( He lets his weight rest while against Ginger, however Ginger would have them be. He hesitates within himself; Ginger wants to hear, but he hesitates still to give this part of him voice.
He... curls in, and turns against Ginger's chest, and he closes his eyes, and breathes. His scent, his voice, his heat; all of them calm him. All of these things slow his few tears to a stop.
Slowly, he opens his eyes and cups Ginger's face in his hands - as if to hold him, steal him - his eyes matching Ginger's mismatched own.
His voice is soft. )
... I don't... want there to be anyone else in your life.
( He doesn't say this as a want, or a request, or a reason Ginger should feel bad. He's not thinking about Ginger's parents, or Rum, or friends - the people Ginger loves, which will not change.
He says it the way he says I love you. )
... I want it to just be— I want to go somewhere where it's just two of us. I want to be the only person you see. I want... to be the only person you think about, or need.
My world is already full with just you in it.
( Because behind all that - behind every selfless display of devotion - he's just so, desperately love-starved. He's this black pit of wanting more and more, his selfish little heart praying one day that his good deeds will be rewarded, even though he doesn't deserve it. That he will be needed, and irreplaceable, and the most important, the only - please. He'd do anything, accept anything, if it means Ginger would stay with him.
He lingers there, his brow furrowing so slightly, before... he slowly releases Ginger's face, like - saying he knows he can't have all of him, and his gaze drops.
He knows this is all... so ugly. And he hopes Ginger doesn't hate him for it. And this is why he's so necessary to discard. People deserve to have someone worthwhile in their company, who can help them grow; and all Mika wants is to be alone together, like the clinging dead. )
... But that's not what would make you happy, so... that's okay.
[ He knows it wasn’t a request, but - yes, his heart breathes. Mika speaks his heart’s language and it satisfies his obsessive nature to listen. Every sentence leaves Ginger thinking: Me, too. I want that. Could we have that?
And.
Don’t let anyone touch you ever again. Not Ahito, not Solomon, not anyone. ]
I want all of that.
[ He catches one of Mika’s hands before it can withdraw completely, pulling him back before he’s swept away with the tide to drown, discarded. And while he talks out his thoughts, he plays with that gentle hand, those pretty, pretty fingers idly - keeping them connected. Aligning the pads of their fingers together, thumbing his palm, rubbing the delicate skin by his veins. ]
So… Let’s compromise with… reality. How about - an hour each day, where it’s just us. Where no one else matters because only we exist. [ Separate from the time they already spend together. It’s not enough, but it’s realistic he supposes. A smidge of time that maybe Mika will allow himself to have, so short it’s not that selfish, not that indulgent. ] An hour where you’re my entire world and I’m - yours.
I want to give you all my hours… honestly. But, if I keep you locked up - [ where did that come from? ] - Ahito would probably break our door down.
[ Just. A little jealous. Okay, he’s incredibly jealous and resentful and his mind replays the scene of Ahito just… petting Mika’s hair in front of Ginger. The thing is… he’s fine with Ahito until - until that happens. And he continues to be fine with Ahito until he remembers.
Then - then he just wants to steal Mika away to where it’s people-free so he can cover Mika will his love, only his love. ]
He's stunned from the first word that comes out of Ginger's mouth, but he spins sweet from his words like cotton candy, Mika curling his hands into Ginger's as they're taken, if only out of reflex - for Ginger. Only Ginger.
It's the remark about locking him up - about Ahito that draws him from his daydream stupor, and makes him laugh. Is this real? It can't be, right?
But he takes Ginger's hands and he squeezes them, and they seem so real, so there. It all feels a little like blue skies after rain. )
... If he tries to break me out, I'll just tell him to leave me locked up.
( Would Mika actually? Well, it all depends on why and when and how. (He'd break out himself if he thought this wasn't good for Ginger.) But right now, in this moment, he'd gladly throw away the key. He is privilege to an hour of Ginger's time - and Ginger wants Mika all to himself, too. He'd give him all his hours, if Ginger just asked. Thoughtless and in love, Mika wouldn't hesitate to give it.
But Ginger wants an hour. And they both understand the value of balance. So five minutes, an hour, forever - anything Ginger wants, Mika wants, too. And maybe he feels better knowing that... their hearts, in spirit, beat the same. )
... Maybe an hour's not so bad. It means we'll look forward to it. That you'll miss me. ( He says this as if they will probably not be seeing each other throughout the other hours of the day most days regardless. ) And I'll miss you, too. We'll have to make up for all the other hours of the day in just that one. It'll be super packed.
( And he will miss him. Every hour they're not in their own little bubble, even if they spend half the day only with each other. It's not the same as being with only the other person with abandon.
Unfortunately,
happy Mika is also the Mika that teases, and so his followup to this gushy mess is: )
But... don't tell me you're jealous of Ahito. Are you?
[ Ginger, who already misses Mika when their eyes don’t meet - who looks at him like spring only exists because of the sound of his laugh - ]
We’ll have to decide a time -
[ He’s excited for that. They could - ah? Ah… Aaaah… ]
Mikaaa… [ The troublesome one Rum had called him, needy and clingy like the vines of Mika’s magic… This is probably what he meant by that: Ginger’s ridiculous possessiveness. His goes pink and his lip juts out a little. They were having a moment, hey… ] … Of course…
I’m- happy he cares about you. [ And from what Ginger could tell when Mika had been delirious with moon-radiation: ] I’m… happy… you care about him, too.
[ And he means that. But. But - a silent moment of restless handholding, as he struggles to put his jealousy into words - ]
But… Mika, you’re my - [ What, family? Boyfriend? Lover? They don’t yet have a word for what they are. ] … You’re mine.
And you’re so pretty. And kind. And wonderful. What if - what if he wants to… kiss… you? What if… he gets to see your morning bedhead?
( As Ginger fumbles forward with his confession and Mika feels its resonation, Mika recognizes better the shape of Ginger's possessive nature. Mika is jealous - and Ginger is too - but possessiveness is this close-fisted sort of loving. And he thinks he understands why Ginger worries he might suffocate in his palm.
