( The affirmation, the kisses make the blush worse!!! But what really does him in is how happy Ginger looks to hear it, to be given Mika's love, as if it really were something special. And still - with every word that opens a window to Ginger's feelings, the waves of Ginger's heart lap against the shore of his own, and they work down his defenses slowly, slowly. It's scary, being so vulnerable - unsure of what Ginger will find, when he sifts through the sand, and maybe what he finds will purse his lips tight into a frown.
But Mika tries to remain in the now. It's hard, when he's so afraid of the future. But Ginger wants to keep him chained tight, and - maybe it's better that way, Mika thinks; better not to let Mika slip through the bars, always looking somewhere else. )
... I liked it, too. ( He says, like a confession. ) Sometimes, when I listen to yours - it's... so loud, I forget mine doesn't beat.
( Like Ginger's were his, and they really did share it. And it's nice. Even though maybe he'll never totally forget he is the sort of thing he is, he can be... somewhat okay with what he is, with Ginger. He can be okay with the fact that Ginger is okay with it, improbable as it all is.
... He lifts a hand, and gently lays a thumb to the corner of Ginger's sweet grinning lips, as if to mark that spot - and he lifts his thumb to press a kiss there - fangs so slightly scraping the soft lip. )
... I think I'd be happier if we shared the same one.
( But that's just kid talk, right? Fantasy. A strange fantasy. But... the sentiment is true; it's full of love, encouraged by the feeling of Ginger's own.
Ah, how strange and wonderful it feels to be loved, even if this baptism of affection isn't enough to banish all his uncertainty. Not for wanting, on Ginger's part; it's always Mika who lacks. )
I'd tell people you're my heart. And if they don't get it, I could say... boyfriend. ( Even that word feels so warm on his lips. ) Unless - you had something else you were thinking of.
( When Ginger said there's "more," he just wasn't sure if it fit them. )
[ His eyes curve into dancing arches and he laughs lightly. He’s… not surprised to hear his heart beats so loud around Mika. ]
It’s probably calling for you all the time - it’s why it’s loud. [ His stupid hapless heart, ] It would rather be yours than mine.
[ They can certainly share it, but Ginger would never want to discard Mika’s. He’d take good care of it, he promises himself; he will always - he hopes - take good care of it. That had, after all, been his concern from the very start.
‘But Mika… Who keeps you safe?’
If he could just give Mika his heart and take Mika’s inside him, if that were possible… he’d be happier, too. ]
They would probably think you were saying sweetheart or something. Which is about the same as boyfriend? [ He shrugs, still a little embarrassed, but happy in love. ] Um - I just think of you as Mika - and mine. Though I guess… I do call you a lot of sappy things…
[ It’s different when they’re together? When it’s a private moment between the two of them. ]
I mean them all, but… [ Well. What’s there to hide now? ] Mika, my sweet heart, my love… do you want to be boyfriends?
( Maybe it's not any one thing that gets him grinning, but a culmination of all of it, together - all of Ginger, bit by bit, building into this (them?).
He takes up Ginger's face in both hands, and he gazes at him, and he really does feel - that there is no one, nothing else for him in this moment; not the manor, nor the moon, nor the world he'd left behind. Just right now. Just so long as Ginger keeps him locked up in his arms, where it's safe. )
... Yeah, I do.
( And if anything, he seems like he agrees - just Ginger, just mine, my heart alone, all sounds best and most natural to Mika. But there's something charming about saying "boyfriends," too - like playing house; like something simple, and fun. So he crosses that gap, and he presses a kiss to Ginger. Something sweet - because Ginger's all romantic, and all of him is sweet, from his marrow to his blood. )
... I... love you, you know. Really, really, really. ( He's said it a lot, but he'll say it again. ) So... thank you, for loving me too.
( And it's hard for him to believe these good things can exist for him, but he... believes Ginger, and he believes Ginger's heart, and, he thinks... all these things beat true.
He kisses him again, deeper, this time - hungry, but not impatient; consuming, but in the way that taking in something makes it a part of you. He teeths his tongue, his lips, with his fangs - his teeth, and if Ginger breaks for air, he'll let him have it, but he'll try to take in more. Greedy, greedy, greedy - he just can't get enough of Ginger, and he don't think he ever will. )
[ Any break for air Ginger takes is a breathless segment of a longer pledge: ]
Love you, so much. More - every moment.
[ Said like he’s been loved raw and tender by Mika, like he can’t get enough and he doesn’t know what to do with himself because he loves this boy in his lap so, so, so much. Really, really, really.
He wishes he didn’t need to breathe - so that Mika could kiss him endlessly and he could drink love from that tongue, those teeth. His body reacts the same way it always does when Mika’s being this sensual, this lovely. When his canines are involved - heat pooling, hips straining. His hand at Mika’s back slips under the shirt for skin-on-skin contact; the other finds his waist, then his hip, then his thigh exposed by the shorts. Not seeking any more than that - he just wants. His hand rubs small circles on skin.
(To be closer, to be one.)
He just wants Mika. His deep sleep had forced them to exist independently of each other for nearly a fortnight and that’s too long. For all that he can smile and joke, he did miss Mika desperately.
Naturally, sleep delirious Mika was endearing and Ginger loves him for that, but it was - lonely. There was something so lonely about Mika clinging to him, pleading that he stay while being unaware that he was right there. He was right there, waiting. ]
Do you - mm - remember? You were the first… [ He gets lost in a longer kiss, pulling Mika in closer and closer still, so the heat of him slots nicely between his thighs. Close here, close everywhere. The sweet wet noises of them ring pleasant and perfect to his ears. ] The first to - … mm, your kiss… - to offer to understand - my heart. Your heart now.
