He sees where Malice's gaze lands. He's hungry, isn't he? Yamato doesn't want to keep him waiting any longer than he needs to, so he gets to unbuttoning his collar. Once he's finished, his neck is fully exposed and ready to be fed on. His eyes meet Malice's; his gaze is gentle, maybe a little nervous, but surely this can't be as bad as the time Mika bit him, right? He trusts Malice to not let it get that far. ]
[He waits patiently, eye flicking back up to meet Yamato's as if to make sure it's truly okay, before he moves. There isn't much room between them to begin with, but he's at Yamato's neck in a heartbeat, finding his preferred spot and settling against it. Hunger drives him, though doesn't quite eclipse everything else - he has the presence of mind to press a light kiss to the spot first, perhaps as if in apology. The kiss is gentle, careful, like so much of what he does with Yamato is, because Malice couldn't bear to bring harm to him.
And yet that's exactly what he does. His fangs are sharp, and he only needs one bite to start the flow of blood he needs - but unlike Mika's, Malice's is painful. His bite does not dull the senses or feel pleasurable, it does feel like being pierced by sharp fangs.
Though he only has his one good arm right now, his grip on Yamato's waist is tight, desperate. As if to say don't leave me despite knowing that's precisely how anyone should react to pain like this.
Malice can't help but hate himself a little more for it, but he drinks.]
[ The kiss is reassuring and makes him feel warm, because it's not only sweet, but it's a way of Yamato knowing that Malice is still here. He's not lost himself entirely to his hunger. That thought alone is incredibly comforting.
What isn't, though, is the impact of Malice's fangs sinking into his neck. He fully expects to still have blood in him, unlike the first time he'd been bitten, but the pain is so much worse. It's not pleasurable at all; the pain is raw and burning, so much so that he can't help but grit his teeth and grunt from how much it hurts. His breathing is heavier, too, because he has to try and make this as bearable as possible for himself.
Despite this, though, his arms wrap around Malice. He holds on tight, partly because he needs something to hang onto while he endures this, but mostly because he truly isn't going anywhere. It hurts like hell, but this is part of being with Malice – for now, anyway – and that's okay. ]
[As Malice drinks, Yamato will find that the pain begins to lessen. It isn't as though the injury is healing or anything, but rather as though Yamato's senses are growing duller - as if he's slowly becoming more relaxed and sleepy.
Vampires don't want their prey struggling, after all. So while the initial bite hurts, they lull their victims into a more passive state that allows them to feed as much as they need. That much remains true even here, and that pain will eventually fade entirely leaving Yamato with a floaty feeling. Some victims lose their sense of their surroundings or fall asleep, but it varies from person to person. Regardless, Malice is almost done, so just bear with it for a little longer.]
[ And there's the familiar feeling of pain turning into something much more tolerable. Vampires seem to have that in common, he notes, and he feels lightheaded. His eyelids feel heavier. He almost wants to fall asleep, but he forces himself to stay awake despite his hold on Malice loosening, indicating that the sedative properties of the bite are taking effect.
He wants to be present when it's finished, because otherwise, who will reassure Malice that things are fine? If he falls asleep here, will Malice want to walk out the door again? The thought of leaving his partner to his own devices doesn't sit well with Yamato, so he'll wait it out for as long as he can. ]
[It isn't long before Malice stops. There's a brief moment of pause - as he assesses the damage, as he assesses his human - before Malice leans back in to press apologetic kisses to Yamato's neck. Forgive me, is what he wants to say. I'm so sorry.
He does have to pull back - having only one arm is so inconvenient, sometimes - and he moves to help Yamato lay down on the bed so Malice can summon his focus. The bracelet easily slides onto his wrist and he murmurs his incantation as he channels healing magic to Yamato's wound.
Haec dominium mea est, this is my Domain. It means something far different here and now than it did when he first came up with it. Malice's Domain is his strength, his ability to overcome the unthinkable - and that's what Yamato is to him now. This is my Domain and this is my human are all but interchangeable in this instance.
The wound begins to close, though it's slow-going and not particularly effective; the wound may even feel a little too warm, as if Malice's excessive usage of fire magic has bled into even this, his attempts to heal the damage he's caused.]
