[ This isn’t something Ginger can easily parse. At first it seems as if whatever is washing over Mika might as well be the rough tide, leaving him unstable. And Ginger can’t do anything but watch him weather it, his hands remain firm but gentle to keep him steady should he tip. Mika doesn’t and that’s a minor relief.
But - he’s worried, so worried. This is his love just awakened.
Ginger wants to pluck him from his seat and go to - who? Who could help when he doesn’t understand enough to explain his concerns. ‘Mika looks unwell and I’m worried’ is hardly enough to get anything done.
But after some time, after breathless, heart-hammering moments, Mika seems to - settle enough to focus. His words make little sense, and it’s clear by the way Ginger’s mouth opens and stalls that he doesn’t know how to response.
The easiest thing to say would be: ]
Yes. [ Automatic but true. Automatic because it’s true. ] And more everyday.
( He wants to dwell on Ginger's answer. Or - rather - maybe - he wants to live in that yes, and curl up there, and melt within its furnace. That would be fine. He would be happy. He would be so, so happy - he is happy, he thinks. This is all disorienting, but Ginger— for all that Mika startles and scares over him, for all that he's come to stress and worry— Ginger makes him so, so happy.
But he can tell Ginger is scared and worried - he had felt it, even - and he doesn't want to leave him unattended to these fears. He... thinks he's fine. He isn't sure. He doesn't think he's in any danger - but it is all... strange.
He raises his face, tugging at Ginger's hands. Come sit with him, is what he thinks he means to say; don't be so far away from him right now. )
... I don't know, either. I just— when you spoke, something hit me... like when I heard Khun's thoughts suddenly, I guess. But...
( He takes... one of Ginger's hands, if he'll let him, and presses it against his chest, as if trying to show him something. There's nothing to show; no beating heart, no body temperature. But Mika still feels the lingering warmth, even as it gradually, gradually tempers itself, grows less intense as the moments pass. )
... it was all this feeling, and it was so strong... and something in me says these are yours.
[ He takes a seat when tugged and immediately draws Mika in with one arm. He never wants to be far from Mika, so he holds love close. If Mika wants to melt, then only melt here, into him, so they'll be indistinguishable from each other.
And - any other time and he would grit his teeth at the reminder of Khun (Bastard). Now, however, he hears the name and lets it fade just as fast. What's important is... everything else. And everything else is... a whole lot of mixed feelings. He doesn't know how to feel about Mika learning his feelings through something like that - something they haven't figured out yet. It's a shade too close to what he'd done to Rum. Different enough because Mika's allowed to open Ginger up however he wants. It's still... against... Mika's will, isn't it?
... Uneasy, maybe that's the right word for how he feels.
Would Mika have preferred to learn about his feelings over time through doubt and trust? Or is it better this way? Were the fears locked within himself too much? Did this help? ]
Ahh... if it's a lot, then probably. You know the feel of me best, I think.
[ Hand over Mika's heart, he knows it's safe there. That's where Mika holds all the things Ginger has entrusted him with. He could press his ear to that spot and hear all the secrets he's told Mika - and maybe, he hopes, hear it whisper love back. ]
... Are you alright with this?
[ For whatever reason, Mika doesn't seem worried. Should he leave it alone for now? ]
( He doesn't need a snapshot to perceive Ginger's unease. He'd been so - overwhelmed and touched and startled, maybe, by his own feelings, that he... didn't think about how Ginger would feel. Maybe it's because it's Ginger he didn't think twice; he felt like he could just say things and - Ginger would get it, and he wouldn't mind. But that's taking him a bit for granted, isn't it?
His mood dampens and his gaze drops, and being held against Ginger doesn't fix it. He doesn't say anything for... awhile, as if - by neither of them speaking, they could wait it out. And it's true he doesn't feel it happen again, in those moments passing.
It is wrong, he knows, to just peer into the window of another person's house. He hadn't blamed Khun for what he did, given why he did it. And Mika wouldn't care if he'd done this to anyone else, except... this is Ginger, so of course he cares. He feels guilty, twice over; once for doing this, and again for not thinking of Ginger enough.
He was just thinking about himself, as always.
He never thinks about other people enough.
And he - he thinks it would serve him right, really, in some cosmological manner of punishment, if he were finally on the cusp of believing he could be loved, before recognizing Ginger has every right to pull away now. )
... You're not, so of course I'm not. ( He mutters, his tone apologetic, as he lets go of Ginger's hands. ) Um... we can just... you don't have to talk to me until it goes away, if you want.
[ But Ginger catches his hand and brings it to his own heart, fingers clawed around his. Sorry, he’s sorry. ]
Open me up, and take it out. It’s yours. You can listen to all its secrets. You can.
[ The things Ginger has never told anyone, his heart will spill to Mika in crooning songs, adoring words. ]
I would have told you everything - over time - anyway. I was just - worried because it wasn’t something you chose, as - as far as I could tell. If you don’t want it, then it shouldn’t be forced on you - my feelings or anything else.
If you’re fine with it, if it doesn’t hurt you, then I’m fine.
( His fingers curl into Ginger's chest, like he isn't sure if he should be allowed to have what's there. )
... Your feelings matter too. You can... not like it. You should - I want you to... I think you should put yourself first, here.
( His gaze drops to Ginger's hand over his, frowning for a reason that seems outwardly unprompted: as the faint smoldering of that previous emotional echo is taken over with another one; one that... does reassure his worry that Ginger is not fine - but... being made to known that doesn't make him happy. Ginger says it's fine - Ginger feels fine - but what else is missing, here, to make him accept it?
He doesn't know. He just... now he's really anxious. Like something bad's about to happen. Like he messed things up - again - so close to the finish line - every time; every time. )
... I feel like I'm doing something wrong to you. You should be giving it instead of me just... taking it.
I don’t like that you never get to choose. I don’t know if this ability is wrong or right, but it was done to you anyway.
[ He does truly hate that Mika never gets a choice, enough to resent the world - the moon (?) - the magic here for this. Mika never has a say in how he’s changed and then his sweet, kind love can only ever blame himself. Ginger feels, very fiercely, that it’s not his fault. The world is just. Unfair. He wants the world to be fair to Mika. ]
I did give it to you - just now. [ He leaves Mika’s hand where it is, by his heart. Take it, take it. (It beats only for Mika, and despite worries, the rhythm stays steady.) A careful hand turns Mika’s face up and toward him. He leans down. A kiss, catching Mika’s frowning lips. ] This is how I feel. There’s nothing you can do to make me love you less.
[ He kisses him again at the corner of his mouth. ]
I love you.
[ So much. This world could burn away everything but this. Another kiss - under his right eye. ]
I love you.
[ Fiercely. Before falling, before the lust, this protectiveness was already here. He moves on to his forehead. Soft like a caress. ]
And tomorrow, I will love you more.