He reddens, the way Ginger calls him mine, mumbles all these things about him like he's - lovely; desirable. Ginger sees him as... so much better than he is - wants all these things about him that Mika sees as so small, and unflattering. Shouldn't Ginger know these things apply to himself so much more?
He can't help but grin. )
Okay. ( He's already up against Ginger anyway, but he pulls himself in a little more - almost into his lap - and presses a kiss to his silly, sullen-loving face. ) Do you want to lock me up now then? No more Ahito, until you let me out.
( Joke? Real? He smiles up at him. )
... I'm never gonna be anyone but yours. So if he wants to kiss me, he's out of luck. And I'll remind you a million times over, every hour it's just us again. But... you're cute like this too. I like it.
( So maybe he should forget to remind him? (joke) )
[ He should say no to locking Mika up, even if he means if playfully - but… ]
… Yeah. Can I?
[ With Mika’s new skill, he probably knows there’s a part of Ginger that very much wants it - in the same way he wants that hour, in the same way having Mika wrapped in his arms is vital to his happiness. That sort of locking up, just a claim over Mika that’s reciprocated. Mika is his; he is Mika’s.
Hands are set free (for now) so he can pull Mika all the way onto his lap, where he belongs in this moment. And if it were possible to be closer, he’d make it happen.
He - thinks of another name and seems more embarrassed and sullen, though he leans into Mika’s kiss (always). There’s no way Mika will continue to like this side of him, if he keeps going - but he has to add: ]
( Ginger pulls him into his lap, and he thinks he likes the view - however few inches the difference - much more from here, likes the feel of it better.
(Even if it reminds him vaguely of his first feeding - in a way that whets his thirst. He tries to ignore how much stronger his desire to drink has grown in this conversation, in the same way he's trying to balance Ginger's feelings when they come pouring in. Both are overwhelming, even if - some part of him might not mind losing himself to the taste of Ginger while he drowns in his feelings, too.)
Before he can volley back a fond remark about Ginger's apparent fetish for keeping him locked up (it's fine, Ginger can nearly do no wrong in Mika's eyes), Ginger says something unexpected, and it gives him pause. )
... Solomon?
( Ginger's cute, sullen face... He can't help but cup it in a palm.
He's not connecting this to the thing Ginger got mad about a week ago. )
I don't even like him. ( Oversimplifying their relationship, whatever you call it, but such is Mika. ) What, do you think he'd want to kiss me too?
[ He seems to settle into a happy sheepishness after that, still blushing. Embarrassing that he acted this way in front of Mika - but his hand that settles on the small of his back just before the (cute, tempting) swell of his pajama pants is proprietary in its firmness.
He thinks if anyone saw Mika like this, sleep-fluffed and morning-beautiful in his sleepwear, long lashes damp and dewy - with that smile? That laugh? They’d fall in love instantly.
Mika should stay locked up here until he’s less beautiful - actually impossible, so maybe he should just stay. ]
( The sudden change in demeanor surprises him, but it just as quickly recedes into the Ginger he's more familiar with. He recalls now the flash fire of Ginger's irritation he'd seen when Solomon tried to touch him - something that had been absent, at least in that form, when Ahito had touched him. He doesn't think he wants Ginger to ever have cause to be upset.
Palm cupping one cheek, he presses a kiss to the other. Ginger is so easy to kiss; so easy to love. And kissing him reminds him of the sweet things Ginger was murmuring while kissing Mika... it warms his face, remembering. )
... If you ever want him gone for real... I'll kill him for you. You can keep your hands clean.
( This offer is specific to the fact that Solomon is a passive danger to Ginger, and his loss would probably be a net gain. Mika would prefer to do the one killing between them, but he'd be less pleased if Ginger wanted to kill someone inoffensive, like, for example, Yamato (even if he is human). )
... Why don't we say that I'm locked up starting now?
( He says it like they're making a game of it, and he sort of is? He's not taking it as seriously as he should be. So long as there's no danger, so long as they're flirting and affirming their love, he can enjoy anything, he thinks.
And, like with intimacy, he trusts Ginger - maybe overmuch. He thinks Ginger would drop it if Mika really didn't like it, or stopped wanting it. So is he really locked up? This is just kind of like their honeymoon hour... extended... at least in Mika's mind. )
Once we're done, then we can start having our daily hours just to us. But, until then... I'm all yours. And you'll be here to be all mine... right?
( He will object if Ginger's fantasy involves locking up and leaving him... breaks out immediately!!! no!!!!!! )
[ As if Ginger wouldn’t be the chain, keeping Mika to their bed -
(Oops, when did the bed get there - )
Leaving Mika alone would be a crime. ]
He can live since you don’t like him.
[ (Killing is also a crime, but Ginger makes no comment about that since it’s Mika. But he doesn’t want to get his beautiful hands stained with old man blood even in this imaginary scenario, so no killing.)
And violence is… not the answer to keeping potentially lustful (ahito: what??) people away from Mika. But locking Mika up apparently is. It works; it keeps them together and everyone else out.
It should be a warning sign that Ginger looks pleased by that, as if Mika has just offered him a sweet birthday wish and blessed it with an even sweeter kiss. And he smiles just as sweetly back. ]
Right.
[ So starting now, what should he do with his locked-up love? He exchanges the kiss on his cheek for a kiss at the corner of Mika’s lips, then his mouth proper.
They could take this time to talk without fear of the future, to love without too much doubt (somehow, some still slips in through the locked door.), to be Mika and Ginger. ]
Then… Good morning, Mika. [ Good morning, sunrise; good morning, starlight. Did he say this already: ] I’ve missed you.
( Of all things Ginger could have said, these words make Mika soften most. How long has he wanted this simple thing? Someone to wake up beside, and greet. )
... Good morning, Ginger.
( He chases his kiss, and meets Ginger with a longer one in turn. )
I've... missed you, too. I dreamed about you.
( Not every dream was good, and for those ones Mika wishes Ginger was absent. But he thinks, maybe... his mind just couldn't let go of him even in his slumber, like with Yuu. )
... Hey, um... I know this might sound weird, but... Are we still family? Or...