( As they kiss and kiss deeper and he's spoiled rotten by Ginger's loving murmurs, his palms run out from Ginger's cheeks to his hair, fingers tangling at the back of his head, brushing along the undercut. It's strange, because this time when they kiss and this time when he feels Ginger's strain, he feels a sort of heat at the back of his throat, and when he swallows more of Ginger he just carries that heat to his stomach. Where Ginger touches, too, feels a little warmer in a way it normally doesn't.
Maybe it's because he remembers the last time - before the mission, before the moon sick, and he remembers his embarrassed wondering, the excitement. )
... I couldn't believe ... ( He licks where he's teethed Ginger, affectionate. ) ... no one had, before. Not with you. You're so... easy to love.
( Ginger's heart is heavy, but it's well worth the weight; he gladly bears it in his chest. How could no one else see its worth?
His breath catches in his throat when he feels Ginger between his thighs, and he swallows, and he ... squeezes his thighs around it, rubbing against him with some friction. Is this okay? Would Ginger like it, too? )
... But I felt lucky. ( Selfishly, selfishly. ) You're my first for so many things... After I thought I wouldn't open up my chest for anyone else...
( The rest of that trails off in the kiss. It's a testament to Ginger's charm, how hard he is to resist - or maybe it's just Mika? Maybe he was doomed from the start, by make.
He wouldn't mind if that were the case. He'd do it all again, if he had to do it over. Every step - but maybe he'd choose to fall faster, and avoid their hungry fear. )
[ He insists with all of his heart. Would give his boyfriend (!!) two thumbs up on any rating app - and he has a very real extra that rocks up against him. An easy motion that has less to do with sex and more to do with comfort. He feels safe letting this part of him feel seen and felt.
And he thinks - maybe, it might have made Mika feel a little… rejected? denied? when he’d said they could ignore that part of him before. ]
You have this… way of… being worried for people. It’s so sweet - your heart is incredibly - kind. [ He pulls away from the taste of Mika’s tongue and the tingle of his teeth to brush their noses together affectionately, a kiss of a different sort. ] You’re just incredible.
[ And a kiss there, too, because Mika is also incredibly cute. It’s a small intermission so he can pay attention to Mika in other ways and catch his breath at the same time. That’s when he notices - ]
Mm… Mika? [ He seems a little more red than usual? Ginger watches him enough that he’s pretty sure he can categorize all the different shades of reds and pinks that Mika wears on his face. It would be - pathetically accurate. ] You’re still pretty flushed… from the tears? Feeling off?
[ If he is, Ginger gives him a couple of kisses (sweet, lingering) on his lips and on his cheeks to soothe him. And if he isn’t, same - it’s not like he can just stop kissing the boyfriend (!!!), that’s just crazy. ]
Edited (oop just in case… ) 2024-05-26 00:37 (UTC)
( There's something about the contrast between how Ginger's arousal rocks against him and how sweet Ginger's lips are, both his lips and his words and the slight brush of his nose, and how Ginger's heart beats - his heart beats - in turn. )
You're the kind one. Way too nice to everyone. ( Even when they don't deserve it. At least, in Mika's definitely objective point of view. He doesn't think a lot of people are worth Ginger's time. ) I mean— who's spoiling me now?
( A kiss in turn, matching his rhythm. Ginger really spoils him too much. Mika's worried about it before - what will he do if he ever has to go without Ginger's warmth, if Ginger ever chooses to go? But now he has to worry about this: how will he make it into the next five minutes without Ginger's affection?
The the question summons a fresh flush, an embarrassed flush, to his face. )
No, it's—
( Should he say it? ... Does he have a reason to not say it? Especially if they're... boyfriends, (ah,) )
Well, I... ( Not so much a kiss so much as a smearing his lips at the corner of Ginger's mouth, remembering how they'd kissed with Ginger's blood included, but he completes it like a kiss before his imagination gets away from him. ) ... I was just thinking about— um, back at that inn... I was just reminded. In a good way.
Edited 2024-05-26 01:23 (UTC)
an extra sprinkle of nsfw on a totally sfw cupcake
Okay, but have you considered - if I spoil you and make you happy, I get to be blessed by your smile - and maybe… your laugh?
[ He huffs a breath that’s kind of a laugh against Mika’s mouth. Mika’s really downplaying how much he - needy needy Ginger - gets out of this. And off on this - emotionally, physically. There’s this… perfect kind of rush he gets when Mika’s happy. He doesn’t think he could ever replicate it with anyone else.
And he would do so much more, willingly and eagerly, for just a soft glance from Mika in the mornings, like everything is at peace. Ginger’s the one being spoiled. ]
Ah, the inn. [ His eyes narrow just so, remembering the red haze of night. He hums, rocks a little harder. ] I’m glad… it was good.
[ Understatement? ]
I wanted it to be really good for you - whatever we ended up doing, but it surprised me… because it was fun, too. I didn’t know it could be like that.
nsfgs (not safe for grandmas) (unless grandma kinda into yaoi)
( wtf that's such a cute answer... he can't believe his boyfriend (!!) (!!) (!!?) (!!!!!!) is so cute... His hands pull forward from Ginger's hair and gently squish his cheeks, and kissing where the skin squashes out a lil. Unbelievable. But Mika's look as he does this is extremely fond. )
... I just end up smiling and laughing around you without even realizing it. You make it really easy. I basically didn't do any of that for like two years, either.
( That same period he didn't speak, he means. That all changed when he found Yuu again, obviously, but, for once... it isn't about Yuu? Which feels - a little hard to feel, for the moment that feeling settles in him. It's like accepting the loss of a friend, even though - it's Mika who died. Yuu moved on, and it's hard to think about that, but, somehow - it's harder to accept himself as... maybe moving on from Yuu. It feels wrong. Like he's doing something bad. But he's held Yuu with such a tight grip in his heart for so long that - maybe it makes sense it's not easy to ease off. Baby steps, he guesses.
(But it is, fundamentally, against his nature - at a level that runs so deep and so dark Mika can't perceive it.)