[ Desperately. He would promise this if Mika allowed. ]
I think… even though you know how I feel, that doesn’t always match… with the words I’m saying. But sometimes, both can be true even if they’re opposites. I’m… made of that, after all. [ Mismatched, contrasting things. ] Don’t just listen to my feelings, listen to my words, too.
( Is it the feelings or the gestures or the words that start to wet his eyes? It all comes at him at once in this beautiful wave, and maybe it's all these things together, maybe it is all these things and the context; that - all of Mika is comprised of things so innately wrong, so impossible to love, so bent toward harming others, and yet, Ginger loves him and soothes him and offers him more; always more.
How does he deserve this? How is this fair to Ginger? Ginger says he's greedy, says he's insatiable, but he always says Mika's enough as he is; and Mika wants to know - how he can be - more... for him.
He tries to meet Ginger's eyes, every spot he kissed lingering just as warm as Ginger's feelings in his chest, a hearth encased by the steady certainty of Ginger's pulse. )
... I...
( Oh, the tears are coming this time, slow and stupid, that's - embarrassing. He wants to answer Ginger proper, but he's just - he just... )
I wish— I could let you feel how I do— I just... ( But all he has are words, and what if they're not enough? ) I'm so scared that something will happen— I'll do something, and then we won't... be able to be...
( Even though he should be thankful for just this much, he wants more. And like a greedy little child, he's scared he won't get it. He's terrible - he's selfish - he just thinks about himself - but - maybe it's not so selfish if... Ginger wants it too. Or is it still selfish? Is it selfish that he's tying Ginger to him when Ginger deserves better? Maybe it is. He can't tell. He just—
He curls his fingers into Ginger's chest - this time a grip, like Ginger's heart is a privilege he's scared to lose. Ginger's love overwhelms him, but not because it's too much, this time: it's unconditional. And he thinks he's never been loved without expiration before. )
... that I won't get to spend... forever with you.
[ He aches, seeing Mika cry. For all that Ginger leaks his emotions in waterworks, he’s never experienced the shock of tears, he thinks. His mind blanks on what he should do -
But he loves Mika so much, wants to make him smile and laugh - and he wants to help, somehow. As Mika cries, Ginger pulls him in close, something like a hug but more like he’s trying to envelop the other - and bring all of Mika into him. Where Ginger and his long arms can shield him from - being cold and unwanted, unasked. Even if - maybe… maybe it’s him that’s hurting Mika. Maybe Ginger makes it hard for Mika.
(And that aches, too.)
At the very least he can hold him and love him and listen - let his words spill out with his tears. He can’t catch each drop with his lips, but he sure tries. And between the kisses, in-between Mika’s words, he murmurs things like my love; and my sweet heart; and my one and only Mika; and beautiful Mikaela. If he swallows Mika’s tears, if he holds him so close they can melt into each other - ]
… I can learn through your worlds and actions. Tell me - what you’re feeling. Tell me anything you want. I’ll love whatever comes out of your lips too.
[ Any way he can make Mika feel loved, he’ll do it. He’s lacking in so many ways, born with parts missing, but he holds love for Mika in abundance. He’ll never, ever lack that. ]
I… don’t really care if we have forever or - or five minutes as long as we’re together. Any second with you is bliss. You felt how much I love you. [ ‘Do you... really love me this much?’ When it’s impossible to love him any less. ] The scary parts, they don’t go away. But you make - everything - better, you make it easier for me to exist as - Ginger.
And I want us to keep being Ginger and Mika.
[ Just give him five minutes at a time if Mika’s worried about what happens before forever. He’ll take it. ]
( He'd melt into Ginger's arms if he could, but he settles for letting slip his own weight and resting it all on Ginger; all for him to hold, or abandon; all for Ginger to take in.
More of the same feeling laps against his heart with every murmur of feeling, as if an underline to the way Ginger holds him and soothes him in his arms, with his lips. Ginger is so sweet, and warm, and lovely, and Mika feels - so stupid, always coming up short; he wants to serve and service, but he can't help anyone; he needs help, instead.
He's guilty. He might always feel that way. But Ginger's murmurs calm him kindly, ease him into something a little more certain. He's so greedy, he wants more than five minutes at a time; he's so scared, he can't see past five minutes without growing afraid. But he wants these things, too - these same things as Ginger; he wants them to be as they are, together; he wants Ginger to be as he is, however it is Mika's helping him do that.
He can come to allow himself space to exist, if something like him can do this one good thing for this person who's so, so important.
He swallows, wet and warm-headed and still not fully steady, his fingers curled loosely into Ginger's shirt. He brushes their lips against each other, a little like he'd first done before Ginger showed him they could kiss. Even this much distance - between their skin and their bones and their bodies - feels like too much. He wishes there were even less. )
... I do, too. ( But— ) I don't think... I can still be Mika without you, anymore.
( And to Mika, this feels honest. He had awoken to life this third time with resignation to decay, an empty existence without Yuu-chan, but Ginger - without Ginger - no,
he should say these things out loud, he thinks.
Even if it's scary to think that - maybe - Ginger wouldn't like - rightfully wouldn't like - if Mika hung up his existence off him; asked Ginger to bear his weight. Even if it's scary to think that maybe it's just him, who needs Ginger so much. But he should say them, because Ginger asked to hear. Because - how else will Ginger know? )
... I thought my heart - would just rot, but you... with you, I feel like I'm alive again. I feel like I'm remembering what it's like. I...
( Maybe it's more than just Ginger that's gone into this; it's the magic; it's the spirits; it's the people he's met, befriended, argued— but Ginger is the pillar that holds this weight. His weight, if he would have it.
He hesitates there, unsure of his words; unsure of how to enclose how he feels in such fickle, little sounds; how to get it delivered. He hesitates there, and then - with care, he presses his own kiss to Ginger's lips, long and lingering. )
... I want to be your Mika. Your Mikaela.
( Ginger's the only one who's called him Mikaela, where he hasn't really minded. It's a terrible name that's haunted him since it slipped from the mouth of his mother in worship, that Ferid teased him with, that Guren and the vampires plotted. But maybe in the truest way he knows how, he means - you make me feel safe. And when he says that - he means I love you.
And he should say here: and you can just be Ginger, not even mine, if that's what you ever want. But he can't bring himself to say it, this time. Not when the tears aren't fully gone; not when he might give himself away.
So he just: )
... And if we only had five minutes, I... I'd spend them all thankful— that you talked to me that day.
Mine. [ Said with his own lingering kiss, keeping them a murmur’s distance away from each other. A whisper of space. Still not close enough. ] Yours. And we can be ours?
[ Ginger’s gaze stays soft and openly in love. It’s undeniable what he feels. It’s a change that only happened with Mika - where if Mika looks at him, he looks back with his feelings clear on his face. There’s nothing to hide, unlike with Rum; and he never, ever looks away before their eyes can lock.
He wants Mika to see. ]
I’m thankful you’re talking to me now.
[ He would reflect, but he’d rather focus on Mika now.