[ Yamato's so dizzy that all he can do in response to the kisses, to the gentle placement of his body on the bed, is smile. He watches as Malice summons his focus and gets to work immediately, even if he feels some of his blood slowly streak onto his collarbone before the wound starts patching itself up. There is no forgiveness required here, but if Malice is asking for it –
Yamato raises his arm on his good side, and gently places his hand on top of Malice's, the one that's healing his wound. He'll quietly murmur his incantation – good night – and add some of his own healing magic into the mix. Yes, it's primarily meant to patch up these puncture wounds, and yes, it will expedite the process. A part of it, though, is meant to send waves of healing to Malice himself. Even in his weakened state, Yamato can tell how much this is eating Malice alive. He can't quite talk yet, not as the wound is patching up, but he hopes that the warmth from his magic will be enough to let him know how he feels.
I don't need you to be sorry. I just need you to trust me.
He doesn't want to wake up to Malice walking out on him again. ]
[He watches the trail of blood - not due to hunger, but because it's easier to look at than Yamato's face. He shouldn't waste a drop - a lesson he's carried with him since childhood - but the thought of consuming any more makes him feel ill. Yamato's blood tastes good, great even. But he's taken enough.
(Too much, maybe.)
Yamato's hand finds his and Malice starts a bit, pulled from his thoughts as Yamato's magic joins his. The wounds will close far faster this way, with both of them working in tandem to seal them, though it does nothing for the blood that's already fallen.
Though he doesn't quite understand what Yamato is trying to convey, the sentiment is there and present - you're not alone and I'm still here and that alone makes him release a breath he didn't realize he was holding; a shuddering exhale that releases tension and fear both.
With the wound closed, Malice's fingers move to gently brush over where the marks once were - they're gone now, without a single trace they were even present to begin with - and without thinking, his fingers slide down to catch the blood that's trailed free of those injuries. He lets it stain his fingers.
All the words in the world couldn't capture exactly what it is he wants to say to Yamato right now. Like before, when they felt simply caught in his throat, inefficient to express himself, they've fled from him now. So instead of saying anything at all - even though he needs to apologize - Malice moves to settle beside Yamato, selfishly pulling him close.]
[ Yamato was about to move to wipe off the blood himself, but Malice beats him to it. He watches, wondering if this is Malice helping himself to seconds, but it's not. It's him taking responsibility, Yamato thinks, and that thought makes him very, very sad.
It's why he's relieved when Malice turns to lie down next to him and pull him close. The wound is gone and it doesn't hurt one bit anymore; what's weighing on him is what appears to be Malice's guilt, now. He gets it, though. He understands being mad at yourself.
Yamato curls up beside him and swings an arm over so it's around Malice's waist. He tilts his head upward, just enough so he can look at his partner, though his eyes glance at Malice's lips for a split second. He'd like to kiss him, but he's not sure if that's what's needed right now.
He settles for gently brushing his hand over Malice's lower back, as if to tell him that everything's okay. Words are failing him, too; his actions have always been louder, anyway. ]
[It's comfortable, lying together like this, and that's something Malice would cling to, no matter what. He doesn't want to let go. He doesn't want to give Yamato the chance to leave, because he's afraid Yamato will take it. That's what humans should do, especially after being bitten by a vampire. And yet they never do, and sometimes they even say it's okay or you just needed to feed and Malice is just so tired of hurting people just to survive.
In a world like this, where he doesn't need to hurt others, he's grown complacent. Yes, he feeds, and yes, he loathes it, but never before has it truly hit him just how much he hates it. Mika said they were monsters - and right here, right now, Malice can't help but believe that wholeheartedly.
But Yamato is still here. And he still loves Yamato very much. And that has to mean something, no matter how badly the guilt is crushing him right now.]
...Love you, [he whispers with a tongue to clumsy to articulate exactly the thoughts dancing across his mind] I love you so damn much, Yama.
[ What Yamato sees isn't a monster or some abhorrent being. What he sees now is safety and comfort, someone who would never mean to hurt him, someone who hasn't and won't reject him for who he is. It's only right that Yamato returns that sentiment, isn't it? It's not a burden for him to do so, either. It's as easy as breathing – something that he nearly forgets to do when he hears the quiet words that escape Malice's lips.