What Ginger says next makes him think, because - actually, he's of the same mind? Sex has always been a passively hostile concept for him. His father and mother were physically strangers to one another by the time Mika became aware, Ferid weaponized human sexuality for his amusement, the children in Sanguiem grew up scared and violent and without healthy outlet, and the few human settlements run by those human cults on the surface intended to breed humans to restore the population (to then test on them, surely). And none of that gets into how he lost whatever little he had when he was turned. )
... I didn't think it could be fun either, actually.
( He lets his palms slide down Ginger's neck, coming to rest at the crook on either side. He'll shift his seat, with the way Ginger rocks into him, into something more like a straddle in his lap. He's not as cozily cradled in Ginger's arms anymore, but it might be cozier for Ginger Jr. down there... even if he can feel him way more tangibly in this position. Hm, )
But you said you'd imagined it, right? Was it like, not fun in your fantasies?
Edited (forgot the warning opps) 2024-05-26 07:02 (UTC)
[ That was a series of very distracting things happening back to back - first Mika being incredibly cute (Ginger loves him so much), then the expression on his boyfriend’s face (boyfriend!! Love him…). Then, the words, which halts him from stealing another kiss. Then - and then Mika shifting to accommodate… him… better. There’s - a term for this and now that he’s thinking about it, he might dream about it. But he’d rather just ask if they could try that next time.
(After this?)
(Tonight?)
But - uh - since that’s on his mind last, he answers that first: ]
I - well, I wanted - um - you, so I imagined it. And dreamt about it, but… I felt guilty the entire time. [ The hand on Mika’s back flexes like a flinch, before soothing up and down. ] It wasn’t a conscious thing at first, too, so it was like - I was taking advantage of you. Not really fun.
[ And Ginger’s just too romantic; despite what his body asks, he wants love before sex.
So while he appreciates the new position, he lets the rocking die off - for now. There’s something serious he’s been meaning to ask Mika (he’d been reminded by the two year comment) and he doesn’t think it’s appropriate to be rutting up against him for that. ]
… I don’t really know much about what happened to you, or how you grew up. Will you tell me more…? If you’re okay with talking about these - subjects.
[ It’s just - they shaped Mika and Ginger wants to understand this shape. ]
( Always keeping Ginger on his toes... But no, Ginger's explanation of his fantasies makes sense - very much in line with how Ginger's so ashamed of what he is, and his impulses. He brushes back a bit of Ginger's hair, gently - just sort of as a gesture of care. )
... I didn't mind when you mentioned it. ( Or maybe that's not the right thing to say? Since Ginger didn't mean to have these fantasies... ) ... At least... it doesn't feel like it was taking advantage, to me. It's this part of you, something you don't really want people to see, so... um— it's... well, you included me in that... I guess. So I was...
( ... happy, in a way - his tone makes intended ending of the sentence obvious, but he seems to hesitate before he speaks it. Is he making Ginger's struggle about him? He's trying to reassure him, but maybe he's being selfish again. Just - he knows Ginger didn't hurt Mika by thinking it. But maybe that doesn't help much when the struggle is so internal (Mika certainly wouldn't be that much more forgiving toward himself if someone told him they didn't mind him fantasizing about their blood)...
As for the question... He never thought about it, but Mika never got around to talking to himself, did he? (How good was Ginger, to fall for him without even knowing his background?) He hesitates for a moment; not because he doesn't want to tell him - if Ginger's his heart, it may as well be his knowledge, too - but because... )
... It's... not really good. None of it is good. ( Except the one bit with the orphanage. ) I don't mind telling you. Like... I'd tell you everything and anything, no matter what, no matter when. But... are you sure you want to know? ... Like... I can keep it brief, if that's easier...
( He doesn't even know if he should append a "right now," because is there ever going to be a good time to hear his history? He's more concerned with Ginger than himself, as always.
But... if Ginger wants to know, and if he does end up wanting to know everything, then... he'll concede. There are a few things he's a little nervous about mentioning, but - Ginger would... be okay with them, he thinks?
[ The hand on Mika’s thigh moves up to brush his hair back, tucking some behind his ear. (A flower would be pretty here.) Ginger smiles soft and smitten when it opens up more of his face. He hasn’t stroked Mika’s head in a while, he thinks, doing so with the fingers in his hair and the thumb high on his cheek.
Mika always tries to make him feel better about this. But it’s less to do with him not minding; just that… sex wasn’t something Rum or Mika ever seemed to spend much thought on. It’s only Ginger who’s obsessed with something so primal. The more he had let out what he was imagining (and still, he let them out), the more he thought Mika would wonder if he needed to think about those things too - to make Ginger happy, or feel better, or a million other well-intentioned reasons. Mika’s full of sweetness and Ginger, sin.
It’s not really a big problem now. And Mika seems to like it a little; everything else, they can just discuss if they need to. He likes talking things out with his boyfriend (his sweetheart, his sweet heart). ]
I still feel like I shouldn’t have - let you see… What if I made you all dirty like me? But I didn’t want to hide anything from you. I wanted to… open up for you, more and more. Because I realized - you thought you were this dirty thing, when you’re so… [ He sighs deep, searching for any way to possibly, possibly explain all that Mika is to him. It’s - impossible. All the mortal words are just so inadequate. ] You’re so…
[ He shakes his head. There are no words. So he says: ]
I love you. [ Really, really, really. ] I want to know all the details that you can’t share with anyone else, and the feelings you couldn’t share when you went through - what you did. The bad things.
[ Bad enough for Mika to give his life, he remembers. ]
If… it’s sad, I want to cry for you if you couldn’t. If it’s selfish and ugly, who would understand but me? I want to be there for you now because I couldn’t then.
( Immediate and earnest, the both of them passionate about their understanding of each other.
Mika is dirty. He must be, because Ginger's so - beyond words, himself, and Mika's nothing like him. That Ginger sees someone like Mika as so beautiful is ... proof, almost. Happy as if makes him. He holds the hand thumbing his cheek in place so he can turn his lips to it, and kiss his palm. )
... Next time... I really will kiss every part of you. Love every milimetre, until you believe me.