(Because it is scary - frightening - to think that if they hadn’t talked that day, they might have just brushed past each other. And what if he never knew that he was meant to love this life-changing boy?)
But in the present, in this moment, he… ]
Is it bad that even though you’re crying, I’m still… so happy… [ He rubs the edge of those red eyes, wiping away remnants of tears, following the beautiful upward curve of his waterline. ] When you were recovering, it felt like - … Mm… like my heart only wanted to beat when you were awake. Otherwise, it was… waiting for… its reason to keep beating.
[ Not exactly what Mika meant, but something similar, something close enough that they can reach over the gap and touch each other in understanding. ]
But - you know, I want to be the one worried most about you. The one who cares the most. [ He smiles against Mika’s lips, letting a sliver of his possessiveness slip through to explain that no, Mika didn’t force this on him. He’s hungry to claim his rights. ] I want that. So you’re not my burden or anything. You’re just mine.
Don’t be Mika without me. I’m not that selfless.
[ And as - as possessive and greedy as he is, he’s sorry to say it because he’s not sorry at all now for wanting Mika. He’ll always struggle to accept this part of himself; but he can’t let go of it either. He needs Mika more than he needs anything else in his life. ]
( Mine - yours - ours. Dangerously, this settles in his heart as a permanent fixture, reinforced with every echo of feeling that spills from Ginger's words. Maybe past these five minutes, that would no longer prove true; maybe one day, Ginger wouldn't be with him. But this would remain, still, in his heart, and its ruins would weather every heartbreak, no matter what it costs him.
Mika has - in his perspective - at every point, tried to avoid this. He has reminded himself to keep his heart's distance; he has asked Ginger to recall how to set him down. But neither of them have listened. Neither could let go. And so Mika is here, Ginger's words a coil he's gladly wrapped up in, Ginger's wants a task Mika wants to so eternally indulge - just him, and no one else.
He should - he should - he should want better, and more, for Ginger. And he does, every moment of his life. Right now, he wants better for Ginger, than to be waiting by the bedside of a dead fool. But Ginger wants this. And it's so hard to remind himself of what Ginger needs when loving him is what Ginger wants. )
... I won't.
( But he has no such concern for himself. He has no such want for independence. He just wants Ginger - as much as he's allowed to have. If he could lay himself as a cloak on Ginger's shoulders, an accessory, he thinks he would. )
Not ever. Not as long as it makes you happy. You can always... always be the most to me. The most for me.
( And if it makes Ginger happy without end, then - Mika will never separate himself, if he doesn't have to. If it's not bad for Ginger. If it doesn't become a danger.
But in this honeymoon of a moment, he can speak without caveat, he can believe, however brief this lasts, that Ginger and Mika are an immutable set, and... Ginger wants that too. )
[ He leans back against the pillows, making himself into a cushion for Mika. The pose is familiar; he’d done something like this once before - that frantic night when Mika had been… hungry. The first time his body had reacted to someone other than Rum.
And now look at them, still vacillating between insalubrious doubt and growing desires that overflow, overgrown protectively around a core wish: to love and be loved, as the only two in their little world. But their garden hasn’t fallen yet, despite the constant quakes from second guessing; it’s still budding. And for every smile, every laugh they share, another bloom opens up beautifully - when Mika laughs, the entire garden trembles entirely new. ]
Mhm. Let me know how selfish you can be - please.
[ Mika will never be as selfish as Ginger, who doubts and doubts and knows that he was made not good enough. And still, he has the audacity to want. Any chance that Mika gives him, he takes to like a starving creature - ridiculous when he’s been so well-fed by Mika affection.
But he doesn’t want to change that about himself if it means Mika cares, that Mika stays.
(… If, however, loving Ginger was the reason Mika couldn’t find value in himself, then he would - he would let go of himself and fade, so someone who can better love Mika can find him and make him the happiest in all of Heaven and Earth.)
(… He doesn’t want to be Yuu, existing while Mika suffers.) ]
( He lets his weight rest while against Ginger, however Ginger would have them be. He hesitates within himself; Ginger wants to hear, but he hesitates still to give this part of him voice.
He... curls in, and turns against Ginger's chest, and he closes his eyes, and breathes. His scent, his voice, his heat; all of them calm him. All of these things slow his few tears to a stop.
Slowly, he opens his eyes and cups Ginger's face in his hands - as if to hold him, steal him - his eyes matching Ginger's mismatched own.
His voice is soft. )
... I don't... want there to be anyone else in your life.
( He doesn't say this as a want, or a request, or a reason Ginger should feel bad. He's not thinking about Ginger's parents, or Rum, or friends - the people Ginger loves, which will not change.
He says it the way he says I love you. )
... I want it to just be— I want to go somewhere where it's just two of us. I want to be the only person you see. I want... to be the only person you think about, or need.
My world is already full with just you in it.
( Because behind all that - behind every selfless display of devotion - he's just so, desperately love-starved. He's this black pit of wanting more and more, his selfish little heart praying one day that his good deeds will be rewarded, even though he doesn't deserve it. That he will be needed, and irreplaceable, and the most important, the only - please. He'd do anything, accept anything, if it means Ginger would stay with him.
He lingers there, his brow furrowing so slightly, before... he slowly releases Ginger's face, like - saying he knows he can't have all of him, and his gaze drops.
He knows this is all... so ugly. And he hopes Ginger doesn't hate him for it. And this is why he's so necessary to discard. People deserve to have someone worthwhile in their company, who can help them grow; and all Mika wants is to be alone together, like the clinging dead. )
... But that's not what would make you happy, so... that's okay.
[ He knows it wasn’t a request, but - yes, his heart breathes. Mika speaks his heart’s language and it satisfies his obsessive nature to listen. Every sentence leaves Ginger thinking: Me, too. I want that. Could we have that?
And.
Don’t let anyone touch you ever again. Not Ahito, not Solomon, not anyone. ]
I want all of that.
[ He catches one of Mika’s hands before it can withdraw completely, pulling him back before he’s swept away with the tide to drown, discarded. And while he talks out his thoughts, he plays with that gentle hand, those pretty, pretty fingers idly - keeping them connected. Aligning the pads of their fingers together, thumbing his palm, rubbing the delicate skin by his veins. ]
So… Let’s compromise with… reality. How about - an hour each day, where it’s just us. Where no one else matters because only we exist. [ Separate from the time they already spend together. It’s not enough, but it’s realistic he supposes. A smidge of time that maybe Mika will allow himself to have, so short it’s not that selfish, not that indulgent. ] An hour where you’re my entire world and I’m - yours.
I want to give you all my hours… honestly. But, if I keep you locked up - [ where did that come from? ] - Ahito would probably break our door down.
[ Just. A little jealous. Okay, he’s incredibly jealous and resentful and his mind replays the scene of Ahito just… petting Mika’s hair in front of Ginger. The thing is… he’s fine with Ahito until - until that happens. And he continues to be fine with Ahito until he remembers.
