wizardmanor | Floor 2, Room 4

[ Ah, there's his answer. What is he going to do with you, Phil...?

But watching Phil nuzzle into his hands makes his breath catch. He knows they're both tipsy, maybe they should save this for when they're both sober, especially after such a heavy conversation, but... He's wanted to kiss Phil for weeks now, and Phil looks so vulnerable that he wants to pull him close and never let go.

Day leans in, carefully tipping Phil's head so he can kiss him on the lips, gentle and sweet. ]

[Oh.

Phil's eyes snap open the moment Day's lips brush his, his own breath stuttering to a halt at that soft contact. It's warm, but more than that, it's electric, spreading out through his body like a current and making him keenly aware of every single place their bodies are touching, from their lips to Day's hand warm on his cheek (which suddenly burns so hot he feels as though he might melt away beneath this gentle touch).

He doesn't know what to do, or even what he wants to do, so instead he just stays motionless, afraid that if he moves he'll somehow break the spell and Day will pull away. All he knows is that he doesn't want this to ever stop, and if he were to disappear from existence right at this very moment he thinks he wouldn't mind having this be the last thing he felt.]

[ Day is dimly aware that this...is probably Phil's first kiss, which is weirdly exhilarating to think about, even if it also makes him a little anxious to make sure it's a good experience.

(He's Phil's first, he can lay claim on this man's body and heart, or at least a part of it. Someone he can hold onto and cling to, all to himself. His, his.)

When Phil doesn't move, he slides his other hand through Phil's hair, carefully taking it slow to take in the sensation of running it through his fingers, before settling at the back of Phil's head. He opens his mouth slightly to nip at Phil's lips, as if to ask if he can have more of him. Let him take the lead, since he's the one with experience. ]

[That's all it takes to galvanize Phil into action; his lips part immediately, seeking more, and he tilts his head to the side just enough to allow him to press closer into the kiss. The fact that he doesn't know what he's doing doesn't seem to matter so much when it's clear that Day does, and there's a certain thrill that runs through him in anticipation of what's to come for that very reason.

He's still not quite sure where to put his hands, though, at last settling on resting them against Day's chest (remembering as he does so that day on the beach where he'd seen exactly what lies beneath this shirt and feeling a fresh wave of heat reddening his cheeks at the thought). In the back of his mind he realizes that he'd like to be able to touch without the fabric in the way, but saying as much would mean having to detach his lips from Day's and that's the very last thing he wants to do right now. Instead, for now he simply tries to map out the contours of muscle beneath his palms as best he can despite the barrier.]

[ Oh. Day both is and isn't surprised, because he's always known Phil as someone shy. Until now he couldn't imagine Phil pressing closer like this, but what was that about how it's always the shy ones who turn out to be wilder than they look...?

His cheeks flush a little when he feels Phil's hands. He can hardly remember the last time he was touched like this; it's been about two years since he was last intimate with anyone and it feels like such a long time in this moment.

His hand on Phil's cheek starts to move down to brush against Phil's neck as he takes his time savouring the feel of Phil's lips against his. Once he feels that they're comfortable, he traces Phil's lips with the tip of his tongue, a tentative gesture to test the waters. Is this going too fast? Too slow? ]

Edited (Typos,) 2024-06-16 08:59 (UTC)

[If Phil's reaction is any indication, the answer would be the latter. For all of his lack of knowledge and experience, he's making up for it in enthusiasm; he wants more, as much as Day is willing to give him, only he's not sure how to make that clear beyond keeping up that wandering touch and parting his lips even more.

Day isn't pulling away or trying to stop him; that means he must be doing something right. It's a heady feeling, and while he has enough fuzzy sense left to realize that at least some of this is due to the alcohol, he can't help but feel proud that Day wants him enough to be so eager to do this. Logically, he knows exactly where this is headed, and he finds he can't think of a single good reason why they shouldn't just follow their instincts on this front.]

[ If Day were sober, this would be when he'd want to slow down. He's had his share of wild nights (with and without alcohol) and flings without strings attached; this is not what he wants with Phil. From the moment he confessed and told Phil he would love things that would be inevitably lost, Day's wanted to romance Phil properly and stay with him until they're no longer able to.