( Mika might not be too troubled by labels - or, rather, have a very nuanced categorization of them - but... maybe Ginger has something he prefers? )
Oh. [ Strange to be inside Mika’s dreams and also outside as he was dreaming them, waiting - waiting... He cups Mika’s soft face with a hand, thumb by his lips - just… gazing at him with warm eyes. ] I hope I was there for the good dreams and the bad.
[ And there were, he knows, bad ones. Those fitful nights had been a sleepless concern. He doesn’t think he’s ever been in Mika’s dreams before; he’d hardly slept enough to have them. ]
I think we’re still family…
[ Since barrier of entry is just (as far as he knows)… love and affection, and that hasn’t changed. ]
And - something more. Um, I was waiting to ask if you wanted to be… officially… something - together? There’s boyfriends, lovers. You’re - definitely - the love of the rest of my life, but that’s a little long. [ His thumb moves to brush over Mika’s bottom lip, pressing down lightly. He’d say it proudly, still. ] … There’s more, but I don’t know what fits us best. Do you… have a preference?
( "And the bad..." He swallows, unsure, Ginger's thumb at his lips. He can feel Ginger's sincere, and that softens his edges - as much as he wishes he could've spared Ginger, even the dream Ginger, from the pain.
Mika seems both relieved when Ginger confirms they're still family, and hesitant when Ginger continues. It's - embarrassing, to think of themself in those terms, have the privilege of Ginger wanting to love him the rest of his life, but it's also... nice? Exciting. Strange. Wrong. He isn't deserving of Ginger's time and love and partnership, but it makes him so happy to be linked to him in that way. )
I've never— ... been with anyone before, or anything... Or thought about it... I've only thought about... marriage, and stuff.
( (Because as a kid you jump directly into playing house as moms and dads,)
But he seems to be thinking about it seriously, gaze falling vaguely toward Ginger's hand, like his touch were the thing suffusing his face with its warmth. Really, he thinks that what they are is what they are - they're Ginger and Mika, and no label would ever really be enough to encapsulate all of them, he thinks. But... )
... But I do want something. I want... people to know we're connected. ( And this isn't something he'd normally say, had Ginger not indulged this part of him. ) I know that... I've begun to think of you as...
( He trails off. No, maybe telling Ginger about the heart thing is too embarrassing... and it's not really a title, is it? Not like boyfriends, or lovers. (Doubt creeps in, and that will always be a struggle.) )
[ The comment about marriage catches his attention briefly (Mika’s thought about it? Oh. Hmm.) before he tunes into the rest of what Mika’s saying. ]
… As?
[ But he looks at Mika as if every word spoken is the most interesting, the most important, and he’s only too eager to hear the rest. Like he’s adoration (for Mika, specifically) made into a person that’s not man, not angel, not demon - all longing. Incomplete in all those ways, but completely besotted in this one way, at this one task.
Mika could read from the driest tomes in the world and Ginger would memorize the sound his voice, the shape of his vowels, the pauses in his sentences. Ginger is not normal about this, and - he really doesn’t care to be. ]
( As his eyes drift up to try to meet Ginger's own, the invasive intensity of Ginger's gaze makes him self-conscious - he looks away again, reflexively... and then back, because he likes looking at Ginger, but, it feels a little like gazing directly into the sun. Even come sunset, it's too bright - and he feels just as vulnerable before it.
He hesitates, his own embarrassment compounding. But... he thinks he'd feel better telling Ginger than not. )
... My heart.
( Because surely the breadth of all his feeling is contained within Ginger, like a jewelry box. )
[ Ah… He’d said it earlier - his sweet love, his sweet heart - but Mika sounds like he means it in a different way. It - makes him incredibly happy - a little embarrassment doesn’t stop the smile that overtakes his blush. Doesn’t stop him from murmuring back: ]
I love you.
[ Mika is so cute, so endearing - truly his sweet heart. He presses kisses to those blushing cheeks, helping to soothe - or encourage more color. ]
When we… for the first time, it sounded like our hearts were beating as one and I… really liked that.
[ They both know only one heart was beating that night, but if Ginger means to share the rest of his life with Mika, wouldn’t that include his heart as well? They could share it, if Mika desires a beating one. Ginger likes Mika’s quiet, vulnerable heart how it is. If he ever held it in his hand, he knows it would warm him even during the coldest of nights.
(Always,
slyly,
his demon questions if he would make a good heart, and his angel says no, he would not. Not Ginger. The worst parts of him will infect Mika and they won’t even notice until too late, it cautions.)
(But if they’re together, would it matter? If they’re happy, it’s okay.) ]
( The affirmation, the kisses make the blush worse!!! But what really does him in is how happy Ginger looks to hear it, to be given Mika's love, as if it really were something special. And still - with every word that opens a window to Ginger's feelings, the waves of Ginger's heart lap against the shore of his own, and they work down his defenses slowly, slowly. It's scary, being so vulnerable - unsure of what Ginger will find, when he sifts through the sand, and maybe what he finds will purse his lips tight into a frown.
But Mika tries to remain in the now. It's hard, when he's so afraid of the future. But Ginger wants to keep him chained tight, and - maybe it's better that way, Mika thinks; better not to let Mika slip through the bars, always looking somewhere else. )
... I liked it, too. ( He says, like a confession. ) Sometimes, when I listen to yours - it's... so loud, I forget mine doesn't beat.
( Like Ginger's were his, and they really did share it. And it's nice. Even though maybe he'll never totally forget he is the sort of thing he is, he can be... somewhat okay with what he is, with Ginger. He can be okay with the fact that Ginger is okay with it, improbable as it all is.
... He lifts a hand, and gently lays a thumb to the corner of Ginger's sweet grinning lips, as if to mark that spot - and he lifts his thumb to press a kiss there - fangs so slightly scraping the soft lip. )
... I think I'd be happier if we shared the same one.
( But that's just kid talk, right? Fantasy. A strange fantasy. But... the sentiment is true; it's full of love, encouraged by the feeling of Ginger's own.
Ah, how strange and wonderful it feels to be loved, even if this baptism of affection isn't enough to banish all his uncertainty. Not for wanting, on Ginger's part; it's always Mika who lacks. )
I'd tell people you're my heart. And if they don't get it, I could say... boyfriend. ( Even that word feels so warm on his lips. ) Unless - you had something else you were thinking of.