Then - then he just wants to steal Mika away to where it’s people-free so he can cover Mika will his love, only his love. ]
He's stunned from the first word that comes out of Ginger's mouth, but he spins sweet from his words like cotton candy, Mika curling his hands into Ginger's as they're taken, if only out of reflex - for Ginger. Only Ginger.
It's the remark about locking him up - about Ahito that draws him from his daydream stupor, and makes him laugh. Is this real? It can't be, right?
But he takes Ginger's hands and he squeezes them, and they seem so real, so there. It all feels a little like blue skies after rain. )
... If he tries to break me out, I'll just tell him to leave me locked up.
( Would Mika actually? Well, it all depends on why and when and how. (He'd break out himself if he thought this wasn't good for Ginger.) But right now, in this moment, he'd gladly throw away the key. He is privilege to an hour of Ginger's time - and Ginger wants Mika all to himself, too. He'd give him all his hours, if Ginger just asked. Thoughtless and in love, Mika wouldn't hesitate to give it.
But Ginger wants an hour. And they both understand the value of balance. So five minutes, an hour, forever - anything Ginger wants, Mika wants, too. And maybe he feels better knowing that... their hearts, in spirit, beat the same. )
... Maybe an hour's not so bad. It means we'll look forward to it. That you'll miss me. ( He says this as if they will probably not be seeing each other throughout the other hours of the day most days regardless. ) And I'll miss you, too. We'll have to make up for all the other hours of the day in just that one. It'll be super packed.
( And he will miss him. Every hour they're not in their own little bubble, even if they spend half the day only with each other. It's not the same as being with only the other person with abandon.
Unfortunately,
happy Mika is also the Mika that teases, and so his followup to this gushy mess is: )
But... don't tell me you're jealous of Ahito. Are you?
[ Ginger, who already misses Mika when their eyes don’t meet - who looks at him like spring only exists because of the sound of his laugh - ]
We’ll have to decide a time -
[ He’s excited for that. They could - ah? Ah… Aaaah… ]
Mikaaa… [ The troublesome one Rum had called him, needy and clingy like the vines of Mika’s magic… This is probably what he meant by that: Ginger’s ridiculous possessiveness. His goes pink and his lip juts out a little. They were having a moment, hey… ] … Of course…
I’m- happy he cares about you. [ And from what Ginger could tell when Mika had been delirious with moon-radiation: ] I’m… happy… you care about him, too.
[ And he means that. But. But - a silent moment of restless handholding, as he struggles to put his jealousy into words - ]
But… Mika, you’re my - [ What, family? Boyfriend? Lover? They don’t yet have a word for what they are. ] … You’re mine.
And you’re so pretty. And kind. And wonderful. What if - what if he wants to… kiss… you? What if… he gets to see your morning bedhead?
( As Ginger fumbles forward with his confession and Mika feels its resonation, Mika recognizes better the shape of Ginger's possessive nature. Mika is jealous - and Ginger is too - but possessiveness is this close-fisted sort of loving. And he thinks he understands why Ginger worries he might suffocate in his palm.
He reddens, the way Ginger calls him mine, mumbles all these things about him like he's - lovely; desirable. Ginger sees him as... so much better than he is - wants all these things about him that Mika sees as so small, and unflattering. Shouldn't Ginger know these things apply to himself so much more?
He can't help but grin. )
Okay. ( He's already up against Ginger anyway, but he pulls himself in a little more - almost into his lap - and presses a kiss to his silly, sullen-loving face. ) Do you want to lock me up now then? No more Ahito, until you let me out.
( Joke? Real? He smiles up at him. )
... I'm never gonna be anyone but yours. So if he wants to kiss me, he's out of luck. And I'll remind you a million times over, every hour it's just us again. But... you're cute like this too. I like it.
( So maybe he should forget to remind him? (joke) )
[ He should say no to locking Mika up, even if he means if playfully - but… ]
… Yeah. Can I?
[ With Mika’s new skill, he probably knows there’s a part of Ginger that very much wants it - in the same way he wants that hour, in the same way having Mika wrapped in his arms is vital to his happiness. That sort of locking up, just a claim over Mika that’s reciprocated. Mika is his; he is Mika’s.
Hands are set free (for now) so he can pull Mika all the way onto his lap, where he belongs in this moment. And if it were possible to be closer, he’d make it happen.
He - thinks of another name and seems more embarrassed and sullen, though he leans into Mika’s kiss (always). There’s no way Mika will continue to like this side of him, if he keeps going - but he has to add: ]
( Ginger pulls him into his lap, and he thinks he likes the view - however few inches the difference - much more from here, likes the feel of it better.
(Even if it reminds him vaguely of his first feeding - in a way that whets his thirst. He tries to ignore how much stronger his desire to drink has grown in this conversation, in the same way he's trying to balance Ginger's feelings when they come pouring in. Both are overwhelming, even if - some part of him might not mind losing himself to the taste of Ginger while he drowns in his feelings, too.)
Before he can volley back a fond remark about Ginger's apparent fetish for keeping him locked up (it's fine, Ginger can nearly do no wrong in Mika's eyes), Ginger says something unexpected, and it gives him pause. )
... Solomon?
( Ginger's cute, sullen face... He can't help but cup it in a palm.
He's not connecting this to the thing Ginger got mad about a week ago. )
I don't even like him. ( Oversimplifying their relationship, whatever you call it, but such is Mika. ) What, do you think he'd want to kiss me too?
[ He seems to settle into a happy sheepishness after that, still blushing. Embarrassing that he acted this way in front of Mika - but his hand that settles on the small of his back just before the (cute, tempting) swell of his pajama pants is proprietary in its firmness.
He thinks if anyone saw Mika like this, sleep-fluffed and morning-beautiful in his sleepwear, long lashes damp and dewy - with that smile? That laugh? They’d fall in love instantly.
Mika should stay locked up here until he’s less beautiful - actually impossible, so maybe he should just stay. ]
( The sudden change in demeanor surprises him, but it just as quickly recedes into the Ginger he's more familiar with. He recalls now the flash fire of Ginger's irritation he'd seen when Solomon tried to touch him - something that had been absent, at least in that form, when Ahito had touched him. He doesn't think he wants Ginger to ever have cause to be upset.
Palm cupping one cheek, he presses a kiss to the other. Ginger is so easy to kiss; so easy to love. And kissing him reminds him of the sweet things Ginger was murmuring while kissing Mika... it warms his face, remembering. )
... If you ever want him gone for real... I'll kill him for you. You can keep your hands clean.
( This offer is specific to the fact that Solomon is a passive danger to Ginger, and his loss would probably be a net gain. Mika would prefer to do the one killing between them, but he'd be less pleased if Ginger wanted to kill someone inoffensive, like, for example, Yamato (even if he is human). )
... Why don't we say that I'm locked up starting now?
( He says it like they're making a game of it, and he sort of is? He's not taking it as seriously as he should be. So long as there's no danger, so long as they're flirting and affirming their love, he can enjoy anything, he thinks.
