[ You know, the lack of a smile is a good thing. It’s honesty that Kurapika appreciates, and that Khun thought to come right out with that instead of pretending everything was just fine has his shoulders relaxing a bit.
He takes in the way Khun looks, his fresh clothes and hair down, as he walks inside. ]
I am, actually.[ He has no problem admitting this much when it’s simply the truth. ] Have you been seen by one of our healing specialists?
[ khun stares just a bit dumbly at that honest answer. he's not a tsundere but he also doesn't tend to be in a position where someone's worried about him, nor does he usually have people in his corner unless it's transactional in nature. ]
I really must look terrible in that case. [ he tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ears, his hair products out and likely what he was doing before he got up to the answer the door. if that's the reality of things then forgive him (or don't) for flopping on the bed onto his back. he's still sore so he winces slightly when he does it, but its better than sitting up to maintain decorum like he has for everyone else.
there are two chairs if kurapika would like to sit properly, a desk and small table with dried flowers the only real furniture in his room. a pleasant scent, woodsy and floral, permeates the air. ]
[ Kurapika doesn't mind Khun's lack of manners as he heads for the desk, pulling out the chair and taking a seat. If his hair products are on the desk, he spares a glance at them.
So, he was right. It's good to know his observation skills are still up to par. ]
You shouldn't move around like that when you have broken ribs.
[ Khun knows, but also. Just saying. ]
So, what happened?
[ He glances towards Khun. Something must have triggered that attack, even if Khun is upfront about the kind of person he is. The numbers are against him here, and Kurapika would like to think Khun had already factored that in three weeks ago. ]
[ they are! there's your basics, but also some luxury products like hair oil and masks. the most interesting discovery on his desk might be the straightener since his hair isn't perfectly straight until he makes sure of it. ]
Partially broken, I think. Maya's quite good. [ at least that's how it feels to him right now, and he's not going to bother to assess again until tomorrow morning. instead he relaxes into the soft down of the comforter, legs hanging off the bed. a silly position, but it's been a habit of his since he's been younger.
it takes a moment, but eventually after a breath, he answers the real question. ]
There are some things I won't allow, no matter who is involved. Even if Mikaela was— [ he can't find a word for this, because there's no word that encapsulates everything Maria and Baam are to him. since he can't he gives up on that approach and instead tries a different way, figuring that kurapika will get what he means. ]
[ A position like that really does make him look more his age, or at least, that's what Kurapika thinks once he's finally torn his eyes away from those hair products.
He furrows his brows, waiting for Khun to get at what the real core of the issue is and... he does, surprisingly. And as Khun predicted, Kurapika understands immediately. ]
An invasion of privacy. For someone like you... there really is no greater sin, is there?
[ It's a loss of control for the one who is adamant about holding onto it. ]
There's no greater weakness. [ his weakness. it's something he cannot afford to be ever, something that he accepted as the truth before he could even understand what the word meant.
yes, he was angry, but more than that? he was scared.
when was the last time he felt that emotion? it's an easy answer that's linked to the heart of what mikaela read. ]
Khun is a prideful person, that much is certain, and while Kurapika could easily write off what Khun says as solely a product of his prideful nature... he thinks there's more to it. There's always more to it, isn't there?
Try as Khun might to hide his own depths, Kurapika knows that they're there. ]
"The moment we show weakness, we die." [ these words come easily, whispered to him in the morning, in the night, in the rain and under the sun. practiced and polished like jewels in a treasury. ]
[ khun knows he shouldn't speak anymore, should remove himself from the situation as cleanly as he can. he stares upward at the ceiling all the same, unblinking.
has he changed at all? in this moment, he decides to gamble on that. a whim, a challenge to himself. he's thrown away this part of himself already. ]
The Agnis line. A weak line, in poor standing and ancillary to many others.
[ Destroyed the future of his line? Killed, Kurapika is sure. He'll address that, that's for certain, but first: ]
It can be part of who you are, but it doesn't need to be all of you either.
[ It's rich, coming from him, but that's precisely why he's saying it at all. Besides, he's seen it before—someone able to overcome the destiny that their family had set out for them. All they had to do was leave.
Khun has done the first part, albeit not voluntarily. ]
Sounds to me like it's most, if not all of you, right now.
If it was all of me, I wouldn't have done what I did back then to them. [ raising a hand towards the ceiling, he lets it drop shortly after to cover his eyes. ]
Don't make me say the other part when you're the only one who knows about them. [ the promises.
he's wondered sometimes, if acknowledging their existence to another soul, even barely, was a mistake. ]
[ honestly, he's not really sure if that was an invitation. for as assured as he is, there are sometimes, now and again, instances where khun has no idea what to do at all. with himself, with choices, with everything. part of it is his tendency to overthink and the other part of it is the simple fact that one part of him is incongruent with the rest of him.
so he sighs, messing up his bangs. takes a breath and then lets some of the emptiness inside of him echo into the night. ]
I was born and raised to make sure my full blooded sister ascended to the rank of Princess. I don't harbor resentment for that, even if my Mother is overly ambitious, even for a wife of Khun. [ it's clear from his tone that he really doesn't, even if it's well within his rights. his upbringing was hell even by his family's lopsided standards, but that's never once bothered him. ]
But one day I met someone who I wanted to give it to instead of her. So that's what I did. None of them expected I would betray them like that, so it really wasn't hard at all.