( When Ginger said there's "more," he just wasn't sure if it fit them. )
[ His eyes curve into dancing arches and he laughs lightly. He’s… not surprised to hear his heart beats so loud around Mika. ]
It’s probably calling for you all the time - it’s why it’s loud. [ His stupid hapless heart, ] It would rather be yours than mine.
[ They can certainly share it, but Ginger would never want to discard Mika’s. He’d take good care of it, he promises himself; he will always - he hopes - take good care of it. That had, after all, been his concern from the very start.
‘But Mika… Who keeps you safe?’
If he could just give Mika his heart and take Mika’s inside him, if that were possible… he’d be happier, too. ]
They would probably think you were saying sweetheart or something. Which is about the same as boyfriend? [ He shrugs, still a little embarrassed, but happy in love. ] Um - I just think of you as Mika - and mine. Though I guess… I do call you a lot of sappy things…
[ It’s different when they’re together? When it’s a private moment between the two of them. ]
I mean them all, but… [ Well. What’s there to hide now? ] Mika, my sweet heart, my love… do you want to be boyfriends?
( Maybe it's not any one thing that gets him grinning, but a culmination of all of it, together - all of Ginger, bit by bit, building into this (them?).
He takes up Ginger's face in both hands, and he gazes at him, and he really does feel - that there is no one, nothing else for him in this moment; not the manor, nor the moon, nor the world he'd left behind. Just right now. Just so long as Ginger keeps him locked up in his arms, where it's safe. )
... Yeah, I do.
( And if anything, he seems like he agrees - just Ginger, just mine, my heart alone, all sounds best and most natural to Mika. But there's something charming about saying "boyfriends," too - like playing house; like something simple, and fun. So he crosses that gap, and he presses a kiss to Ginger. Something sweet - because Ginger's all romantic, and all of him is sweet, from his marrow to his blood. )
... I... love you, you know. Really, really, really. ( He's said it a lot, but he'll say it again. ) So... thank you, for loving me too.
( And it's hard for him to believe these good things can exist for him, but he... believes Ginger, and he believes Ginger's heart, and, he thinks... all these things beat true.
He kisses him again, deeper, this time - hungry, but not impatient; consuming, but in the way that taking in something makes it a part of you. He teeths his tongue, his lips, with his fangs - his teeth, and if Ginger breaks for air, he'll let him have it, but he'll try to take in more. Greedy, greedy, greedy - he just can't get enough of Ginger, and he don't think he ever will. )
[ Any break for air Ginger takes is a breathless segment of a longer pledge: ]
Love you, so much. More - every moment.
[ Said like he’s been loved raw and tender by Mika, like he can’t get enough and he doesn’t know what to do with himself because he loves this boy in his lap so, so, so much. Really, really, really.
He wishes he didn’t need to breathe - so that Mika could kiss him endlessly and he could drink love from that tongue, those teeth. His body reacts the same way it always does when Mika’s being this sensual, this lovely. When his canines are involved - heat pooling, hips straining. His hand at Mika’s back slips under the shirt for skin-on-skin contact; the other finds his waist, then his hip, then his thigh exposed by the shorts. Not seeking any more than that - he just wants. His hand rubs small circles on skin.
(To be closer, to be one.)
He just wants Mika. His deep sleep had forced them to exist independently of each other for nearly a fortnight and that’s too long. For all that he can smile and joke, he did miss Mika desperately.
Naturally, sleep delirious Mika was endearing and Ginger loves him for that, but it was - lonely. There was something so lonely about Mika clinging to him, pleading that he stay while being unaware that he was right there. He was right there, waiting. ]
Do you - mm - remember? You were the first… [ He gets lost in a longer kiss, pulling Mika in closer and closer still, so the heat of him slots nicely between his thighs. Close here, close everywhere. The sweet wet noises of them ring pleasant and perfect to his ears. ] The first to - … mm, your kiss… - to offer to understand - my heart. Your heart now.
( As they kiss and kiss deeper and he's spoiled rotten by Ginger's loving murmurs, his palms run out from Ginger's cheeks to his hair, fingers tangling at the back of his head, brushing along the undercut. It's strange, because this time when they kiss and this time when he feels Ginger's strain, he feels a sort of heat at the back of his throat, and when he swallows more of Ginger he just carries that heat to his stomach. Where Ginger touches, too, feels a little warmer in a way it normally doesn't.
Maybe it's because he remembers the last time - before the mission, before the moon sick, and he remembers his embarrassed wondering, the excitement. )
... I couldn't believe ... ( He licks where he's teethed Ginger, affectionate. ) ... no one had, before. Not with you. You're so... easy to love.
( Ginger's heart is heavy, but it's well worth the weight; he gladly bears it in his chest. How could no one else see its worth?
His breath catches in his throat when he feels Ginger between his thighs, and he swallows, and he ... squeezes his thighs around it, rubbing against him with some friction. Is this okay? Would Ginger like it, too? )
... But I felt lucky. ( Selfishly, selfishly. ) You're my first for so many things... After I thought I wouldn't open up my chest for anyone else...
( The rest of that trails off in the kiss. It's a testament to Ginger's charm, how hard he is to resist - or maybe it's just Mika? Maybe he was doomed from the start, by make.
He wouldn't mind if that were the case. He'd do it all again, if he had to do it over. Every step - but maybe he'd choose to fall faster, and avoid their hungry fear. )
[ He insists with all of his heart. Would give his boyfriend (!!) two thumbs up on any rating app - and he has a very real extra that rocks up against him. An easy motion that has less to do with sex and more to do with comfort. He feels safe letting this part of him feel seen and felt.
And he thinks - maybe, it might have made Mika feel a little… rejected? denied? when he’d said they could ignore that part of him before. ]
You have this… way of… being worried for people. It’s so sweet - your heart is incredibly - kind. [ He pulls away from the taste of Mika’s tongue and the tingle of his teeth to brush their noses together affectionately, a kiss of a different sort. ] You’re just incredible.