And, like with intimacy, he trusts Ginger - maybe overmuch. He thinks Ginger would drop it if Mika really didn't like it, or stopped wanting it. So is he really locked up? This is just kind of like their honeymoon hour... extended... at least in Mika's mind. )
Once we're done, then we can start having our daily hours just to us. But, until then... I'm all yours. And you'll be here to be all mine... right?
( He will object if Ginger's fantasy involves locking up and leaving him... breaks out immediately!!! no!!!!!! )
[ As if Ginger wouldn’t be the chain, keeping Mika to their bed -
(Oops, when did the bed get there - )
Leaving Mika alone would be a crime. ]
He can live since you don’t like him.
[ (Killing is also a crime, but Ginger makes no comment about that since it’s Mika. But he doesn’t want to get his beautiful hands stained with old man blood even in this imaginary scenario, so no killing.)
And violence is… not the answer to keeping potentially lustful (ahito: what??) people away from Mika. But locking Mika up apparently is. It works; it keeps them together and everyone else out.
It should be a warning sign that Ginger looks pleased by that, as if Mika has just offered him a sweet birthday wish and blessed it with an even sweeter kiss. And he smiles just as sweetly back. ]
Right.
[ So starting now, what should he do with his locked-up love? He exchanges the kiss on his cheek for a kiss at the corner of Mika’s lips, then his mouth proper.
They could take this time to talk without fear of the future, to love without too much doubt (somehow, some still slips in through the locked door.), to be Mika and Ginger. ]
Then… Good morning, Mika. [ Good morning, sunrise; good morning, starlight. Did he say this already: ] I’ve missed you.
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But - he’s worried, so worried. This is his love just awakened.
Ginger wants to pluck him from his seat and go to - who? Who could help when he doesn’t understand enough to explain his concerns. ‘Mika looks unwell and I’m worried’ is hardly enough to get anything done.
But after some time, after breathless, heart-hammering moments, Mika seems to - settle enough to focus. His words make little sense, and it’s clear by the way Ginger’s mouth opens and stalls that he doesn’t know how to response.
The easiest thing to say would be: ]
Yes. [ Automatic but true. Automatic because it’s true. ] And more everyday.
[ But he’s worried and he’s sorry because - ]
… I don’t understand… Mika?
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But he can tell Ginger is scared and worried - he had felt it, even - and he doesn't want to leave him unattended to these fears. He... thinks he's fine. He isn't sure. He doesn't think he's in any danger - but it is all... strange.
He raises his face, tugging at Ginger's hands. Come sit with him, is what he thinks he means to say; don't be so far away from him right now. )
... I don't know, either. I just— when you spoke, something hit me... like when I heard Khun's thoughts suddenly, I guess. But...
( He takes... one of Ginger's hands, if he'll let him, and presses it against his chest, as if trying to show him something. There's nothing to show; no beating heart, no body temperature. But Mika still feels the lingering warmth, even as it gradually, gradually tempers itself, grows less intense as the moments pass. )
... it was all this feeling, and it was so strong... and something in me says these are yours.
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And - any other time and he would grit his teeth at the reminder of Khun (Bastard). Now, however, he hears the name and lets it fade just as fast. What's important is... everything else. And everything else is... a whole lot of mixed feelings. He doesn't know how to feel about Mika learning his feelings through something like that - something they haven't figured out yet. It's a shade too close to what he'd done to Rum. Different enough because Mika's allowed to open Ginger up however he wants. It's still... against... Mika's will, isn't it?
... Uneasy, maybe that's the right word for how he feels.
Would Mika have preferred to learn about his feelings over time through doubt and trust? Or is it better this way? Were the fears locked within himself too much? Did this help? ]
Ahh... if it's a lot, then probably. You know the feel of me best, I think.
[ Hand over Mika's heart, he knows it's safe there. That's where Mika holds all the things Ginger has entrusted him with. He could press his ear to that spot and hear all the secrets he's told Mika - and maybe, he hopes, hear it whisper love back. ]
... Are you alright with this?
[ For whatever reason, Mika doesn't seem worried. Should he leave it alone for now? ]
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His mood dampens and his gaze drops, and being held against Ginger doesn't fix it. He doesn't say anything for... awhile, as if - by neither of them speaking, they could wait it out. And it's true he doesn't feel it happen again, in those moments passing.
It is wrong, he knows, to just peer into the window of another person's house. He hadn't blamed Khun for what he did, given why he did it. And Mika wouldn't care if he'd done this to anyone else, except... this is Ginger, so of course he cares. He feels guilty, twice over; once for doing this, and again for not thinking of Ginger enough.
He was just thinking about himself, as always.
He never thinks about other people enough.
And he - he thinks it would serve him right, really, in some cosmological manner of punishment, if he were finally on the cusp of believing he could be loved, before recognizing Ginger has every right to pull away now. )
... You're not, so of course I'm not. ( He mutters, his tone apologetic, as he lets go of Ginger's hands. ) Um... we can just... you don't have to talk to me until it goes away, if you want.
( Whatever Ginger wants. )
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[ But Ginger catches his hand and brings it to his own heart, fingers clawed around his. Sorry, he’s sorry. ]
Open me up, and take it out. It’s yours. You can listen to all its secrets. You can.
[ The things Ginger has never told anyone, his heart will spill to Mika in crooning songs, adoring words. ]
I would have told you everything - over time - anyway. I was just - worried because it wasn’t something you chose, as - as far as I could tell. If you don’t want it, then it shouldn’t be forced on you - my feelings or anything else.
If you’re fine with it, if it doesn’t hurt you, then I’m fine.
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( His fingers curl into Ginger's chest, like he isn't sure if he should be allowed to have what's there. )
... Your feelings matter too. You can... not like it. You should - I want you to... I think you should put yourself first, here.
( His gaze drops to Ginger's hand over his, frowning for a reason that seems outwardly unprompted: as the faint smoldering of that previous emotional echo is taken over with another one; one that... does reassure his worry that Ginger is not fine - but... being made to known that doesn't make him happy. Ginger says it's fine - Ginger feels fine - but what else is missing, here, to make him accept it?
He doesn't know. He just... now he's really anxious. Like something bad's about to happen. Like he messed things up - again - so close to the finish line - every time; every time. )
... I feel like I'm doing something wrong to you. You should be giving it instead of me just... taking it.
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[ He does truly hate that Mika never gets a choice, enough to resent the world - the moon (?) - the magic here for this. Mika never has a say in how he’s changed and then his sweet, kind love can only ever blame himself. Ginger feels, very fiercely, that it’s not his fault. The world is just. Unfair. He wants the world to be fair to Mika. ]
I did give it to you - just now. [ He leaves Mika’s hand where it is, by his heart. Take it, take it. (It beats only for Mika, and despite worries, the rhythm stays steady.) A careful hand turns Mika’s face up and toward him. He leans down. A kiss, catching Mika’s frowning lips. ] This is how I feel. There’s nothing you can do to make me love you less.
