The more people think I'm laidback, the better. [ It's a good thing to seem like, he thinks, even if he can't actually be it all the time.
...The hand on Ginger's neck carefully sweeps up to tentatively touch Ginger's cheek. ] Gotta say though, you're pretty red for a guy who just gave his blood.
To be fair, I... [ ...How does he put this in a way that isn't too out of pocket... ] ...my division's got a certain rep, and it ain't entirely unearned. [ Ginger is like, literally the only person he'd so casually just mention the Division of Serenity to since he'd get the idea. ] So I noticed.
Yeah, but I also know what the post-sex look's like. [ So this is painting a very interesting picture and he's not sure what conclusions he should be drawing here??? ]
[ Well, the first bit actually kind of tracks, it's just that those instincts seem a lot more...comprehensible, Day supposes, compared to the highly specific obsessions demons back home tend to have.
His eyebrows do raise a little, though. Possessiveness and sexual pleasure, what a combo. ]
...I think I get it. [ He hopes he does, anyway. Another pause, while he tries to figure out if there's a way to phrase this delicately. ] And this happens every time?
Day doesn't say anything, not because he has nothing to say but because he's trying to figure out what to say. He's doing—relationship math, trying to weigh his options and getting stuck on whether or not bringing it up will mess things up. Would it actually help Ginger? In fact, there's no guarantee it'll be taken up anyway, which would just make things awkward? Day might be fine with it, but...
...His face is probably having some kind of journey right now. ]
[ Sorry Ginger, this isn't a position Day often finds himself in. The Division of Serenity is pretty open about this sort of thing, but he hasn't like, propositioned anyone in almost two years. ]
Sorry, I was just—sortin' out some thoughts. [ i.e. It's not Ginger's fault. ]
I... [ Open his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. ] I can help you with that. If doin' it by yourself all the time's frustratin'. Standin' offer, no strings attached. You can take it or leave and I won't make a fuss either way.
[ It is maybe impressive that he's not actually blushing when he's saying this, but there is an air of embarrassment nonetheless because now that he's put it out there he has to live with whatever comes next. ]
[ ...Surprisingly pure-hearted. It's actually kind of cute? ]
It ain't like I proposition just anyone. [ He's only ever* done it with people he likes** as people, but he gets the feeling Ginger doesn't mean it the same way.
He will let the meaning of that just hang there. Ginger can interpret it however he wants to.
* Aside from one incident where he underestimated celestial wine and got blackout drunk. Lesson learnt. ** Now, love on the other hand, is a very different matter. ]
...And I'm guessin' that ain't the case for me? [ He doesn't sound hurt, because he's kept his expectations low, but he is kind of curious. ]
[ He really doesn’t. The thing is… he had never considered that anyone would ever like him in that way, so he didn’t think to… look for it.
He’s spent his entire life, literally, revolving around one person - one friend, one love. It’s easy to recognize his feelings for Rum, so used to looking at him with those eyes.
But it’s like he automatically turns it off with other people. ]
I know I’m not just anyone to you. We’re friends, but - I didn’t know you were a possibility? Do… you like me… like that?
[ You know, when he laid out that offer it was with an expectation it would be casual. That's why he said no strings attached. He wasn't really expecting more out of it, since, haha, what are the chances Ginger would even entertain liking him like that?
[ Which leads into the other internal conundrum: Day hasn't fallen in love since before he became a Sidereal, and suddenly being confronted with the prospect that he might be in love now is terrifying in a way he didn't think he was ever going to experience. Something in the recesses of his heart wants to leap up, seize his throat and tell him to run, a knee-jerk response to a first love that he could do nothing but watch slip through his fingers.
He has the sense to catch it before he does anything stupid. ]
I... [ Fuck. ] ...You're cute. Your smile's beautiful, the way you get excited over flowers is lovely. I've basically thrown up all kindsa feelings I've never told anyone onto you, and you haven't destroyed me with them yet. And...I find myself wishin' I could love you until you can find serenity in yourself.
So... [ And despite what he just said, he's not sure if he can really call this "love" yet, when he has to grapple with old hurts. ] Yeah. I think I do.
[ Day's confession is spreads far and wide and selfless like the sky. Ginger's happy, he is, but he knows the fear of liking someone like that. And he's scared Day will cloud over when he learns that Ginger isn't worth his feelings, when Ginger doesn't know how to like someone who isn't Rum.
(Is it possible? Could he try?)
'And without any reason, I would become happy or sad with just a single word from him.' Ginger's thoughts from a time that feels so long ago now.
Is this how Day feels about him? How? When? Why? He doesn't understand how it's possible for Day to feel this way - about him. The happiness that comes from liking someone is like nothing else, he knows, he knows, but the sadness - it cuts deeper than anything. Somehow, Day's given him that power.
And Ginger - doesn't want to be the person to hurt him. He doesn't ever want to hurt him. ]
... You... [ (...Could he try... for Day?) ] Day, I... don't have the pretty words you do. But... you can love me if you want, if it won't hurt you. If loving me will make you even a little bit happy, I'd... like that I think. Right now, I don't know if I can - if I will return your feelings. I like you, but...