( He'll relax his hold, happy that Ginger did show him that part of himself, in the end (boy, did he), and embarrassed - nervous - of what he'd shown Ginger in turn.
A little like this, with his history. He falls quiet for a moment, heart stirring gently with Ginger's words. He doesn't want Ginger to be upset for him now, or ever; but it reminds him of what he'd said - when he said wanted to be there for good dreams, and the bad.
Finally: )
... Okay. ( He's still debating whether he should suggest now or later, but first and most importantly: ) But... can you p— Ah... Can you believe me when I say... if I say something happened to me - um, none of it affects my feelings toward you. In a bad way. Okay...?
( Ominous. But... he does think it's important to clarify, if Ginger wants it unabridged. )
[ Oh, love. His fingers brush back the soft hair covering Mika’s forehead, and he presses a kiss there where his brow worries. Will he ever think of himself as someone clean? No, not likely. But he can believe in Mika’s feelings anyway. And he thinks, maybe, he can come to feel that being dirty isn’t necessarily a bad thing. ]
I believe that you mean it, but you should kiss me anyway. Next time.
[ He hopes next time is soon, especially after spending so many days desperately missing Mika. ]
Okay, Mika. But I would… do that - [ promise ] - for you. I can, right now.
( Next time may as well be fairly soon, because he thinks a palate cleanser will be in order after hearing his background.
To the offer, though - he shakes his head. )
Don't promise. ( Not for something fickle as belief. ) If we do promise— not that we should, but... If we do, I'd want it to be something we both do. I don't know what that'd be, but... At least we'd be in it together.
( They'd be bound together by one more thing. Tying Ginger to him alone felt too cruel - and though he'd gladly chain himself to Ginger, he understands Ginger wouldn't want that.
He still wants Ginger to have the freedom to - quit this, if he ever wants. (Well, no, Mika doesn't actually want Ginger to ever leave - but he knows he should leave that door unlocked for him.) So he wouldn't promise easily. But... if they had to promise, he thinks that's the only way he'd concede. )
... I guess... I could tell you now, though. Since I'm not going anywhere...
( Their locked-up larp... Mika doesn't want to go anywhere, either. He'd be happy spending the next obscene amount of time just in this room, photosyntheizing through Ginger's presence alone. He really doesn't want to remember other people exist yet. )
[ !!Together!! He likes that a lot, murmuring ‘together with Mika’ with stars in his eyes. ]
If we have to, then only together.
[ If they’re together, he’d prefer to leave the door locked. Unlocked and Mika could leave - and if he asks to leave alone, what can Ginger do? So together is best, chained to each other like this. ]
You might be uncomfortable if I tie you down, so you’ll just have to stay in my lap. But you’ll get a lot of hugs in exchange.
( He's glad they're of the same (one track) mind - but, oh, Ginger is being cute again... It works a smile onto Mika's face, accented by a faint laugh. )
That sounds like I'm getting the better end of the deal. What do you get for the hugs, when I already give you kisses for free?
( As if to demonstrate, he presses a light kiss besides Ginger's eye - his demon eye. )
... Do you want to tie me up?
( He's already taken the locking up remarks in stride, so he can't exactly pause here, but... it's certainly new. (It should be worrying, and the part of him capable of logic retains that understanding, but he's been so inundated with Ginger's feelings it's hard to divorce this sort of thing from the overwhelming affection it's attached to.) )
[ His eyes flutter close and when they open, they’re immediately fixed on Mika - dark and light focused on him because he’s everything they would ever need to see, everything they could ever seek to want. ]
—You can't say those things back to back. It'd stop my heart if... mine still worked.
( ///... One was so cool and romantic??? And this one is just sweet. What's a Mika supposed to do?
He gently squishes cups Ginger's cheeks, but this time, instead of a squeeze, he kisses him on the lips proper, and he lets it stay before he parts his mouth to speak. )
... I'd tie myself to you without you having to ask. ( It's not uncomfortable. ) 's not like I need anything else.
( Mika is someone who would do so bad if he were in love with someone who wouldn't treat him kindly, and would probably end up a body on the nine o'clock news sooner or later, but thankfully that's not the case with Ginger. )
... But I'm way happier, um... knowing it's not just me alone. ( Both of them tied down? Still - "Happier"... It's weird to think of himself as happy, but he is right now, with Ginger. ) I kept telling myself that I shouldn't force anyone to stay, if they ever changed their mind, I guess. Not that— I'd never hold it against anyone, or anything.
It works. [ Against Mika’s soft lips. ] I hear it.
[ It’s in the way Mika lives, how he reacts to the joys of life and of love, how fear and doubt temper his dazzling light sometimes. Mika’s heart doesn’t beat audibly, no, but - it shudders and shakes and hums with warmth, Ginger’s sure.
And - Mika doesn’t hold it against anyone, but Ginger holds it against Yuu even if Yuu had chosen to stay (he doesn’t know; he doesn’t care) - because he’s not here now with Mika. Where is he? Why isn’t he here? Unfathomable. ]
So you should stay - here. With me, um, permanently. [ And then he adds anxiously: ] Ahh… I rushed it this time, but I’ll ask again - properly down on my knee, with flowers.
( He assumes Ginger's just being sweet, though, and there's nothing sweeter than the fantasy of a happy ending like that. And if Ginger hears it now, then surely it must be an echo of his own; their own, right now.
Everything Ginger does is nectar to the nth degree, really; Mika only worries he doesn't offer enough back. That Ginger is content just with him and him alone is - it feels unfair. Ginger may say this is enough, but Mika will only want to give him more back the more Ginger insists. )
( "I'm proposing we're staying together" - hehe. Okay, that gets a grin out of him. He fluffs his hairs lil as he runs his fingers through it. )
Should I wait until you get flowers to give you my answer?