He is, however, not sober at the moment, and two years of otherwise tanked desire are hitting him with a vengeance now that he's smitten with someone. Day isn't listening to the tired romantic in him, but he is listening to how eager Phil is. So he deepens the kiss, takes it as permission to have a drink of Phil, with the hand behind Phil's head tightening ever so slightly as he pulls Phil in closer. Let him memorize Phil's taste and the warmth of his mouth. ]

[Oh. So this is what it feels like...

It's hot, and Day's mouth is soft but absolutely not gentle, and Phil should probably be thinking about the fact that he can taste the alcohol on Day's lips too except he can't think about much of anything at the moment that isn't that heat and Day's insistent tongue.

He responds in kind as best he can, hands fisting into Day's shirt to grab him and hold him there exactly where Phil wants him. There's some small portion of his mind becoming aware of the fact that heat is beginning to gather somewhere else too, but he ignores it for the moment in favor of focusing his energy into the kiss. Dimly he realizes that he's going to need to breathe at some point, then realizes that he doesn't really care about that fact right now, not when Day is apparently determined to kiss him breathless anyway.]

[ At this point, Day is dimly aware that they're both still standing and it is not exactly conducive to makeouts. He could lift Phil—he's strong enough for that—but the fuzz of the alcohol makes it seem less appealing when he can't trust himself to not drop Phil by accident.

So he's...clumsily (uncharacteristically for Day) going to try to steer them towards Phil's bed, even while they're still kissing. Or where he thinks Phil's bed is, anyway. If Day was sober he'd remember it perfectly well, but again, he is not sober. ]

[Phil at least has enough awareness left to figure out what Day is trying to do and moves easily with him, tugging gently on his shirt to lead them in the direction of the bed. He knows what this means - what Day wants from this - and he's all too eager for it, his pulse speeding up as if to keep time with their awkward fumbling.

Sober Phil would never even think of being so bold. Tipsy Phil, however, is a different creature entirely, and the moment the back of his knees bump the edge of the bed he's trying to turn just enough to push Day down into a seated position on it, because there are places he would much rather be sitting than on the bed itself.]

[ This catches Day off-guard, even knowing that Phil is being bolder than his usual shy self. He lets himself get pushed to sit on the bed, his brain trying to keep up with what's happening while still trying to kiss Phil, making a small startled noise into his mouth. Day finally has to remember to breathe, so he reluctantly pulls back (it is probably a little messy), face utterly flushed. ]

Phil...?

[ He sounds far more breathless than Phil's ever heard him be. If he was sober, he'd be able to tell what Phil's about to do immediately, but right now he just wants to look at what face Phil is making. ]

[When Day pulls away, Phil lets out a quiet, disappointed whine at the loss of that contact even though he needs to breathe just as much. It takes him a moment to focus his eyes once he opens them, licking his lips as though chasing the taste of Day left on them, his heart beating so hard that he swears he can hear it in his ears.

Day absolutely won't be disappointed by what he sees: Phil looks equally undone, breath coming hard, his own face tinged a shade of deep pink and his hair half-tugged loose from its usual neat braid. And Phil is staring right back, taking in how disheveled Day looks right now and how incredibly hot that is, and the next thing he knows he's capturing Day's face with his hands and leaning in to crush their lips back together as he moves to straddle Day's lap.

He absolutely isn't thinking about what he's doing right now; why would he be doing that when he can just be feeling instead?]

[ Oh, that. That is very hot? It's hot as hell, which would explain why Day's reason is just frying instead of whatever reaction he might have had. If he could, he'd tell Phil how beautiful he is, over and over until the man accepts it as fact.

When Phil dives back in for another kiss and climbs into his lap, Day makes no protest. One arm wraps around his waist, pulling Phil closer like he can't get enough contact. His other hand reaches up to blindly pull Phil's hair free from its braid so he can tangle his fingers in it, all the while his tongue is back to exploring Phil's mouth. More, more, that's all he can think about now.]

Edited 2024-06-17 07:39 (UTC)

[Yes, this is exactly what Phil wanted... that arm around his waist anchors him against Day's body in a way that's nothing short of possessive, pressed right up against each other until heat starts to bloom low in his stomach. He's dimly aware of Day pulling his hair free to let it cascade down his back (and it's surprisingly long when it's not twisted up like that) and then tangling his fingers in it like he wants to grab ahold of Phil and never let him go, but even that gets lost in the intensity of it all, the way it feels like Day is almost trying to devour him with those kisses.