[ (He's willing to.) ]
I think I'm still learning how to be a person without... Rum. Give me some time? To try.
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...The hand on Ginger's neck carefully sweeps up to tentatively touch Ginger's cheek. ] Gotta say though, you're pretty red for a guy who just gave his blood.
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I - um, is it that noticeable?? Ah…
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To be fair, I... [ ...How does he put this in a way that isn't too out of pocket... ] ...my division's got a certain rep, and it ain't entirely unearned. [ Ginger is like, literally the only person he'd so casually just mention the Division of Serenity to since he'd get the idea. ] So I noticed.
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[ Like that explains everything!! ]
kind of nsfw talk here. I'm sorry.
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A-aaah, stop, stop - whatever you’re thinking. There’s no s-sex with anyone! There’s never been -
[ This is more like post-sad-solo-frustration… or something… ]
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[ He's not judging, but there is a distinct air of "please explain". ]
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Always, by himself. He has to do something - ]
…Otherwise, it… has a hard time going away…
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And... [ ...Well, given Ginger's reaction... ] You can't help it, I'm guessin'?
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It’s just - my demonic nature…
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...You know, I still don't understand what that means for you. [ He gets the sense that his idea of demons is very, very different than Ginger's. ]
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But my father - is sexual pleasure.
[ So that’s what he inherited from his dad. ]
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His eyebrows do raise a little, though. Possessiveness and sexual pleasure, what a combo. ]
...I think I get it. [ He hopes he does, anyway. Another pause, while he tries to figure out if there's a way to phrase this delicately. ] And this happens every time?
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With Mika? Yeah. But sometimes it happens anyway from… dreams and things.
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Day doesn't say anything, not because he has nothing to say but because he's trying to figure out what to say. He's doing—relationship math, trying to weigh his options and getting stuck on whether or not bringing it up will mess things up. Would it actually help Ginger? In fact, there's no guarantee it'll be taken up anyway, which would just make things awkward? Day might be fine with it, but...
...His face is probably having some kind of journey right now. ]
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What... [ And it doesn't help that Ginger can't read Day's expression. ] Just say it.
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Sorry, I was just—sortin' out some thoughts. [ i.e. It's not Ginger's fault. ]
I... [ Open his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. ] I can help you with that. If doin' it by yourself all the time's frustratin'. Standin' offer, no strings attached. You can take it or leave and I won't make a fuss either way.
[ It is maybe impressive that he's not actually blushing when he's saying this, but there is an air of embarrassment nonetheless because now that he's put it out there he has to live with whatever comes next. ]
/2
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[ Is he actually a pure maiden at heart? Probably. That’s what happens when your mom is an angel or purity. ]
I - I, uh. Haven’t done this with someone else before and - I don’t know if… I could do it unless I liked them in that way, at least a little.
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It ain't like I proposition just anyone. [ He's only ever* done it with people he likes** as people, but he gets the feeling Ginger doesn't mean it the same way.
He will let the meaning of that just hang there. Ginger can interpret it however he wants to.
* Aside from one incident where he underestimated celestial wine and got blackout drunk. Lesson learnt.
** Now, love on the other hand, is a very different matter. ]
...And I'm guessin' that ain't the case for me? [ He doesn't sound hurt, because he's kept his expectations low, but he is kind of curious. ]
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[ He really doesn’t. The thing is… he had never considered that anyone would ever like him in that way, so he didn’t think to… look for it.
He’s spent his entire life, literally, revolving around one person - one friend, one love. It’s easy to recognize his feelings for Rum, so used to looking at him with those eyes.
But it’s like he automatically turns it off with other people. ]
I know I’m not just anyone to you. We’re friends, but - I didn’t know you were a possibility? Do… you like me… like that?
[ Why…? ]
1/3
Wait. ]
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Wow Day you're a godsdamned idiot. ]
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He has the sense to catch it before he does anything stupid. ]
I... [ Fuck. ] ...You're cute. Your smile's beautiful, the way you get excited over flowers is lovely. I've basically thrown up all kindsa feelings I've never told anyone onto you, and you haven't destroyed me with them yet. And...I find myself wishin' I could love you until you can find serenity in yourself.
So... [ And despite what he just said, he's not sure if he can really call this "love" yet, when he has to grapple with old hurts. ] Yeah. I think I do.
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(Is it possible? Could he try?)
'And without any reason, I would become happy or sad with just a single word from him.' Ginger's thoughts from a time that feels so long ago now.
Is this how Day feels about him? How? When? Why? He doesn't understand how it's possible for Day to feel this way - about him. The happiness that comes from liking someone is like nothing else, he knows, he knows, but the sadness - it cuts deeper than anything. Somehow, Day's given him that power.
And Ginger - doesn't want to be the person to hurt him. He doesn't ever want to hurt him. ]
... You... [ (...Could he try... for Day?) ] Day, I... don't have the pretty words you do. But... you can love me if you want, if it won't hurt you. If loving me will make you even a little bit happy, I'd... like that I think. Right now, I don't know if I can - if I will return your feelings. I like you, but...
[ (He's willing to.) ]
I think I'm still learning how to be a person without... Rum. Give me some time? To try.
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