( As if his answer weren't incredibly obvious, from Mika's perspective.
Though he does redden very slightly when Ginger asks if he "wants" a proposal, he pauses to consider it. )
... Well, I'd say yes if you asked.
( That doesn't answer Ginger's questions, but he gives it anyway. Does that spoil his answer for Ginger's actual proposal? Maybe there can still be faux suspense. But he can tell marriage is the furthest thing from Ginger's mind, so he says it more like it's more a funny little idea, than anything.
By way of explanation, so Ginger doesn't think he's a weirdo who expects long term commitment or anything: )
... I used to play house a lot with the other orphans - they were all even younger than me, so they loved it. It was fun being the mom, or dad, and stuff... but...
( He rubs his thumb idly at the crook of Ginger's neck, the way he does to the hilt of his sword when he's uncomfortable.
His instinct is to continue talking about the orphans - but, Ginger did ask earlier to know more about him, didn't he...? )
... Well, my parents didn't exactly have a good marriage. ( Because of him. That was his fault. ) They were probably happy at the start, and then things changed. And they were both probably stuck in it, at that point. So...
( How could he even dream of asking that of someone else?
(... Regardless of the firm commitment his heart adores, in every form.) )
Only if you stay the nights here until I ask properly.
[ Which is basically him saying don’t leave, ever.
He whispers, ‘cute…’ at the playing house talk, but. His ears redden when Mika mentions playing mom or dad because - children with Mika in the future, being a family in that sense… he would like that a lot, he thinks. ]
I just think it’s a given that we’re committed to each other for life, so a marriage is… a nice extra…? But - it sounds like your parents forgot each other because the idea of marriage was more important.
I don’t want to commit to a marriage; I want to be committed to you, Mika, for - for forever.
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But Mika tries to remain in the now. It's hard, when he's so afraid of the future. But Ginger wants to keep him chained tight, and - maybe it's better that way, Mika thinks; better not to let Mika slip through the bars, always looking somewhere else. )
... I liked it, too. ( He says, like a confession. ) Sometimes, when I listen to yours - it's... so loud, I forget mine doesn't beat.
( Like Ginger's were his, and they really did share it. And it's nice. Even though maybe he'll never totally forget he is the sort of thing he is, he can be... somewhat okay with what he is, with Ginger. He can be okay with the fact that Ginger is okay with it, improbable as it all is.
... He lifts a hand, and gently lays a thumb to the corner of Ginger's sweet grinning lips, as if to mark that spot - and he lifts his thumb to press a kiss there - fangs so slightly scraping the soft lip. )
... I think I'd be happier if we shared the same one.
( But that's just kid talk, right? Fantasy. A strange fantasy. But... the sentiment is true; it's full of love, encouraged by the feeling of Ginger's own.
Ah, how strange and wonderful it feels to be loved, even if this baptism of affection isn't enough to banish all his uncertainty. Not for wanting, on Ginger's part; it's always Mika who lacks. )
I'd tell people you're my heart. And if they don't get it, I could say... boyfriend. ( Even that word feels so warm on his lips. ) Unless - you had something else you were thinking of.
( When Ginger said there's "more," he just wasn't sure if it fit them. )
no subject
It’s probably calling for you all the time - it’s why it’s loud. [ His stupid hapless heart, ] It would rather be yours than mine.
[ They can certainly share it, but Ginger would never want to discard Mika’s. He’d take good care of it, he promises himself; he will always - he hopes - take good care of it. That had, after all, been his concern from the very start.
‘But Mika… Who keeps you safe?’
If he could just give Mika his heart and take Mika’s inside him, if that were possible… he’d be happier, too. ]
They would probably think you were saying sweetheart or something. Which is about the same as boyfriend? [ He shrugs, still a little embarrassed, but happy in love. ] Um - I just think of you as Mika - and mine. Though I guess… I do call you a lot of sappy things…
[ It’s different when they’re together? When it’s a private moment between the two of them. ]
I mean them all, but… [ Well. What’s there to hide now? ] Mika, my sweet heart, my love… do you want to be boyfriends?
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He takes up Ginger's face in both hands, and he gazes at him, and he really does feel - that there is no one, nothing else for him in this moment; not the manor, nor the moon, nor the world he'd left behind. Just right now. Just so long as Ginger keeps him locked up in his arms, where it's safe. )
... Yeah, I do.
( And if anything, he seems like he agrees - just Ginger, just mine, my heart alone, all sounds best and most natural to Mika. But there's something charming about saying "boyfriends," too - like playing house; like something simple, and fun. So he crosses that gap, and he presses a kiss to Ginger. Something sweet - because Ginger's all romantic, and all of him is sweet, from his marrow to his blood. )
... I... love you, you know. Really, really, really. ( He's said it a lot, but he'll say it again. ) So... thank you, for loving me too.
( And it's hard for him to believe these good things can exist for him, but he... believes Ginger, and he believes Ginger's heart, and, he thinks... all these things beat true.
He kisses him again, deeper, this time - hungry, but not impatient; consuming, but in the way that taking in something makes it a part of you. He teeths his tongue, his lips, with his fangs - his teeth, and if Ginger breaks for air, he'll let him have it, but he'll try to take in more. Greedy, greedy, greedy - he just can't get enough of Ginger, and he don't think he ever will. )
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Love you, so much. More - every moment.
[ Said like he’s been loved raw and tender by Mika, like he can’t get enough and he doesn’t know what to do with himself because he loves this boy in his lap so, so, so much. Really, really, really.
He wishes he didn’t need to breathe - so that Mika could kiss him endlessly and he could drink love from that tongue, those teeth. His body reacts the same way it always does when Mika’s being this sensual, this lovely. When his canines are involved - heat pooling, hips straining. His hand at Mika’s back slips under the shirt for skin-on-skin contact; the other finds his waist, then his hip, then his thigh exposed by the shorts. Not seeking any more than that - he just wants. His hand rubs small circles on skin.