Since we lost, our line was exiled. My sister killed herself immediately after.
[ It's a lot to take in, and Kurapika allows that information to seep into him through the silence that eventually settles between them. Khun didn't seem to mind earlier, and Kurapika doesn't think he'll mind all that much now either.
A loss resulting in exile, Khun's sister ending her own life as a result and effectively ridding Khun of his purpose... That he goes by Khun is telling too, and he wonders what exactly that means in the context of his world. Is he an extension of his father?
There's a lot that he wants to know, but there is only one thing he finds himself compelled to ask right now. ]
What was it about that person that made you want to give it to them instead?
Maria is...someone who shouldn't be able to exist in the Tower. A miracle. And by extension, someone who definitely shouldn't be able to exist in our family. She's kind and actually cares for others, not as just part of an act.
I thought she deserved it, the happiness and authority that comes with sitting besides the King. So when she asked me to help her, I did. I didn't even need to think about it at all.
[ it was probably the first time he ever made a decision without thinking. ]
I won't tell you that you made the right decision betraying your family like that. [ Betrayal is a grave sin, and one that Kurapika thinks doesn't deserve forgiveness most of the time. However... ] I can't blame you for what you did, though. From what I can gather about your childhood, it was an inevitability.
[ The harshness of Khun's world mixed with the cutting ruthlessness of his personality leads Kurapika to believe that his upbringing was difficult, to say the very very least. He thinks it's a fair conclusion to make here.
There's another takeaway here, however, one that he thinks is more important. ]
[ forgiveness is one thing khun will never ask for. the light in which he views himself is defined and sharp, and he knows he's not a good person. it's just a simple truth and one that he's at peace with. ]
[ That they're so similar, he means. It's a bit like looking into a mirror and seeing a somewhat muddled reflection of himself, sharp in different ways, but with a similar outcome. ]
It's nice to see in other people, isn't it? Especially when you can't afford to be.
...but he's felt the same way which might be why he hasn't really known what to do with their relationship other than to reach out to it. it's a natural instinct when you see a reflection, after all.
another sigh. he doesn't want to think about what he cherishes more than he has to right now because it just feels like a reminder of his failures. ]
but it's not only kindness that he's drawn to. it's something he can't put into words, something Maria and Baam have that's special. it's not like they're the only two who've been kind to him for no reason, even if that number is small. ]
But it's different for me. [ he rolls over on his side, wanting more darkness than just his one arm affords. ]
[ He doesn't know if it works for him, actually. It scares him, yet he finds himself floating towards the kindness he sees in the people here anyway, like a moth to a flame it so desperately wants to reach.
Kurapika watches Khun roll over and adjusts his own position, too, uncrossing his legs and recrossing them the other way around. ]
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He takes in the way Khun looks, his fresh clothes and hair down, as he walks inside. ]
I am, actually.[ He has no problem admitting this much when it’s simply the truth. ] Have you been seen by one of our healing specialists?
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I really must look terrible in that case. [ he tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ears, his hair products out and likely what he was doing before he got up to the answer the door. if that's the reality of things then forgive him (or don't) for flopping on the bed onto his back. he's still sore so he winces slightly when he does it, but its better than sitting up to maintain decorum like he has for everyone else.
there are two chairs if kurapika would like to sit properly, a desk and small table with dried flowers the only real furniture in his room. a pleasant scent, woodsy and floral, permeates the air. ]
Maya, like you guessed before.
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So, he was right. It's good to know his observation skills are still up to par. ]
You shouldn't move around like that when you have broken ribs.
[ Khun knows, but also. Just saying. ]
So, what happened?
[ He glances towards Khun. Something must have triggered that attack, even if Khun is upfront about the kind of person he is. The numbers are against him here, and Kurapika would like to think Khun had already factored that in three weeks ago. ]
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Partially broken, I think. Maya's quite good. [ at least that's how it feels to him right now, and he's not going to bother to assess again until tomorrow morning. instead he relaxes into the soft down of the comforter, legs hanging off the bed. a silly position, but it's been a habit of his since he's been younger.
it takes a moment, but eventually after a breath, he answers the real question. ]
There are some things I won't allow, no matter who is involved. Even if Mikaela was— [ he can't find a word for this, because there's no word that encapsulates everything Maria and Baam are to him. since he can't he gives up on that approach and instead tries a different way, figuring that kurapika will get what he means. ]
He read my mind.
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He furrows his brows, waiting for Khun to get at what the real core of the issue is and... he does, surprisingly. And as Khun predicted, Kurapika understands immediately. ]
An invasion of privacy. For someone like you... there really is no greater sin, is there?