[ He kisses him again at the corner of his mouth. ]
I love you.
[ So much. This world could burn away everything but this. Another kiss - under his right eye. ]
I love you.
[ Fiercely. Before falling, before the lust, this protectiveness was already here. He moves on to his forehead. Soft like a caress. ]
And tomorrow, I will love you more.
[ Desperately. He would promise this if Mika allowed. ]
I think… even though you know how I feel, that doesn’t always match… with the words I’m saying. But sometimes, both can be true even if they’re opposites. I’m… made of that, after all. [ Mismatched, contrasting things. ] Don’t just listen to my feelings, listen to my words, too.
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How does he deserve this? How is this fair to Ginger? Ginger says he's greedy, says he's insatiable, but he always says Mika's enough as he is; and Mika wants to know - how he can be - more... for him.
He tries to meet Ginger's eyes, every spot he kissed lingering just as warm as Ginger's feelings in his chest, a hearth encased by the steady certainty of Ginger's pulse. )
... I...
( Oh, the tears are coming this time, slow and stupid, that's - embarrassing. He wants to answer Ginger proper, but he's just - he just... )
I wish— I could let you feel how I do— I just... ( But all he has are words, and what if they're not enough? ) I'm so scared that something will happen— I'll do something, and then we won't... be able to be...
( Even though he should be thankful for just this much, he wants more. And like a greedy little child, he's scared he won't get it. He's terrible - he's selfish - he just thinks about himself - but - maybe it's not so selfish if... Ginger wants it too. Or is it still selfish? Is it selfish that he's tying Ginger to him when Ginger deserves better? Maybe it is. He can't tell. He just—
He curls his fingers into Ginger's chest - this time a grip, like Ginger's heart is a privilege he's scared to lose. Ginger's love overwhelms him, but not because it's too much, this time: it's unconditional. And he thinks he's never been loved without expiration before. )
... that I won't get to spend... forever with you.
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But he loves Mika so much, wants to make him smile and laugh - and he wants to help, somehow. As Mika cries, Ginger pulls him in close, something like a hug but more like he’s trying to envelop the other - and bring all of Mika into him. Where Ginger and his long arms can shield him from - being cold and unwanted, unasked. Even if - maybe… maybe it’s him that’s hurting Mika. Maybe Ginger makes it hard for Mika.
(And that aches, too.)
At the very least he can hold him and love him and listen - let his words spill out with his tears. He can’t catch each drop with his lips, but he sure tries. And between the kisses, in-between Mika’s words, he murmurs things like my love; and my sweet heart; and my one and only Mika; and beautiful Mikaela. If he swallows Mika’s tears, if he holds him so close they can melt into each other - ]
… I can learn through your worlds and actions. Tell me - what you’re feeling. Tell me anything you want. I’ll love whatever comes out of your lips too.
[ Any way he can make Mika feel loved, he’ll do it. He’s lacking in so many ways, born with parts missing, but he holds love for Mika in abundance. He’ll never, ever lack that. ]
I… don’t really care if we have forever or - or five minutes as long as we’re together. Any second with you is bliss. You felt how much I love you. [ ‘Do you... really love me this much?’ When it’s impossible to love him any less. ] The scary parts, they don’t go away. But you make - everything - better, you make it easier for me to exist as - Ginger.
And I want us to keep being Ginger and Mika.
[ Just give him five minutes at a time if Mika’s worried about what happens before forever. He’ll take it. ]
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More of the same feeling laps against his heart with every murmur of feeling, as if an underline to the way Ginger holds him and soothes him in his arms, with his lips. Ginger is so sweet, and warm, and lovely, and Mika feels - so stupid, always coming up short; he wants to serve and service, but he can't help anyone; he needs help, instead.
He's guilty. He might always feel that way. But Ginger's murmurs calm him kindly, ease him into something a little more certain. He's so greedy, he wants more than five minutes at a time; he's so scared, he can't see past five minutes without growing afraid. But he wants these things, too - these same things as Ginger; he wants them to be as they are, together; he wants Ginger to be as he is, however it is Mika's helping him do that.
He can come to allow himself space to exist, if something like him can do this one good thing for this person who's so, so important.
He swallows, wet and warm-headed and still not fully steady, his fingers curled loosely into Ginger's shirt. He brushes their lips against each other, a little like he'd first done before Ginger showed him they could kiss. Even this much distance - between their skin and their bones and their bodies - feels like too much. He wishes there were even less. )
... I do, too. ( But— ) I don't think... I can still be Mika without you, anymore.
( And to Mika, this feels honest. He had awoken to life this third time with resignation to decay, an empty existence without Yuu-chan, but Ginger - without Ginger - no,
he should say these things out loud, he thinks.
Even if it's scary to think that - maybe - Ginger wouldn't like - rightfully wouldn't like - if Mika hung up his existence off him; asked Ginger to bear his weight. Even if it's scary to think that maybe it's just him, who needs Ginger so much. But he should say them, because Ginger asked to hear. Because - how else will Ginger know? )
... I thought my heart - would just rot, but you... with you, I feel like I'm alive again. I feel like I'm remembering what it's like. I...
( Maybe it's more than just Ginger that's gone into this; it's the magic; it's the spirits; it's the people he's met, befriended, argued— but Ginger is the pillar that holds this weight. His weight, if he would have it.
He hesitates there, unsure of his words; unsure of how to enclose how he feels in such fickle, little sounds; how to get it delivered. He hesitates there, and then - with care, he presses his own kiss to Ginger's lips, long and lingering. )
... I want to be your Mika. Your Mikaela.
( Ginger's the only one who's called him Mikaela, where he hasn't really minded. It's a terrible name that's haunted him since it slipped from the mouth of his mother in worship, that Ferid teased him with, that Guren and the vampires plotted. But maybe in the truest way he knows how, he means - you make me feel safe. And when he says that - he means I love you.
And he should say here: and you can just be Ginger, not even mine, if that's what you ever want. But he can't bring himself to say it, this time. Not when the tears aren't fully gone; not when he might give himself away.
So he just: )
... And if we only had five minutes, I... I'd spend them all thankful— that you talked to me that day.
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[ Ginger’s gaze stays soft and openly in love. It’s undeniable what he feels. It’s a change that only happened with Mika - where if Mika looks at him, he looks back with his feelings clear on his face. There’s nothing to hide, unlike with Rum; and he never, ever looks away before their eyes can lock.
He wants Mika to see. ]
I’m thankful you’re talking to me now.
[ He would reflect, but he’d rather focus on Mika now.
(Because it is scary - frightening - to think that if they hadn’t talked that day, they might have just brushed past each other. And what if he never knew that he was meant to love this life-changing boy?)
But in the present, in this moment, he… ]
Is it bad that even though you’re crying, I’m still… so happy… [ He rubs the edge of those red eyes, wiping away remnants of tears, following the beautiful upward curve of his waterline. ] When you were recovering, it felt like - … Mm… like my heart only wanted to beat when you were awake. Otherwise, it was… waiting for… its reason to keep beating.
