( Ginger has presumably left, and it's not been without fanfare - Ahito probably got to see a glimpse of Mika clinging and asking him not to go, like there's something dangerous out there ... but once Ginger has coaxed him from his feverish worry and gone on his way, Mika's attention finally vaguely slides to Ahito.
It seems to take several long moments for Mika to recognize him, laid up in bed as he is, but wobbly in a way that suggests he's better off lying down instead of sitting up, he sort of tries to push himself up onto his elbow to get a better look at him. (It barely helps...) )
... Your blood...
( He says this with anxious concern. Not asking for any (Ginger's been feeding him), but asking if Ahito's okay. He clearly has no clue how long it's been - it's one of the few Ahito memories that returned to him when recognition set in, so it may as well have happened a few minutes ago, given his expression. )
[Ginger's always been weird but this......... is so much weirder than he really wants to deal with. Please leave him out of whatever this is.
Not that he lets any of that show on his face, smiling his usual cocksure grin when he approaches Mika.]
All healed.
[Not really, but healed enough that he can easily move around without dizziness, even if he's not quite up to running around the north hunting monsters yet.]
( Mika, it seems, is too exhausted to be suspicious as he was before, but he seems generally unsure - instinctively if not consciously. It is enough to get him to plop back down once Ahito approaches... but as an answer to his question, he instead lifts a hand, as if reaching for him - or gesturing for him to come closer? )
[-? He will in fact come closer, though he isn't offering a hand or anything because he's in no shape to donate anything more, if that's what Mika wants.]
( have u ever seen a super strong baby, because that's mika right now... once Ahito's close enough, Mika is grabbing whatever - a wrist or a sleeve or anything that works - and tugging him onto the bed. He might only get Ahito half-flopped onto the bed due to bad angle, but that he can apply this much force even while out of it probably suggests how strong he really can be. )
( fascinating statement about their age. sick brain has no idea how it's relevant so it just slides off, )
Mmhm. Sanguiem, and the orphanage... could get pretty cold, but... Sometimes just for fun. We were... a big family. We loved each other a lot.
( Fond, sleepy voice, like recalling a pleasant dream. Maybe the one plus about sick smooth brain is the failure to recall context also means he doesn't immediately take on the weight of his crushing guilt when recalling the orphans, for however long that lasts. )
( Better than being family (kissable) right now, in terms of Ahito's survival prospects, surely, )
... Happy as we could be, I think. It was really hard...
( He exhales, soft, his train of thought - drifting? But finding some sort of course, after a moment. )
... They'd cry every day, sometimes. More, in Sanguiem. But... Yuu-chan gave the kids hope. They'd smile, and... I just had to keep them fed. I couldn't... save them from what happened outside our walls, ( experiments - scheming adults - vampires - other children, in Sanguiem; ) but I...
( If he could protect them in there... it wasn't enough, but it was something... right? )
He turns his face into... he means to turn it into the pillow, but it's probably partly into Ahito's hair, thanks to his own grip on him. Remembering... )
... It wasn't... my best. ( Quietly. ) It killed... I killed all of them.
( Mika is quiet for awhile - quiet enough that it seems like maybe his mind has drifted off, or he's fallen asleep; it's a little harder to gauge with a guy who doesn't breathe, whose pulse can't give him away.
Eventually, though: )
... I sucked up to this vampire for... a long time. He gave me food and toys for the kids...
( The hand in his hair is nice, like a counterbalance to the way he feels, the way it reverberates wet and hot at the back of his throat. )
... And in his study I found a map of the underground. I found it, and I went back to the kids, and I told them... we could get out of Sanguiem. We left right then; we ran as fast as we could... The exit was right there.
( His nails dig into Ahito's skin; not painful, but - pained. Maybe for the best he's holding Ahito, else he'd probably be digging his nails, self-punishingly, into himself. )
... How couldn't I tell he was just playing with us...? How was I so stupid and selfish...? I didn't even— they were the ones... who paid the price.
[While he does tense slightly at the sudden digging of nails, he relaxes again soon after once he realizes it won't get any deeper. The pats on the head never stop, and he listens to Mika's story to the very end.
...]
I guess by that logic... I'm the one who killed Mizuki, too.
I trusted in the adults who said I could save her... but in the end, I left her to die alone. The one thing she was afraid of, and I wasn't even there for her.
[He doesn't believe what he's saying, not really; but he did, once, and it reflects in the tone.]