[ It's a loss of control for the one who is adamant about holding onto it. ]
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yes, he was angry, but more than that? he was scared.
when was the last time he felt that emotion? it's an easy answer that's linked to the heart of what mikaela read. ]
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Khun is a prideful person, that much is certain, and while Kurapika could easily write off what Khun says as solely a product of his prideful nature... he thinks there's more to it. There's always more to it, isn't there?
Try as Khun might to hide his own depths, Kurapika knows that they're there. ]
And you aren't allowed weakness, are you?
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Leaning forward in his chair, Kurapika rests his elbow on his knee. ]
Who is "we"?
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has he changed at all? in this moment, he decides to gamble on that. a whim, a challenge to himself. he's thrown away this part of himself already. ]
The Agnis line. A weak line, in poor standing and ancillary to many others.
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[ And that's all he says, at least for a little while. Kurapika shifts, sitting back in the chair as he crosses his legs. ]
A mantra befitting of the type of environment you grew up in. [ ... ] That isn't here, though.
[ He's testing the waters, testing Khun's reaction to what only sounds like a simple statement. ]
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It's not. But it's still part of who I am, even if I destroyed the future of our line myself.
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[ Destroyed the future of his line? Killed, Kurapika is sure. He'll address that, that's for certain, but first: ]
It can be part of who you are, but it doesn't need to be all of you either.
[ It's rich, coming from him, but that's precisely why he's saying it at all. Besides, he's seen it before—someone able to overcome the destiny that their family had set out for them. All they had to do was leave.
Khun has done the first part, albeit not voluntarily. ]
Sounds to me like it's most, if not all of you, right now.
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Don't make me say the other part when you're the only one who knows about them. [ the promises.
he's wondered sometimes, if acknowledging their existence to another soul, even barely, was a mistake. ]
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[ That's inviting him to do exactly that, but he pivots, instead doubling back. ]
So, what did you do to them and why?
[ There's a reason for everything, isn't there? And Khun seems to be the sort of person to have reason upon reason inside of his head.
Ah, but he still feels like he's letting Khun off the hook here, somewhat. ]
Does it have anything to do with your promises?
[ If Khun won't say it, Kurapika will. ]
cw; suicide
so he sighs, messing up his bangs. takes a breath and then lets some of the emptiness inside of him echo into the night. ]
I was born and raised to make sure my full blooded sister ascended to the rank of Princess. I don't harbor resentment for that, even if my Mother is overly ambitious, even for a wife of Khun. [ it's clear from his tone that he really doesn't, even if it's well within his rights. his upbringing was hell even by his family's lopsided standards, but that's never once bothered him. ]
But one day I met someone who I wanted to give it to instead of her. So that's what I did. None of them expected I would betray them like that, so it really wasn't hard at all.
Since we lost, our line was exiled. My sister killed herself immediately after.
cw suicide mention
A loss resulting in exile, Khun's sister ending her own life as a result and effectively ridding Khun of his purpose... That he goes by Khun is telling too, and he wonders what exactly that means in the context of his world. Is he an extension of his father?
There's a lot that he wants to know, but there is only one thing he finds himself compelled to ask right now. ]
What was it about that person that made you want to give it to them instead?
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I thought she deserved it, the happiness and authority that comes with sitting besides the King. So when she asked me to help her, I did. I didn't even need to think about it at all.
[ it was probably the first time he ever made a decision without thinking. ]
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[ The harshness of Khun's world mixed with the cutting ruthlessness of his personality leads Kurapika to believe that his upbringing was difficult, to say the very very least. He thinks it's a fair conclusion to make here.
There's another takeaway here, however, one that he thinks is more important. ]
You really value kindness in others, don't you?
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I do. Why?
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[ That they're so similar, he means. It's a bit like looking into a mirror and seeing a somewhat muddled reflection of himself, sharp in different ways, but with a similar outcome. ]
It's nice to see in other people, isn't it? Especially when you can't afford to be.
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[ even himself, apparently.
...but he's felt the same way which might be why he hasn't really known what to do with their relationship other than to reach out to it. it's a natural instinct when you see a reflection, after all.
another sigh. he doesn't want to think about what he cherishes more than he has to right now because it just feels like a reminder of his failures. ]
What's your point, Kurapika?
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[ He was relating just for the sake of it, really, and he has no shame in admitting that much. ]
But I am thinking that it might not be a bad idea to look at the kindness of the others here.
[ It's been on his mind, the kindness he's seen in the people here. ]
I'm well aware of how that sounds right now, by the way.
[ After the whole... incident. ]
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[ that he genuinely means.
but it's not only kindness that he's drawn to. it's something he can't put into words, something Maria and Baam have that's special. it's not like they're the only two who've been kind to him for no reason, even if that number is small. ]
But it's different for me. [ he rolls over on his side, wanting more darkness than just his one arm affords. ]
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Kurapika watches Khun roll over and adjusts his own position, too, uncrossing his legs and recrossing them the other way around. ]
Why?
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cw genocide
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