[ And a kiss there, too, because Mika is also incredibly cute. It’s a small intermission so he can pay attention to Mika in other ways and catch his breath at the same time. That’s when he notices - ]
Mm… Mika? [ He seems a little more red than usual? Ginger watches him enough that he’s pretty sure he can categorize all the different shades of reds and pinks that Mika wears on his face. It would be - pathetically accurate. ] You’re still pretty flushed… from the tears? Feeling off?
[ If he is, Ginger gives him a couple of kisses (sweet, lingering) on his lips and on his cheeks to soothe him. And if he isn’t, same - it’s not like he can just stop kissing the boyfriend (!!!), that’s just crazy. ]
Edited (oop just in case… ) 2024-05-26 00:37 (UTC)
( There's something about the contrast between how Ginger's arousal rocks against him and how sweet Ginger's lips are, both his lips and his words and the slight brush of his nose, and how Ginger's heart beats - his heart beats - in turn. )
You're the kind one. Way too nice to everyone. ( Even when they don't deserve it. At least, in Mika's definitely objective point of view. He doesn't think a lot of people are worth Ginger's time. ) I mean— who's spoiling me now?
( A kiss in turn, matching his rhythm. Ginger really spoils him too much. Mika's worried about it before - what will he do if he ever has to go without Ginger's warmth, if Ginger ever chooses to go? But now he has to worry about this: how will he make it into the next five minutes without Ginger's affection?
The the question summons a fresh flush, an embarrassed flush, to his face. )
No, it's—
( Should he say it? ... Does he have a reason to not say it? Especially if they're... boyfriends, (ah,) )
Well, I... ( Not so much a kiss so much as a smearing his lips at the corner of Ginger's mouth, remembering how they'd kissed with Ginger's blood included, but he completes it like a kiss before his imagination gets away from him. ) ... I was just thinking about— um, back at that inn... I was just reminded. In a good way.
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He... curls in, and turns against Ginger's chest, and he closes his eyes, and breathes. His scent, his voice, his heat; all of them calm him. All of these things slow his few tears to a stop.
Slowly, he opens his eyes and cups Ginger's face in his hands - as if to hold him, steal him - his eyes matching Ginger's mismatched own.
His voice is soft. )
... I don't... want there to be anyone else in your life.
( He doesn't say this as a want, or a request, or a reason Ginger should feel bad. He's not thinking about Ginger's parents, or Rum, or friends - the people Ginger loves, which will not change.
He says it the way he says I love you. )
... I want it to just be— I want to go somewhere where it's just two of us. I want to be the only person you see. I want... to be the only person you think about, or need.
My world is already full with just you in it.
( Because behind all that - behind every selfless display of devotion - he's just so, desperately love-starved. He's this black pit of wanting more and more, his selfish little heart praying one day that his good deeds will be rewarded, even though he doesn't deserve it. That he will be needed, and irreplaceable, and the most important, the only - please. He'd do anything, accept anything, if it means Ginger would stay with him.
He lingers there, his brow furrowing so slightly, before... he slowly releases Ginger's face, like - saying he knows he can't have all of him, and his gaze drops.
He knows this is all... so ugly. And he hopes Ginger doesn't hate him for it. And this is why he's so necessary to discard. People deserve to have someone worthwhile in their company, who can help them grow; and all Mika wants is to be alone together, like the clinging dead. )
... But that's not what would make you happy, so... that's okay.
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[ He knows it wasn’t a request, but - yes, his heart breathes. Mika speaks his heart’s language and it satisfies his obsessive nature to listen. Every sentence leaves Ginger thinking: Me, too. I want that. Could we have that?
And.
Don’t let anyone touch you ever again. Not Ahito, not Solomon, not anyone. ]
I want all of that.
[ He catches one of Mika’s hands before it can withdraw completely, pulling him back before he’s swept away with the tide to drown, discarded. And while he talks out his thoughts, he plays with that gentle hand, those pretty, pretty fingers idly - keeping them connected. Aligning the pads of their fingers together, thumbing his palm, rubbing the delicate skin by his veins. ]
So… Let’s compromise with… reality. How about - an hour each day, where it’s just us. Where no one else matters because only we exist. [ Separate from the time they already spend together. It’s not enough, but it’s realistic he supposes. A smidge of time that maybe Mika will allow himself to have, so short it’s not that selfish, not that indulgent. ] An hour where you’re my entire world and I’m - yours.
I want to give you all my hours… honestly. But, if I keep you locked up - [ where did that come from? ] - Ahito would probably break our door down.
[ Just. A little jealous. Okay, he’s incredibly jealous and resentful and his mind replays the scene of Ahito just… petting Mika’s hair in front of Ginger. The thing is… he’s fine with Ahito until - until that happens. And he continues to be fine with Ahito until he remembers.
Then - then he just wants to steal Mika away to where it’s people-free so he can cover Mika will his love, only his love. ]
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He's stunned from the first word that comes out of Ginger's mouth, but he spins sweet from his words like cotton candy, Mika curling his hands into Ginger's as they're taken, if only out of reflex - for Ginger. Only Ginger.
It's the remark about locking him up - about Ahito that draws him from his daydream stupor, and makes him laugh. Is this real? It can't be, right?
But he takes Ginger's hands and he squeezes them, and they seem so real, so there. It all feels a little like blue skies after rain. )
... If he tries to break me out, I'll just tell him to leave me locked up.
( Would Mika actually? Well, it all depends on why and when and how. (He'd break out himself if he thought this wasn't good for Ginger.) But right now, in this moment, he'd gladly throw away the key. He is privilege to an hour of Ginger's time - and Ginger wants Mika all to himself, too. He'd give him all his hours, if Ginger just asked. Thoughtless and in love, Mika wouldn't hesitate to give it.
But Ginger wants an hour. And they both understand the value of balance. So five minutes, an hour, forever - anything Ginger wants, Mika wants, too. And maybe he feels better knowing that... their hearts, in spirit, beat the same. )
... Maybe an hour's not so bad. It means we'll look forward to it. That you'll miss me. ( He says this as if they will probably not be seeing each other throughout the other hours of the day most days regardless. ) And I'll miss you, too. We'll have to make up for all the other hours of the day in just that one. It'll be super packed.