[ Not exactly what Mika meant, but something similar, something close enough that they can reach over the gap and touch each other in understanding. ]
But - you know, I want to be the one worried most about you. The one who cares the most. [ He smiles against Mika’s lips, letting a sliver of his possessiveness slip through to explain that no, Mika didn’t force this on him. He’s hungry to claim his rights. ] I want that. So you’re not my burden or anything. You’re just mine.
Don’t be Mika without me. I’m not that selfless.
[ And as - as possessive and greedy as he is, he’s sorry to say it because he’s not sorry at all now for wanting Mika. He’ll always struggle to accept this part of himself; but he can’t let go of it either. He needs Mika more than he needs anything else in his life. ]
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Mika has - in his perspective - at every point, tried to avoid this. He has reminded himself to keep his heart's distance; he has asked Ginger to recall how to set him down. But neither of them have listened. Neither could let go. And so Mika is here, Ginger's words a coil he's gladly wrapped up in, Ginger's wants a task Mika wants to so eternally indulge - just him, and no one else.
He should - he should - he should want better, and more, for Ginger. And he does, every moment of his life. Right now, he wants better for Ginger, than to be waiting by the bedside of a dead fool. But Ginger wants this. And it's so hard to remind himself of what Ginger needs when loving him is what Ginger wants. )
... I won't.
( But he has no such concern for himself. He has no such want for independence. He just wants Ginger - as much as he's allowed to have. If he could lay himself as a cloak on Ginger's shoulders, an accessory, he thinks he would. )
Not ever. Not as long as it makes you happy. You can always... always be the most to me. The most for me.
( And if it makes Ginger happy without end, then - Mika will never separate himself, if he doesn't have to. If it's not bad for Ginger. If it doesn't become a danger.
But in this honeymoon of a moment, he can speak without caveat, he can believe, however brief this lasts, that Ginger and Mika are an immutable set, and... Ginger wants that too. )
... Can I say something selfish?
( Really, really selfish. Really selfish!! (For Mika.) )
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And now look at them, still vacillating between insalubrious doubt and growing desires that overflow, overgrown protectively around a core wish: to love and be loved, as the only two in their little world. But their garden hasn’t fallen yet, despite the constant quakes from second guessing; it’s still budding. And for every smile, every laugh they share, another bloom opens up beautifully - when Mika laughs, the entire garden trembles entirely new. ]
Mhm. Let me know how selfish you can be - please.
[ Mika will never be as selfish as Ginger, who doubts and doubts and knows that he was made not good enough. And still, he has the audacity to want. Any chance that Mika gives him, he takes to like a starving creature - ridiculous when he’s been so well-fed by Mika affection.
But he doesn’t want to change that about himself if it means Mika cares, that Mika stays.
(… If, however, loving Ginger was the reason Mika couldn’t find value in himself, then he would - he would let go of himself and fade, so someone who can better love Mika can find him and make him the happiest in all of Heaven and Earth.)
(… He doesn’t want to be Yuu, existing while Mika suffers.) ]
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He... curls in, and turns against Ginger's chest, and he closes his eyes, and breathes. His scent, his voice, his heat; all of them calm him. All of these things slow his few tears to a stop.
Slowly, he opens his eyes and cups Ginger's face in his hands - as if to hold him, steal him - his eyes matching Ginger's mismatched own.
His voice is soft. )
... I don't... want there to be anyone else in your life.
( He doesn't say this as a want, or a request, or a reason Ginger should feel bad. He's not thinking about Ginger's parents, or Rum, or friends - the people Ginger loves, which will not change.
He says it the way he says I love you. )
... I want it to just be— I want to go somewhere where it's just two of us. I want to be the only person you see. I want... to be the only person you think about, or need.
My world is already full with just you in it.
( Because behind all that - behind every selfless display of devotion - he's just so, desperately love-starved. He's this black pit of wanting more and more, his selfish little heart praying one day that his good deeds will be rewarded, even though he doesn't deserve it. That he will be needed, and irreplaceable, and the most important, the only - please. He'd do anything, accept anything, if it means Ginger would stay with him.
He lingers there, his brow furrowing so slightly, before... he slowly releases Ginger's face, like - saying he knows he can't have all of him, and his gaze drops.
He knows this is all... so ugly. And he hopes Ginger doesn't hate him for it. And this is why he's so necessary to discard. People deserve to have someone worthwhile in their company, who can help them grow; and all Mika wants is to be alone together, like the clinging dead. )
... But that's not what would make you happy, so... that's okay.
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[ He knows it wasn’t a request, but - yes, his heart breathes. Mika speaks his heart’s language and it satisfies his obsessive nature to listen. Every sentence leaves Ginger thinking: Me, too. I want that. Could we have that?
And.
Don’t let anyone touch you ever again. Not Ahito, not Solomon, not anyone. ]
I want all of that.
[ He catches one of Mika’s hands before it can withdraw completely, pulling him back before he’s swept away with the tide to drown, discarded. And while he talks out his thoughts, he plays with that gentle hand, those pretty, pretty fingers idly - keeping them connected. Aligning the pads of their fingers together, thumbing his palm, rubbing the delicate skin by his veins. ]
So… Let’s compromise with… reality. How about - an hour each day, where it’s just us. Where no one else matters because only we exist. [ Separate from the time they already spend together. It’s not enough, but it’s realistic he supposes. A smidge of time that maybe Mika will allow himself to have, so short it’s not that selfish, not that indulgent. ] An hour where you’re my entire world and I’m - yours.
I want to give you all my hours… honestly. But, if I keep you locked up - [ where did that come from? ] - Ahito would probably break our door down.
[ Just. A little jealous. Okay, he’s incredibly jealous and resentful and his mind replays the scene of Ahito just… petting Mika’s hair in front of Ginger. The thing is… he’s fine with Ahito until - until that happens. And he continues to be fine with Ahito until he remembers.
Then - then he just wants to steal Mika away to where it’s people-free so he can cover Mika will his love, only his love. ]
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He's stunned from the first word that comes out of Ginger's mouth, but he spins sweet from his words like cotton candy, Mika curling his hands into Ginger's as they're taken, if only out of reflex - for Ginger. Only Ginger.
It's the remark about locking him up - about Ahito that draws him from his daydream stupor, and makes him laugh. Is this real? It can't be, right?
But he takes Ginger's hands and he squeezes them, and they seem so real, so there. It all feels a little like blue skies after rain. )
... If he tries to break me out, I'll just tell him to leave me locked up.
( Would Mika actually? Well, it all depends on why and when and how. (He'd break out himself if he thought this wasn't good for Ginger.) But right now, in this moment, he'd gladly throw away the key. He is privilege to an hour of Ginger's time - and Ginger wants Mika all to himself, too. He'd give him all his hours, if Ginger just asked. Thoughtless and in love, Mika wouldn't hesitate to give it.