They don't say "I love you" as often as others do, so when they say it, it feels like it means something. And he knows that it does, especially in a moment as vulnerable as this one.
He can't help but allow his smile to broaden while it melts into something incredibly fond. (It may be a relief that his voice is back again, also.) ]
[It is, it's a relief to hear - though really, it isn't as though he needed to hear it. He knew Yamato was fine. He's fed on humans countless times; he knows just how much he can safely take. He recognizes their heartbeats and Yamato's especially. So of course Malice knew that Yamato was just fine... and yet relief still floods him as Yamato speaks.
Without hesitation, Malice pulls his human closer, so Yamato can rest in the hollow between Malice's neck and shoulder. This is usually where he'd cuddle on Yamato, but he can't do that right now, not after he just hurt his human. Maybe it's some backwards way of apologizing, as if asking Yamato to take from him, as though that would somehow make things even. That's not the exact intention, of course - Malice just wants to hold Yamato close, so close that there's no space left, because he has no intention of leaving any time soon.
He meant what he said - he wants to be selfish and keep Yamato all to himself, both to care for him and to protect him. And right now, to hold him close and never let him go, because he can't imagine a life without Yamato anymore.]
[ Yamato doesn't protest when Malice pulls him in. He welcomes it, allows himself to be so close that there's no space between them, and so easily, too. He tightens his own hold in kind and gently rests his head where Malice wants him to. Malice may be inherently cold, but Yamato feels nice and warm where he is, and he buries his nose in Malice's neck. He's quiet and doesn't say a word, because he's overwhelmed with just how devoted he is to the person beside him.
It's nice to be loved, and it feels even nicer to love in return. He feels so light and yet so much at the same time. Yamato doesn't know what to say, if there's anything to say, so he's content to lie here in comfortable silence as his hand gently brushes against his partner's back.
He'd been thinking on and off about what to do when this is all over, when they have to return home, when he has to face his friends again and see what's become of them since his disappearance. He's gone through multiple scenarios in his head of what might happen, but the one constant is that he's always had Malice in his thoughts. And even if they were never to see each other again for one reason or another, he'd already made up his mind on not being able to love anyone else. Yamato will love Malice until his love isn't wanted anymore; if Malice is fine with having it for eternity, then Yamato will give it to him without end.
[Though the guilt still gnaws at him, just as hungry as Malice was before, there's a small flicker of something else burning hot and bright in his chest. The familiar spark of hope - the one he's spent so much time cycling between carefully nurturing and ruthlessly crushing, because why should he hope for anything better than his current lot in life? Why should he believe things will get better, when time and time again, they haven't? When given the choice between a life he quite enjoyed and the hope of a better future for the humans he cared for, Malice took the chance for more. For family, yes, but for fortune and power and status as well - and because some part of him was terrified of losing that spark of hope. He's lost it so many times before, after all, so why cling to it? Why not destroy it, and start again, on his own terms?
Did you get what you wanted? Lotisse had asked him, of siding with Rosalie. One of the few times that man had ever been straightforward about anything.
And one of the only times he was straightforward about his feelings on it in turn, No.
But here in this world, things are different. Things have been different from the moment he greeted those trapped here with him, tasked with something they realistically should never be capable of. Granted magic, and freedom in a way Malice has never truly had, and left to learn and change based on this world, the people, and those they've met along the way.
The old Malice would have been terrified of this, of that he's sure. The spark of hope that burns brightly now would have been crushed long before this point, so as to keep from being hurt again. But that isn't the case now, and Malice allows himself to enjoy that feeling, relaxing into Yamato's grip, nuzzling against his human gently.
Did you find the love you were looking for?
No. I don't know if I ever will.
Malice was wrong about that. He couldn't be more happy to have been wrong.]
[ Some time passes in which they stay tangled up in each other, and Yamato's content to lie down without saying a word for a while longer. A part of him can't help but wonder, however, how much Malice is still feeling that guilt. He hopes it's muted by now, but you never know.