( And he will miss him. Every hour they're not in their own little bubble, even if they spend half the day only with each other. It's not the same as being with only the other person with abandon.
Unfortunately,
happy Mika is also the Mika that teases, and so his followup to this gushy mess is: )
But... don't tell me you're jealous of Ahito. Are you?
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We’ll have to decide a time -
[ He’s excited for that. They could - ah? Ah… Aaaah… ]
Mikaaa… [ The troublesome one Rum had called him, needy and clingy like the vines of Mika’s magic… This is probably what he meant by that: Ginger’s ridiculous possessiveness. His goes pink and his lip juts out a little. They were having a moment, hey… ] … Of course…
I’m- happy he cares about you. [ And from what Ginger could tell when Mika had been delirious with moon-radiation: ] I’m… happy… you care about him, too.
[ And he means that. But. But - a silent moment of restless handholding, as he struggles to put his jealousy into words - ]
But… Mika, you’re my - [ What, family? Boyfriend? Lover? They don’t yet have a word for what they are. ] … You’re mine.
And you’re so pretty. And kind. And wonderful. What if - what if he wants to… kiss… you? What if… he gets to see your morning bedhead?
[ He hates the idea of it, thanks!! ]
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He reddens, the way Ginger calls him mine, mumbles all these things about him like he's - lovely; desirable. Ginger sees him as... so much better than he is - wants all these things about him that Mika sees as so small, and unflattering. Shouldn't Ginger know these things apply to himself so much more?
He can't help but grin. )
Okay. ( He's already up against Ginger anyway, but he pulls himself in a little more - almost into his lap - and presses a kiss to his silly, sullen-loving face. ) Do you want to lock me up now then? No more Ahito, until you let me out.
( Joke? Real? He smiles up at him. )
... I'm never gonna be anyone but yours. So if he wants to kiss me, he's out of luck. And I'll remind you a million times over, every hour it's just us again. But... you're cute like this too. I like it.
( So maybe he should forget to remind him? (joke) )
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… Yeah. Can I?
[ With Mika’s new skill, he probably knows there’s a part of Ginger that very much wants it - in the same way he wants that hour, in the same way having Mika wrapped in his arms is vital to his happiness. That sort of locking up, just a claim over Mika that’s reciprocated. Mika is his; he is Mika’s.
Hands are set free (for now) so he can pull Mika all the way onto his lap, where he belongs in this moment. And if it were possible to be closer, he’d make it happen.
He - thinks of another name and seems more embarrassed and sullen, though he leans into Mika’s kiss (always). There’s no way Mika will continue to like this side of him, if he keeps going - but he has to add: ]
… No more Solomon, too.
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(Even if it reminds him vaguely of his first feeding - in a way that whets his thirst. He tries to ignore how much stronger his desire to drink has grown in this conversation, in the same way he's trying to balance Ginger's feelings when they come pouring in. Both are overwhelming, even if - some part of him might not mind losing himself to the taste of Ginger while he drowns in his feelings, too.)
Before he can volley back a fond remark about Ginger's apparent fetish for keeping him locked up (it's fine, Ginger can nearly do no wrong in Mika's eyes), Ginger says something unexpected, and it gives him pause. )
... Solomon?
( Ginger's cute, sullen face... He can't help but cup it in a palm.
He's not connecting this to the thing Ginger got mad about a week ago. )
I don't even like him. ( Oversimplifying their relationship, whatever you call it, but such is Mika. ) What, do you think he'd want to kiss me too?
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Really?
[ What good news, sorry Solomon. Ginger doesn’t dislike him, but - ]
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I’ll kill him if he tries.
[ And Ginger does think he would because Mika is the loveliest thing in existence (true). ]
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He thinks if anyone saw Mika like this, sleep-fluffed and morning-beautiful in his sleepwear, long lashes damp and dewy - with that smile? That laugh? They’d fall in love instantly.
Mika should stay locked up here until he’s less beautiful - actually impossible, so maybe he should just stay. ]
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Palm cupping one cheek, he presses a kiss to the other. Ginger is so easy to kiss; so easy to love. And kissing him reminds him of the sweet things Ginger was murmuring while kissing Mika... it warms his face, remembering. )
... If you ever want him gone for real... I'll kill him for you. You can keep your hands clean.
( This offer is specific to the fact that Solomon is a passive danger to Ginger, and his loss would probably be a net gain. Mika would prefer to do the one killing between them, but he'd be less pleased if Ginger wanted to kill someone inoffensive, like, for example, Yamato (even if he is human). )
... Why don't we say that I'm locked up starting now?
( He says it like they're making a game of it, and he sort of is? He's not taking it as seriously as he should be. So long as there's no danger, so long as they're flirting and affirming their love, he can enjoy anything, he thinks.
And, like with intimacy, he trusts Ginger - maybe overmuch. He thinks Ginger would drop it if Mika really didn't like it, or stopped wanting it. So is he really locked up? This is just kind of like their honeymoon hour... extended... at least in Mika's mind. )
Once we're done, then we can start having our daily hours just to us. But, until then... I'm all yours. And you'll be here to be all mine... right?
( He will object if Ginger's fantasy involves locking up and leaving him... breaks out immediately!!! no!!!!!! )
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(Oops, when did the bed get there - )
Leaving Mika alone would be a crime. ]
He can live since you don’t like him.
[ (Killing is also a crime, but Ginger makes no comment about that since it’s Mika. But he doesn’t want to get his beautiful hands stained with old man blood even in this imaginary scenario, so no killing.)
And violence is… not the answer to keeping potentially lustful (ahito: what??) people away from Mika. But locking Mika up apparently is. It works; it keeps them together and everyone else out.
It should be a warning sign that Ginger looks pleased by that, as if Mika has just offered him a sweet birthday wish and blessed it with an even sweeter kiss. And he smiles just as sweetly back. ]
Right.
[ So starting now, what should he do with his locked-up love? He exchanges the kiss on his cheek for a kiss at the corner of Mika’s lips, then his mouth proper.
They could take this time to talk without fear of the future, to love without too much doubt (somehow, some still slips in through the locked door.), to be Mika and Ginger. ]
Then… Good morning, Mika. [ Good morning, sunrise; good morning, starlight. Did he say this already: ] I’ve missed you.