(To be closer, to be one.)
He just wants Mika. His deep sleep had forced them to exist independently of each other for nearly a fortnight and that’s too long. For all that he can smile and joke, he did miss Mika desperately.
Naturally, sleep delirious Mika was endearing and Ginger loves him for that, but it was - lonely. There was something so lonely about Mika clinging to him, pleading that he stay while being unaware that he was right there. He was right there, waiting. ]
Do you - mm - remember? You were the first… [ He gets lost in a longer kiss, pulling Mika in closer and closer still, so the heat of him slots nicely between his thighs. Close here, close everywhere. The sweet wet noises of them ring pleasant and perfect to his ears. ] The first to - … mm, your kiss… - to offer to understand - my heart. Your heart now.
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Maybe it's because he remembers the last time - before the mission, before the moon sick, and he remembers his embarrassed wondering, the excitement. )
... I couldn't believe ... ( He licks where he's teethed Ginger, affectionate. ) ... no one had, before. Not with you. You're so... easy to love.
( Ginger's heart is heavy, but it's well worth the weight; he gladly bears it in his chest. How could no one else see its worth?
His breath catches in his throat when he feels Ginger between his thighs, and he swallows, and he ... squeezes his thighs around it, rubbing against him with some friction. Is this okay? Would Ginger like it, too? )
... But I felt lucky. ( Selfishly, selfishly. ) You're my first for so many things... After I thought I wouldn't open up my chest for anyone else...
( The rest of that trails off in the kiss. It's a testament to Ginger's charm, how hard he is to resist - or maybe it's just Mika? Maybe he was doomed from the start, by make.
He wouldn't mind if that were the case. He'd do it all again, if he had to do it over. Every step - but maybe he'd choose to fall faster, and avoid their hungry fear. )
nsfw maybe 🤔
You’re the one who’s easy to love.
[ He insists with all of his heart. Would give his boyfriend (!!) two thumbs up on any rating app - and he has a very real extra that rocks up against him. An easy motion that has less to do with sex and more to do with comfort. He feels safe letting this part of him feel seen and felt.
And he thinks - maybe, it might have made Mika feel a little… rejected? denied? when he’d said they could ignore that part of him before. ]
You have this… way of… being worried for people. It’s so sweet - your heart is incredibly - kind. [ He pulls away from the taste of Mika’s tongue and the tingle of his teeth to brush their noses together affectionately, a kiss of a different sort. ] You’re just incredible.
[ And a kiss there, too, because Mika is also incredibly cute. It’s a small intermission so he can pay attention to Mika in other ways and catch his breath at the same time. That’s when he notices - ]
Mm… Mika? [ He seems a little more red than usual? Ginger watches him enough that he’s pretty sure he can categorize all the different shades of reds and pinks that Mika wears on his face. It would be - pathetically accurate. ] You’re still pretty flushed… from the tears? Feeling off?
[ If he is, Ginger gives him a couple of kisses (sweet, lingering) on his lips and on his cheeks to soothe him. And if he isn’t, same - it’s not like he can just stop kissing the boyfriend (!!!), that’s just crazy. ]
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You're the kind one. Way too nice to everyone. ( Even when they don't deserve it. At least, in Mika's definitely objective point of view. He doesn't think a lot of people are worth Ginger's time. ) I mean— who's spoiling me now?
( A kiss in turn, matching his rhythm. Ginger really spoils him too much. Mika's worried about it before - what will he do if he ever has to go without Ginger's warmth, if Ginger ever chooses to go? But now he has to worry about this: how will he make it into the next five minutes without Ginger's affection?
The the question summons a fresh flush, an embarrassed flush, to his face. )
No, it's—
( Should he say it? ... Does he have a reason to not say it? Especially if they're... boyfriends, (ah,) )
Well, I... ( Not so much a kiss so much as a smearing his lips at the corner of Ginger's mouth, remembering how they'd kissed with Ginger's blood included, but he completes it like a kiss before his imagination gets away from him. ) ... I was just thinking about— um, back at that inn... I was just reminded. In a good way.
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[ He huffs a breath that’s kind of a laugh against Mika’s mouth. Mika’s really downplaying how much he - needy needy Ginger - gets out of this. And off on this - emotionally, physically. There’s this… perfect kind of rush he gets when Mika’s happy. He doesn’t think he could ever replicate it with anyone else.
And he would do so much more, willingly and eagerly, for just a soft glance from Mika in the mornings, like everything is at peace. Ginger’s the one being spoiled. ]
Ah, the inn. [ His eyes narrow just so, remembering the red haze of night. He hums, rocks a little harder. ] I’m glad… it was good.
[ Understatement? ]
I wanted it to be really good for you - whatever we ended up doing, but it surprised me… because it was fun, too. I didn’t know it could be like that.
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... I just end up smiling and laughing around you without even realizing it. You make it really easy. I basically didn't do any of that for like two years, either.
( That same period he didn't speak, he means. That all changed when he found Yuu again, obviously, but, for once... it isn't about Yuu? Which feels - a little hard to feel, for the moment that feeling settles in him. It's like accepting the loss of a friend, even though - it's Mika who died. Yuu moved on, and it's hard to think about that, but, somehow - it's harder to accept himself as... maybe moving on from Yuu. It feels wrong. Like he's doing something bad. But he's held Yuu with such a tight grip in his heart for so long that - maybe it makes sense it's not easy to ease off. Baby steps, he guesses.
(But it is, fundamentally, against his nature - at a level that runs so deep and so dark Mika can't perceive it.)
What Ginger says next makes him think, because - actually, he's of the same mind? Sex has always been a passively hostile concept for him. His father and mother were physically strangers to one another by the time Mika became aware, Ferid weaponized human sexuality for his amusement, the children in Sanguiem grew up scared and violent and without healthy outlet, and the few human settlements run by those human cults on the surface intended to breed humans to restore the population (to then test on them, surely). And none of that gets into how he lost whatever little he had when he was turned. )
... I didn't think it could be fun either, actually.