Moments later, he pulls back, but only just enough so he can look at Malice again. He can't help himself, either – he moves in to press a gentle kiss to Malice's cheek. It just feels...right, to do so. Almost like he needs to reaffirm his feelings or something like that.
Anyway, he's going to ask something stupid, because he feels like the time for lightening the mood is past due. Maybe it'll help. ]
So. Did I taste okay?
[ ...Well, alright. He's going to lighten the mood with a question that can very easily be misconstrued out of context. It's not on purpose....I swear.... ]
[It's so relaxing being tangled up like this that Malice is a bit startled when Yamato pulls back a bit. He allows him to go, of course, head tipped a bit into the pillow as he waits for the words.
...Which are not at all what he expected. While the meaning behind the question is obvious, the first thing that shoots out of Malice's mouth is absolutely not helping the mood at all.]
Can't comment 'til I've had more of ya, yeah?
[.................at least you lightened the mood, yamato? unfortunately, malice just ruined it.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
The anxiety isn't entirely unfamiliar; Malice has lived in a state of flight or fight his entire damn life, after all. The problem is that his default response is always fight and he's not sure that's the right choice this time. He's not sure he's strong enough for that, when he's always been able to rely on his strength.
So today he's been practicing - he actually slipped back into the room shortly before Yamato awoke. He was planning on using that spell to stave off the need to feed, but... Well, it's not going great today. Malice has been using it here and there and it does work, but he's gone longer this time in the hopes that it would work but... it definitely isn't. He needs to feed. Soon.
Unlike Mika, the hunger doesn't overtake him completely. Malice has told several people that he would never let himself get to that point, and he stands by it. Even here and now, at the hungriest he's been since he's arrived, he's still fully in control. Losing control was tantamount to losing ones' life back home, and even though that may not be the case here, he hasn't wanted to find out. So he's hungry, he's agitated, and he doesn't want to hurt Yamato, so he moves to the door already thinking of who to ask. Solomon, most likely. He'll keep Malice from taking too much, though the embarrassment of admitting that he isn't as in control of himself and his spells as he'd like would certainly sting. It's a worthy sacrifice for blood, though.
He hasn't even noticed his human is awake - a rarity, as Malice is always keenly aware of his surroundings - so you might want to stop him, Yamato!]
no subject
He's still very much in tune with his vampire, though, so when he doesn't see Malice next to him and instead sees him walking towards the door without a word, Yamato, naturally, sees cause for concern. He gets out of Malice's bed quickly and makes his way over to him. He places a hand on the other's shoulder, gently but firmly, a way to remind him that he's here. ]
Hey. You okay?
no subject
His first thought is to lie.
A silly, pointless thing to do when he's not even good at it to begin with, and when it would just worry Yamato more. But he wants to lie, because then he won't have to admit anything. Because then maybe Yamato will believe him and this can stay between him and Solomon and that'll be that.
(But how many times did he try this sort of thing on Cody, just to get smacked on the arm and told not to be stupid?)
So he shakes his head to remove that thought and try to settle his nerves a little.]
...I've been better. This whole week's kinda pissin' me off, y'know?
[That answers the question, but it does leave out one important half of the problem, and lying boy omission is still lying, something he doesn't want to do to Yamato. After all, he's trying to do better, isn't he?]
...An' I'm hungry. Haven't had much luck with the spell today.
no subject
I see.
[ His hand moves downward from Malice's shoulder, so he can reach for Malice's hand and take it in his. ]
You know, you don't have to leave. I offered my blood before if you needed it, and that still stands.
[ He gives Malice's hand a slight tug. ]
Let's sit. I won't tell anyone.
no subject
Yeah. I know. An' I know you wouldn't mention it to anyone. It's not like I've ever doubted you, Yama.
[Because that's not what this is, and he wants Yamato to know that. It isn't his fault. He hasn't done anything wrong. This is a distinctly Malice-brand issue; one of those sharp edges of his that hasn't quite been filed down into something easier to deal with by the people here. Yet, maybe. There's still time.]
...I don't... wannna hurt you.