It's both too much and not enough all at once, and Phil isn't sure what to do to solve this beyond trying to find some way to release the slowly building tension. Experimentally, he rolls his hips a little, attempting to find some tiny measure of relief...]

[ Day's body reacts before his brain does; at the sensation of Phil's hips rolling against him, he raises his own to roll back, yearning for more friction. He could drown in Phil—wants to, even. His imagination is already conjuring up images of Phil beneath him and riding him, an absolute mess. He wants to feel that heat and hear Phil's voice (it must sound wonderful, with how adorable it already is when he gets flustered).

That's when reason, or rather, the part of Day that's always wanted a wholehearted romance, finally does the equivalent of smacking him upside his head and asking him what the fuck are you doing, how is this different from any of your other flings before your sex drive tanked these past two years? Is this how you want it to go?

And a part of him doesn't really care, he just wants Phil now, but the bigger part of him that's a tired romantic says no. He wants Phil to know he's beautiful and wonderful without alcohol potentially casting doubt over their judgment. To take the time to love every part of Phil, especially the parts he can't love himself.

That's why, with great reluctance, he tries to break the kiss. ]

[It's almost too much for Phil-- that pressure of Day's hips rolling up into him sends a jolt of pleasure through his entire body; his back arches involuntarily, pushing him even closer against Day and giving him that exact friction he too had been seeking. And he needs it, needs it more than he thinks he's ever needed anything before, and somewhere in the back of his mind there's just enough sense left to finally register the heat setting his nerves alight as arousal. For once, he welcomes it rather than feeling shame about it, throwing caution to the wind and just grinding down as it's his turn to let the mantra of more, more, more ring in his mind.

Day ends up getting two of the things he wanted at once as Phil pulls back from the kiss just enough to cry out, although in practice the sound is more of a breathless moan than anything else, trailing off into something wordless and wanton.]

Oh--!

[ It's all almost too much for Day, judging from how he moaned into that kiss before they managed to part. The closeness of their bodies, the grinding of their hips against one another—his pants feel unbearably tight now, and he's suddenly hyperaware of how easy it would be to slip his hands under Phil's pyjamas while they're pressed so tightly together. He needs Phil's pale skin beneath his fingertips and mouth so that everyone can know this man is his.

And that voice, that voice. Phil is so gorgeous when he's this wanton. He could die fulfilled if he heard his name on Phil's lips in that voice. His resolve is fraying at the idea of making Phil cry out like this again as Day takes him, fills him, and sears him with his heat. A Phil without anxiety or sadness, only desire and bliss. Day could almost lose control thinking about it.

But only almost. The romantic that wants this to be loving still wins out. ]

Phil. [ It comes out breathless and needy. The hand tangled in Phil's hair pulls back to touch Phil's cheek. ] Phil, w-wait.

[The words register in Phil's mind, but only barely. Wait? How can he possibly wait when he feels like he's about to go up in flames? For all that he may be hesitant and uncertain about many things, there's no doubt left in his mind here that this is exactly what he wants. He wants to be on his back beneath Day, staring into those starlit eyes and feeling just how much Day desires him in return (just what will it feel like? He wants to know). He wants for there to be absolutely no distance left between them, just heat and touch and pleasure that he can only imagine with his lack of experience.

What is there to wait for? He doesn't understand. He wonders dimly if perhaps Day is saying this because he can't hold himself back, because he's worried that this is going far too fast for someone who has never done anything of the sort before. Maybe this time Phil needs to be the one to take the next step and show Day how much he desires this, reassure him that there's no need to restrain himself when Phil aches for this just as badly.

It's with more than a bit of reluctance that he detaches one of his hands from Day's shirt and moves it up just enough to start undoing the top button of his pajama top. Surely this will get his desires across in a way that Day can't possibly misunderstand...]

[ If Day weren't both tipsy and struggling with horny, he'd be better able to figure out what Phil's misinterpreting here, or that Phil is even misinterpreting at all. As it stands now, however, there's a sharp intake of breath when he sees Phil starting to undo his buttons and Day chewing on his lower lip to try to keep himself under control.

(He thinks back to the beach and how that was the first time he realised Phil is attractive, and oh, how he wants to see Phil's bare chest again. He could, if he'd only let Phil continue.)