( He lets his palms slide down Ginger's neck, coming to rest at the crook on either side. He'll shift his seat, with the way Ginger rocks into him, into something more like a straddle in his lap. He's not as cozily cradled in Ginger's arms anymore, but it might be cozier for Ginger Jr. down there... even if he can feel him way more tangibly in this position. Hm, )
But you said you'd imagined it, right? Was it like, not fun in your fantasies?
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(After this?)
(Tonight?)
But - uh - since that’s on his mind last, he answers that first: ]
I - well, I wanted - um - you, so I imagined it. And dreamt about it, but… I felt guilty the entire time. [ The hand on Mika’s back flexes like a flinch, before soothing up and down. ] It wasn’t a conscious thing at first, too, so it was like - I was taking advantage of you. Not really fun.
[ And Ginger’s just too romantic; despite what his body asks, he wants love before sex.
So while he appreciates the new position, he lets the rocking die off - for now. There’s something serious he’s been meaning to ask Mika (he’d been reminded by the two year comment) and he doesn’t think it’s appropriate to be rutting up against him for that. ]
… I don’t really know much about what happened to you, or how you grew up. Will you tell me more…? If you’re okay with talking about these - subjects.
[ It’s just - they shaped Mika and Ginger wants to understand this shape. ]
It doesn’t have to be now.
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... I didn't mind when you mentioned it. ( Or maybe that's not the right thing to say? Since Ginger didn't mean to have these fantasies... ) ... At least... it doesn't feel like it was taking advantage, to me. It's this part of you, something you don't really want people to see, so... um— it's... well, you included me in that... I guess. So I was...
( ... happy, in a way - his tone makes intended ending of the sentence obvious, but he seems to hesitate before he speaks it. Is he making Ginger's struggle about him? He's trying to reassure him, but maybe he's being selfish again. Just - he knows Ginger didn't hurt Mika by thinking it. But maybe that doesn't help much when the struggle is so internal (Mika certainly wouldn't be that much more forgiving toward himself if someone told him they didn't mind him fantasizing about their blood)...
As for the question... He never thought about it, but Mika never got around to talking to himself, did he? (How good was Ginger, to fall for him without even knowing his background?) He hesitates for a moment; not because he doesn't want to tell him - if Ginger's his heart, it may as well be his knowledge, too - but because... )
... It's... not really good. None of it is good. ( Except the one bit with the orphanage. ) I don't mind telling you. Like... I'd tell you everything and anything, no matter what, no matter when. But... are you sure you want to know? ... Like... I can keep it brief, if that's easier...
( He doesn't even know if he should append a "right now," because is there ever going to be a good time to hear his history? He's more concerned with Ginger than himself, as always.
But... if Ginger wants to know, and if he does end up wanting to know everything, then... he'll concede. There are a few things he's a little nervous about mentioning, but - Ginger would... be okay with them, he thinks?
(... Would he?)
(What if he wouldn't,)
(wait,) )
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Mika always tries to make him feel better about this. But it’s less to do with him not minding; just that… sex wasn’t something Rum or Mika ever seemed to spend much thought on. It’s only Ginger who’s obsessed with something so primal. The more he had let out what he was imagining (and still, he let them out), the more he thought Mika would wonder if he needed to think about those things too - to make Ginger happy, or feel better, or a million other well-intentioned reasons. Mika’s full of sweetness and Ginger, sin.
It’s not really a big problem now. And Mika seems to like it a little; everything else, they can just discuss if they need to. He likes talking things out with his boyfriend (his sweetheart, his sweet heart). ]
I still feel like I shouldn’t have - let you see… What if I made you all dirty like me? But I didn’t want to hide anything from you. I wanted to… open up for you, more and more. Because I realized - you thought you were this dirty thing, when you’re so… [ He sighs deep, searching for any way to possibly, possibly explain all that Mika is to him. It’s - impossible. All the mortal words are just so inadequate. ] You’re so…
[ He shakes his head. There are no words. So he says: ]
I love you. [ Really, really, really. ] I want to know all the details that you can’t share with anyone else, and the feelings you couldn’t share when you went through - what you did. The bad things.
[ Bad enough for Mika to give his life, he remembers. ]
If… it’s sad, I want to cry for you if you couldn’t. If it’s selfish and ugly, who would understand but me? I want to be there for you now because I couldn’t then.
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( Immediate and earnest, the both of them passionate about their understanding of each other.
Mika is dirty. He must be, because Ginger's so - beyond words, himself, and Mika's nothing like him. That Ginger sees someone like Mika as so beautiful is ... proof, almost. Happy as if makes him. He holds the hand thumbing his cheek in place so he can turn his lips to it, and kiss his palm. )
... Next time... I really will kiss every part of you. Love every milimetre, until you believe me.
( He'll relax his hold, happy that Ginger did show him that part of himself, in the end (boy, did he), and embarrassed - nervous - of what he'd shown Ginger in turn.
A little like this, with his history. He falls quiet for a moment, heart stirring gently with Ginger's words. He doesn't want Ginger to be upset for him now, or ever; but it reminds him of what he'd said - when he said wanted to be there for good dreams, and the bad.
Finally: )
... Okay. ( He's still debating whether he should suggest now or later, but first and most importantly: ) But... can you p— Ah... Can you believe me when I say... if I say something happened to me - um, none of it affects my feelings toward you. In a bad way. Okay...?
( Ominous. But... he does think it's important to clarify, if Ginger wants it unabridged. )
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I believe that you mean it, but you should kiss me anyway. Next time.
[ He hopes next time is soon, especially after spending so many days desperately missing Mika. ]
Okay, Mika. But I would… do that - [ promise ] - for you. I can, right now.
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( Next time may as well be fairly soon, because he thinks a palate cleanser will be in order after hearing his background.