[And in the end, that's what it comes down to. It's almost freeing to put that thought out there, because that's really what the problem is - that biting Yamato will hurt him, and taking his blood will weaken him, and it isn't fair that he has to do that to the people he cares about. It's easier with someone who treats it like a transaction, someone who won't push themselves too far for him. Someone who treats it like a problem to overcome instead of a part of him - a part of him that they've learned to love, despite the fact that they should be running in fear.]
Sorry, I... I know you've offered before. An' I know I probably should've just... asked ya first an' gotten this over with but... I don't wanna hurt you.
no subject
This, to him, doesn't feel similar. This is just a basic need Malice needs to fulfill, as frustrating as it is for the other man, and Yamato doesn't see it as a form of harm, even if it will be painful. He shakes his head. ]
I don't see it that way, and I'm offering again because I want to. I want you to trust me when I say that I'm not doing this out of recklessness, or obligation, or because I feel like I'm the only one who can.
[ Malice has options, he knows this, and that doesn't bother him. ]
I just don't want this to be something you're afraid of asking me for.
[ And, to put it simply: ]
It's...it's an act of love, you know. On my part.
no subject
(And doesn't that remind him of that human woman? The one who offered him her wrist even when he was scarcely more than a feral child, barely able to keep himself alive. The woman who taught him what it means to be human, to truly love someone else?)
The sound of Yamato's pulse quiets; all sounds around them quiet.]
...You mean that? That's how you see it?
no subject
[ He's honest in his delivery and expression; he wants Malice to understand that he means it. He doesn't look afraid. His words are certain. He gives Malice's hand a gentle squeeze to really drive his point home. ]
I'll always want to take care of you.
[ And isn't that what he's always wanted in general? To have someone that he wants to work hard for, someone who will push him and challenge him to open up and learn what love is?
He'd be foolish if he turned a blind eye to the opportunity – to the person offering all of that to him now without even realizing it. Yamato gets in a little closer to let Malice know he's here and he means what he says. ]
'Sides...if everything goes well with what I told you about, you won't have to keep doing it for much longer. If it doesn't, then it's fine. I'm not going anywhere.
no subject
What a wonderful thought. What a terrifying thought. How does one allow themselves to be taken care of? He hasn't allowed anyone to do that since he was a child; his memory of that time fuzzy at best. Allowing Yamato in - to truly know all of Malice there is to know - has been easier than he ever would have thought, so will this too be something he can grow accustomed to?
But the latter idea is what truly relaxes him - yes, of course, Yamato's been working so hard for him, and at some point he'll be able to consume normal food, he'll be able to feed without needing to hurt anyone anymore. That's also an act of love - so why is one so much easier to accept than the other?
Malice's eye strays to Yamato's throat without thinking. He knows the spot he wants and he can find it easily, and the hunger certainly hasn't abated any.]
...Will you let me selfish, then? Will you let me keep you here afterwards, so I can heal you? If I'm gonna hurt you, then it's my job to heal you too.
[Maybe not a good idea given his limited experience healing, but one he's adamant about anyway. And what he doesn't say is just as important - will you let me take care of you afterward too? will you still trust me, even after I willingly hurt you?]
no subject
Yeah. I'll stay put for you.
[ He'll even add some of his own healing, if need be. It won't be much, but if he's learned anything from his mission, it's that combined efforts help a lot.
He sees where Malice's gaze lands. He's hungry, isn't he? Yamato doesn't want to keep him waiting any longer than he needs to, so he gets to unbuttoning his collar. Once he's finished, his neck is fully exposed and ready to be fed on. His eyes meet Malice's; his gaze is gentle, maybe a little nervous, but surely this can't be as bad as the time Mika bit him, right? He trusts Malice to not let it get that far. ]
Whenever you're ready.
no subject
And yet that's exactly what he does. His fangs are sharp, and he only needs one bite to start the flow of blood he needs - but unlike Mika's, Malice's is painful. His bite does not dull the senses or feel pleasurable, it does feel like being pierced by sharp fangs.
Though he only has his one good arm right now, his grip on Yamato's waist is tight, desperate. As if to say don't leave me despite knowing that's precisely how anyone should react to pain like this.