The answer to this should be obvious - maybe less obvious while sick - but he just... can't seem to parse who else there is to blame but yourself - and no one has tried to steer him otherwise, back home. (Not by the point he came here, anyway.) )
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It seems to take several long moments for Mika to recognize him, laid up in bed as he is, but wobbly in a way that suggests he's better off lying down instead of sitting up, he sort of tries to push himself up onto his elbow to get a better look at him. (It barely helps...) )
... Your blood...
( He says this with anxious concern. Not asking for any (Ginger's been feeding him), but asking if Ahito's okay. He clearly has no clue how long it's been - it's one of the few Ahito memories that returned to him when recognition set in, so it may as well have happened a few minutes ago, given his expression. )
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Not that he lets any of that show on his face, smiling his usual cocksure grin when he approaches Mika.]
All healed.
[Not really, but healed enough that he can easily move around without dizziness, even if he's not quite up to running around the north hunting monsters yet.]
Have you been resting up?
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... 'm tired of lying down.
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It's not like you can easily get up, though...
Maybe I should've brought some books?
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... This is fine.
( in!! bed!!! with miette!!!!! )
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Congratulations on tugging him into bed, this is not at all how he thought this visit was going to turn out.]
Wha-?!
[HELLO??? HE IS NOT A PLUSHIE???]
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... We'd always do this in the orphanage.
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Seriously?!
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What's wrong?
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Not when you're, like, eight.
( He says, apparently failing to connect that they are currently twice that age, )
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[HELLO??????????]
...Did you cuddle together for warmth or something?
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Mmhm. Sanguiem, and the orphanage... could get pretty cold, but... Sometimes just for fun. We were... a big family. We loved each other a lot.
( Fond, sleepy voice, like recalling a pleasant dream. Maybe the one plus about sick smooth brain is the failure to recall context also means he doesn't immediately take on the weight of his crushing guilt when recalling the orphans, for however long that lasts. )
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...
Were you happy together? Even though...
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... Happy as we could be, I think. It was really hard...
( He exhales, soft, his train of thought - drifting? But finding some sort of course, after a moment. )
... They'd cry every day, sometimes. More, in Sanguiem. But... Yuu-chan gave the kids hope. They'd smile, and... I just had to keep them fed. I couldn't... save them from what happened outside our walls, ( experiments - scheming adults - vampires - other children, in Sanguiem; ) but I...
( If he could protect them in there... it wasn't enough, but it was something... right? )
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[Hell reach over - pat him on the head again.]
You did your best, didn't you?
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... I don't know.
( He presses his hand a little into Ahito's palm, if it's close enough. )
... probably could've done more.
( Hindsight is 20/20. )
Could always do a lot more.
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There's no way you didn't do the best with what you knew at the time.
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He turns his face into... he means to turn it into the pillow, but it's probably partly into Ahito's hair, thanks to his own grip on him. Remembering... )
... It wasn't... my best. ( Quietly. ) It killed... I killed all of them.
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What happened?
[Still gently petting his hair.]
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Eventually, though: )
... I sucked up to this vampire for... a long time. He gave me food and toys for the kids...
( The hand in his hair is nice, like a counterbalance to the way he feels, the way it reverberates wet and hot at the back of his throat. )
... And in his study I found a map of the underground. I found it, and I went back to the kids, and I told them... we could get out of Sanguiem. We left right then; we ran as fast as we could... The exit was right there.
( His nails dig into Ahito's skin; not painful, but - pained. Maybe for the best he's holding Ahito, else he'd probably be digging his nails, self-punishingly, into himself. )
... How couldn't I tell he was just playing with us...? How was I so stupid and selfish...? I didn't even— they were the ones... who paid the price.
( And he got to live. It isn't fair. )
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...]
I guess by that logic... I'm the one who killed Mizuki, too.
I trusted in the adults who said I could save her... but in the end, I left her to die alone. The one thing she was afraid of, and I wasn't even there for her.
[He doesn't believe what he's saying, not really; but he did, once, and it reflects in the tone.]
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... Maybe. ( He can't dissect the nuances of Ahito's tone, exactly, but... ) ... Do you still carry her weight?
( He does, with the orphans. He's never once set it down. )
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The Mizuki I knew and cared for... the Mizuki I spent all that time with...
Thinking of her cursing me for being unable to save her would be like spitting on her memory.
[Though it took him a long time to realize as much.]
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... What were the orphans like, again...? )
... Then who do you...?
( blame, if not yourself?
The answer to this should be obvious - maybe less obvious while sick - but he just... can't seem to parse who else there is to blame but yourself - and no one has tried to steer him otherwise, back home. (Not by the point he came here, anyway.) )
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