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... Good morning, Ginger.
( He chases his kiss, and meets Ginger with a longer one in turn. )
I've... missed you, too. I dreamed about you.
( Not every dream was good, and for those ones Mika wishes Ginger was absent. But he thinks, maybe... his mind just couldn't let go of him even in his slumber, like with Yuu. )
... Hey, um... I know this might sound weird, but... Are we still family? Or...
( Mika might not be too troubled by labels - or, rather, have a very nuanced categorization of them - but... maybe Ginger has something he prefers? )
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[ And there were, he knows, bad ones. Those fitful nights had been a sleepless concern. He doesn’t think he’s ever been in Mika’s dreams before; he’d hardly slept enough to have them. ]
I think we’re still family…
[ Since barrier of entry is just (as far as he knows)… love and affection, and that hasn’t changed. ]
And - something more. Um, I was waiting to ask if you wanted to be… officially… something - together? There’s boyfriends, lovers. You’re - definitely - the love of the rest of my life, but that’s a little long. [ His thumb moves to brush over Mika’s bottom lip, pressing down lightly. He’d say it proudly, still. ] … There’s more, but I don’t know what fits us best. Do you… have a preference?
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Mika seems both relieved when Ginger confirms they're still family, and hesitant when Ginger continues. It's - embarrassing, to think of themself in those terms, have the privilege of Ginger wanting to love him the rest of his life, but it's also... nice? Exciting. Strange. Wrong. He isn't deserving of Ginger's time and love and partnership, but it makes him so happy to be linked to him in that way. )
I've never— ... been with anyone before, or anything... Or thought about it... I've only thought about... marriage, and stuff.
( (Because as a kid you jump directly into playing house as moms and dads,)
But he seems to be thinking about it seriously, gaze falling vaguely toward Ginger's hand, like his touch were the thing suffusing his face with its warmth. Really, he thinks that what they are is what they are - they're Ginger and Mika, and no label would ever really be enough to encapsulate all of them, he thinks. But... )
... But I do want something. I want... people to know we're connected. ( And this isn't something he'd normally say, had Ginger not indulged this part of him. ) I know that... I've begun to think of you as...
( He trails off. No, maybe telling Ginger about the heart thing is too embarrassing... and it's not really a title, is it? Not like boyfriends, or lovers. (Doubt creeps in, and that will always be a struggle.) )
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… As?
[ But he looks at Mika as if every word spoken is the most interesting, the most important, and he’s only too eager to hear the rest. Like he’s adoration (for Mika, specifically) made into a person that’s not man, not angel, not demon - all longing. Incomplete in all those ways, but completely besotted in this one way, at this one task.
Mika could read from the driest tomes in the world and Ginger would memorize the sound his voice, the shape of his vowels, the pauses in his sentences. Ginger is not normal about this, and - he really doesn’t care to be. ]
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He hesitates, his own embarrassment compounding. But... he thinks he'd feel better telling Ginger than not. )
... My heart.
( Because surely the breadth of all his feeling is contained within Ginger, like a jewelry box. )
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I love you.
[ Mika is so cute, so endearing - truly his sweet heart. He presses kisses to those blushing cheeks, helping to soothe - or encourage more color. ]
When we… for the first time, it sounded like our hearts were beating as one and I… really liked that.
[ They both know only one heart was beating that night, but if Ginger means to share the rest of his life with Mika, wouldn’t that include his heart as well? They could share it, if Mika desires a beating one. Ginger likes Mika’s quiet, vulnerable heart how it is. If he ever held it in his hand, he knows it would warm him even during the coldest of nights.
(Always,
slyly,
his demon questions if he would make a good heart, and his angel says no, he would not. Not Ginger. The worst parts of him will infect Mika and they won’t even notice until too late, it cautions.)
(But if they’re together, would it matter? If they’re happy, it’s okay.) ]
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But Mika tries to remain in the now. It's hard, when he's so afraid of the future. But Ginger wants to keep him chained tight, and - maybe it's better that way, Mika thinks; better not to let Mika slip through the bars, always looking somewhere else. )
... I liked it, too. ( He says, like a confession. ) Sometimes, when I listen to yours - it's... so loud, I forget mine doesn't beat.
( Like Ginger's were his, and they really did share it. And it's nice. Even though maybe he'll never totally forget he is the sort of thing he is, he can be... somewhat okay with what he is, with Ginger. He can be okay with the fact that Ginger is okay with it, improbable as it all is.
... He lifts a hand, and gently lays a thumb to the corner of Ginger's sweet grinning lips, as if to mark that spot - and he lifts his thumb to press a kiss there - fangs so slightly scraping the soft lip. )
... I think I'd be happier if we shared the same one.
( But that's just kid talk, right? Fantasy. A strange fantasy. But... the sentiment is true; it's full of love, encouraged by the feeling of Ginger's own.
Ah, how strange and wonderful it feels to be loved, even if this baptism of affection isn't enough to banish all his uncertainty. Not for wanting, on Ginger's part; it's always Mika who lacks. )
I'd tell people you're my heart. And if they don't get it, I could say... boyfriend. ( Even that word feels so warm on his lips. ) Unless - you had something else you were thinking of.
( When Ginger said there's "more," he just wasn't sure if it fit them. )
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It’s probably calling for you all the time - it’s why it’s loud. [ His stupid hapless heart, ] It would rather be yours than mine.
[ They can certainly share it, but Ginger would never want to discard Mika’s. He’d take good care of it, he promises himself; he will always - he hopes - take good care of it. That had, after all, been his concern from the very start.
‘But Mika… Who keeps you safe?’
If he could just give Mika his heart and take Mika’s inside him, if that were possible… he’d be happier, too. ]
They would probably think you were saying sweetheart or something. Which is about the same as boyfriend? [ He shrugs, still a little embarrassed, but happy in love. ] Um - I just think of you as Mika - and mine. Though I guess… I do call you a lot of sappy things…
[ It’s different when they’re together? When it’s a private moment between the two of them. ]
I mean them all, but… [ Well. What’s there to hide now? ] Mika, my sweet heart, my love… do you want to be boyfriends?