Malice can't help but hate himself a little more for it, but he drinks.]
no subject
What isn't, though, is the impact of Malice's fangs sinking into his neck. He fully expects to still have blood in him, unlike the first time he'd been bitten, but the pain is so much worse. It's not pleasurable at all; the pain is raw and burning, so much so that he can't help but grit his teeth and grunt from how much it hurts. His breathing is heavier, too, because he has to try and make this as bearable as possible for himself.
Despite this, though, his arms wrap around Malice. He holds on tight, partly because he needs something to hang onto while he endures this, but mostly because he truly isn't going anywhere. It hurts like hell, but this is part of being with Malice – for now, anyway – and that's okay. ]
no subject
Vampires don't want their prey struggling, after all. So while the initial bite hurts, they lull their victims into a more passive state that allows them to feed as much as they need. That much remains true even here, and that pain will eventually fade entirely leaving Yamato with a floaty feeling. Some victims lose their sense of their surroundings or fall asleep, but it varies from person to person. Regardless, Malice is almost done, so just bear with it for a little longer.]
no subject
He wants to be present when it's finished, because otherwise, who will reassure Malice that things are fine? If he falls asleep here, will Malice want to walk out the door again? The thought of leaving his partner to his own devices doesn't sit well with Yamato, so he'll wait it out for as long as he can. ]
no subject
He does have to pull back - having only one arm is so inconvenient, sometimes - and he moves to help Yamato lay down on the bed so Malice can summon his focus. The bracelet easily slides onto his wrist and he murmurs his incantation as he channels healing magic to Yamato's wound.
Haec dominium mea est, this is my Domain. It means something far different here and now than it did when he first came up with it. Malice's Domain is his strength, his ability to overcome the unthinkable - and that's what Yamato is to him now. This is my Domain and this is my human are all but interchangeable in this instance.
The wound begins to close, though it's slow-going and not particularly effective; the wound may even feel a little too warm, as if Malice's excessive usage of fire magic has bled into even this, his attempts to heal the damage he's caused.]
no subject
Yamato raises his arm on his good side, and gently places his hand on top of Malice's, the one that's healing his wound. He'll quietly murmur his incantation – good night – and add some of his own healing magic into the mix. Yes, it's primarily meant to patch up these puncture wounds, and yes, it will expedite the process. A part of it, though, is meant to send waves of healing to Malice himself. Even in his weakened state, Yamato can tell how much this is eating Malice alive. He can't quite talk yet, not as the wound is patching up, but he hopes that the warmth from his magic will be enough to let him know how he feels.
I don't need you to be sorry. I just need you to trust me.
He doesn't want to wake up to Malice walking out on him again. ]
no subject
(Too much, maybe.)
Yamato's hand finds his and Malice starts a bit, pulled from his thoughts as Yamato's magic joins his. The wounds will close far faster this way, with both of them working in tandem to seal them, though it does nothing for the blood that's already fallen.
Though he doesn't quite understand what Yamato is trying to convey, the sentiment is there and present - you're not alone and I'm still here and that alone makes him release a breath he didn't realize he was holding; a shuddering exhale that releases tension and fear both.
With the wound closed, Malice's fingers move to gently brush over where the marks once were - they're gone now, without a single trace they were even present to begin with - and without thinking, his fingers slide down to catch the blood that's trailed free of those injuries. He lets it stain his fingers.
All the words in the world couldn't capture exactly what it is he wants to say to Yamato right now. Like before, when they felt simply caught in his throat, inefficient to express himself, they've fled from him now. So instead of saying anything at all - even though he needs to apologize - Malice moves to settle beside Yamato, selfishly pulling him close.]
no subject
It's why he's relieved when Malice turns to lie down next to him and pull him close. The wound is gone and it doesn't hurt one bit anymore; what's weighing on him is what appears to be Malice's guilt, now. He gets it, though. He understands being mad at yourself.
Yamato curls up beside him and swings an arm over so it's around Malice's waist. He tilts his head upward, just enough so he can look at his partner, though his eyes glance at Malice's lips for a split second. He'd like to kiss him, but he's not sure if that's what's needed right now.