He's dumb enough to drop his hand on Phil's cheek down to Phil's hand that's unbuttoning his pyjama top, fingers clumsily bumping against Phil's, even though his other arm is still hooked around Phil's waist. ]

P-Phil. If we keep goin', I'm gonna fuck your brains out and make sure you can't move without spillin'. [ He doesn't realise how he sounds saying that while his face is flushed and he still sounds so breathless with want and need, and his brain-to-mouth filter absolutely fried. ] B-but I...

[ ...Yet it's so hard to string the words together and admit to something that feels much more vulnerable. ]

I wanna do our first time sober. [ What he really means is that he wants to make love to Phil, because Day has had plenty of sex, but he's never been in bed with someone he fell in love with. He wants to do it right, whatever that means to him, because so many of his other choices in that area have been questionable. ]

Edited 2024-06-19 10:04 (UTC)

[Phil's brain has reached a point where words are no longer fully processing, where the only things that register in his mind are the heat and the physical contact (so much, there's so much of that and yet it still isn't enough), and when Day's hand covers his the instinctive thought is that Day is trying to help him get his clothing off more quickly. It isn't until he realizes that hand is trying to still his clumsy motions rather than assist them that his thought processes slowly begin to come back online in confusion just in time for him to hear--

... it takes a moment for him to parse exactly what Day means by the latter part of that phrase, and a moment later for it to spark something so vivid in his imagination that his hand stills as he shudders at the thought, a strangled moan slipping from his lips before he can stop it.

He absolutely aches with need and desperation, and Day is saying he wants to stop? It's too much for Phil to take. His face falls, disappointment and confusion evident in the way his brows knit together.]

I'm... if you're worried about whether I truly want this...

[... well. Day can no doubt feel the physical proof of that much right about now.]

[ Day can sure feel it alright. Phil pressed up against him, the way Phil shuddered in his lap, how those fingers would have welcomed him helping Phil to undress. The sounds leaving his lips make Day yearn to pry out more from him, his hips arching up into Phil before he could restrain himself. It would be so easy to give in to that desire, especially with Phil so eager for it.

For the first time, he feels guilty about the unease that's settled in his stomach, all because of his previous bad choices in sex and love casting a shadow over this. He thought he had already paid by dealing with the consequences in the aftermath of those encounters; it turns out he still owes more.

Day drops his head to hide his face against Phil's shoulder, suddenly too ashamed to look at Phil's face. ]

It ain't that, it's more... [ ...If he answers, what if Phil's disappointment turns into hurt? Or maybe he'll realise Day isn't perfect. Phil is probably attracted to Day because of what he sees as handsome in him, but what about the fact he's still as tired and wounded as he was the day destiny came for him? ] ...This is the first time I'm doin' this with someone I love. I wanna do this properly, not like...

[ ...Every other time he's sought out company to feel a little less lonely, or because he got carried away by the fun of the moment. ]

[There's a quiet unease beginning to settle in Phil's stomach as well, a concern that maybe the alcohol is starting to wear off and Day is having second thoughts about this, because the part of Phil's mind that has convinced himself that he's unlovable isn't so drunk as to be completely silenced despite the words that Day just said. He wonders if maybe he hasn't been hoping for something he isn't truly allowed to have in the end, the way he has so many times before.

(Honestly, if all Day had wanted was to get Phil in bed, he likely could have done so with ease with a few pretty words, an assurance that he was attractive and desirable. Phil isn't so much a naive fool that he doesn't realize how easily he would give in to the first person who made him feel wanted, especially someone as handsome and kind as Day.)

He's glad when Day's head drops down so that Day can't see the expression on his face, yet at the same time a certain fear grips his heart when he can't see the expression on Day's face. And so he sits there, waiting to be told that Day has changed his mind...

The words that come next are far from what he's expecting, however; his eyes widen, though Day can't see it.]

The first time...?

[That can't possibly be the case. Surely a man as charming and attractive and kind as Day has had people he's loved and who have loved him in return. He isn't at all like Phil, the sort of person who has never attracted so much as a second look from anyone. So how...?]

[ Day doesn't move from where he's settled against Phil's shoulder, also afraid to see what sort of face Phil is making now. Maybe this was unavoidable because he doesn't want this to be a one-time thing; he wants to be Phil's partner, if the man will allow him to be. But since a partner ought to know what they're getting into, that means letting himself be vulnerable with someone else, and...well, that was what he'd been trying to dodge the past five years, one way or another. Day may give love easily, but his heart is not so easily handed over; thus, people may find him easy to like, but surely if they stopped to think they'd realize they aren't close enough to be able to love him, either.