But Ginger wants an hour. And they both understand the value of balance. So five minutes, an hour, forever - anything Ginger wants, Mika wants, too. And maybe he feels better knowing that... their hearts, in spirit, beat the same. )
... Maybe an hour's not so bad. It means we'll look forward to it. That you'll miss me. ( He says this as if they will probably not be seeing each other throughout the other hours of the day most days regardless. ) And I'll miss you, too. We'll have to make up for all the other hours of the day in just that one. It'll be super packed.
( And he will miss him. Every hour they're not in their own little bubble, even if they spend half the day only with each other. It's not the same as being with only the other person with abandon.
Unfortunately,
happy Mika is also the Mika that teases, and so his followup to this gushy mess is: )
But... don't tell me you're jealous of Ahito. Are you?
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We’ll have to decide a time -
[ He’s excited for that. They could - ah? Ah… Aaaah… ]
Mikaaa… [ The troublesome one Rum had called him, needy and clingy like the vines of Mika’s magic… This is probably what he meant by that: Ginger’s ridiculous possessiveness. His goes pink and his lip juts out a little. They were having a moment, hey… ] … Of course…
I’m- happy he cares about you. [ And from what Ginger could tell when Mika had been delirious with moon-radiation: ] I’m… happy… you care about him, too.
[ And he means that. But. But - a silent moment of restless handholding, as he struggles to put his jealousy into words - ]
But… Mika, you’re my - [ What, family? Boyfriend? Lover? They don’t yet have a word for what they are. ] … You’re mine.
And you’re so pretty. And kind. And wonderful. What if - what if he wants to… kiss… you? What if… he gets to see your morning bedhead?
[ He hates the idea of it, thanks!! ]
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He reddens, the way Ginger calls him mine, mumbles all these things about him like he's - lovely; desirable. Ginger sees him as... so much better than he is - wants all these things about him that Mika sees as so small, and unflattering. Shouldn't Ginger know these things apply to himself so much more?
He can't help but grin. )
Okay. ( He's already up against Ginger anyway, but he pulls himself in a little more - almost into his lap - and presses a kiss to his silly, sullen-loving face. ) Do you want to lock me up now then? No more Ahito, until you let me out.
( Joke? Real? He smiles up at him. )
... I'm never gonna be anyone but yours. So if he wants to kiss me, he's out of luck. And I'll remind you a million times over, every hour it's just us again. But... you're cute like this too. I like it.
( So maybe he should forget to remind him? (joke) )
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… Yeah. Can I?
[ With Mika’s new skill, he probably knows there’s a part of Ginger that very much wants it - in the same way he wants that hour, in the same way having Mika wrapped in his arms is vital to his happiness. That sort of locking up, just a claim over Mika that’s reciprocated. Mika is his; he is Mika’s.
Hands are set free (for now) so he can pull Mika all the way onto his lap, where he belongs in this moment. And if it were possible to be closer, he’d make it happen.
He - thinks of another name and seems more embarrassed and sullen, though he leans into Mika’s kiss (always). There’s no way Mika will continue to like this side of him, if he keeps going - but he has to add: ]
… No more Solomon, too.
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(Even if it reminds him vaguely of his first feeding - in a way that whets his thirst. He tries to ignore how much stronger his desire to drink has grown in this conversation, in the same way he's trying to balance Ginger's feelings when they come pouring in. Both are overwhelming, even if - some part of him might not mind losing himself to the taste of Ginger while he drowns in his feelings, too.)
Before he can volley back a fond remark about Ginger's apparent fetish for keeping him locked up (it's fine, Ginger can nearly do no wrong in Mika's eyes), Ginger says something unexpected, and it gives him pause. )
... Solomon?
( Ginger's cute, sullen face... He can't help but cup it in a palm.
He's not connecting this to the thing Ginger got mad about a week ago. )
I don't even like him. ( Oversimplifying their relationship, whatever you call it, but such is Mika. ) What, do you think he'd want to kiss me too?
/3
Really?
[ What good news, sorry Solomon. Ginger doesn’t dislike him, but - ]
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I’ll kill him if he tries.
[ And Ginger does think he would because Mika is the loveliest thing in existence (true). ]
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He thinks if anyone saw Mika like this, sleep-fluffed and morning-beautiful in his sleepwear, long lashes damp and dewy - with that smile? That laugh? They’d fall in love instantly.
Mika should stay locked up here until he’s less beautiful - actually impossible, so maybe he should just stay. ]
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Palm cupping one cheek, he presses a kiss to the other. Ginger is so easy to kiss; so easy to love. And kissing him reminds him of the sweet things Ginger was murmuring while kissing Mika... it warms his face, remembering. )
... If you ever want him gone for real... I'll kill him for you. You can keep your hands clean.
( This offer is specific to the fact that Solomon is a passive danger to Ginger, and his loss would probably be a net gain. Mika would prefer to do the one killing between them, but he'd be less pleased if Ginger wanted to kill someone inoffensive, like, for example, Yamato (even if he is human). )
... Why don't we say that I'm locked up starting now?
( He says it like they're making a game of it, and he sort of is? He's not taking it as seriously as he should be. So long as there's no danger, so long as they're flirting and affirming their love, he can enjoy anything, he thinks.
And, like with intimacy, he trusts Ginger - maybe overmuch. He thinks Ginger would drop it if Mika really didn't like it, or stopped wanting it. So is he really locked up? This is just kind of like their honeymoon hour... extended... at least in Mika's mind. )
Once we're done, then we can start having our daily hours just to us. But, until then... I'm all yours. And you'll be here to be all mine... right?
( He will object if Ginger's fantasy involves locking up and leaving him... breaks out immediately!!! no!!!!!! )
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(Oops, when did the bed get there - )
Leaving Mika alone would be a crime. ]
He can live since you don’t like him.
[ (Killing is also a crime, but Ginger makes no comment about that since it’s Mika. But he doesn’t want to get his beautiful hands stained with old man blood even in this imaginary scenario, so no killing.)
And violence is… not the answer to keeping potentially lustful (ahito: what??) people away from Mika. But locking Mika up apparently is. It works; it keeps them together and everyone else out.
It should be a warning sign that Ginger looks pleased by that, as if Mika has just offered him a sweet birthday wish and blessed it with an even sweeter kiss. And he smiles just as sweetly back. ]
Right.
[ So starting now, what should he do with his locked-up love? He exchanges the kiss on his cheek for a kiss at the corner of Mika’s lips, then his mouth proper.
They could take this time to talk without fear of the future, to love without too much doubt (somehow, some still slips in through the locked door.), to be Mika and Ginger. ]
Then… Good morning, Mika. [ Good morning, sunrise; good morning, starlight. Did he say this already: ] I’ve missed you.
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nsfw maybe 🤔
nsfw adjacent?
an extra sprinkle of nsfw on a totally sfw cupcake
nsfgs (not safe for grandmas) (unless grandma kinda into yaoi)
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