He settles for gently brushing his hand over Malice's lower back, as if to tell him that everything's okay. Words are failing him, too; his actions have always been louder, anyway. ]
no subject
In a world like this, where he doesn't need to hurt others, he's grown complacent. Yes, he feeds, and yes, he loathes it, but never before has it truly hit him just how much he hates it. Mika said they were monsters - and right here, right now, Malice can't help but believe that wholeheartedly.
But Yamato is still here. And he still loves Yamato very much. And that has to mean something, no matter how badly the guilt is crushing him right now.]
...Love you, [he whispers with a tongue to clumsy to articulate exactly the thoughts dancing across his mind] I love you so damn much, Yama.
no subject
They don't say "I love you" as often as others do, so when they say it, it feels like it means something. And he knows that it does, especially in a moment as vulnerable as this one.
He can't help but allow his smile to broaden while it melts into something incredibly fond. (It may be a relief that his voice is back again, also.) ]
I love you, too.
no subject
Without hesitation, Malice pulls his human closer, so Yamato can rest in the hollow between Malice's neck and shoulder. This is usually where he'd cuddle on Yamato, but he can't do that right now, not after he just hurt his human. Maybe it's some backwards way of apologizing, as if asking Yamato to take from him, as though that would somehow make things even. That's not the exact intention, of course - Malice just wants to hold Yamato close, so close that there's no space left, because he has no intention of leaving any time soon.
He meant what he said - he wants to be selfish and keep Yamato all to himself, both to care for him and to protect him. And right now, to hold him close and never let him go, because he can't imagine a life without Yamato anymore.]
no subject
It's nice to be loved, and it feels even nicer to love in return. He feels so light and yet so much at the same time. Yamato doesn't know what to say, if there's anything to say, so he's content to lie here in comfortable silence as his hand gently brushes against his partner's back.
He'd been thinking on and off about what to do when this is all over, when they have to return home, when he has to face his friends again and see what's become of them since his disappearance. He's gone through multiple scenarios in his head of what might happen, but the one constant is that he's always had Malice in his thoughts. And even if they were never to see each other again for one reason or another, he'd already made up his mind on not being able to love anyone else. Yamato will love Malice until his love isn't wanted anymore; if Malice is fine with having it for eternity, then Yamato will give it to him without end.
This is it.
This is home. ]
no subject
Did you get what you wanted? Lotisse had asked him, of siding with Rosalie. One of the few times that man had ever been straightforward about anything.
And one of the only times he was straightforward about his feelings on it in turn, No.
But here in this world, things are different. Things have been different from the moment he greeted those trapped here with him, tasked with something they realistically should never be capable of. Granted magic, and freedom in a way Malice has never truly had, and left to learn and change based on this world, the people, and those they've met along the way.
The old Malice would have been terrified of this, of that he's sure. The spark of hope that burns brightly now would have been crushed long before this point, so as to keep from being hurt again. But that isn't the case now, and Malice allows himself to enjoy that feeling, relaxing into Yamato's grip, nuzzling against his human gently.
Did you find the love you were looking for?
No. I don't know if I ever will.
Malice was wrong about that. He couldn't be more happy to have been wrong.]
no subject
Moments later, he pulls back, but only just enough so he can look at Malice again. He can't help himself, either – he moves in to press a gentle kiss to Malice's cheek. It just feels...right, to do so. Almost like he needs to reaffirm his feelings or something like that.
Anyway, he's going to ask something stupid, because he feels like the time for lightening the mood is past due. Maybe it'll help. ]
So. Did I taste okay?
[ ...Well, alright. He's going to lighten the mood with a question that can very easily be misconstrued out of context. It's not on purpose....I swear.... ]
nsfwish i'm so sorry
...Which are not at all what he expected. While the meaning behind the question is obvious, the first thing that shoots out of Malice's mouth is absolutely not helping the mood at all.]
Can't comment 'til I've had more of ya, yeah?
[.................at least you lightened the mood, yamato? unfortunately, malice just ruined it.]
HELP ME????????????????
buries face in hands
IMMMMMM
🤝
LMFAOOOO
(no subject)
(no subject)
nsfw mention again,,,
nsfw warning continues ig....FAREWELL
stares into the sun
i.
i'm so sorry.
.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)