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He takes up Ginger's face in both hands, and he gazes at him, and he really does feel - that there is no one, nothing else for him in this moment; not the manor, nor the moon, nor the world he'd left behind. Just right now. Just so long as Ginger keeps him locked up in his arms, where it's safe. )
... Yeah, I do.
( And if anything, he seems like he agrees - just Ginger, just mine, my heart alone, all sounds best and most natural to Mika. But there's something charming about saying "boyfriends," too - like playing house; like something simple, and fun. So he crosses that gap, and he presses a kiss to Ginger. Something sweet - because Ginger's all romantic, and all of him is sweet, from his marrow to his blood. )
... I... love you, you know. Really, really, really. ( He's said it a lot, but he'll say it again. ) So... thank you, for loving me too.
( And it's hard for him to believe these good things can exist for him, but he... believes Ginger, and he believes Ginger's heart, and, he thinks... all these things beat true.
He kisses him again, deeper, this time - hungry, but not impatient; consuming, but in the way that taking in something makes it a part of you. He teeths his tongue, his lips, with his fangs - his teeth, and if Ginger breaks for air, he'll let him have it, but he'll try to take in more. Greedy, greedy, greedy - he just can't get enough of Ginger, and he don't think he ever will. )
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Love you, so much. More - every moment.
[ Said like he’s been loved raw and tender by Mika, like he can’t get enough and he doesn’t know what to do with himself because he loves this boy in his lap so, so, so much. Really, really, really.
He wishes he didn’t need to breathe - so that Mika could kiss him endlessly and he could drink love from that tongue, those teeth. His body reacts the same way it always does when Mika’s being this sensual, this lovely. When his canines are involved - heat pooling, hips straining. His hand at Mika’s back slips under the shirt for skin-on-skin contact; the other finds his waist, then his hip, then his thigh exposed by the shorts. Not seeking any more than that - he just wants. His hand rubs small circles on skin.
(To be closer, to be one.)
He just wants Mika. His deep sleep had forced them to exist independently of each other for nearly a fortnight and that’s too long. For all that he can smile and joke, he did miss Mika desperately.
Naturally, sleep delirious Mika was endearing and Ginger loves him for that, but it was - lonely. There was something so lonely about Mika clinging to him, pleading that he stay while being unaware that he was right there. He was right there, waiting. ]
Do you - mm - remember? You were the first… [ He gets lost in a longer kiss, pulling Mika in closer and closer still, so the heat of him slots nicely between his thighs. Close here, close everywhere. The sweet wet noises of them ring pleasant and perfect to his ears. ] The first to - … mm, your kiss… - to offer to understand - my heart. Your heart now.
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Maybe it's because he remembers the last time - before the mission, before the moon sick, and he remembers his embarrassed wondering, the excitement. )
... I couldn't believe ... ( He licks where he's teethed Ginger, affectionate. ) ... no one had, before. Not with you. You're so... easy to love.
( Ginger's heart is heavy, but it's well worth the weight; he gladly bears it in his chest. How could no one else see its worth?
His breath catches in his throat when he feels Ginger between his thighs, and he swallows, and he ... squeezes his thighs around it, rubbing against him with some friction. Is this okay? Would Ginger like it, too? )
... But I felt lucky. ( Selfishly, selfishly. ) You're my first for so many things... After I thought I wouldn't open up my chest for anyone else...
( The rest of that trails off in the kiss. It's a testament to Ginger's charm, how hard he is to resist - or maybe it's just Mika? Maybe he was doomed from the start, by make.
He wouldn't mind if that were the case. He'd do it all again, if he had to do it over. Every step - but maybe he'd choose to fall faster, and avoid their hungry fear. )
nsfw maybe 🤔
You’re the one who’s easy to love.
[ He insists with all of his heart. Would give his boyfriend (!!) two thumbs up on any rating app - and he has a very real extra that rocks up against him. An easy motion that has less to do with sex and more to do with comfort. He feels safe letting this part of him feel seen and felt.
And he thinks - maybe, it might have made Mika feel a little… rejected? denied? when he’d said they could ignore that part of him before. ]
You have this… way of… being worried for people. It’s so sweet - your heart is incredibly - kind. [ He pulls away from the taste of Mika’s tongue and the tingle of his teeth to brush their noses together affectionately, a kiss of a different sort. ] You’re just incredible.
[ And a kiss there, too, because Mika is also incredibly cute. It’s a small intermission so he can pay attention to Mika in other ways and catch his breath at the same time. That’s when he notices - ]
Mm… Mika? [ He seems a little more red than usual? Ginger watches him enough that he’s pretty sure he can categorize all the different shades of reds and pinks that Mika wears on his face. It would be - pathetically accurate. ] You’re still pretty flushed… from the tears? Feeling off?
[ If he is, Ginger gives him a couple of kisses (sweet, lingering) on his lips and on his cheeks to soothe him. And if he isn’t, same - it’s not like he can just stop kissing the boyfriend (!!!), that’s just crazy. ]
nsfw adjacent?
You're the kind one. Way too nice to everyone. ( Even when they don't deserve it. At least, in Mika's definitely objective point of view. He doesn't think a lot of people are worth Ginger's time. ) I mean— who's spoiling me now?
( A kiss in turn, matching his rhythm. Ginger really spoils him too much. Mika's worried about it before - what will he do if he ever has to go without Ginger's warmth, if Ginger ever chooses to go? But now he has to worry about this: how will he make it into the next five minutes without Ginger's affection?
The the question summons a fresh flush, an embarrassed flush, to his face. )
No, it's—
( Should he say it? ... Does he have a reason to not say it? Especially if they're... boyfriends, (ah,) )
Well, I... ( Not so much a kiss so much as a smearing his lips at the corner of Ginger's mouth, remembering how they'd kissed with Ginger's blood included, but he completes it like a kiss before his imagination gets away from him. ) ... I was just thinking about— um, back at that inn... I was just reminded. In a good way.
an extra sprinkle of nsfw on a totally sfw cupcake
nsfgs (not safe for grandmas) (unless grandma kinda into yaoi)
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