He'd sooner keep trying to dodge a meaningful romance if it meant avoiding the mortifying ordeal of being truly perceived. But he can't keep doing that now that he's been claimed by the arrows of love. ]

I mean...this ain't the first time I've gotten in bed with someone. [ There's no point beating around the bush about that, so he simply states this. ] But you're... You're the third person I've fallen in love with [ (in a way, not unlike how Phil's feelings burn bright for Geffion and Ix) ], the second one to say they love me back, and the first one to...want me this much.

[ The first one who seems like they want to choose him and say, "This is the one." His greedy heart wants to cling to this proof that he is still tangible in another person's life, that he means this much to them.

It's just that Day knows what his appeal is: he's charming, handsome, and above all else, easygoing. A person can enjoy his company because there are no burdens for them to worry about, and the only surprises they'll find are the fun kind. Dispel that notion and the shine of a heedless, rosy love goes with it. And—it's not like Phil thinks Day doesn't have baggage, but surely what he loves is that carefree part of him. Past a certain point, there is such a thing as too much baggage to want to feel responsible for. ]

So I wanna do this right. You ain't just another body to keep me warm. [ And he's afraid letting himself get swept up in the buzz of alcohol would be exactly that. He's had too many encounters at parties play out that way. ]

Edited 2024-06-29 09:12 (UTC)

[Phil just stays still, though he allows himself the tiniest bit of indulgence by leaning his cheek against Day's head. He should put his faith in the fact that that firm grip around his waist holding him tight against Day hasn't wavered, he knows. There's nothing stopping Day from letting go right now, even with Phil seated in his lap the way he is, and nothing stopping him from asking him to move, either.]

I'm... I think it goes without saying that you would be my first. For... everything physical.

[Not the first he's ever loved, though, but Day already knows that much. On some level, he's always known that those feelings would never be returned, yet even with that knowledge he's not sure he'll ever be able to truly rid himself of them, nor is he sure that he wants to. They're so much a part of his existence now, so entwined with his very being that he isn't sure who he would be without them (even though he's very sure that without them, he would never have made the series of mistakes that has been his life).

Day knows this and has accepted it, so how could he not accept Day in return, baggage and all?]

I apologize if I end up being a disappointment in that regard...

[No, he's the one who still can't seem to shake the feeling that he isn't and won't ever be good enough on any front. All he's ever wanted is to have the people he's loved love him in return, and all he's ever gotten is disappointment, being shunted into the box labeled "friend" or "pseudo little brother." It's hard not to feel like maybe there isn't any other box for him, that he's doomed to always be the person people think of as a friend but nothing more than that.

So in a way, he's trying to give Day an out, a chance to leave before he winds up being disappointed, as Phil is so sure he will be. Accepting these feelings that are being offered so freely is at once a momentous and terrifying prospect, and the part of Phil's heart that's still trying to shrink away like a wounded animal doesn't quite have the courage to reach out and grab them for itself just yet.]

[ Phil has circled back into self-depreciation, which Day takes as a sign that at the very least, Phil doesn't mind his baggage, isn't disillusioned that Day isn't perfectly maintenance-free. If anything, he seems to think Day could want him less.

Day sighs at the extra contact and shivers a little at the mention that he's Phil first. Ah, at the rate he's going, he'll need to take off his pants or it'll be too uncomfortable... ]

I know. Just means I'll be the first to stain you with my colour. [ He finally lifts his head up and turns to try pressing a kiss to Phil's cheek. Mine, his greedy heart wants to express. ] ...But I still wanna make love to you when we're both sober. [ He makes a point of using this phrasing, because that's the significance it holds to him. ]

So...maybe we can take it slow tonight? Take our time learnin' each other. But only if you wanna.

[ Hopefully, Phil knows what Day is getting at. It doesn't entirely make up for how Day spoiled the mood, but it's a kind of compromise and offering Phil a reassurance that he isn't disappointing in Day's eyes. ]

Edited (I have made so many phone tag typo sins) 2024-06-29 10:58 (UTC)

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Nsfw just to be safe

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