To the offer, though - he shakes his head. )
Don't promise. ( Not for something fickle as belief. ) If we do promise— not that we should, but... If we do, I'd want it to be something we both do. I don't know what that'd be, but... At least we'd be in it together.
( They'd be bound together by one more thing. Tying Ginger to him alone felt too cruel - and though he'd gladly chain himself to Ginger, he understands Ginger wouldn't want that.
He still wants Ginger to have the freedom to - quit this, if he ever wants. (Well, no, Mika doesn't actually want Ginger to ever leave - but he knows he should leave that door unlocked for him.) So he wouldn't promise easily. But... if they had to promise, he thinks that's the only way he'd concede. )
... I guess... I could tell you now, though. Since I'm not going anywhere...
( Their locked-up larp... Mika doesn't want to go anywhere, either. He'd be happy spending the next obscene amount of time just in this room, photosyntheizing through Ginger's presence alone. He really doesn't want to remember other people exist yet. )
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If we have to, then only together.
[ If they’re together, he’d prefer to leave the door locked. Unlocked and Mika could leave - and if he asks to leave alone, what can Ginger do? So together is best, chained to each other like this. ]
You might be uncomfortable if I tie you down, so you’ll just have to stay in my lap. But you’ll get a lot of hugs in exchange.
[ It’s a pretty fair deal. ]
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That sounds like I'm getting the better end of the deal. What do you get for the hugs, when I already give you kisses for free?
( As if to demonstrate, he presses a light kiss besides Ginger's eye - his demon eye. )
... Do you want to tie me up?
( He's already taken the locking up remarks in stride, so he can't exactly pause here, but... it's certainly new. (It should be worrying, and the part of him capable of logic retains that understanding, but he's been so inundated with Ginger's feelings it's hard to divorce this sort of thing from the overwhelming affection it's attached to.) )
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I get you.
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Um - to me, metaphorically.
[ Mostly. ]
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( ///... One was so cool and romantic??? And this one is just sweet. What's a Mika supposed to do?
He gently squishes cups Ginger's cheeks, but this time, instead of a squeeze, he kisses him on the lips proper, and he lets it stay before he parts his mouth to speak. )
... I'd tie myself to you without you having to ask. ( It's not uncomfortable. ) 's not like I need anything else.
( Mika is someone who would do so bad if he were in love with someone who wouldn't treat him kindly, and would probably end up a body on the nine o'clock news sooner or later, but thankfully that's not the case with Ginger. )
... But I'm way happier, um... knowing it's not just me alone. ( Both of them tied down? Still - "Happier"... It's weird to think of himself as happy, but he is right now, with Ginger. ) I kept telling myself that I shouldn't force anyone to stay, if they ever changed their mind, I guess. Not that— I'd never hold it against anyone, or anything.
( But this is way better. )
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[ It’s in the way Mika lives, how he reacts to the joys of life and of love, how fear and doubt temper his dazzling light sometimes. Mika’s heart doesn’t beat audibly, no, but - it shudders and shakes and hums with warmth, Ginger’s sure.
And - Mika doesn’t hold it against anyone, but Ginger holds it against Yuu even if Yuu had chosen to stay (he doesn’t know; he doesn’t care) - because he’s not here now with Mika. Where is he? Why isn’t he here? Unfathomable. ]
So you should stay - here. With me, um, permanently. [ And then he adds anxiously: ] Ahh… I rushed it this time, but I’ll ask again - properly down on my knee, with flowers.
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... That makes it sound like a proposal.
( He assumes Ginger's just being sweet, though, and there's nothing sweeter than the fantasy of a happy ending like that. And if Ginger hears it now, then surely it must be an echo of his own; their own, right now.
Everything Ginger does is nectar to the nth degree, really; Mika only worries he doesn't offer enough back. That Ginger is content just with him and him alone is - it feels unfair. Ginger may say this is enough, but Mika will only want to give him more back the more Ginger insists. )
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I… guess…? I’m proposing we stay together.
[ Ah, wait, Mika did bring up marriage earlier. ‘I've only thought about... marriage, and stuff, he’d said.
Ginger tilts his head curiously. ]
Did you want… the other kind of proposal? Was… marriage something you wanted - before?
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Should I wait until you get flowers to give you my answer?
( As if his answer weren't incredibly obvious, from Mika's perspective.
Though he does redden very slightly when Ginger asks if he "wants" a proposal, he pauses to consider it. )
... Well, I'd say yes if you asked.
( That doesn't answer Ginger's questions, but he gives it anyway. Does that spoil his answer for Ginger's actual proposal? Maybe there can still be faux suspense. But he can tell marriage is the furthest thing from Ginger's mind, so he says it more like it's more a funny little idea, than anything.
By way of explanation, so Ginger doesn't think he's a weirdo who expects long term commitment or anything: )
... I used to play house a lot with the other orphans - they were all even younger than me, so they loved it. It was fun being the mom, or dad, and stuff... but...
( He rubs his thumb idly at the crook of Ginger's neck, the way he does to the hilt of his sword when he's uncomfortable.
His instinct is to continue talking about the orphans - but, Ginger did ask earlier to know more about him, didn't he...? )
... Well, my parents didn't exactly have a good marriage. ( Because of him. That was his fault. ) They were probably happy at the start, and then things changed. And they were both probably stuck in it, at that point. So...
( How could he even dream of asking that of someone else?
(... Regardless of the firm commitment his heart adores, in every form.) )
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[ Which is basically him saying don’t leave, ever.
He whispers, ‘cute…’ at the playing house talk, but. His ears redden when Mika mentions playing mom or dad because - children with Mika in the future, being a family in that sense… he would like that a lot, he thinks. ]
I just think it’s a given that we’re committed to each other for life, so a marriage is… a nice extra…? But - it sounds like your parents forgot each other because the idea of marriage was more important.
I don’t want to commit to a marriage; I want to be committed to you, Mika, for - for forever.
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